To all you caregivers who are our angels:

KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
CAREGIVER'S BILL OF RIGHTS

I have the right to take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved one.

I have the right to seek help from others even though my loved one may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

I have the right to get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

I have the right to reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt and/or depression.

I have the right to take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.

BIG hugs, Kathi
(This was given to me by the organization that cared for my daughter...I put it on my fridge!)

Comments

  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #2
    Thanks, Kathi for giving a
    Thanks, Kathi for giving a voice to what so many need~ and helping us to have the courage to feel how we do without having guilt added to it. I know this post will be a blessing to so many...

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • Aortus
    Aortus Member Posts: 967
    #3
    Thanks indeed, Kathi!
    Although my beloved Moopster was an angel throughout her tx - she only blew up at me once, early on, and I deserved it - this post really struck a chord with me. Especially the part about taking pride in what one is accomplishing. It goes without saying (at least here, among those who know) that I'm unbelievably proud of my amazing Moopy. But this helped me see that I'm pretty proud of me too.

    Now that Moopy's on the mend, though, it's a far different story. This year, she's as bad as ever about conning me into things like buying her jewelry and SUV tires. "Hi, honey! Guess what? I'm at Helzberg's..."
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #4
    Aortus said:

    Thanks indeed, Kathi!
    Although my beloved Moopster was an angel throughout her tx - she only blew up at me once, early on, and I deserved it - this post really struck a chord with me. Especially the part about taking pride in what one is accomplishing. It goes without saying (at least here, among those who know) that I'm unbelievably proud of my amazing Moopy. But this helped me see that I'm pretty proud of me too.

    Now that Moopy's on the mend, though, it's a far different story. This year, she's as bad as ever about conning me into things like buying her jewelry and SUV tires. "Hi, honey! Guess what? I'm at Helzberg's..."

    Thank you, Kathi...
    Well written words. I really tried to be very "low maintenance" during my treatment days, because I realized that my core caregivers were certainly not trained professionals.

    This is a great piece to share both now for those new to the journey; and, to tuck away and share with those who may - unfortunately - need it in the future.

    Kind regards, Susan

    P.S. to Aortus: You gotta write that book, some day... :-)
    And Moopster - she's simply an avid aficionado of Retail Therapy. Just accept it.
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #5
    Thank you, Kathi. My
    Thank you, Kathi. My husband is an angel. I ache at what I am putting him through. xoxoxo Lynn
  • creampuff91344
    creampuff91344 Member Posts: 988
    #6
    lynn1950 said:

    Thank you, Kathi. My
    Thank you, Kathi. My husband is an angel. I ache at what I am putting him through. xoxoxo Lynn

    Thanks Kathi....these
    Thanks Kathi....these thoughts are so eloquently stated, and I personally feel that they are long overdue. My husband has been right by my side throughout my treatment, and I know I wouldn't have gotten through this without him. My thoughts and prayers always went out to those who were at the treatment center by themselves, some barely able to get from the waiting room to the treatment table during radiation. One particular woman was widowed, and had to drive 50 miles one way each day to take treatment. She had children, but they were "too busy" to help get her there. Never once did she complain, but oh so often I felt like calling her daughter to ask, "where are you?". My hat is off to those caregivers who give so selflessly of themselves, and an extra special thought goes to my own caregiver..the one who brought me through, and still is doing so. Hugs, Judy
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #7
    creampuff91344 said:

    Thanks Kathi....these
    Thanks Kathi....these thoughts are so eloquently stated, and I personally feel that they are long overdue. My husband has been right by my side throughout my treatment, and I know I wouldn't have gotten through this without him. My thoughts and prayers always went out to those who were at the treatment center by themselves, some barely able to get from the waiting room to the treatment table during radiation. One particular woman was widowed, and had to drive 50 miles one way each day to take treatment. She had children, but they were "too busy" to help get her there. Never once did she complain, but oh so often I felt like calling her daughter to ask, "where are you?". My hat is off to those caregivers who give so selflessly of themselves, and an extra special thought goes to my own caregiver..the one who brought me through, and still is doing so. Hugs, Judy

    Kathi,
    This is so well put.
    Kathi,

    This is so well put. Caregivers do so much and the really good ones ask nothing in return. But they should be celebrated, appreciated and loved. So to my caregiver, I will say here and now (I will and do tell him all the time) you are my anchor, my safe harbor, the love of my life, my rock and I cannot do enough to thank you for being my best friend, my husband, my heart. I have seen that many of you also have great caregivers, whether a hubby, a parent, a sister or brother, another relative or just a great friend. To those that don't or didn't have this kind of support, I say that you have strength beyond imagining because as hard as this battle is with a great caregiver and good support, it's difficulty is magnified by 100 when you have to go through it alone. I am not sure I could have done it by myself.

    Stef
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #8
    fauxma said:

    Kathi,
    This is so well put.
    Kathi,

    This is so well put. Caregivers do so much and the really good ones ask nothing in return. But they should be celebrated, appreciated and loved. So to my caregiver, I will say here and now (I will and do tell him all the time) you are my anchor, my safe harbor, the love of my life, my rock and I cannot do enough to thank you for being my best friend, my husband, my heart. I have seen that many of you also have great caregivers, whether a hubby, a parent, a sister or brother, another relative or just a great friend. To those that don't or didn't have this kind of support, I say that you have strength beyond imagining because as hard as this battle is with a great caregiver and good support, it's difficulty is magnified by 100 when you have to go through it alone. I am not sure I could have done it by myself.

    Stef

    Thanks too Kathi ♥
    This is beautiful! I am like Stef, my husband, my soulmate, my love of my life, my best friend has and still is my rock in this 2nd adventure with bc. I could never imagine my life without him in it and I don't know how I would have gotten thru this bout of bc without him. He is all man, but, his gentle and helping side shines thru just as strongly. Thank goodness he is the opposite of me inre to having a temper. lol That is what helped this marriage to reach our 37 wedding anniversary. lol I also can never thank enough my friends, my family and my coworkers. To have them name a Relay For Life team for me and to come in 2nd for raising the most money in the entire county was unbelievable. My husband came up 3rd in raising the most money from an individual. I will always remember "Jeanne's Dream Team". If you look on my Expressions Page, you can see the cool tshirts we had for the Relay For Life! I love them! I guess good can come out of bad!

    Love, Jeanne ♥
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
    I cherished my caregivers...
    My mom, my beau, my daughter, many friends one of which said "Now, Kathi, PLEASE ask us to help...it may sound strange, but we feel the NEED to help...it makes us feel good"

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #10
    KathiM said:

    I cherished my caregivers...
    My mom, my beau, my daughter, many friends one of which said "Now, Kathi, PLEASE ask us to help...it may sound strange, but we feel the NEED to help...it makes us feel good"

    Hugs, Kathi

    Kathi ♥
    I sent this to several bc survivors that I know, and got big sincere thank you's back from them. Thanks again for posting this Kathi!</♥</font>

    Love, Jeanne ♥</♥</font>

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