blue

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carkris
carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
i dont know what is wrong with me. i am so blue. I have been so sick on the chemo that i guess i didnt deal with the other issues. I had my first child go away to college this year and am just so upset, I hate being bald now when i really didint focus on it before.I keep looking for some sign that it is growing back and NOTHING. I have peripheral neuropathy. i want to be better now. I am getting stronger but need PT. I cry at the drop of a hat. and hate being alone. I am so frustrated because I cant go to the bathroom normally no matter what I have tried. I have to have surgery for the fissure but cant have it if i cant go to the bathroom normally. I just thought that when i finished the chemo i would be happy and i am to a large degree dont get me wrong. but i expected more. People say i expect to much too soon. blah!!!!!
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  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    I prob sound like a whinny
    I prob sound like a whinny brat. i would be happy if i could just poop!!!!!
  • JanInMN
    JanInMN Member Posts: 149
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    sending hugs!
    I'm so sorry you are feeling so blue! I'm just starting chemo, so you are much more experienced in this than I, but I'll send a nice big prayer up for you, and know that I'm thinking about you!
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear that you
    I'm sorry to hear that you feel so blue. Are you continuing to drink water? It really does do wonders for our bodies and helps to keep things flowing. As far as your hair goes, I have been out from chemo for almost 4 months and I am just to the point of having enough hair that I am ready to say "goodbye" to the head coverings. I don't believe that any of this has been easy on our bodies nor our heads. Just try to take it slower and find some happiness wherever you can. You offer wonderful support on these boards to your pink sisters and I, for one, am thankful for that. If all else fails, talk with your doctor and perhaps they can prescribe something to help you. Wishing for some happiness for you and sending you a big (((hug))). Take care.
  • contrail
    contrail Member Posts: 129
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    Feeling Blue!
    I'm sorry your feeling so down right now, but you have every right to do just that. There's nothing fun about our battle with the beast. Chemo has so many side effects that no one ever tells you about till they start showing up. I had and still have neuropathy in my feet, and it took a long time for my hair to start growing back. My last chemo treatment was May 6, 2009, and I didn't start seeing any sign of hair till the end of June. It's still short, but I've decided I like it that way. As far as the bowel problem, I don't know what to tell you. I take stool softeners every night just to keep things moving.

    I don't know what normal is after we've gone through this. My doctors tell me I'll have a new normal. The one thing I've learned from this experience is PATIENCE!!! This battle is long and hard, but it definitely is worth it. Don't get down on yourself for feeling blue, but don't let the blues get the best of you either. Count your blessings and be patient. This too shall pass, and you will start to feel better and be yourself again. Have Faith!!! Connie
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
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    MyTurnNow said:

    I'm sorry to hear that you
    I'm sorry to hear that you feel so blue. Are you continuing to drink water? It really does do wonders for our bodies and helps to keep things flowing. As far as your hair goes, I have been out from chemo for almost 4 months and I am just to the point of having enough hair that I am ready to say "goodbye" to the head coverings. I don't believe that any of this has been easy on our bodies nor our heads. Just try to take it slower and find some happiness wherever you can. You offer wonderful support on these boards to your pink sisters and I, for one, am thankful for that. If all else fails, talk with your doctor and perhaps they can prescribe something to help you. Wishing for some happiness for you and sending you a big (((hug))). Take care.

    So sorry....
    One more time I have to say if it weren't for the zanax I'd be in your boat, for sure.
    The poop thing is soooo annoying! Eat oatmeal for breakfast and lots of fresh fruit and veges, that helps somewhat. There has been times when an enema sounds like my best friend, but I haven't resorted to it YET. I did use those little suppositories for a while and they helped me get going. Knowing that there are thousands of women out there going through what we're doing seems to help a little. Hopefully someone will give you the advice that works for you, darlin.

    God bless,
    L
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    You don't know what is wrong
    You don't know what is wrong with you??? Oh sweet sister, many people experience the blue-funk due to just one of the things you described, namely sending a child off to college! Add to that a cancer dx, surgery, pending surgery, chemo nausea, being bald, neuropathy..etc etc etc. NOT to feel blue would be a miracle!

