Christine’s Story

beckyracn

Christines husband said:

6-11-10
Looks like it was the only treatment option left to her that caused the “doggie dream” reaction. Chemo Dr prescribed Xeloda, she took it for over a week and the side effects just got worse. She was getting no real sleep and doing some pretty crazy things. Paranoia was high and she accused all members of the house of conspiring against her. She is off the Xeloda. Wish she could have finished it as it was $700 for a three week supply. She’s upset as she has nothing left.
She has more blood in her kidney bags.
Now that all treatment is off the table hospice is the next step. Need to set up an appointment to talk to them.
I’ve been going out with friends about once a week, just to get out of the house. She thinks I’m cheating on her, I’m not. She said she was afraid because she might lose me. I know I am afraid, I will lose her.

It's good that you found out
It's good that you found out what was causing the "doggie dream" reaction. Side effects are part of every medication out there; even aspirin. It's good to hear that your able to get out of the house once a week. You need this "time out" just to keep yourself together to deal with all that you are. I hope your friends are providing you with all the support you need right now. Paranoia is normal in her state. You can understand the level of fear and anxiety she's feeling...cause your going through it with her. Getting hospice on board is a good choice. They are wonderful people and can help you in so many ways. They are there not only for the patient, but 100% for the family too. They can also help with pain management...there are so many options today. Getting the kids involved with hospice will also help them feel like they are part of the process and not just standing on the side lines not knowing what to do. BIG ((HUGS)) to you and the children.

Christines husband

7/23
She'll only eat for me
Throat hurts to eat and drink
Rolling over causes massive pain and she needs help to do so
Home health is pushing her toward hospice
She still does not want hospice involved
Morphine at 9 1/2mg an hour with 2mg available every 15 min
Xanax given to help with anxiety, she's eating them like candy
Shes still does not want to talk to the kids about whats going on
Blood in kidney bags, nurse thinks the tumors have moved in
BP numbers are getting closer together 99/79
Nurse states that the BP numbers are a good sign that the end is near
When asked "Weeks or Months" the responce was "Weeks"
Home Health will bring hospice by to talk to me and the kids seperate from Christine

lindaprocopio

Christines husband said:

7/23
She'll only eat for me
Throat hurts to eat and drink
Rolling over causes massive pain and she needs help to do so
Home health is pushing her toward hospice
She still does not want hospice involved
Morphine at 9 1/2mg an hour with 2mg available every 15 min
Xanax given to help with anxiety, she's eating them like candy
Shes still does not want to talk to the kids about whats going on
Blood in kidney bags, nurse thinks the tumors have moved in
BP numbers are getting closer together 99/79
Nurse states that the BP numbers are a good sign that the end is near
When asked "Weeks or Months" the responce was "Weeks"
Home Health will bring hospice by to talk to me and the kids seperate from Christine

heart breaking story (((((hugs)))))
I guess each of us with a cancer considered 'uncurable' wonders what it will be like at the end. I have recurrent endometrial cancer, and am in treatment for my 2nd recurrence which is thankfully still confined to my lymph system. I read the stats; and although I know I'm not a statistic, I'm 4 months away from the average 'expiration date' for my stage of cancer. Even though I get chemo every Monday, (with shots to keep my blood counts up every Tuesday, Wednesday, & Thursday), I still have an excellent quality of life and almost work full time and still travel (just cancelling my doctor's appointments for a week and going!), and eat out, and swim with my grandkids. But I do know that any day the cancer could rush ahead of the constant chemo and claim me and throw me into a situation like your wife's. Maybe I can give you a glimse of her perspective.

So I tell you as someone facing her own mortality: you're being wonderful. You just need to be wonderful a little bit longer. "Weeks", they said. Anything can be borne for weeks, even as beaten down as you feel right now. Reach deep for the great love you feel for your wife and your poor little children, amd let every sacrifice be a testament to that love. Get away from it all when you safely can, then come back and do it some more. For just a little bit longer. Then you will have no regrets. You've been wonderful. Just keep being. (((Hugs)))). My heart breaks for you, even as I worry for what my own dear husband will be facing soon enough.

beckyracn

lindaprocopio said:

heart breaking story (((((hugs)))))
I guess each of us with a cancer considered 'uncurable' wonders what it will be like at the end. I have recurrent endometrial cancer, and am in treatment for my 2nd recurrence which is thankfully still confined to my lymph system. I read the stats; and although I know I'm not a statistic, I'm 4 months away from the average 'expiration date' for my stage of cancer. Even though I get chemo every Monday, (with shots to keep my blood counts up every Tuesday, Wednesday, & Thursday), I still have an excellent quality of life and almost work full time and still travel (just cancelling my doctor's appointments for a week and going!), and eat out, and swim with my grandkids. But I do know that any day the cancer could rush ahead of the constant chemo and claim me and throw me into a situation like your wife's. Maybe I can give you a glimse of her perspective.

