Remind me again why we have kids?

bdee Member Posts: 304
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
As if having colon cancer is not enough, now I have one child (30 yrs old) wanting me to pick her over my other child (34 yrs old). My son is going through a messy divorce and we are trying to help him as much as possible. My daughter says it's all my son's fault for marrying a 19 year old, so he should have expected it. Now our daughter wants us to just give up on our son and only love her.
What is a mother to do???

Debbie in Arkansas

PS I know this isn't about colon cancer, but I need to vent to someone and both kids and my parents and my husband's parents are on Facebook so I can't get any answers there.


  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    You love them to so much but they can drive you crazy. Sit them down, tell them you love them equally but they are adults and it is time for them to solve their own problems. You have cancer, your plate is full and they are stressing you out. Friends of a friend finally had to sit their children down, tell them no more. The bank of mom and dad was officially closing as well as the day care center. As soon as they retired they had plans but their kids had other plans. Grandma became the day care center to save them money and every time the kids wanted something they asked for money. They were miserable. Of course the kids were mad but they got over it and mom and dad went on to truly enjoy their retirement, traveled in their motor home, wintered down in Florida and enjoy being grandma and grandpa. Thats all I got. Tina
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    We have four kids. Our
    We have four kids. Our middle son, who is now 33, married a gal who is now 41 with girls 22 and 17. They've been married less than 3 years and it's been hard.
    I understand your predicament!

    Tina gave good advice.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member

    I'm sorry your daughter's putting you in such a tight situation right now. Yes, it's true that her brother may have made a bad choice when he got married, but that doesn't mean you are going to quit loving him and tell him, "Tough luck."

    Hopefully you can talk to her and help her see that parents are capable of loving more than 1 child.

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    I can understand your situation.

    Perhaps asking your daughter if you should also give up on her if she should make a mistake in judgement would help her put things in perspective.

    You ask what is a mother to love them no matter what dumb things they say or do, but you can't let their actions get in the way of your health.

    You just have to let your daughter know that love is not something you turn on and off, particularly between a parent and child, and that you have plenty to go around for both her and her brother.

    Good Luck with this.

  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Aw, sibling rivalry...isn't it grand?
    Could be that your daughter is feeling a bit left out, believe it or not. Attention, even if it's terrible news, like cancer or divorce, is still attention. I don't believe sibling rivalry has an age limit. Also, she truly IS worried about what life will be like after the dust settles, her life has been turned upside down, as well.

    Possibly offer a truce...a weekly lunch (I would take my daughter to Arby's or Chic-filet, nothing fancy), just you and her, no talk about cancer or her may be surprised how much that helps...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Steve Z
    Steve Z Member Posts: 51
    I'm in the daughters situation
    I'm in the daughters situation. My mother supports my brother who is on disability. I don't want go too deep, but three divorces later and not being very healthy makes it hard for him to live without additional support. I have a child so I get that you can't let your son live on the street. My concern is for my mother. She's 75 and spending down her retirement assets. I want her to enjoy her retirement and spend the money she and my father saved on herself. What happens when she's gone? Do I take on her role? How will he adjust?

    I don't want my mother to choose between me and my brother. I want her to choose herself and maybe help him in the long term.
  • WinneyPooh
    WinneyPooh Member Posts: 318
    Its about life.
    Hey, I know what you mean, my kid are driving me nuts to, But to them we are just thier mom and they need us to be like we were before cancer, Its hard, to give them all fair supprot.

    I have teenagers and they need so much guidance, and we have an open relatationship as long as it concerns their drama, life,

    Hang in there and i enjoy like most of of us dicussions sometimes that are not always bout cancer, but how we handle lifes drama with cancer is important and we all need to dicuss this more to help us all cope with the Rest.

    Live, Love, Play
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  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    As the saying goes...
    Little kids = little problems
    Big kids = big problems

    I wonder if no kids = no problems?

    I'm sorry you have to go through this, what's up with your daughter, has she always been like that?