    Many of us suffer from what is aptly called "situational depression", and we do seek medical intervention to help us through this cancer "situation". Perhaps this is something you can bring up with your doctor. No one wants you to feel depressed on top of everything else you are going through right now...it is debilitating as you know.

    I am glad that you vented in here; this safe place to land is cushioned with Kindred Spirits who are willing and able to support you all your ups and downs!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
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    contrail said:

    Feeling Blue!
    I'm sorry your feeling so down right now, but you have every right to do just that. There's nothing fun about our battle with the beast. Chemo has so many side effects that no one ever tells you about till they start showing up. I had and still have neuropathy in my feet, and it took a long time for my hair to start growing back. My last chemo treatment was May 6, 2009, and I didn't start seeing any sign of hair till the end of June. It's still short, but I've decided I like it that way. As far as the bowel problem, I don't know what to tell you. I take stool softeners every night just to keep things moving.

    I don't know what normal is after we've gone through this. My doctors tell me I'll have a new normal. The one thing I've learned from this experience is PATIENCE!!! This battle is long and hard, but it definitely is worth it. Don't get down on yourself for feeling blue, but don't let the blues get the best of you either. Count your blessings and be patient. This too shall pass, and you will start to feel better and be yourself again. Have Faith!!! Connie

    You have every right to feel
    You have every right to feel the way you do. We always want to feel better when we get to a certain point. Having your system out of sorts would make you feel anxious and sick and depressed. Having a child leave home is traumatic without all the bc stress. You have a lot going on and need something good to happen soon. Hope your dr can help you get rid of all that waste you don't need. I hardly ever have that problem so can't give you any advice. Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers for quick relief. Keep us posted.
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    carkris said:

    I prob sound like a whinny
    I prob sound like a whinny brat. i would be happy if i could just poop!!!!!

    You mean on top of
    You mean on top of everything else you are also full of s**t, too?!!? I do hope that made you laugh, and if not, I apologize~ I don't want to insult you ~ it's my warped semse of humor at work!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    chenheart said:

    You don't know what is wrong
    You don't know what is wrong with you??? Oh sweet sister, many people experience the blue-funk due to just one of the things you described, namely sending a child off to college! Add to that a cancer dx, surgery, pending surgery, chemo nausea, being bald, neuropathy..etc etc etc. NOT to feel blue would be a miracle!

    Many of us suffer from what is aptly called "situational depression", and we do seek medical intervention to help us through this cancer "situation". Perhaps this is something you can bring up with your doctor. No one wants you to feel depressed on top of everything else you are going through right now...it is debilitating as you know.

    I am glad that you vented in here; this safe place to land is cushioned with Kindred Spirits who are willing and able to support you all your ups and downs!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    It seems no matter what I do
    It seems no matter what I do I cant get regular, activia, aciophillus, benefiber, fluid miralax. stool softeners. i just started eating better and am including more fruits and veggies, but Ihave to do it slowly. because for the longest time Ihad the opposite problem. I just want a couple of weeks to enjoy getting out and I am still trapprd by this problem. I have been literally housebound. Yes chen I am full of s....t. So Frustrated..... My aunt says to get better you need to eat. sleep, and poop, and I believe that is true. My docs are no help. anyways thANKS FOR RESPONDING.
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
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    carkris said:

    It seems no matter what I do
    It seems no matter what I do I cant get regular, activia, aciophillus, benefiber, fluid miralax. stool softeners. i just started eating better and am including more fruits and veggies, but Ihave to do it slowly. because for the longest time Ihad the opposite problem. I just want a couple of weeks to enjoy getting out and I am still trapprd by this problem. I have been literally housebound. Yes chen I am full of s....t. So Frustrated..... My aunt says to get better you need to eat. sleep, and poop, and I believe that is true. My docs are no help. anyways thANKS FOR RESPONDING.

    I take milk of magnesia
    I take milk of magnesia right after chemo, and then stool softeners. I had to drink my milk this morning because my tummy is feeling very large and bloated. I waited till today because some of the gals said taxotere caused the Big D. It didnt for me, I've been constipated no matter which chemo they have used on me. Had chemo on tuesday.

