I am finished with all the treatments,How do you live with the fear of it comming back?

ppurdin
ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Its been a week since my last treatment.And I have been really down this week.I keep telling my self I have to deal with this fear and not let it control me.But I am scared out of my mind of BC. comming back.Some of you that have gone through this please tell me advice on how to deal please.I am usually tuffer then this,but the fear keeps going through my mind.I keep hearing stories of how it comes back allot of times.Between the fear and all the hospital bills ,it is pretty overwhelming.Any advice would be appriatted.I am dissapointed in my self that I am not in a happier place right now.Love and Prayers.(Pat).

Comments

  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    You are pretty close to the
    You are pretty close to the end of treatment and the feeling is natural. I felt the same way. Give yourself some time. Do as many things that you can that makes you happy and spend time with loved ones.
  • teresa41
    teresa41 Member Posts: 471
    Marcia527 said:

    You are pretty close to the
    You are pretty close to the end of treatment and the feeling is natural. I felt the same way. Give yourself some time. Do as many things that you can that makes you happy and spend time with loved ones.

    i just finished radiation
    i just finished radiation in november and i also felt the same way somedays i still do~ but i take it one day at a time and i try to keep my mind busy on other things.

    hope this helps a little.

    :0) teresa
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    Take it One Day at a Time...
    Congrats on finishing with your treatment plan. That is wonderful news!

    About your worries, I understand what you are going through. I am not done with my treatment, but I do think about what troubles you too. I joined a support group several months ago. It helps to talk with other survivors. It just might help you too. I would encourage you to find a support group. It won't hurt to give it a try.

    My best to you as you move onward and forward.
    BL
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Hi Pat, It is disappointing
    Hi Pat, It is disappointing not to feel totally heroic and strong once our immediate treatment is finished. But the way you are feeling is normal, no matter how tough you are. I have found that the fear of recurrence has diminished somewhat over time. Keep sharing and talking and don't be afraid to ask for help. Cancer is a nasty beast and it takes an army to fight it. I am praying for happiness for you, and that it comes soon. xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • 4slurpee
    4slurpee Member Posts: 41
    I hear you!
    You just beat cancer - good for you - you are a strong woman! I too recently finished treatments and definitely have that same fear. Everyone would state you must be sooo happy it is over and I wouldn't know what to say for I wasn't. Sure I didn't want the treatments but then again I did for I was doing something to keep the 'beast' at bay. I even stated to my oncologist, what do I do now?!?! Common feeling I must say. I am down, I feel as though I am just letting it creep back into my life sometimes. However, they are going to be watching you closely and specifically looking for the cancer making sure it doesn't return. From the looks of your profile picture, you have a few darlings to look forward to - try to enjoy it. Try not to let the fear take away your life - then the cancer still wins.

    I consider myself pretty tuff too, but cancer ripped away a lot of my confidence. I don't know if that is normal or if I allowed it to, but it did. Now I need to fight to get it back. You may hear stories of how it comes back, but there are also many, many stories of people who never see it again. Sometimes, people tend to tell you the worst when it comes to cancer. There are plenty more stories of survivors out there, I believe they just don't get told as much because those survivors end up going on with their lives whereas we see and hear about recurrences at the centers we go to for treatment. Bless those who are still fighting. You will be a survivor!

    I know it is hard, but you have life. I believe this feeling will fade but it will take time. I have found a hobby helps take the mind off of things. Walking, scrapbooking, helping at school, and even napping (avoidance napping). I have also joined a support group which meets once a month. I am hoping to find another one. I find it helps, however, sometimes you have to try more than one to find the right fit. You can do it! We are here if you need us. Take care!
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    4slurpee said:

    I hear you!
    You just beat cancer - good for you - you are a strong woman! I too recently finished treatments and definitely have that same fear. Everyone would state you must be sooo happy it is over and I wouldn't know what to say for I wasn't. Sure I didn't want the treatments but then again I did for I was doing something to keep the 'beast' at bay. I even stated to my oncologist, what do I do now?!?! Common feeling I must say. I am down, I feel as though I am just letting it creep back into my life sometimes. However, they are going to be watching you closely and specifically looking for the cancer making sure it doesn't return. From the looks of your profile picture, you have a few darlings to look forward to - try to enjoy it. Try not to let the fear take away your life - then the cancer still wins.

