My Fear

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mom62
mom62 Member Posts: 604 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
The last time I was at the oncologist I had finished chemo and was getting my followup 10 day blood test and the results of my PET scan, PFT and Echo cardiogram (1/14/10). I had these tests as I was having pain in my right chest again and my left side under my arm. The PET scan showed two new hot spots, one on my third left rib and one kind of at the bottom of my surgical sight. This was the end of my second bout with cancer or so I thought. I have another appointment with the oncologist this Thursday. I am still on hormone therapy and my thoracic surgeon recommended radiation after seeing me on January 27, 2010.

Here is my fear. I had a second surgery on 8/31 to reclose a sternal wound (hole) from my previous surgery on 7/31 that did not heal properly. My incision sight is all red (after having been completely healed) and there is a hugh lump underneath. This is in the general area of the "hot spot".

The fact that these two bone mets even grew when I was going through chemo is amazing to me and then since I have finished chemo one seems to have grown large in a short period of time.
When do you get to the point when you ask point blank "what is going on and how much time do I have". I want to know as I have three kids but have the fear I already know the answer.

I'm a very positive person don't get me wrong, but preperation can be a godsend. I want to leave a legacy for my children to remember me by if I know time is limited. I know a lot of oncologist don't tell you till all has failed and I don't want to wait that long. I want to live my life as fully as I can.

If anyone has had these feelings or situation please feel free to comment.

Thanks for listening!

Comments

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
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    Terry
    I am very sorry that Chemo did not work as expected. My heart goes out to you for your situation. I still believe the cure will be found. I think the time for the first part of your question is now, however I would rephrase it. You entitle to ask "What is going on and what should be done differently to change dynamic of disease?". Please reach out, get a second opinion start radiation or something else.

    I cancer was a wake up call for me"Yes, my time is limited and I do want to spend time for stupid activities.

    Hugs,
    New Flower
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
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    Sorry About Your Treatment
    I am so sorry you are having to go through this for what appears is a third time. I don't think I would ask how much time you have left. I think I would ask what can be done to kill these tumors. I would also ask, what kind of chemo drug would work on these tumors. Don't give in yet. I know it is easy for me to say but don't give up yet. We are here for you.

    P
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
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    Terry
    I am very sorry that Chemo did not work as expected. My heart goes out to you for your situation. I still believe the cure will be found. I think the time for the first part of your question is now, however I would rephrase it. You entitle to ask "What is going on and what should be done differently to change dynamic of disease?". Please reach out, get a second opinion start radiation or something else.

    I cancer was a wake up call for me"Yes, my time is limited and I do want to spend time for stupid activities.

    Hugs,
    New Flower

    Well Terry
    I think like you,

    Well Terry
    I think like you, I'd want to know the truth, and I'd want to know now. I know I would live my last months differently if I knew they were my last months, and by this I mean I'd put away all those stresses like mortgage payments and work responsibilities, and just be with my friends and family and enjoy them. I hope you find that you have many good years ahead of you, but for you own peace of mind....ask the questions you need to ask..
    best wishes
    Dee
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
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    Mom62
    So sorry to hear that your treatments haven't been getting the results you hoped for.

    I can understand the need to "know". I know that the unanswered questions were the most frustrating part of my treatment early on. Now tht I have a treatment plan in place and am getting treatment, even though it's not easy, I have more peace of mind knowing I'm doing what I can do.

    I wish I had the answer to your question, but I can see why the doctors may not want to answer that question for you even if you asked them now. Even with all of the progress that has been made, there still seem to be so many unknowns that they probably wouldn't have the answer, and even if the treatment you've had so far hasn't worked as expected, that doesn't mean that there aren't alternatives or trials availble that may turn things around.

    My best advice, for what it's worth, is to try your best to hope for the best while preparing for the worst. Live each day the best you can, share as much time and joy with your family as you can manage, and know that whatever happens your love for them will live on forever.

    None of us truly know how long we have, so no matter what answers a doctor may give you, they are not God, and are just giving their best guess. So many people have beaten the odds and are still alive and kicking years after the doctor's told them they wouldn't be.

    I will be praying for Peace of Mind as well as for a respite from this disease for you.

    Take care,
    Cindy