Solo in Tempe, AZ

aysemari

I have to start chemo in January and I am terrified. I live alone, family is overseas. I moved here
3 years ago but just worked and studied fulll time... not much time to make friends, close friends
at least.
Reading these sites, realizing what kind of side effects i could be experiencing just terrifies me.
And I am worried, that I may not be able to do this alone, but I have no choice. Is it an option to
stay for a while after the treatment to make sure all is well? This has been keeping me up at night.

Ayse

Oh yeah and Happy New year!!!

LadyParvati

They'll want you to stay awhile . . .
I may not be much help to you, as I haven't started chemo yet either--I begin on Monday Jan 4. From what I understand from the nurse who called me today, they will want you to stay awhile after treatment to ensure that you don't have any immediate or early side effects, but from what I've been reading, some of the side effects may not occur the first day.

Have you checked out the local support groups? Lots of hospitals have breast cancer or at least cancer support groups that meet monthly. You might also want to find out whether they have a "Look Good Feel Good" group meeting coming up and sign up for it--they'll provide make-up for your skin tone and teach you make-up tricks to help you look as good as possible even with hair loss. I'm signed up for one in Feb at my local hospital.

Another possible source of support is a church, but if you're not Christian, that may not be a comfortable option for you. I don't know where you're from originally or your faith background, and I don't know what other religious groups or sources of support may be available to you where you are. I hope this section of my response doesn't cause you any offense--I personally am Christian, but I have friends from many cultural and faith backgrounds, so I try to be aware of people's different preferences, and I am trying to be sensitive, not to proselytize. I've just found that my church is a huge source of support even though I had attended only off & on--off for months at a time as I focused on academics, on a bit, off again . . . yet as soon as I went in and announced I was being tested for breast cancer, they rallied behind me. If I were new in an area and didn't have many friends, church would be one of the first places I'd go to make friends. So, you can take this or leave it as suits you; I'm just offering it as a possibility.

Lots of luck, Ayse. I know you must be a brave person, because you were willing to travel across the seas to a different culture and place to study, so I know you can handle this, too, but it would certainly be easier if you could be near family! Hang in there! This group is always here for you, too.

Hugs, Sandy

outdoorgirl

Ayse
You can stay here for as long as you want!I am a 2 year survivor and I'm still here some times!Oh sorry,wasn't sure I guess what you meant..Your nurses will be watching you to make sure you're alright while going through chemo.
You can look into a couple of areas of support if you want,1 being a cancer support group that your hospital or cancer center might have,and I volunteer for this one-it's called Reach to Recovery and it's kind of a mentoring support program that the American Cancer Society has. They pair up newly diagnosed breast cancer patients with women and men who have been a survivor for at least a year and have already been through most of their treatments so they know what that person is going through.If you call your area's cancer society and look up Reach on the website here,they should be able to steer you in the right direction.And stay on here-you couldn't find a better discussion board to be on!
You are sure to meet others who are going through chemo when you are at your center.
Everyone isn't the same as far as side effects go,and your oncologist and nurses should help you if you experience problems.
We are here for you.

shortscake

kinda know
Kinda know how you feel with no family not around, my family is in the same state as me but they are also 2hrs a way and both of my parents are ill and don't drive my sister has a family of her own and a full time job, i do have a faience who is a trucker and is gone for a week sometimes 3weeks at a time. I just finish my first round of chemo(6) and is taking a week break,then i will have to go back for 6 more rounds, I am so happy that i have done so well with chemo, the only many problem is body aches and i can deal with it, family do call everyday 2to 6times a day just to check on me and i think god for that but i have to pull my sell up every morning and say ok stephanie if you don't do it wont get done, when i get tired i lay down, make sure i have a lot of water and things that i like to eat in the frez to be warmed up, don't get me wrong its hard being home by yourself but you can do it. If i can do it anyone can, I always say to my self this to shell pass. I am not working right now so when i get up is when i get up unless i have and appointment to go to.right now it may seem like something you cant do but you can.sending girl power you way.

maryannrogers

shortscake said:

kinda know
Kinda know how you feel with no family not around, my family is in the same state as me but they are also 2hrs a way and both of my parents are ill and don't drive my sister has a family of her own and a full time job, i do have a faience who is a trucker and is gone for a week sometimes 3weeks at a time. I just finish my first round of chemo(6) and is taking a week break,then i will have to go back for 6 more rounds, I am so happy that i have done so well with chemo, the only many problem is body aches and i can deal with it, family do call everyday 2to 6times a day just to check on me and i think god for that but i have to pull my sell up every morning and say ok stephanie if you don't do it wont get done, when i get tired i lay down, make sure i have a lot of water and things that i like to eat in the frez to be warmed up, don't get me wrong its hard being home by yourself but you can do it. If i can do it anyone can, I always say to my self this to shell pass. I am not working right now so when i get up is when i get up unless i have and appointment to go to.right now it may seem like something you cant do but you can.sending girl power you way.