    I consider myself pretty tuff too, but cancer ripped away a lot of my confidence. I don't know if that is normal or if I allowed it to, but it did. Now I need to fight to get it back. You may hear stories of how it comes back, but there are also many, many stories of people who never see it again. Sometimes, people tend to tell you the worst when it comes to cancer. There are plenty more stories of survivors out there, I believe they just don't get told as much because those survivors end up going on with their lives whereas we see and hear about recurrences at the centers we go to for treatment. Bless those who are still fighting. You will be a survivor!

    I know it is hard, but you have life. I believe this feeling will fade but it will take time. I have found a hobby helps take the mind off of things. Walking, scrapbooking, helping at school, and even napping (avoidance napping). I have also joined a support group which meets once a month. I am hoping to find another one. I find it helps, however, sometimes you have to try more than one to find the right fit. You can do it! We are here if you need us. Take care!

    Slurpee I'm still in
    Slurpee I'm still in treatment, but sure do appreciate your input. Yes it's important to know that many have never seen it again. I recently joined a local support group with many women who have survived 10 or more years.

    Also consider myself tough, but the chemo has definitely worn me down physically. I also get more teary eyed and do have concerns about chemo residual effects. Cant wait for my physical strength to come back. Hopefully by fall of this year I'll at least be something like me old self.

    Pat hang in there. I pray you will get to what they call "a new kind of normal".
  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    natly15 said:

    Slurpee I'm still in
    Slurpee I'm still in treatment, but sure do appreciate your input. Yes it's important to know that many have never seen it again. I recently joined a local support group with many women who have survived 10 or more years.

    Also consider myself tough, but the chemo has definitely worn me down physically. I also get more teary eyed and do have concerns about chemo residual effects. Cant wait for my physical strength to come back. Hopefully by fall of this year I'll at least be something like me old self.

    Pat hang in there. I pray you will get to what they call "a new kind of normal".

    I had BC 15 years ago the
    I had BC 15 years ago the first time. I had two small children and just wanted it over with. My docs said i was different because I cried during and not after. I guess I just felt under seige withthe chemo. anyway it takes time and good checkups to regain your confidence and then life takes over and you become less anxious although it still is there. I started to worry more about my other breast after several biopsies which did happen. Live life one day at a time. I would tell myself today I feel fine and I dont know I have cancer again enjoy the day. and distract distract distract. ask for support, have your anxious time and enjoy your life. I will have to reread this when my treatment is done.LOL It does get better and I hope you are feeling less anxious.
  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    NORMAL FEELINGS.......
    Pat, what you are feeling is perfectly normal.........For myself, during all the treatment, chemo and rads, I felt like I was doing something every single day to make sure the beast was gone......The week before the end of my rads, (Nov) I had a meltdown in my radiation oncologist's office....I said, "Now what?" He reassured me that what I was feeling was a very normal response, that he would have worried had I NOT felt this way.....We've spent months fighting bc and now our part is finished.......I have found that each day has gotten easier.........this is my month of 4 doctor appointments. This makes me anxious but again, I have to believe that all the treatment has worked........I was told I am in "remission." They don't use the word cured......I have decided I am not going to allow the possibility of a recurrence to ruin what I have today...After all, we could go out and get hit by the perverbial bus..I have done much soul searching and have concluded that I am thankful and grateful for each day, each hour......I am going about life as best I can under the circumstances......and enjoying even house cleaning! I'm thankful I can do it!

    I have a friend who had adrenal cancer 4 years ago.......she has never been able to let go of the fear of it coming back and sadly, I must say, her life is pretty miserable. Yet on the flip side, my best friend has stage IV brain cancer.....glioblastoma multiforme.......the worst possible brain cancer there is......there is no cure, she knows this....she has already lived longer than they thought, 15 months.....she is 51 yet she has the best outlook on life you can imagine....SHe truly is my inspiration.........