    I take zoloft and it really helps. dont know if I could have handled this as well without the extra help.

    Sending hugs your way.
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
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    carkris said:

    It seems no matter what I do
    It seems no matter what I do I cant get regular, activia, aciophillus, benefiber, fluid miralax. stool softeners. i just started eating better and am including more fruits and veggies, but Ihave to do it slowly. because for the longest time Ihad the opposite problem. I just want a couple of weeks to enjoy getting out and I am still trapprd by this problem. I have been literally housebound. Yes chen I am full of s....t. So Frustrated..... My aunt says to get better you need to eat. sleep, and poop, and I believe that is true. My docs are no help. anyways thANKS FOR RESPONDING.

    Help
    I felt just like you do after my diagnosis waiting for my PET scan results, other tests and doctor visits...I broke down one day at work and my surgeon's nurse told me to seek some help, which I did... The psychiatrist called it "situational depression" caused by the bc diagnosis. He put me on Lexapro and it has helped tremendously... it kept me from crying constantly.

    Some of us just aren't as strong as others and need some additional help to get through this. That's very understandable. Call your PCP... they can also prescribe something to help you.

    I had diarrhea (Lomotil) and some constipation....doctor told me just to drink more water, some prune juice and lots of veggies...

    Good luck...

    Judy
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
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    carkris said:

    It seems no matter what I do
    It seems no matter what I do I cant get regular, activia, aciophillus, benefiber, fluid miralax. stool softeners. i just started eating better and am including more fruits and veggies, but Ihave to do it slowly. because for the longest time Ihad the opposite problem. I just want a couple of weeks to enjoy getting out and I am still trapprd by this problem. I have been literally housebound. Yes chen I am full of s....t. So Frustrated..... My aunt says to get better you need to eat. sleep, and poop, and I believe that is true. My docs are no help. anyways thANKS FOR RESPONDING.

    Carkris,
    When my daughter

    Carkris,

    When my daughter was born she had bowel problems. Looked like rabbit pellets. She continued to have problems for several years and we used various solutions. Obviously a baby can't eat foods but the doctor had us add caro syrup to her bottles. When she was bigger they had us us mineral oil. When she was around 4, the doctor we used then, suggested dried apricots. They worked the best. We had to experiment with how many and how often but they did the job and she loved them. As she got older she had less and less problems but she always relies on dried apricots if she have any problems. It has something to do with something in the dried apricots. Other fruits don't seem to have it, and it is way more concentrated in the dried apricots. Maybe this will help. It is no fun having either constipation or diahrea and both can be tricky to get under control.
    Stef
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691
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    fauxma said:

    Carkris,
    When my daughter

    Carkris,

    When my daughter was born she had bowel problems. Looked like rabbit pellets. She continued to have problems for several years and we used various solutions. Obviously a baby can't eat foods but the doctor had us add caro syrup to her bottles. When she was bigger they had us us mineral oil. When she was around 4, the doctor we used then, suggested dried apricots. They worked the best. We had to experiment with how many and how often but they did the job and she loved them. As she got older she had less and less problems but she always relies on dried apricots if she have any problems. It has something to do with something in the dried apricots. Other fruits don't seem to have it, and it is way more concentrated in the dried apricots. Maybe this will help. It is no fun having either constipation or diahrea and both can be tricky to get under control.
    Stef

    we all have our moments

    Cakris and constipation can be very frustrating. My mom has bowel problems and just recently she broke her arm, she kept tanking up on vicadin until I teased her about her pending constipation, then the reality set in. My mom gets super cranky, frustrated and generally irritable when she is constipated so it is likely this is contributing to your feeling blue.

    I agree with Stef that apricots work great. Prunes work pretty good as well. If you get some dried apricots and possibly prunes, place a few in a bowl and pour some boiling water on them. Let them sit for a 5 - 10 minutes then eat them and drink the liquid. This might help. It helps my mom. I eat them because I love them but I easily get diarrhea.

    Also eating large amounts of cooked (steamed) Collards and Kale (stalks included) helps getting things moving.

