Mental/Life Outlook

JGE

Kent Cass said:

Thank You
Thank you for your post, Kathy. Only 15-months, I find myself in a waiting mindset for the next round. Your "When the dust settles..." paragraph does hit home, girl, as well as what follows that you wrote us. You are with us, and always will be. Thank you.

kcass

I won't lie...
What struck me, Kathy, after reading your post was that you were 6 years out! I agree with everything you said, it is just that I am 1 1/2 years out and was hoping it would be better when I get to where you are. I can tell you for certain that if I am still as consumed with these uncontrollable thoughts of recurrence after 6 years, I will definitely be medicated!

You deserve relief. From one "no pill" person to another, do what you need to for relief!

(I too got a lot out of this thread)

JGE

Landranger25 said:

Right on JGE
Boy, you pretty much nailed it, at least for me JGE. I think the guys at the barber shop were looking for some deep insight or something from me and I couldn't really give them anything. My focus is my wife and daughter and I believe to my credit, many years ago changed my work schedule to 4-12 hour days so that I could have 3 day weekends. Friday's are kind of the day for my daughter and I and weekends for the family. One of the other guys at work told me he has taken a page from my book and has done the same thing with his 2 kids. My biggest burden through all this aside from beating the cancer was not that I had'nt made my time count but that I might be leaving my daughter with no Father and my wife alone to raise her. That was extremely tough to think about. I will continue with my family focus and additionally work hard at staying healthy as well as being vigilant against this cancer nemisis. Thanks all for your insight.

Mike

I LOVE my family time
Landranger, I am jealous of your 4 day work weeks for sure. Have to admit, I take a lot more Friday half days out of my vacation time than before.

Sometimes if I get really involved in something that interests me, I realized later that I hadn't thought about cancer at all for a time. I really appreciate those moments. Distractions are wonderful. I really recommend finding something that takes your mind away, no matter what it is.

ballonk

JGE said:

I won't lie...
What struck me, Kathy, after reading your post was that you were 6 years out! I agree with everything you said, it is just that I am 1 1/2 years out and was hoping it would be better when I get to where you are. I can tell you for certain that if I am still as consumed with these uncontrollable thoughts of recurrence after 6 years, I will definitely be medicated!

You deserve relief. From one "no pill" person to another, do what you need to for relief!

(I too got a lot out of this thread)

JGE...
...guess I'm a slow learner! ;-)

I'm 6 years out from the second time I had cancer; 9 years out from the first time. I bounced back really well from the first time but the second time really hit harder. I've really wasted a lot of time these past years and if it means I have to take another pill for the rest of my life, then so be it. I'm turning in my my Superwoman cape; I'm so over it!

Thanks for your support; best wishes to you!

Hondo

ballonk said:

Thank You For Posting This Subject
I can SO RELATE to this subject right now; and to almost all of what y'all have experienced. It's 6 years since my 2nd bout with cancer and the end of my radiation treatments.

I'm basically a fighter/survivor, a positive person, and in control of myself and my actions most of the time. I was before I was diagnosed with cancer and still am; but my optimism is now very guarded. I have learned to live in the moment and just "be" (most of the time). I pick and choose my battles very carefully. I continue to learn that I don't have a whole lot of control over anything. But I've never been able to get back to the person I was before my diagnosis (physically and mentally). I'm learning to accept that I never will. I don't like it; but that's just the facts of this disease.

I've got a good life but I find I'm struggling with how to move forward and "live". Not just survive; but live. To become the best human being I can with what I have left of me. And I have times when I feel like I take two steps forward and three steps back. Lately, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and sad.

I went to my primary care physician yesterday to discuss this with her and she recommended I start taking an antidepressant. I'm an anti-pill taker by nature but I've learned through this experience to give up trying to be a hero, trying to tough things out and do everything on my own. I have to admit that I need help - and it's been VERY hard and humbling for me. But in retrospect, it's been a good life lesson for me to learn and one I have to continue to learn. I'm also scheduled to meet with a therapist next week.

My doc says this is fairly common in a lot of cancer survivors; especially after we get several years out. Out of necessity we spend so much time and energy focused on the cancer treatments and all the physical and emotional turmoil and upheaval that goes with it. As you know, that is sometimes all-consuming. It is pretty exhausting fighting for your life!!

When the dust settles and we're still here; sometimes we need help in figuring out how to move forward and out from under the cloud of despair. I've done a good job on my own (and with the help of my family and friends) in making it this far. I'm going to accept the help that is being offered me so that I can make it the rest of the way.

I want to do my best and forget the rest!

Blessings, prayers and hugs to all who read this. It means so much to me to read all your postings and know that I am not alone. I am humbled! Thank you!

Kathy

Hi Kathy
I can relate to what you are saying I am now about 8 years passed my first and 6 years passed my second treatment. I think depression hits us all in one way or the other and we tend to deal with it the best we can and in many different ways. What I found that helps me was to Focus on something, funneling all my emotions in to one bag and leaving them there.

I have a lot of support from Family, Friends, and Church, and during these times I am great; it is when I was alone that it became a problem, so I now take that bag and give it to God. I find that I can focus on making plans for my future retirement and starting my own company now.

If the pill helps you then why not take it, it is great to be alive and not to worry anymore about the things we can’t control

Take care

ballonk

Hondo said:

Hi Kathy
I can relate to what you are saying I am now about 8 years passed my first and 6 years passed my second treatment. I think depression hits us all in one way or the other and we tend to deal with it the best we can and in many different ways. What I found that helps me was to Focus on something, funneling all my emotions in to one bag and leaving them there.

