NEWBIE mom 44 scared of making chemo appts HELP
kimmy101
Member Posts: 12
HELLO... new to the site. my surgery was in Jan. need to start lyphedema therapy. need to start chemo at the same time as my daughter's 4th birthday. ugh! i am freaking out about losing my hair. i am also afraid what my daughter will do. wondering if i should hide all of her scissors. My mom has bet this beast and had double mast. with no hair loss. just found out my biopsy was negative for ovarian cancer. yeah!! just trying to smile through this mess...
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Comments
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My heart goes out to you
Really! And welcome to the site where there are great women, full of wisdom and support. Sorry that cancer brought you here.
I am a single mom of 43 years with a 10 year. Also had my surgery in Jan. (1/5). It took me until last week Thursday to finally make the first chemo appointment. I had to really come around on my own to move onto the next step, that is chemo. I am also going to loose my hair and actually am having it buzzed the day before chemo.
I don't know what you have told your daughter or really what one can say to a 4 year old other than you have to take some medicine that makes your hair come out but it will grow back. I know my 10 year old when I told her, she said mom I don't want you to die and I don't want you to loose your hair. I told her I am going to live but as for the hair I don't have much of a choice so she agreed to go wig shopping with me.
When my daughter was 4 years old she hacked away at her hair with a pair of scissors (long before I had cancer) so you are wise to hide them for now.
It is astounding, the number of women who go through breast cancer and make it out the other side absolutely amazing!! Your mothers sounds like one. And even when the bombs are dropping all around us beauty does grow.0 -
Hi Kimmy,mariam_11_09 said:My heart goes out to you
Really! And welcome to the site where there are great women, full of wisdom and support. Sorry that cancer brought you here.
I am a single mom of 43 years with a 10 year. Also had my surgery in Jan. (1/5). It took me until last week Thursday to finally make the first chemo appointment. I had to really come around on my own to move onto the next step, that is chemo. I am also going to loose my hair and actually am having it buzzed the day before chemo.
I don't know what you have told your daughter or really what one can say to a 4 year old other than you have to take some medicine that makes your hair come out but it will grow back. I know my 10 year old when I told her, she said mom I don't want you to die and I don't want you to loose your hair. I told her I am going to live but as for the hair I don't have much of a choice so she agreed to go wig shopping with me.
When my daughter was 4 years old she hacked away at her hair with a pair of scissors (long before I had cancer) so you are wise to hide them for now.
It is astounding, the number of women who go through breast cancer and make it out the other side absolutely amazing!! Your mothers sounds like one. And even when the bombs are dropping all around us beauty does grow.
Welcome to the site. It's full of wonderful understanding women (and men) who have been where you are or are in the same place you are now. I'm sure you'll hear from other Mom's with young children and can give you some advice on dealing with that.
Chemo is so scary, but it's life saving and it does end. Believe it or not, you adjust to the no hair thing. So will your little one. But great idea to hide the scissors! My hair is starting to grow back and I have a hard time remembering what is was like to have it. One thing, it's great getting out of the shower and only having to put on make-up and then just plop on a wig or hat. I know you are traumatized by this, we all were and this is normal. BUT IT WILL END.
I wish both you and Mariam a speedy and peacful journey in your battle with The Beast. Write often and keep everyone posted on your progress.
Hugs, Judy :-)0 -
I'm 38 with two little girls
I'm 38 with two little girls and I will tell you that you can get through this. I think it was easier on me than on others I know because my children are young and I had to be a certain way for them. You don't want to scare your daughter and so you will find a way to balance your own worries with parenting your child...trust me on this. So on to the advice from one who has been there...schedule her party BEFORE you start chemo and enjoy yourselves. Then get ready to get your game on. Schedule the chemo, prepare your chemo bag to take with you to treatments (magazine, water, music, etc.), have friends set up a dinner tree (or prepare and freeze lots of meals for your family beforehand), schedule friends/family to go with you to treatments/appointments...
As for losing your hair, remember to tell your daughter that the hair will grow back. It's just a sign that the medicine is working to make you strong again. Let her help pick out some scarves for you. (My daughters wore the scarves to school before I lost my hair. it was their way of connecting with me and my situation.) Their nerves were up before I lost my hair; once it happened and they realized I was still okay then they calmed down and we settled into a routine.
Remember, our children get their cues from us. If you show her that you are okay and simply doing what needs to be done to be healthy and strong, then she will follow your example.
I wish you all the best. It stinks to have to go through this but I did find that having kids to take care of helped keep my mind focused on positive things. Stay strong and face forward... (private message me if you need to talk about anything!!!)
Pitt0 -
Kimmy, I just wanted to
Kimmy, I just wanted to welcome you to this amazing group of survivors. You've gotten some great advice from Pitt who was in a similar situation to yours with young children. Just take it one day at a time and know that we'll be here to support you through your journey. Ask any questions you have and someone will come along with their experience or information. Good luck and take care!!0 -
Kimmy
So sorry you have to go through this, but glad you found this site.