I too am a breast cancer
I too am a breast cancer survivor. Had a modified radical mastectomy last July and am now doing well. I know how scary this is even when you have people around. I'm in Surprise, AZ. Let me know if you would just like to have someone to talk to sometime and I'll send you my phone number. Hang in there. You can do this!

natly15

all of the suggestions are
all of the suggestions are wonderful. Your cancer center should also have a social worker who can get you in contact with a lot of resources as well. you are not and will not be alone. You obviously are quite self motivated and self sufficient so start reaching out to all the suggestions and you will find the help you need. I'm currently going thru chemo. I have no family around other than my husband. He drives me to and from my chemo treatments and is good emotional support, but he cant fill all my emotional needs so I look to this website and a local support group for much of my help. You will also find that relatives although they are concerned really are not helpful unless they have been thru cancer treatment. They simply do not understand the process so I'm actully happy that my relatives live several states away. I think having them around would be very difficult for me. Get things to eat. Crackers, jello, lipton chicken noodle soup, apple sauce, drink lots of water and keep them on hand particularly after chemo treatments.

Happy New Year to You as well. Keep us posted on your progress.

crselby

ASU
Hi. My son goes to ASU and we live in Mesa, AZ. I won't have any chemo advice for you as I had only a lumpectomy and then radiation. Is your surgeon or oncologist connected with a cancer center? I hunted up my surgeon, radiation oncologist and medical oncologist by asking friends who had had breast cancer about their doctors. But my doctors are not part of a 'team' or even a 'cancer center' as some of the women here have talked about. Looking forward to reading more of your posts as you find out more information. Good luck to you.
~~Connie~~

New Flower

crselby said:

ASU
Hi. My son goes to ASU and we live in Mesa, AZ. I won't have any chemo advice for you as I had only a lumpectomy and then radiation. Is your surgeon or oncologist connected with a cancer center? I hunted up my surgeon, radiation oncologist and medical oncologist by asking friends who had had breast cancer about their doctors. But my doctors are not part of a 'team' or even a 'cancer center' as some of the women here have talked about. Looking forward to reading more of your posts as you find out more information. Good luck to you.
~~Connie~~

clinical social worker
hi and welcome. Ask you oncologist about clinical social worker, They usually work with oncologist office and always can be found in big hospitals. Reach out for help. Many breast centers have support groups. Also you can try Wellness community in your area http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/
You can find emotional support here 24/7 at this board. I would ask your family member or friend to come for one week for your first Chemo treatment.
Good luck

prv

New Flower said:

clinical social worker
hi and welcome. Ask you oncologist about clinical social worker, They usually work with oncologist office and always can be found in big hospitals. Reach out for help. Many breast centers have support groups. Also you can try Wellness community in your area http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/
You can find emotional support here 24/7 at this board. I would ask your family member or friend to come for one week for your first Chemo treatment.
Good luck

solo too
Hi and welcome!

I am a single mom to a 7 yr old adopted little girl from Ethiopia(she already lost both parents)and I am pretty much doing this without family. My brother who lives an hour away took my girl when I had surgery and later during chemo when I had to be hospitalized for four days. He is the only one in my family who knows about me and he hasn't called once during my treatments to see how I am - not a talker! He and his wife will take my daughter in an emergency however for which I am truely grateful. My friend came for my A/C treatments every other week for four doses but I went alone every week for 12 weeks of taxol. I am working full time and took 1/2 day off (vaction time) for the taxol. The chemo nurses were wonderful and I have a great babysitter. Some people at work get annoyed when I am tired or not feeling well (still have GI upset) and ask for help - like today. I don't think they understand how hard this has been. I am going to start radiation Jan 6 every day for six weeks. It has not been easy but it truely is do-able. You will find help through the hospital social workers, churches and counselers. And my friends have been great. God bless you and stay strong. Oh yea - The gals on this site have been wonderful too.
Best wishes!

aysemari

shortscake said:

kinda know
Kinda know how you feel with no family not around, my family is in the same state as me but they are also 2hrs a way and both of my parents are ill and don't drive my sister has a family of her own and a full time job, i do have a faience who is a trucker and is gone for a week sometimes 3weeks at a time. I just finish my first round of chemo(6) and is taking a week break,then i will have to go back for 6 more rounds, I am so happy that i have done so well with chemo, the only many problem is body aches and i can deal with it, family do call everyday 2to 6times a day just to check on me and i think god for that but i have to pull my sell up every morning and say ok stephanie if you don't do it wont get done, when i get tired i lay down, make sure i have a lot of water and things that i like to eat in the frez to be warmed up, don't get me wrong its hard being home by yourself but you can do it. If i can do it anyone can, I always say to my self this to shell pass. I am not working right now so when i get up is when i get up unless i have and appointment to go to.right now it may seem like something you cant do but you can.sending girl power you way.

Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your honesty and the girl power, you sent my way. What we need is a chemo house. Something
along the lines of a spa where you can relax after chemo. I can dream.. hahha
You are so brave, I hope I will be when my time comes.

aysemari

prv said:

solo too
Hi and welcome!

I am a single mom to a 7 yr old adopted little girl from Ethiopia(she already lost both parents)and I am pretty much doing this without family. My brother who lives an hour away took my girl when I had surgery and later during chemo when I had to be hospitalized for four days. He is the only one in my family who knows about me and he hasn't called once during my treatments to see how I am - not a talker! He and his wife will take my daughter in an emergency however for which I am truely grateful. My friend came for my A/C treatments every other week for four doses but I went alone every week for 12 weeks of taxol. I am working full time and took 1/2 day off (vaction time) for the taxol. The chemo nurses were wonderful and I have a great babysitter. Some people at work get annoyed when I am tired or not feeling well (still have GI upset) and ask for help - like today. I don't think they understand how hard this has been. I am going to start radiation Jan 6 every day for six weeks. It has not been easy but it truely is do-able. You will find help through the hospital social workers, churches and counselers. And my friends have been great. God bless you and stay strong. Oh yea - The gals on this site have been wonderful too.
Best wishes!

I am really amazed by the
I am really amazed by the strength the women on this site expose, you are one of them. I wish you all the best and hope that you
and your lovely daughter will be reunited soon.

aysemari

LadyParvati said:

They'll want you to stay awhile . . .
I may not be much help to you, as I haven't started chemo yet either--I begin on Monday Jan 4. From what I understand from the nurse who called me today, they will want you to stay awhile after treatment to ensure that you don't have any immediate or early side effects, but from what I've been reading, some of the side effects may not occur the first day.

Have you checked out the local support groups? Lots of hospitals have breast cancer or at least cancer support groups that meet monthly. You might also want to find out whether they have a "Look Good Feel Good" group meeting coming up and sign up for it--they'll provide make-up for your skin tone and teach you make-up tricks to help you look as good as possible even with hair loss. I'm signed up for one in Feb at my local hospital.

Another possible source of support is a church, but if you're not Christian, that may not be a comfortable option for you. I don't know where you're from originally or your faith background, and I don't know what other religious groups or sources of support may be available to you where you are. I hope this section of my response doesn't cause you any offense--I personally am Christian, but I have friends from many cultural and faith backgrounds, so I try to be aware of people's different preferences, and I am trying to be sensitive, not to proselytize. I've just found that my church is a huge source of support even though I had attended only off & on--off for months at a time as I focused on academics, on a bit, off again . . . yet as soon as I went in and announced I was being tested for breast cancer, they rallied behind me. If I were new in an area and didn't have many friends, church would be one of the first places I'd go to make friends. So, you can take this or leave it as suits you; I'm just offering it as a possibility.

Lots of luck, Ayse. I know you must be a brave person, because you were willing to travel across the seas to a different culture and place to study, so I know you can handle this, too, but it would certainly be easier if you could be near family! Hang in there! This group is always here for you, too.

Hugs, Sandy

Sandy,
thank you so much
Sandy,

thank you so much for all your wonderful advice. It is so hard to do this on my own. I have never felt this lonely before.
And sometimes it seems like asking a stranger for help just amplifies that feeling. but this site has been an exception
the women here make feel welcome and understood.

Ayse

aysemari

maryannrogers said:

I too am a breast cancer
I too am a breast cancer survivor. Had a modified radical mastectomy last July and am now doing well. I know how scary this is even when you have people around. I'm in Surprise, AZ. Let me know if you would just like to have someone to talk to sometime and I'll send you my phone number. Hang in there. You can do this!

Hi.. talking is all I want
Hi.. talking is all I want to do these days it seems... sleeping not so much.

Thanks,

Ayse

Christmas Girl

Welcome, Ayse
Much good tips and advice has already been provided here...

One more thing I can add that might ease your concerns - most likely, you'll be provided with a 24-hour emergency telephone number for a doctor/nurse you can call at any time if something happens that really scares you. Of course, I will hope you never have to use that number. When I underwent chemo - it was a comfort to know it was there if I needed it.