I have a lot of support from Family, Friends, and Church, and during these times I am great; it is when I was alone that it became a problem, so I now take that bag and give it to God. I find that I can focus on making plans for my future retirement and starting my own company now.

If the pill helps you then why not take it, it is great to be alive and not to worry anymore about the things we can’t control

Take care

Thanks Hondo...
...I appreciate your comments. You inspired me recently to start posting here again. I quit posting a while back but occasionally lurked around the discussion boards. I read something recently that you posted about how important it was for those of us who were survivors to keep plugged in here to help others who are new to the process. I had never thought of posting here in that way. I came to this board in 2004, feeling in a crisis mode as I was finishing up radiation and scared about my future. When I felt better and in control, I quit posting. That was a mistake and I thank you for enlightening me.

I am hoping and praying to learn how to "give it to God" and leave it there. I keep taking it back and trying to "be the boss of me".

I am also hoping that taking medication is a temporary thing to help me stabilize as I keep my eyes, ears, mind and heart open to learn how to live a better life (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and understand God's will for me. Once I understand His will, I want to be able to act upon it in an appropriate manner.

Kathy

Hondo

ballonk said:

Thanks Hondo...
...I appreciate your comments. You inspired me recently to start posting here again. I quit posting a while back but occasionally lurked around the discussion boards. I read something recently that you posted about how important it was for those of us who were survivors to keep plugged in here to help others who are new to the process. I had never thought of posting here in that way. I came to this board in 2004, feeling in a crisis mode as I was finishing up radiation and scared about my future. When I felt better and in control, I quit posting. That was a mistake and I thank you for enlightening me.

I am hoping and praying to learn how to "give it to God" and leave it there. I keep taking it back and trying to "be the boss of me".

I am also hoping that taking medication is a temporary thing to help me stabilize as I keep my eyes, ears, mind and heart open to learn how to live a better life (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and understand God's will for me. Once I understand His will, I want to be able to act upon it in an appropriate manner.

Kathy

Kathy
I just read your other post, we both went through cancer treatment twice and we are still here that is good news in my book

I do believe that I am here for a reason, I don’t spell very good and at times my dyslexia makes my words come out wrong as I forget to add the S or get the i&e backward and some times put the words in the wrong place. But if somehow I can just bring a smile to the face of some one who is hurting or tell them something that helps them. Then all the pain of my Cancer was well worth the price.

I love this one scripture, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: I too would take the bag back from God it is hard to learn how to completely surrender yourself, but once you do you better understand what it is like to have Him in control.

It is all by Faith.

Take care and God be with you

debbiejeanne

ballonk said:

Thank You For Posting This Subject
I can SO RELATE to this subject right now; and to almost all of what y'all have experienced. It's 6 years since my 2nd bout with cancer and the end of my radiation treatments.

I'm basically a fighter/survivor, a positive person, and in control of myself and my actions most of the time. I was before I was diagnosed with cancer and still am; but my optimism is now very guarded. I have learned to live in the moment and just "be" (most of the time). I pick and choose my battles very carefully. I continue to learn that I don't have a whole lot of control over anything. But I've never been able to get back to the person I was before my diagnosis (physically and mentally). I'm learning to accept that I never will. I don't like it; but that's just the facts of this disease.

I've got a good life but I find I'm struggling with how to move forward and "live". Not just survive; but live. To become the best human being I can with what I have left of me. And I have times when I feel like I take two steps forward and three steps back. Lately, I'm just feeling overwhelmed and sad.

I went to my primary care physician yesterday to discuss this with her and she recommended I start taking an antidepressant. I'm an anti-pill taker by nature but I've learned through this experience to give up trying to be a hero, trying to tough things out and do everything on my own. I have to admit that I need help - and it's been VERY hard and humbling for me. But in retrospect, it's been a good life lesson for me to learn and one I have to continue to learn. I'm also scheduled to meet with a therapist next week.

My doc says this is fairly common in a lot of cancer survivors; especially after we get several years out. Out of necessity we spend so much time and energy focused on the cancer treatments and all the physical and emotional turmoil and upheaval that goes with it. As you know, that is sometimes all-consuming. It is pretty exhausting fighting for your life!!

When the dust settles and we're still here; sometimes we need help in figuring out how to move forward and out from under the cloud of despair. I've done a good job on my own (and with the help of my family and friends) in making it this far. I'm going to accept the help that is being offered me so that I can make it the rest of the way.

I want to do my best and forget the rest!

Blessings, prayers and hugs to all who read this. It means so much to me to read all your postings and know that I am not alone. I am humbled! Thank you!

Kathy

me too
ballonk, I have also survived cancer twice and like you, this time scares me trrribly. The first time (cerical) I never gave it a second thot, they did surgery, i went for regular ck ups and that was that.
With this cancer (SSC - vocal cord, 35 rad trmnts), I am so afraid of it coming back. Some days it completely takes over my thots. I also have the depression. I have been on meds for that long b4 the cancer but it got worse with the cancer. So, like you I take one day at a time and I put all my faith in the Lord!! W/o my strong faith, and the people on here, I absolutely could not have made it. You are in my prayers and thots as everyone here is, but please hang in there and continue to post. The people here are awsome and I truly look at them as being family.
God Bless You,
Debbie