I don't have any young children, so didn't have to deal with a lot of what you're dealing with, but I did just finish my chemo regimen yesterday - Yea!, and Pitt has given you some great advice already about that.
Many who have written here, including myself, have found it helpful to take charge of the hair loss process by making it into an event. Some have planned a party around the head shaving. My hair loss coincided with New Years this year, and we were on a camping trip, so I had my husband buzz in on the morning of the New Year. It gave me a great feeling to feel like I was starting off the new year fresh. I also think the advice of letting your daughter know that the hair loss just means that the medicine you're taking is working is a really good way to approach it.
Chemo can be scary, but it is necessary to give you the best chance to be there for your daughter for the rest of her life, and it really is doable these days with all of the medications available to counteract the side effects that used to make chemo more devastating.
Keep coming here to ask questions, share your feelings (good and bad), and keep us posted on your progress.
(((HUGZ)))
Cindy0 -
Warm welcome, kimmy101
We're all here to support and encourage each other.
Kind regards, Susan0 -
Kimmyjbug said:Hi Kimmy! Just wanted to add
Hi Kimmy! Just wanted to add my welcome to this amazing site! As you've already seen, there are wonderful women here that have been where you are and can help you thru. It's also a great place to read/vent if you need it.
God Bless...
Julie
Kimmy,
I was 44 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my son was 5 at then time and got some books from the cancer center made for children. I am a single mom and my son Jake helps me out so much. He keeps me going. I am now 46 and on the road to recovery. I had a double mastectomy on my 45th birthday and two days ago I had nipple reconstruction and then tattooing will follow in 6-8 wks. I am still in Herceptin treatment until the end of August.
We are here whenever you need us.
Hugs,
Margo0 -
thanks for the supportpitt said:I'm 38 with two little girls
I'm 38 with two little girls and I will tell you that you can get through this. I think it was easier on me than on others I know because my children are young and I had to be a certain way for them. You don't want to scare your daughter and so you will find a way to balance your own worries with parenting your child...trust me on this. So on to the advice from one who has been there...schedule her party BEFORE you start chemo and enjoy yourselves. Then get ready to get your game on. Schedule the chemo, prepare your chemo bag to take with you to treatments (magazine, water, music, etc.), have friends set up a dinner tree (or prepare and freeze lots of meals for your family beforehand), schedule friends/family to go with you to treatments/appointments...
As for losing your hair, remember to tell your daughter that the hair will grow back. It's just a sign that the medicine is working to make you strong again. Let her help pick out some scarves for you. (My daughters wore the scarves to school before I lost my hair. it was their way of connecting with me and my situation.) Their nerves were up before I lost my hair; once it happened and they realized I was still okay then they calmed down and we settled into a routine.
Remember, our children get their cues from us. If you show her that you are okay and simply doing what needs to be done to be healthy and strong, then she will follow your example.
I wish you all the best. It stinks to have to go through this but I did find that having kids to take care of helped keep my mind focused on positive things. Stay strong and face forward... (private message me if you need to talk about anything!!!)
Pitt
hi, thanks for your kind words. I have been trying to stay positive, but worried it might change once chemo starts. date chemo starting is Mar 8. I had a partial lumpect. and one lymph node out. i am staring lymphedema therapy tomorrow. I'm just so glad i do not have ovarian cancer also. my doctors saw cysts and did all kinds of testing. i am always going to the doctors. There are 1 hr away from home also. Thanks for letting me vent. I am so worried how my husband, son (12) and daughter (4) are going to be once the chemo starts. hugs... k0 -
Stay strong!
I am 48 years old and was diagnosed with cancer in June of last year. I had a mastectomy of my left breast and just finished 6 rounds of chemo and will be starting radiation soon. I have three kids, a daughter 20, sons 18 & 11. When I first learned I had cancer, I was terrified... not because I was afraid of dying but because I was afraid for my kids. I quickly changed my fear into determination. There was no way I was going to let cancer deprive my kids of their mom. In keeping a positive attitude, it has given my kids a lot of peace. They have stepped forward and helped me with things that otherwise would've taken advantage that 'mom will do it'. It has taught them responsibility and compassion. Our kids feed off of our attitude. If we're positive, they will be too. I have always laughed (in front of them) about my bald head so that gives them the freedom to feel comfortable. What Pitt said makes a lot of sense... the kids give us the empowerment to get through this stronger. Our kids will only be sad and scared if we are.
This site and the wonderful strong survivors here have given me so much strength. Keep posting and stay strong. You will amaze yourself with what you are capable of doing!
