How can I help my family?

leesag

I know this is supposed to be the time that I "focus" on myself. But I have a family that I've always taken care of, and I can't just stop doing that. How can I help my husband and my daughter deal with this? My husband lost his mother to cancer almost 10 years ago to the day of my diagnosis. This is very difficult for him. My daughter is 20 and is handling everything very well so far, but eventually there will be a reality check. Any and all suggestions are welcome!

Leesa

Hissy_Fitz

I wish I knew.....
Leesa...

I am the person in my family who takes care of everyone. I make sure they file their taxes, pay their rent on time, get their cars inspected - you name it, I am the person who follows up on it. I write their kids' orthodontist appointments on my calendar, then remind them the day before.

When I was in the hospital, my husband brought my laptop so I could pay the bills. (I have everything set up for online banking.)

I'm trying to retrain them to be more self-sufficient.

My husband is having a hard time dealing with my illness, too. I suspect it's really bad for yours, being a nurse. He knows all the statistics, all the worst case scenarios.

The death rate is completely unbiased and predictable; it's one per person. The only thing we don't know is the hour and the day. I live in the present - maybe even next week, or six months from now. I hope for a distant future, but I know I am not guaranteed one. Neither, however, are people who don't have cancer.

Everyone should live like they are dying, because they are. Every human on the planet is terminal. Cancer just makes us more aware of that.

Carlene

BonnieR

Gift of serviing
Hi Leesa,

Here is what I share with other women, give the gift of letting others take care of you. That seems like a small thing but as women we are so use to doing for others. So that is my advice to you.. accept the gift of others serving you. Love Prayers Hugs Bonnie

Barbara53

caregiver's perspective
As usual, Bonnie is absolutely right. When you let people help you, they reap a much greater return than you do. At the end of the day, instead of counting up all the things you got done, look at how many gifts you gave to your friends and family by allowing them to do the soul's work.

Some people enter monasteries to experience the spiritual depths of compassion, but the people who care for you get to feel it in the comfort of their own homes!

saundra

Time
Good advice from the others, I agree. You have time. I have been working on it three years. Little at a time... It all does not have to be done at once. Don't sweat the small stuff and best of all develope an attitude of KISS...Keep it simple, sister!!! Saundra