Surgeon called, surgery scheduled
I'm not sure I can do this ... I need strength that I do not have. Maybe it is a delay of mourning for my mom who passed away six weeks ago ... but I've got to pull myself together because I don't want to be an emotional mess recovering from the surgery.
You all have been there all along this road and I know you know ... it is just so hard. Thanks for being there and for listening.
Comments
-
Dawne
I'm sending postive thoughts and prayers your way to give you the strength to do what you know you need to do to beat this monster.
I'm sure dealing with the loss of your mother during this time of having to make such difficult decisons must be so hard, but I'm sure your mom is also with you and wanting you to do everything you can to win your battle.
You already know that your sisters have your back and will be holding your hand every step of the way.
(((HUGZ)))
Cindy0 -
Hi Dawne ♥
I am searching for some magic words to help you, but, I don't think I have any. I certainly wish that I did. Any surgery is rough to even think about, but, surgery for bc, I think, is the toughest. I had 2 lumpectomy's this year with my 2nd bout of bc and 37 rad treatments. My Mother passed away less than a month after my first lumpectomy this year with no warning. The only way that I think that I got thru her funeral was that I was still so totally in shock that my bc had come back, a new cancer, but, it was back after 24 years. I still have not mourned her and probably won't until I can heal myself mentally and physically. Somehow I reached inside of me and knew that I wanted to live, I knew that I wanted to live a long and healthy life and I would NOT let bc take that away from me. Life is so beautiful Dawne, don't stop fighting, don't stop finding that strength inside of you to fight hard for it. I knew that I had to fight, not only for myself, but, for my husband whom I have been married to for almost 37 years and love with all of my heart. Life is such a precious gift, from the bright red cardinal sitting in the snow outside my window now to the smile on my godgrandson's face. You have too much to live for Dawne, too much. You can get thru this surgery and the recovery. When you have days where you feel weak, come on here and we will hold your hand and listen to you. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to be upset, just don't let it last long! We will be with you every step of the way supporting you! I am sending you lots of gentle hugs today!
Love, Jeanne ♥0 -
I hope and pray that youJeanne D said:Hi Dawne ♥
I am searching for some magic words to help you, but, I don't think I have any. I certainly wish that I did. Any surgery is rough to even think about, but, surgery for bc, I think, is the toughest. I had 2 lumpectomy's this year with my 2nd bout of bc and 37 rad treatments. My Mother passed away less than a month after my first lumpectomy this year with no warning. The only way that I think that I got thru her funeral was that I was still so totally in shock that my bc had come back, a new cancer, but, it was back after 24 years. I still have not mourned her and probably won't until I can heal myself mentally and physically. Somehow I reached inside of me and knew that I wanted to live, I knew that I wanted to live a long and healthy life and I would NOT let bc take that away from me. Life is so beautiful Dawne, don't stop fighting, don't stop finding that strength inside of you to fight hard for it. I knew that I had to fight, not only for myself, but, for my husband whom I have been married to for almost 37 years and love with all of my heart. Life is such a precious gift, from the bright red cardinal sitting in the snow outside my window now to the smile on my godgrandson's face. You have too much to live for Dawne, too much. You can get thru this surgery and the recovery. When you have days where you feel weak, come on here and we will hold your hand and listen to you. Allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to be upset, just don't let it last long! We will be with you every step of the way supporting you! I am sending you lots of gentle hugs today!
Love, Jeanne ♥
I hope and pray that you feel better Dawne. I know the waiting will seem unbearable, but, you can do this. You must fight the beast!0 -
My thoughts and prayers are
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Let us hold your hand as you go thru this. You are so brave to have made that call and the next few wks before the surgery will be hard. We are stronger than we think. I was first dx in 2001, lumpectomy and rads. I had several breast and endo biopsies the next few years. I had the brac1-2 testing in 2007. tested negative but with my personal and family history I could have had prophylatic bi mastectomy but after much agonizing decided not to do it at that time. recurrance in 2009 in the same breast. No choice but to have bilateral mastectomy with lattisimus flap recon. I can't change the past but of course I will always wonder if I did the right thing. This journey takes a toll on our bodies and our minds, but we must do everything we can to survive. I thank God every day for the knowledge and skill of my breast surgeon and plastic surgeon and for every day I am here to enjoy life. It is sometimes hard to put on that happy face. Take good care of yourself and avail yourself to all resources you need to get thru this. Marilyn0 -
Dawne
My heart goes out to
Dawne
My heart goes out to you. These decisions are agonizing and couple that with the loss of your mom no wonder you are feeling it right now. The waiting is so hard. Glad the surgery is not too far off. You cry, rant, vent and do whatever you need to get through this right now. You have more strength that you know and you will pull from it and get through this. You have taken that first step in deciding on your treatment plan. Just take each step one at a time. We will be here and we will guide you, pray for you, comfort you, support you and just be here for you. It's hard but you can do it.