Hugs, Mar0 -
Hello
Hello Kimmy101,
Welcome to an awesome support site. I turned 47 yesterday and in Oct 09 I was dx with breast cancer. I just had my 3rd treatment of chemo today. When I went to talk to the onco I prayed that God would give me peace if I was to go through with it. Needless to say He flooded me with it. My youngest is 7 out of 6 kids, 25,24,19,13,11 are the other ages. I have found that it is best just to tell them what is going on. If you think your little one might want to look like mommy....hide the scissors!
I am also the Wed. Night Childrens Church Leader for ages 3 to 16, and I told them just like I did my kids what was going on and what might happen and how they may see me. I didn't want to just walk in one day bald and scare them. They have been a great support group too. Kids are a lot smarter then we give them credit.
Keeping a positive attitude and a smile on your face will help you through this. Also, it is okay to cry if you need to, but don't stay sad. There is a good book to get and read one of the ladies on here suggested it to me "beauty pearls for chemo girls" by Marybeth Maida and Debbie Kiederer. I found my on ebay for like $3.50. There is also one made for your hubby to read to help him understand what you are going through. It is called "Breast Cancer Husband" How to help your wife and yourself through diagnosis treatment and beyond by Marc silver. We found it on ebay too.
Remeber to get as much rest as you can and drink lots of water. I started drinking an ensure once a day, might drink two for the next few days depending on how I feel this time around. It really helps with my energy level. Found out today that in some states there is a from you can fill out and recieve a fee case of ensure every 30 days while you are taking treatments. My oncol had to fil it out then I took it to the cancer center and got it today. It may be something you want to check into.
Just remember if your hair does fall out, it will grow back and your beauty comes from the inside out. There is a foundation called "goodwishes" they give you one free head wrap you get to pick out the one you like. The web site is www.franceluxe.com and all you have to do is email them at goodwishes@franceluxe.com.
I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you to have peace and wisdom on what you need to do for your body.
God bless you Kimmy101
Angel0 -
From one NEWBIE to another NEWBIE
Kimmy101-
I am in the same boat with the children. I just turned 40 in August and have a 9 yr old girl, 7 yr. old girl, and 5 yr. old boy. I have not told them anything until I know more. I am not sure how they will respond to all of this. I am taking it day by day, but trying to schedule things before surgery and radiation...I think this is what I am having. Just diagnosed last Thursday. Meeting with my surgeon tomorrow. Just found this site today. I am sure that I will be on there alot from now on. There is some great advice here.....0 -
Just want to welcome youChristmas Girl said:Warm welcome, kimmy101
We're all here to support and encourage each other.
Kind regards, Susan
Just want to welcome you Kimmy and to wish you good luck.
Megan0 -
Books for Kids
Welcome to the site, Kimmy. I am so sorry you had to find us. I sure don't blame you for feeling freaked out about all this! As a young mother, this has got to be one of the--if not THE--most frightening things that has ever happened to you.
Keep reminding yourself that cancer research has come a LONG way; women like your mom have contributed to the knowledge doctors have access to today! Your treatment options are greater than they were just 10 years ago.
There are a couple of good books for kids that you might want to check on. One of them is "Nana, What's Cancer" by Beverlye Hyman Fead, which is appropriate for your 12-year old, and the other is "Because Someone I Love Has Cancer: Kids' Activity Book" by the American Cancer Society. I got them for my grandchildren, and my 11-year-old granddaughter said the "Nana, What's Cancer" answered many of her questions.
Losing your hair can be whatever you make it. I chose to have a shaving party and make it positive. My sons all came, and some of my grandchildren came--about 30 people total. I took a journal for everyone to write in--I asked them to write positive thoughts, inspirational thoughts, etc. My grandchildren drew pictures in it and said I look silly in a mohawk, then in no hair, but instead of being afraid, they were laughing with me, which is one of the results I'd hoped for. I wanted them to see Grammy being strong and cheerful so that they wouldn't be afraid, and that certainly was a success! I posted my shaving party pics on Facebook; if you want to see them, pm me and I'll send you a link.
Hang in there, Kimmy . . . one of these days you and your daughter can laugh together about when Mommy lost all her hair. Lots of hugs as you get through the next days and weeks.
Sandy0 -
I'm 44 with a 3yr and was
I'm 44 with a 3yr and was diagnosised last June. My little one was a bit freaked out at Daddy shaving my head (my hair was thinning so badly it was a necessity) but we talked alot about it happening before hand to lessen the shock. We used to joke with her about me having a bald head like her grandpa which brought humour to the situation. She wanted to know if I'd have no teeth like him too!!...god bless kids right. Her reaction to all this has been my major concern and funnily enough its now when I've just finished treatment that she is showing signs of stress and not while all this was going on...I suppose all kids are different. Good luck and you'll get through it I promise...your little one will give you the strength to fight your cancer as mine does for me. I had a hard time getting her and I'll be dammed if cancer is going to prevent me from sticking around long enough to hold my grandbabies!!0
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