So I tell you as someone facing her own mortality: you're being wonderful. You just need to be wonderful a little bit longer. "Weeks", they said. Anything can be borne for weeks, even as beaten down as you feel right now. Reach deep for the great love you feel for your wife and your poor little children, amd let every sacrifice be a testament to that love. Get away from it all when you safely can, then come back and do it some more. For just a little bit longer. Then you will have no regrets. You've been wonderful. Just keep being. (((Hugs)))). My heart breaks for you, even as I worry for what my own dear husband will be facing soon enough.

I agree with everything
I agree with everything Linda has said. You've been wonderful to your wife. Continue to take time out for yourself when you can. How are the kids holding up?

ktlcs

beckyracn said:

I agree with everything
I agree with everything Linda has said. You've been wonderful to your wife. Continue to take time out for yourself when you can. How are the kids holding up?

My heart breaks
as I read your story. I lost my husband to colorectal cancer on 7/17. I was his only care giver and I know exactly what you are feeling, the sadness, the anger, the frustration. I hate this disease and what it does to all of us. Try to find some peace in the knowledge that you've stayed by her side and have sone all you can and more.

I will pray for Chrisitne and for you

K

tears2overcome

ktlcs said:

My heart breaks
as I read your story. I lost my husband to colorectal cancer on 7/17. I was his only care giver and I know exactly what you are feeling, the sadness, the anger, the frustration. I hate this disease and what it does to all of us. Try to find some peace in the knowledge that you've stayed by her side and have sone all you can and more.

I will pray for Chrisitne and for you

K

Christine's story!
You are a very strong man, in your heart you will always be strong. Your right to take a break now and again, to rebuild yourself. I am sad for the children, the Mom they love is a Mom in pain, how could that be easy. This is not about me, but I was diagnosed in December 09 with uterine cancer stage 4, spread to my appendix. It was worst cancer I was told, clear cell carcinoma stage 4, and so lucky it was caught. Anyway, my husband and I were undergoing separation/divorce at the time ( still are) and he became my care giver. When I was done my last chemo session I talked to him, and he said this. The hardest part is watching the pain, the crying I had, and all the rest. He felt like his hands were tied, he couldn't do anything for me, he was "lost". He cried plently of time, and I wanted him to take breaks from me, he wouldn't and I felt guilty. So I do understand you. Your wife my heart goes out to her. My husband said the meds I was on made me talk foolish, say things that scared him too. I didn't want my kids to see me either, and since mine were older they didn't really have to, but they felt it, when they talked to me, when they asked questions, and wanted to know "why". Boy that was one I wish could give them a answer. I took care of my health ,every yearly check up right to the day. Three days after my yearly I had pain, and they found the cancer.
I know my story is not near anything you are experiencing or your wife, but my heart is with you after reading all the posts.

Christines husband

8/24
Hospice involved
Morphine at 15mg an hour now
Morphine compound to rub on the wrists, 2 mg every 2 hours
Super concentrated liquid morphine for breakthrough pain, up to 4ml an hour
Hospice says if these meds don’t work they would have to move her to a care facility
Says the meds are too much, 20 min later she in tears wanting more
Not eating
Nafrostomy tubes closed and she is able to pee vaginally now?
Sobs for 2 hours after a nurse or bath aid visit
Got a call from home health nurse “I’ve been checking the obits, I guess shes still around?”
Kids and I now in therapy

Christines husband

..

..

beckyracn

Christines husband said:

8/24
Hospice involved
Morphine at 15mg an hour now
Morphine compound to rub on the wrists, 2 mg every 2 hours
Super concentrated liquid morphine for breakthrough pain, up to 4ml an hour
Hospice says if these meds don’t work they would have to move her to a care facility
Says the meds are too much, 20 min later she in tears wanting more
Not eating
Nafrostomy tubes closed and she is able to pee vaginally now?
Sobs for 2 hours after a nurse or bath aid visit
Got a call from home health nurse “I’ve been checking the obits, I guess shes still around?”
Kids and I now in therapy

I'm speechless. My heart
I'm speechless. My heart goes out to you and your kids. Hang in there and take advantage of all that hospice has to offer...they are great people. Hope your support is strong at this time. ((HUGS))

Christines husband

Obit
Christine Marie, passed away on September 4, 2010 after a valiant battle against cancer. Christine was born in San Diego, CA on January 9, 1974.
Christine is survived by her husband Kevin, and children Zoe, Zachary and Quinn.
Christine was a veteran of the US Navy, where she served in Norfolk, VA and London, England, and a graduate of a local college.
She will be loved and missed by her friends and family.