    Pat, again, I think what you are feeling is so very normal.....I believe that in time, you will find your "new normal." IT's something we all must do, to enjoy the second chance we all have been given....IT just takes time..
    I wish you the very best........YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!
    Hugs and Peace be with you
    Nancy
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    Common Fear
    I think we all feel that way or will feel that way when the end of treatment comes. I have been fighting anemia since I was diagnosed and the blood count won't come back up. While in the doctor's office last Thursday I read some of my chart. I had been told the Oncotype DX results showed only a 34% chance of reoccurrance. I saw where it was written I have a 51% chance of it coming back. I am so scared now of it returning. I spent the weekend holed up in my house, and had myself a real pity party - guests: 1 (me). I don't know how I would handle it again. Would all the support I received still be there? Then finishing treatments in June, not being able to do anything since then to fight the beast, to think I have a huge chance of it returning????? Well, I made up my mind that if I have to do it again, I will. It was do-able the first time, it will be the second, third or however many times it comes back. I'll beat the beast with a bat!!!!! Still finishing treatments do leave you feeling very vulnerable. And there's really nothing we can do about it except live each day as it comes.
    Hugs - Pat
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    Pat
    I'm not quite there yet, but I'm sure what you're feeling now is completely normal.

    Just like now, I've been told I have cancer, and although I could slightly feel a lump, I never felt sick from the cancer. Now I'm going through chemo and feel sick (although not too bad all things considered) from the treatment.

    I think it takes our minds a while to catch up with how our bodies are feeling and integrating what we're told, etc.

    I thnk that trying to live in the moment and find as much joy as you can in that moment will help the worrying, although I don't think it will ever totally disappear.

    My goal is to not let cancer own me - I WILL own cancer and kick it's scary little butt all over town!

    (((((HUGZ)))))
    Cindy
  • Bill.S
    Bill.S Member Posts: 177
    comming back
    The local BC support group in my area is a group of old,old,old women who have survived many,many years.Sooooooooooo although it might be possible for a reoccurance, I choose to live like it will never happen to me.
    Also when I have gone to 3 Relay for Life functions- I have met tons of survivors.

    If or when I might get cancer again-- I'll deal with it then, rather than worry about it all of the time.

    Bill S
  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    padee6339 said:

    Common Fear
    I think we all feel that way or will feel that way when the end of treatment comes. I have been fighting anemia since I was diagnosed and the blood count won't come back up. While in the doctor's office last Thursday I read some of my chart. I had been told the Oncotype DX results showed only a 34% chance of reoccurrance. I saw where it was written I have a 51% chance of it coming back. I am so scared now of it returning. I spent the weekend holed up in my house, and had myself a real pity party - guests: 1 (me). I don't know how I would handle it again. Would all the support I received still be there? Then finishing treatments in June, not being able to do anything since then to fight the beast, to think I have a huge chance of it returning????? Well, I made up my mind that if I have to do it again, I will. It was do-able the first time, it will be the second, third or however many times it comes back. I'll beat the beast with a bat!!!!! Still finishing treatments do leave you feeling very vulnerable. And there's really nothing we can do about it except live each day as it comes.
    Hugs - Pat

    same here
    I asked my odds and they wouldn't tell me. So I looked it up on the internet and asked if it was true. He said "Pretty much." Mine was 50/50. They didn't want to tell me because I could be in the 50% that survives. I guess I did. I was diagnosed in 2003. What I did the past 5 years since treatment is get my life in order. I spend as much time with my kids as I can and don't worry about the small stuff. And most of it is small stuff now. That's one thing cancer does is make you realize what is really important.
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    Fear...
    Pat, I lost a breast in '86....was soooo scared....
    then I lost the other in '88....was soooo scared....
    THEN something worse happened....
    I lost my HUBBY to cancer....that is to say....I got
    cancer (3rd time) and he got LOST.
    Now here I am today.... age 61 (was 38 when first diagnosed)
    in a good place, health stable, heart healed, and some days...
    well the fear rears it's ugly head again.
    I am just saying that life is full of things to be afraid of;
    if we let our fears settle down in us they will take over.
    I am not sure living without fear is a realistic goal for anyone,
    especially a cancer survivor, but living over and beyond fear is
    certainly possible. It takes some work and determination but
    we do it because the alternative is just too freakin NO FUN.
    Hugs honey. You will get to a better place. You have already
    proven that you have what it takes.
    God bless.
  • Skeezie
    Skeezie Member Posts: 586 Member
    zahalene said:

    Fear...
    Pat, I lost a breast in '86....was soooo scared....
    then I lost the other in '88....was soooo scared....
    THEN something worse happened....
    I lost my HUBBY to cancer....that is to say....I got
    cancer (3rd time) and he got LOST.
    Now here I am today.... age 61 (was 38 when first diagnosed)
    in a good place, health stable, heart healed, and some days...
    well the fear rears it's ugly head again.
    I am just saying that life is full of things to be afraid of;
    if we let our fears settle down in us they will take over.
    I am not sure living without fear is a realistic goal for anyone,
    especially a cancer survivor, but living over and beyond fear is
    certainly possible. It takes some work and determination but
    we do it because the alternative is just too freakin NO FUN.
    Hugs honey. You will get to a better place. You have already
    proven that you have what it takes.
    God bless.

    Hi Pat,
    I think maybe when we are dx and going thru surgeries and treatment we are so concerned with those fears and sickness and we fight with everything we've got to get thru it, that when we reach that goal we finally have time to really think about the nightmare we just went thru and to, for the first time without the distractions of treatment etc., thnk about "what if it comes back". I finished 12-11 and started feeling decent after New Year. I was so excited about finally being able to eat and not feel sick and not leave the house without a "diaper" and change of clothes that I didn't think about "what if" until a few days ago. While I'm not consumed with this, everytime I feel a twinge in my former breast area I think "what if", everytime I think about the last 7 months I think "what if". I too don't feel like jumping up and down, but I push these thoughts away in favor of going out with my husband to enjoy all the things both of us missed. I'm keeping these thoughts put away most of the time. I just bring them out once in a while. While I'm so sorry you have not been able to enjoy your new status as a former cancer "patient" in exchange for "survivor", I feel better after reading all these posts that I'm not only not alone but quite normal. I hope you can draw strength from everyone the same as I do. Usually I don't have to post a question because someone else does it at the same time I am wondering....

    Hugs All, Judy :-)
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    Skeezie said:

    Hi Pat,
    I think maybe when we are dx and going thru surgeries and treatment we are so concerned with those fears and sickness and we fight with everything we've got to get thru it, that when we reach that goal we finally have time to really think about the nightmare we just went thru and to, for the first time without the distractions of treatment etc., thnk about "what if it comes back". I finished 12-11 and started feeling decent after New Year. I was so excited about finally being able to eat and not feel sick and not leave the house without a "diaper" and change of clothes that I didn't think about "what if" until a few days ago. While I'm not consumed with this, everytime I feel a twinge in my former breast area I think "what if", everytime I think about the last 7 months I think "what if". I too don't feel like jumping up and down, but I push these thoughts away in favor of going out with my husband to enjoy all the things both of us missed. I'm keeping these thoughts put away most of the time. I just bring them out once in a while. While I'm so sorry you have not been able to enjoy your new status as a former cancer "patient" in exchange for "survivor", I feel better after reading all these posts that I'm not only not alone but quite normal. I hope you can draw strength from everyone the same as I do. Usually I don't have to post a question because someone else does it at the same time I am wondering....

    Hugs All, Judy :-)

    today
    I met an amazing 67 yr old woman who sat next to me getting her first Taxol while I was getting my 10th. She told me she has been cancer free for 23 years and that it was in the back of her mind every single day of those 23 years. So YES what you're feeling is normal.
    I guess it's our "new normal"....
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    Thanks everyone.
    I appriatte your replys.And they helped me quite a bit.I am just giving myself some time.And trying to get my energy back again.I am sure I will snap out of it.Thanks so much.Pat