    Hope you feel better soon.
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
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    we all have our moments

    Cakris and constipation can be very frustrating. My mom has bowel problems and just recently she broke her arm, she kept tanking up on vicadin until I teased her about her pending constipation, then the reality set in. My mom gets super cranky, frustrated and generally irritable when she is constipated so it is likely this is contributing to your feeling blue.

    I agree with Stef that apricots work great. Prunes work pretty good as well. If you get some dried apricots and possibly prunes, place a few in a bowl and pour some boiling water on them. Let them sit for a 5 - 10 minutes then eat them and drink the liquid. This might help. It helps my mom. I eat them because I love them but I easily get diarrhea.

    Also eating large amounts of cooked (steamed) Collards and Kale (stalks included) helps getting things moving.

    Hope you feel better soon.

    Mariam,
    I forgot about the

    Mariam,
    I forgot about the prunes. Probably because my daughter hated them. But we could get her to drink prune juice mixed with a tiny amount of seven up. She swears that's why she loves Dr. Pepper today. And that explains why I hate Dr. Pepper. LOL I liked the boiling water idea and drinking the liquid.
    I hope some of these help Crakris because this isn't any fun.
    Stef
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
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    fauxma said:

    Mariam,
    I forgot about the

    Mariam,
    I forgot about the prunes. Probably because my daughter hated them. But we could get her to drink prune juice mixed with a tiny amount of seven up. She swears that's why she loves Dr. Pepper today. And that explains why I hate Dr. Pepper. LOL I liked the boiling water idea and drinking the liquid.
    I hope some of these help Crakris because this isn't any fun.
    Stef

    it will be better
    Have you tried Glycerin Suppositories? It did help me. I was taken accdophyllus on regular basis for three months after the Chemo.Your body needs time for recovery. Unfortunately, it is very slow process. Your hair will grow and by spring you will have nice short hair cut and will look younger than you are.
    Hugs
    New Flower
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    it will be better
    Have you tried Glycerin Suppositories? It did help me. I was taken accdophyllus on regular basis for three months after the Chemo.Your body needs time for recovery. Unfortunately, it is very slow process. Your hair will grow and by spring you will have nice short hair cut and will look younger than you are.
    Hugs
    New Flower

    thanks for the suggestions,
    thanks for the suggestions, i will try the apricots, husband says he cant find the prunes. I wanted the sunsweet prunes in the jar. I will have to ask one of my friends.
    I had so many Gi problems they created a fissure according to the surgeeon the size of clevland(sorry to any one living there) I have survived by having two botox shots (yes there) and yes I have heard the jokes,, best looking a....h...le . but it makes it worse to be in pain and the anxiety over this is bad because of the pain. before the botox i ended up in the hospital for dehydration, I have lost 50 pounds on chemo. poor nutrition low potassium because of the big D. then i was normal and now this. Mentally I have been housebound and spend alot of time in bed because that is the only position that I feel decent in. got debilitated and now working on that in PT. I do take lexapro but I think I need to go up on the dose. I also see a therapist. If I cant sort out the constipation i cant have the surgery that is scheduled in 10 days. Then i will have to go through radiation without having my bum fixed. and driving over an hour for rads blah blah blah. I think you get the picture. To be more positive I am feeling more energetic. my WBC has improved my potassium level is normal and am getting my appetite back which makes it easier to eat the foods I need to. AS before i was completely uniterested in food. Thank goodness I still dont like sweets as my husband brough home 8 boxes of GS cookies Just what I would need. i am tahnkful to be done with this chemo and thankful to all of you who are sharing. listening, and have urged me along. For all of you starting chemo fissures are not typical, which was the root cause of my problems. Dont want you to be scared off by this post. HUGS Penny
  • Moopy23
    Moopy23 Member Posts: 1,751 Member
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    carkris said:

    thanks for the suggestions,
    thanks for the suggestions, i will try the apricots, husband says he cant find the prunes. I wanted the sunsweet prunes in the jar. I will have to ask one of my friends.
    I had so many Gi problems they created a fissure according to the surgeeon the size of clevland(sorry to any one living there) I have survived by having two botox shots (yes there) and yes I have heard the jokes,, best looking a....h...le . but it makes it worse to be in pain and the anxiety over this is bad because of the pain. before the botox i ended up in the hospital for dehydration, I have lost 50 pounds on chemo. poor nutrition low potassium because of the big D. then i was normal and now this. Mentally I have been housebound and spend alot of time in bed because that is the only position that I feel decent in. got debilitated and now working on that in PT. I do take lexapro but I think I need to go up on the dose. I also see a therapist. If I cant sort out the constipation i cant have the surgery that is scheduled in 10 days. Then i will have to go through radiation without having my bum fixed. and driving over an hour for rads blah blah blah. I think you get the picture. To be more positive I am feeling more energetic. my WBC has improved my potassium level is normal and am getting my appetite back which makes it easier to eat the foods I need to. AS before i was completely uniterested in food. Thank goodness I still dont like sweets as my husband brough home 8 boxes of GS cookies Just what I would need. i am tahnkful to be done with this chemo and thankful to all of you who are sharing. listening, and have urged me along. For all of you starting chemo fissures are not typical, which was the root cause of my problems. Dont want you to be scared off by this post. HUGS Penny

    From Cleveland
    Just kidding, Penny, I'm not an Ohioan. And you were not whining. You have every reason to complain, and everyone here understands. Most of us have been there, or are now. I hope the advice on constipation helps. I have the same problem, always had, long before chemo. The latest that's been suggested to me is Milk of Magnesia gelcaps. Think I'll try Stef's suggestion about the dried apricots, too.

    Sending you more positive thoughts and hopes for a good poop!
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
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    carkris said:

    thanks for the suggestions,
    thanks for the suggestions, i will try the apricots, husband says he cant find the prunes. I wanted the sunsweet prunes in the jar. I will have to ask one of my friends.
    I had so many Gi problems they created a fissure according to the surgeeon the size of clevland(sorry to any one living there) I have survived by having two botox shots (yes there) and yes I have heard the jokes,, best looking a....h...le . but it makes it worse to be in pain and the anxiety over this is bad because of the pain. before the botox i ended up in the hospital for dehydration, I have lost 50 pounds on chemo. poor nutrition low potassium because of the big D. then i was normal and now this. Mentally I have been housebound and spend alot of time in bed because that is the only position that I feel decent in. got debilitated and now working on that in PT. I do take lexapro but I think I need to go up on the dose. I also see a therapist. If I cant sort out the constipation i cant have the surgery that is scheduled in 10 days. Then i will have to go through radiation without having my bum fixed. and driving over an hour for rads blah blah blah. I think you get the picture. To be more positive I am feeling more energetic. my WBC has improved my potassium level is normal and am getting my appetite back which makes it easier to eat the foods I need to. AS before i was completely uniterested in food. Thank goodness I still dont like sweets as my husband brough home 8 boxes of GS cookies Just what I would need. i am tahnkful to be done with this chemo and thankful to all of you who are sharing. listening, and have urged me along. For all of you starting chemo fissures are not typical, which was the root cause of my problems. Dont want you to be scared off by this post. HUGS Penny

    In order to make them more
    In order to make them more appealing, Prunes are now seriously being packaged and sold as...Dried Plums! Even the juice is now called PlumSmart! Maybe that's why your husband was having a difficult time finding prunes...look for dried plums.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
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    chenheart said:

    In order to make them more
    In order to make them more appealing, Prunes are now seriously being packaged and sold as...Dried Plums! Even the juice is now called PlumSmart! Maybe that's why your husband was having a difficult time finding prunes...look for dried plums.

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Hope you feel better soon
    Hope you feel better soon carkris! Sending you big cyber hugs!

    Megan
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
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    Megan M said:

    Hope you feel better soon
    Hope you feel better soon carkris! Sending you big cyber hugs!

    Megan

    I am telling you - i am
    I am telling you - i am losing my mind. it didint help this week that iattended a memorial service for my husbands hairdresser who was close to us. alovely lady. died of lung cancer. I tend to think I can handle more that I can. I was told I prob shouldnot have gone considering my circumstances. I felt she deserved the honor of people attending her service she was a wonderful lady. But i often dismiss the toll it takes and then wonder why I am 'blue".