The chemo nurses will watch you closely - and provide comprehensive info as to what you might expect and how best to take care and look after yourself.

And, of course, we'll be here with you, too. Every step of the way. This board is open 24/7, each and every day of the year - no holidays. There's almost always someone here, too.

Chemo can be frightening. Yet, it's doable. Many of us here have been through it already - and many are currently in treatment, as you soon will be.

Best wishes to you.

Kind regards,
Susan

dmc_emmy

Christmas Girl said:

Welcome, Ayse
Much good tips and advice has already been provided here...

One more thing I can add that might ease your concerns - most likely, you'll be provided with a 24-hour emergency telephone number for a doctor/nurse you can call at any time if something happens that really scares you. Of course, I will hope you never have to use that number. When I underwent chemo - it was a comfort to know it was there if I needed it.

The chemo nurses will watch you closely - and provide comprehensive info as to what you might expect and how best to take care and look after yourself.

And, of course, we'll be here with you, too. Every step of the way. This board is open 24/7, each and every day of the year - no holidays. There's almost always someone here, too.

Chemo can be frightening. Yet, it's doable. Many of us here have been through it already - and many are currently in treatment, as you soon will be.

Best wishes to you.

Kind regards,
Susan

Ayse--the ladies here have given you much good advice
and I concur with all that they have told you.

I have but one more suggestion, depending on how extensive your local ACS network is, you may be able to get a driver to take you to and from chemo. This service was one that was offered by my local ACS office, but I had already set-up transportation for most of my visits. The one time that I did not have a driver, the oncology nurses did not allow me to drive home until they were certain that I was okay.

I did arrange for a driver who transported several others to and from radiation, and it was a comfort to know that I did not have to do this alone (my husband is blind and could not go with me). There were often times that I was too tired to make the 25-minute drive and I probably wouldn't have gone if someone didn't come to the house to pick me up.

This is a difficult, and times may be a seemingly impossible, time to be alone. What I found is that I was never alone once I found this site. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that someone here will be here for you 24/7.

dmc

chenheart

dmc_emmy said:

Ayse--the ladies here have given you much good advice
and I concur with all that they have told you.

I have but one more suggestion, depending on how extensive your local ACS network is, you may be able to get a driver to take you to and from chemo. This service was one that was offered by my local ACS office, but I had already set-up transportation for most of my visits. The one time that I did not have a driver, the oncology nurses did not allow me to drive home until they were certain that I was okay.

I did arrange for a driver who transported several others to and from radiation, and it was a comfort to know that I did not have to do this alone (my husband is blind and could not go with me). There were often times that I was too tired to make the 25-minute drive and I probably wouldn't have gone if someone didn't come to the house to pick me up.

This is a difficult, and times may be a seemingly impossible, time to be alone. What I found is that I was never alone once I found this site. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that someone here will be here for you 24/7.

dmc

Ayse~I second all of the
Ayse~
I second all of the great advice given you by your fellow Sisters here on the boards. I too was going to mention the ACS "Road To Recovery" program to help you get to your treatment. Though I did not need it for chemo which was every 3 weeks, I used it exclusively during radiation which was 5 days a week for 6 weeks. I lived about an hour from the treatment center, and was also working as a caregiver for a pre-alzheimer's patient. I arranged to stay at her house ( which was only 15 minutes from the cancer center) during radiation. I scheduled my rads for early in the AM, they take only a few minutes to do, and I was back at my home/workplace by 10AM.

As women, we know that we generally give the help, and it is oftentimes hard for us to ask for any! Word to the wise: this is NOT the time to tough it out! If you heard of someone in need and you were asked to volunteer to give a ride, or a meal, or to pick up their mail, etc, how would you respond? It is time to put the shoe on the proverbial other foot and take any and all help offered and available to you! Giving of time and human kindness is sometimes all we are able to give one another! It is a true gift from one ♥ to another.


I am glad you found your way to these boards; you have already seen how empathetic and information-laden we are! We have walked your road, and though we are saddened you are making this journey at all, you will find the Kindred Spirits here to be invaluable.

Happy New Year!

Hugs,
Chen♥

Kathy09

Solo
I don't know if this will help or if you would have any interest. If I lived near you I could call or drop in on one of those chemo days. You could post on the site or acs to check. You just have to make sure you eat something on the chemo. It is rough if you are alone stock up on ensure drink, to get you thru the couple of ill days from chemo. Set your mind to it. you will get thru this alone or not!!

aysemari

dmc_emmy said:

Ayse--the ladies here have given you much good advice
and I concur with all that they have told you.