Bye baby............

Noellesmom

Christines husband said:

Obit
Christine Marie, passed away on September 4, 2010 after a valiant battle against cancer. Christine was born in San Diego, CA on January 9, 1974.
Christine is survived by her husband Kevin, and children Zoe, Zachary and Quinn.
Christine was a veteran of the US Navy, where she served in Norfolk, VA and London, England, and a graduate of a local college.
She will be loved and missed by her friends and family.


Bye baby............

so sorry
I'm so sorry for your loss of Christine. It has been a difficult fight for both of you.

Christine is in no more pain.

Please take care of yourself so you can take care of the children.

You are a good husband - she was blessed to have you in her life, Kevin.

beckyracn

Noellesmom said:

so sorry
I'm so sorry for your loss of Christine. It has been a difficult fight for both of you.

Christine is in no more pain.

Please take care of yourself so you can take care of the children.

You are a good husband - she was blessed to have you in her life, Kevin.

May she rest in peace. I
May she rest in peace. I hope you continue to have support in this time of need. Take care ((HUGS)).

ktlcs

beckyracn said:

May she rest in peace. I
May she rest in peace. I hope you continue to have support in this time of need. Take care ((HUGS)).

I am so Sorry
I lost my husband in July to rectal cancer and although it was much quicker, it was just as heartbreaking. My condolences to you and your family. Know that you did all you could for her, and know that her suffering is over.

Kathy

Tasgirl

Christines husband said:

Obit
Christine Marie, passed away on September 4, 2010 after a valiant battle against cancer. Christine was born in San Diego, CA on January 9, 1974.
Christine is survived by her husband Kevin, and children Zoe, Zachary and Quinn.
Christine was a veteran of the US Navy, where she served in Norfolk, VA and London, England, and a graduate of a local college.
She will be loved and missed by her friends and family.


Bye baby............

I am so sorry to hear about
I am so sorry to hear about Christine. She is at peace now and no more suffering.
Jenny

lindaprocopio

Tasgirl said:

I am so sorry to hear about
I am so sorry to hear about Christine. She is at peace now and no more suffering.
Jenny

My most sincere condolences.
This is heartbreaking. I am so very sorry for your profound loss. You were wonderful throughout this; please know how much that is respected here in the cancer community. As inevitable and universal as death is for all living things, it still is a staggering punch in the gut we never can prepare for. I pray for healing and comfort for your fanily. ((((Kevin, Zoe, Zachary and Quinn))))

srpshellie

Christines husband said:

Obit
Christine Marie, passed away on September 4, 2010 after a valiant battle against cancer. Christine was born in San Diego, CA on January 9, 1974.
Christine is survived by her husband Kevin, and children Zoe, Zachary and Quinn.
Christine was a veteran of the US Navy, where she served in Norfolk, VA and London, England, and a graduate of a local college.
She will be loved and missed by her friends and family.


Bye baby............

So so sorry for your loss. I had not been online for a long time and just read all of your posts. Christine was so lucky to have a strong loving husband like you in your life. Im so sad for your loss and your broken heart and spirit. I only hope that you have reached out for some therapy for yourself and your children. God bless and keep on. Im sure a husband will log on and read your words and find strength.

sarge57

Christines husband said:

Obit
Christine Marie, passed away on September 4, 2010 after a valiant battle against cancer. Christine was born in San Diego, CA on January 9, 1974.
Christine is survived by her husband Kevin, and children Zoe, Zachary and Quinn.
Christine was a veteran of the US Navy, where she served in Norfolk, VA and London, England, and a graduate of a local college.
She will be loved and missed by her friends and family.


Bye baby............

Christine
Kevin

I am so sorry for your loss I am going through almost the identical situation with my wife as well. I have been reading through your posts and I dont know if you are still on here or not, if you are I feel for you and would like talk with you directly (johnenright@hotmail.com). My wife has cervical was diagnosed end of Aug with stage 4A no previous symptoms, it took almost a month for the doctors to figure out what it was. By the end of sept had progressed to 4B and had moved to the liver and lungs, she has nefrostomy tubes as well. By Christmas I was told she has 1-3 months, 2 tumors in the liver and numerous lesions, and they think is in the bones as well. We are not at the pain pump yet but close, she does not want to go to a hospice or hospital, but I can not continue to care for her 24/7.

She is home very irritable, wont take any support or counselling, now wont eat, is in pain, has problems in having bowel movements, has difficulty in moving around,keeps the kids sheltered from the her heatlh problems and saves it all for me, etc etc. Most everyone here know the problems with this disease.


Thanks for listening

John
My heart