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Cindy54

Okay, ladies, I have not posted on this board for awhile because I really did not think I could add too much to what everyone else was going through in terms of advice. So many have had it so much harder than me, that I often felt guilty that you went through things that I did not have to. I've been a lurker. I say prayers for all the hurting ones I see here. and I have tried my best to get on with just living.

I recently posted on the breast board that things were fine, because they were. I had my check ups, the last one just last month, and all seemed well. Except for the anemia that has got much worse. So they will be doing a colonoscopy next month to make sure nothing is active there and needs to be taken care of. I was a littled rattled by this, but took a deep breath and put my brave face on and just decided I would deal with it.

Yesterday I went in to talk with the doctor about the colonoscopy..he is the same one that did my breast surgery...and during the exam he found a lump in the other breast and swollen lymph nodes in my armpit. So now I have been scheduled for a sonogram of my left breast. And more lab work. To say I am feeling completely blindsided doesn't come close. I just have no words for how I feel now. I am sure if there is something there we will take care of it. And I am thankful that my doctors are catching things. But I wonder when it will stop. I try to stay positive and focus on the rest of my life. But all of these "bumps in the road" make it hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other each day.

I know I need to focus all my attention on this and getting ready to battle if need be. But I just started a part time job. And I am in the last weeks of my unemployment. I worry that if I need treatment for anything and have to tell my boss, there goes the job if I have to take off. And then if unemployment finds out that I have a medical problem, well...Because I have no family left, and no really, really close friends, I worry about what will happen to me. Yes I have friends, but with all that has happened to me, a lot of the closeness has gone by the wayside. Because I have been so strong for so long, always doing what I could to take care of things and be independent, it is very difficult to ask for anything from anyone. Some that I thought were friends have drifted off because I honestly don't think they want to be around someone who always has setbacks. I do not sit and whine or feel sorry for myself. Ususally if someone asks how I am I say fine and smile.

As far as the ovarian goes, that is in check. The same for the spinal cord tumor. Maybe I just have battle fatigue at the moment. I guess I really don't have a question, just thought I would update everyone about things and maybe ask for a prayer. Thanks to all of you. Cindy

groundeffect

Thinking of you
Dear Cindy,

You're in a tough crossroads, to be sure. Do you participate in any local support groups? I really think you need an outlet of people who have had your same experience(s) and can really relate to what you're going through. I have the sense that you're getting a bit overwhelmed, and who would blame you? I hope you will reach out to what health and/or mental support is available in your area, and that you will also keep in touch with our board.

Sue

BonnieR

((((((Cindy))))))))
Hugs Cindy as you face this latest bump in the road. I know you know God has you all the way and we are all here lifing you in prayer. Now a question for you? Have you considered disability until you can work, I would think maybe Social Security would go back to when you first couldn't work so the 6 month waiting period would be taken care of. Just a thought, I know it is not what any of want but sometimes it is what can remove the stress of no job and it doens't mean you have to be on it forever. Hugs ♥ Prayers Bonnie