Stef0 -
Dawne, I think you do have
Dawne, I think you do have the strength you need. All these months, with your mother failing and your own diagnosis, you have been strong and and smart, not making hasty decisions, giving yourself time to research and consider your options even while dealing with your mom's passing. Crying was what you needed and right. You have a right and a need to grieve and be angry.
For what it's worth, I do think you made a good decision. Your vital organs will not be put at risk from radiation. Your body will heal from the surgery, and you will adjust to new breasts, not God-given perhaps, but the best that contemporary plastic surgery can create. (And that can be very good indeed: my GYN spoke very enthusiastically about a local plastic surgeon--clearly, my GYN is a breast man!)
My best to you,
Moopy0 -
The loss of a motherMoopy23 said:Dawne, I think you do have
Dawne, I think you do have the strength you need. All these months, with your mother failing and your own diagnosis, you have been strong and and smart, not making hasty decisions, giving yourself time to research and consider your options even while dealing with your mom's passing. Crying was what you needed and right. You have a right and a need to grieve and be angry.
For what it's worth, I do think you made a good decision. Your vital organs will not be put at risk from radiation. Your body will heal from the surgery, and you will adjust to new breasts, not God-given perhaps, but the best that contemporary plastic surgery can create. (And that can be very good indeed: my GYN spoke very enthusiastically about a local plastic surgeon--clearly, my GYN is a breast man!)
My best to you,
Moopy
Feels unbearable and it is the hardest thing one has to go through in life I found. It felt as though I had lost my past, she was
the holder of my child hood stories, my fears and my hopes. She knew me like no one else, inside and out.
Me and my mom were very close and I didn't see her for several years before she passed. She lives overseas. So that in itself is a lot to deal with and then you have your own diagnosis to process. So think of what your mother would do for you, how would she console you, spoil you? And then do just that for yourself. In my hardest days this is what I do. This way you keep her memory alive and by taking care of yourself, you will make her very happy.
I am not a religious person but my mother was and she always said "god would never deal us more than we can handle", some
of us stronger than others and some of us are even stronger than they ever knew. Sounds to me like like you fall into the latter
category.
Chin up and full force forward! I will keep you in mind and I'll look for an update from you.
Hugs
Ayse0 -
I just want you to know thataysemari said:The loss of a mother
Feels unbearable and it is the hardest thing one has to go through in life I found. It felt as though I had lost my past, she was
the holder of my child hood stories, my fears and my hopes. She knew me like no one else, inside and out.
Me and my mom were very close and I didn't see her for several years before she passed. She lives overseas. So that in itself is a lot to deal with and then you have your own diagnosis to process. So think of what your mother would do for you, how would she console you, spoil you? And then do just that for yourself. In my hardest days this is what I do. This way you keep her memory alive and by taking care of yourself, you will make her very happy.
I am not a religious person but my mother was and she always said "god would never deal us more than we can handle", some
of us stronger than others and some of us are even stronger than they ever knew. Sounds to me like like you fall into the latter
category.
Chin up and full force forward! I will keep you in mind and I'll look for an update from you.
Hugs
Ayse
I just want you to know that you are not alone in this fight. We are here to help you in anyway that you need us. Sending you prayers.
Angie0 -
Hi DawneAngie2U said:I just want you to know that
I just want you to know that you are not alone in this fight. We are here to help you in anyway that you need us. Sending you prayers.