I have but one more suggestion, depending on how extensive your local ACS network is, you may be able to get a driver to take you to and from chemo. This service was one that was offered by my local ACS office, but I had already set-up transportation for most of my visits. The one time that I did not have a driver, the oncology nurses did not allow me to drive home until they were certain that I was okay.

I did arrange for a driver who transported several others to and from radiation, and it was a comfort to know that I did not have to do this alone (my husband is blind and could not go with me). There were often times that I was too tired to make the 25-minute drive and I probably wouldn't have gone if someone didn't come to the house to pick me up.

This is a difficult, and times may be a seemingly impossible, time to be alone. What I found is that I was never alone once I found this site. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that someone here will be here for you 24/7.

dmc

I feel embarassed
to be so alone. Like my hospital visit.. everyone is there with their family, chatting away
and then there's me all alone. I know I have family, it sucks that they can't come for
financial reasons and they have small children and jobs, but at times I can't help but
feel like no one wants me. None of my good friends live nearby. I just think, where
did I go wrong, why am so alone, what is wrong with me. Why don't I have a family of my own?
These are not easy things to confess but it's really getting to me. Then I wonder who
will want me now?
I feel like that beggar on the street that everybody tries hard not to see, telling people that
don't know me very well about my situation. So I don't talk to anyone anymore and just hold
everything in, sadly I don't think anyone cares.The irony of it all is, that I just had come to the
decision to take a break from school and start building myself a wider social circle.

New Flower

aysemari said:

I feel embarassed
to be so alone. Like my hospital visit.. everyone is there with their family, chatting away
and then there's me all alone. I know I have family, it sucks that they can't come for
financial reasons and they have small children and jobs, but at times I can't help but
feel like no one wants me. None of my good friends live nearby. I just think, where
did I go wrong, why am so alone, what is wrong with me. Why don't I have a family of my own?
These are not easy things to confess but it's really getting to me. Then I wonder who
will want me now?
I feel like that beggar on the street that everybody tries hard not to see, telling people that
don't know me very well about my situation. So I don't talk to anyone anymore and just hold
everything in, sadly I don't think anyone cares.The irony of it all is, that I just had come to the
decision to take a break from school and start building myself a wider social circle.

I am sure
you have not done anything wrong, You are independent well-educated woman. It is a rough road, but you will find friendship and understanding. Please try to use most of resources and references which you have gotten. I am sure there is new friend or member of support group who has been waiting for you. Reach out, there are good compassion people everywhere, please just try.
I do not live in Arizona, but I am not working and can call you at any time. Write me a personal message and or give your personal e-mail. Remember you are not alone
I went to many appointment alone, never asked my husband or friend to go with me. My husband and my friends worked and I thought I could handle doctors myself. You do need someone to drive you to Chemo and help around the house. Ask your insurance if you are eligible for a visiting nurse.

Lynda53

a-Sorry you are going through this.
You have come to a great site for all types of support. I suggest someone go with you, wherever you may find them. Call ACS support and ask for help. or your onco or a local group, telephone Pioneers (it may say verizon pioneers)are in your area (google is you friend) even senior centers has volunteerss and some may be survivors. any church
Drink plenty of hydrating liquids for your chemo, it makes it a lot easier.(at least 64oz)
Wish I were closer, send an email if you like or we can phone talk
After all weekends are free! I am much older,on the east coast, but I do have an inkling what you are about to go through!
Peace

sweetvickid

aysemari said:

I feel embarassed
to be so alone. Like my hospital visit.. everyone is there with their family, chatting away
and then there's me all alone. I know I have family, it sucks that they can't come for
financial reasons and they have small children and jobs, but at times I can't help but
feel like no one wants me. None of my good friends live nearby. I just think, where
did I go wrong, why am so alone, what is wrong with me. Why don't I have a family of my own?
These are not easy things to confess but it's really getting to me. Then I wonder who
will want me now?
I feel like that beggar on the street that everybody tries hard not to see, telling people that
don't know me very well about my situation. So I don't talk to anyone anymore and just hold
everything in, sadly I don't think anyone cares.The irony of it all is, that I just had come to the
decision to take a break from school and start building myself a wider social circle.

don't be embarrased
I send my husband off to do errands. He doesn't do sitting around well and would just make me nervous. Plus he just doesn't handle needles and such very well. I have had a lot of friends and family offer to come sit with me. But...I prefer to be alone. I either sleep or if there is someone interesting to talk with I visit with the other patients. This is a journey that we take alone. It doesn't matter how much family and friends we have.

Do talk with your local Amercian Cancer Society they can be a big help.