Update on my dad

emg09

Well I'm writing again with sad news. He's still in the hospital and is still sick. Hopefully he'll be better tomorrow. The oncologist called me mother to say that she needs to talk to them about discontinuing chemo on my dad. I'm outraged about this. She hasn't seen my dad and to be so cold as to call my mom and say this to her. My poor mother was speechless. I'm just furious. Isn't this something that should be discussed in her office during their apt.?? I don't understand. I'm guessing she has given up on my dad. How dare she do that. Am I wrong for feeling this way?? I may not even be making any sense at this moment. I'm feeling so confused. Isn't this decision up to my dad?? My mom is beside herself right now. I tried to calm her, but now she wants me to go into the Drs. office to be the pitbull. I don't think I can do that. This Dr. has put down EVERY decision we have suggested. She doesn't agree with the fluids after chemo, she thought we were a little crazy when we asked about the Herceptin. I haven't liked her, even though I haven't met her. I'm beyond pissed at this minute. She didn't even suggest trying another chemo to my mom. I'm full of venting right now and I'm sorry. What would any of you do at this point. We know he's in a weakened state, but he's said he wants to continue on, of course that was before this sickness. I know my mom and him need to talk this over. I don't feel I should be part of that conversation. Sorry, I'm really venting. Please pray that we can all make the right decision for the right reasons. This has all increased to a new stress level!!! Please pray!!! Thanks for listening.

Erika

Betty in Vegas

I will be praying
This is why having a physician you really trust and feel comfortable with is so important. I'm praying that your mom will be able to handle this without further stress and that your dad will feel much better soon.

Betty

mumphy

You have every right
Hi E,

Sorry you have to go through this. I would certainly call the Dr. and find out what she was thinking. I doesn't matter if she feels that there is nothing more that she can do, she should have waited to talk to them face to face. Maybe you should give Dr.G a call and see what he could suggest. He did treat you dad for a very long time and I would think that he could at least give you his opinion.

Just breath, and vent all you want.
I do have a busy day tomarrow but I get a lap top they always have one around, so I will be checking the site.

I'ts O.K. to be Pi****ed.
Love, Hugs and Many Prayers,
Kath

Betty in Vegas

mumphy said:

You have every right
Hi E,

Sorry you have to go through this. I would certainly call the Dr. and find out what she was thinking. I doesn't matter if she feels that there is nothing more that she can do, she should have waited to talk to them face to face. Maybe you should give Dr.G a call and see what he could suggest. He did treat you dad for a very long time and I would think that he could at least give you his opinion.

Just breath, and vent all you want.
I do have a busy day tomarrow but I get a lap top they always have one around, so I will be checking the site.

I'ts O.K. to be Pi****ed.
Love, Hugs and Many Prayers,
Kath

I love Kathy's note...
It is ok to be mad. It is. Sometimes, we think that because we deal with cancer, we have to be nice all the time and some cancer patients just take things their doctors do to them lying down...because they feel the doc is the expert.

But rudeness or dealing with issues at inappropriate times is never acceptable, and you have the right, like Kathy said, not to take that lying down.

Betty

Unknown

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unclaw2002

Betty in Vegas said:

I love Kathy's note...
It is ok to be mad. It is. Sometimes, we think that because we deal with cancer, we have to be nice all the time and some cancer patients just take things their doctors do to them lying down...because they feel the doc is the expert.

But rudeness or dealing with issues at inappropriate times is never acceptable, and you have the right, like Kathy said, not to take that lying down.

Betty

No one will ever question
No one will ever question your devotion or passion in taking care of a loved one --- after all they are our loved ones and sometimes they need someone to be their voice when they are using every ounce of strength to fight their cancer. You can be polite, but forceful, insistent and kind and reasonable but never apologize for trying to obtain the best treatment for your dad. And don't worry that someone might get their feelings hurt, believe me I am sure that they can get over it, but for your dad it is a matter of survival. And I agree with Kathy, no one has the right to treat you, your family or your dad with disrespect or act as if it is too burdensome to treat patients with dignity.
Perhaps as others have said seek a second opinion, discuss quality of life issues and find out what they need and want - talk about what all this means to them. They may open up, they might not, and they may be very scared and confused right now. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.
Cindy

Donna70

Your Dad
Hi Erika,
Boy so sorry your Mom had that encounter with the onc dr on the phone. Maybe you should call the dr yourself and try to find out what was behind her reasoning. When I asked my onc about Herceptin maybe teaming it up with the taxotere, he told me it was used in the metatasis cases. I wonder if your family should get a second opinion. My drs at St. Joseph Cancer Institute have been wonderful but if you know any nurses maybe they could suggest some dr to talk to with your Dad's records on hand. I will be praying for you, your Mom and Dad, this is the hardest time when it comes to hard decisions. My thoughts and prayers are with you. take care,
Donna70

Tina Blondek

Donna70 said:

Your Dad
Hi Erika,
Boy so sorry your Mom had that encounter with the onc dr on the phone. Maybe you should call the dr yourself and try to find out what was behind her reasoning. When I asked my onc about Herceptin maybe teaming it up with the taxotere, he told me it was used in the metatasis cases. I wonder if your family should get a second opinion. My drs at St. Joseph Cancer Institute have been wonderful but if you know any nurses maybe they could suggest some dr to talk to with your Dad's records on hand. I will be praying for you, your Mom and Dad, this is the hardest time when it comes to hard decisions. My thoughts and prayers are with you. take care,
Donna70

Take a Deep breath and count to ten
Hi Erika,
So sorry to hear this news, just after your last post of such good news. Sounds to me that you need to get a second opinion. As soon as I had those bad feelings and vibes about my dad's first opinion, we high tailed it out of there and got him to UVA. The first onc gave him 6 months. He has been treated and still with us a year later. You should not be being treated this way. You need to take control and get this straightened out. That is what I had to do with my mom and dad. Especially handeling it over the phone!! That is very unprofessional. Bad bed side manner. You have every right to be p*** off, and every right to vent. I am getting all fired up typing this to you! First thing to do is to find another hospital with a cancer center to take him too. Explain the situation. Then have all of his records transferred there. No ifs ands or buts. And let that dr know how upset you are all. Thanks for letting me vent, and for listening. Keep us updated. Hugs to you, mom, and dad. Prayers continue daily.
Tina

K_ann1015

your dad's wishes are important
Erika,

Your Dr doesn't seem like a "people person" or not very intune to her patients! Even if a Dr. disagrees, they usually can effectively explain thier rationale, so that you at least feel that you are choosing the best option! It seems you might need a second opinion ---IF your dad wants to.... There probably is a Patient representative or "ombudsman" that can help find another physician for you.... I think also---Erika--that your parents may want your opinion---just ask them---sometimes they are so completely overwhelmed they don't what to do or who to turn to.

I pray he is getting better having a temporary break from the chemo...(you have to see the glass "half-full"!!! Hang in there--keep your chin up! Your parents are lucky to have your love and support--they need you!
Kim