Angie
Your apprehension and fear is normal Dawne. And, it hasn't been long since you lost your Mom. We are here for you when you need us. Wishing you good luck with your surgery/
Kristin ♥0 -
Sending you prayers to helpcindycflynn said:Dawne
I'm sending postive thoughts and prayers your way to give you the strength to do what you know you need to do to beat this monster.
I'm sure dealing with the loss of your mother during this time of having to make such difficult decisons must be so hard, but I'm sure your mom is also with you and wanting you to do everything you can to win your battle.
You already know that your sisters have your back and will be holding your hand every step of the way.
(((HUGZ)))
Cindy
Sending you prayers to help you to find the strength mentally and physically to get you thru the fight with the beast!
Leeza0 -
It is a tough choice to make
It is a tough choice to make but you did it...I just my had my surgery and I already feel soooooo much more at peace with the choice that I have made. I am so sorry for your loss though, if I could hug you I would
It may seem to you that you do not have the strength, but believe me YOU DO. It's really amazing what you learn about yourself when you are faced with certain things. You will do great, just keep on coming back to us if you need a little extra strength. I am sending you **positive vibes**
Take Care
Mandi0 -
Moving forward!AmandaMarie29 said:It is a tough choice to make
It is a tough choice to make but you did it...I just my had my surgery and I already feel soooooo much more at peace with the choice that I have made. I am so sorry for your loss though, if I could hug you I would It may seem to you that you do not have the strength, but believe me YOU DO. It's really amazing what you learn about yourself when you are faced with certain things. You will do great, just keep on coming back to us if you need a little extra strength. I am sending you **positive vibes**
Take Care
Mandi
You made the call Dawne and you are moving forward now! Sending you hugs!
Sue 0 -
Hugs and strength
You’ve made it a long way through a cancer diagnosis; you’ve made a monumental decision; and you’ve mourned your mom – all at the same time. Yes, you have strength, but it’s OK to feel otherwise right now. Crying is cathartic, and your emotions all make complete sense. You’ll get through this, too, although it seems like too much right now. We are with you, holding your hand.
Mimi0 -
Sending you hugs!mimivac said:Hugs and strength
You’ve made it a long way through a cancer diagnosis; you’ve made a monumental decision; and you’ve mourned your mom – all at the same time. Yes, you have strength, but it’s OK to feel otherwise right now. Crying is cathartic, and your emotions all make complete sense. You’ll get through this, too, although it seems like too much right now. We are with you, holding your hand.
Mimi
Sending you hugs Dawne and prayers for your upcoming surgery. We are here to support you!
Lex♥0 -
You have already been thruAlexis F said:Sending you hugs!
Sending you hugs Dawne and prayers for your upcoming surgery. We are here to support you!
Lex♥
You have already been thru so much Dawne and I am so sorry for that. But, you must continue to keep fighting. I want to wish you good luck with your surgery and remember that we are here for you.
Megan0 -
Hey DawneMarcia527 said:Be strong. You made the
Be strong. You made the decision and that is the hardest part. So sorry for your loss. Hugs.
I agree with Marcia, you made your decision finally and now you can move on. We are all with you in this Dawne. And, I am so sorry about your Mom. Prayers coming your way!
We will be your strength when you need us to be.
Hugs, Diane ♥0 -
thank you!Megan M said:You have already been thru
You have already been thru so much Dawne and I am so sorry for that. But, you must continue to keep fighting. I want to wish you good luck with your surgery and remember that we are here for you.
Megan
thank you all for your encouragement and your support.
just wanted to update you on a change of plans.
a couple of hours after I posted this thread, the surgeon's office called me. Her assistant asked me, "Are you sure you don't want to do reconstruction?" (When I called the day before I told them that I didn't want to. I thought that I needed to get back to my normal routine of lifting weights and Pilates as soon as I could. I didn't want to wait for months to get back into it).
When she asked the question "Are you sure ..." I broke down and started crying again. She asked me if I wanted to talk to the surgeon later. I muttered 'yes' and she said that the surgeon would call me later in the day.
She did call and it was an enlightening conversation. She said she didn't want to coerce me but she wanted me to know all the facts. I won't go into it here, but it was a helpful conversation. Stuff I didn't know.
So ... all of this to say I've rescheduled the surgery and now it is going to be Feb. 24th and I will have immediate reconstruction. I never thought I'd do it, I never thought losing my breasts would be such a big deal, but it is. And while there is still sadness in my heart, I don't feel completely broken-hearted about the whole situation. There is a lightness now in my heart, where before they were was only heaviness and sadness.
Thank you all so much for walking with me through this journey. I know there are going to be ups and downs but know it helps so much to have you all here to support and encourage me.
Love you,
dh0 -
Dawn, you sound so much moreDawne.Hope said:thank you!
thank you all for your encouragement and your support.
just wanted to update you on a change of plans.
a couple of hours after I posted this thread, the surgeon's office called me. Her assistant asked me, "Are you sure you don't want to do reconstruction?" (When I called the day before I told them that I didn't want to. I thought that I needed to get back to my normal routine of lifting weights and Pilates as soon as I could. I didn't want to wait for months to get back into it).
When she asked the question "Are you sure ..." I broke down and started crying again. She asked me if I wanted to talk to the surgeon later. I muttered 'yes' and she said that the surgeon would call me later in the day.
She did call and it was an enlightening conversation. She said she didn't want to coerce me but she wanted me to know all the facts. I won't go into it here, but it was a helpful conversation. Stuff I didn't know.
So ... all of this to say I've rescheduled the surgery and now it is going to be Feb. 24th and I will have immediate reconstruction. I never thought I'd do it, I never thought losing my breasts would be such a big deal, but it is. And while there is still sadness in my heart, I don't feel completely broken-hearted about the whole situation. There is a lightness now in my heart, where before they were was only heaviness and sadness.
Thank you all so much for walking with me through this journey. I know there are going to be ups and downs but know it helps so much to have you all here to support and encourage me.
Love you,
dh
Dawn, you sound so much more upbeat and positive in this post. I'm happy that you have made a decision that is the right one for you. This is an uphill battle but we'll make it and be better people for it. We'll also be there with you through the surgery and recovery. Take care and keep us posted.0 -
Dawn. It is womansDawne.Hope said:thank you!
thank you all for your encouragement and your support.
just wanted to update you on a change of plans.
a couple of hours after I posted this thread, the surgeon's office called me. Her assistant asked me, "Are you sure you don't want to do reconstruction?" (When I called the day before I told them that I didn't want to. I thought that I needed to get back to my normal routine of lifting weights and Pilates as soon as I could. I didn't want to wait for months to get back into it).
When she asked the question "Are you sure ..." I broke down and started crying again. She asked me if I wanted to talk to the surgeon later. I muttered 'yes' and she said that the surgeon would call me later in the day.
She did call and it was an enlightening conversation. She said she didn't want to coerce me but she wanted me to know all the facts. I won't go into it here, but it was a helpful conversation. Stuff I didn't know.
So ... all of this to say I've rescheduled the surgery and now it is going to be Feb. 24th and I will have immediate reconstruction. I never thought I'd do it, I never thought losing my breasts would be such a big deal, but it is. And while there is still sadness in my heart, I don't feel completely broken-hearted about the whole situation. There is a lightness now in my heart, where before they were was only heaviness and sadness.
Thank you all so much for walking with me through this journey. I know there are going to be ups and downs but know it helps so much to have you all here to support and encourage me.
Love you,
dh
Dawn. It is womans preogative (spelling) to change our mind. I went back and forth so much. I was afraid I was driving myself and my family crazy talking about choices and my decision. Losing our breasts is a big deal and I am still struggling with the fact. I have the expanders and hope to have the exchange surgery by spring. It is weird. It is my skin that is stretching and I talk to my girls (hard rocks) all the time telling them it will be ok and we will get thru this. It is a challenge to do some yoga or pilate moves and I will be so glad when I can get back to exercising. I do try to do as much as I can and I can visualize myself doing some of the moves and that seems to help me. I am hoping that once I have my implants that I will get more comfortable with the mental aspect of this. Take care of yourself and keep up with as much exercise as you feel comfortable with before the surgery. I think it makes recovery a little easier when you go into surgery with a strong body and mind. Marilyn0
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