New here and worried.

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GrandmaJ
GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have been reading everyone's emails since November, but have never introduced myself. I really wish I would have found this site sooner. I am 63 years old and was diagnosed with bc in July of 2009, had 5 treatments of chemotherapy,a lumpectomy in Dec. and next is radiation. I, like Megan, have found myself dwelling on this thing more than ever now. I feel because there were three positive lymph nodes that I will not recover from this, even though PET scan was negative and the chemo shrunk the tumor down to 1.3 cm with clear margins. Anyone else have positive lymph nodes ?

Judy

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  • Kathy09
    Kathy09 Member Posts: 99
    #2
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    Don't dwell
    I too have kinda the same situation as you with the lymph nodes. Can't dwell on it. It is what it is, we have no guarantees on any of this. Just enjoy everyday for what it is, and deal with the "bridges" as you cross them. Hopefully we can be like some and never deal with this again......................
  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    #3
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    Judy
    Welcome to the club nobody wants to belong to.

    Although my lymph nodes were negative, I am going though chemo because my Oncotype score came back higher than I'd hoped for.

    I know what we'd all like to hear is that once we go through our treatments, whatever they are, that we will be guaranteed to be done with this once and for all, but nobody gets that lucky. We all have to live with the possibility of recurrence, even if it's a small chance.

    One of the things I've been encouraged by has been all of the positive stories from ladies here and other places I've met of long term survival. With all of the advances that have been made in breast cancer treatment all of us have a better chance than ever of not just survival, but full and joyful lives.

    You have a lot of things going for you, not the least of which is having found this place as a resource.

    You can do this, and we've got your back all the way!

    Take care,
    Cindy
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #4
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    Yes to Lymph Nodes
    Welcome to this site. There are many extrodinary women and men on this site who are here to guide you through your difficult journey. My lymph nodes were positive. They removed them all on the right side. It is painful and uncomfortable but you will get through it. Try not to dwell on all the bad too much and try to enjoy some of the beautiful people and moments around you.

    P
  • Mama G
    Mama G Member Posts: 762
    #5
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    aztec45 said:

    Yes to Lymph Nodes
    Welcome to this site. There are many extrodinary women and men on this site who are here to guide you through your difficult journey. My lymph nodes were positive. They removed them all on the right side. It is painful and uncomfortable but you will get through it. Try not to dwell on all the bad too much and try to enjoy some of the beautiful people and moments around you.

    P

    I had 8 lymph nodes come back positve
    So you can imagine my fear. All I can say is take it one step at a time and do whatever the doctors say can work the best. I have kept a positive attitude as much as possible and hope and pray more advances are made in the next few years that will help all of us in this horrific battle for our lives.
    When the doctor put all my stats into the computer she told me that I had a 33% chance of being alive in 10 years WITHOUT chemo, and a 66% WITH chemo. So that was an easy choice.
    However, after getting a second opinion I was told by that onc. that the 66% chance can be enhanced by living your life in a very healthy way. VEGES, VEGES and more VEGES... also EXERCISE! So once I get done with my chemo/radiation I'm hitting it big time. I want to be in that 66% more than anything on this earth! I'm still NOT a grandma!! I want to live to see my 4 kids grow up, get married and have kids!
    I PRAY daily for a cure.
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #6
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    GrandmaJ.......
    I'm very happy that you found us, and have introduced yourself.

    Now then...yes, to positive lymph nodes. And yes, to dwelling on and feeling that I would never recover from this. That I would succumb and the bc would win out in the end.

    You are, at this point, still in "active treatment", so you will surely dwell on the fact that you have bc. For me, that was just part and parcel.
    I could forget for very short periods of time, but then I would remember that I had bc and the realization would literally knock the wind out of me. On more than one occasion, I wanted to simply drop to the floor and scream. But of course, I didn't.

    Once I had made it through surgery, chemo, rads and a year of Herceptin, which I finished this past October, I began to think of myself as a survivor, instead of a victim. I knew that I had fought the bc with everything that I could and so, if it recurred, I would fight again. I would much rather fight than lie down and take it. And so, with that mindset, I decided that no, the cancer would not win in the end. At least not without me fighting with my entire being to rid myself of it and to stay cancer-free.

    You simply can't let it have so much of you. You can't let it take the happiness and the joy of living from you, replacing it with sadness and resignation that it is something you cannot beat. By doing that, you are cheating yourself out of living.
    Change your mindset to "I am going to live each day", rather than waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Because the truth is...you don't know, and I don't know, I daresay that nobody on this good earth knows what your fate will be in the end. Or mine. or anyone's.

    Big hugs for you....from one grandma to another.

    CR
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #7
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    CR1954 said:

    GrandmaJ.......
    I'm very happy that you found us, and have introduced yourself.

    Now then...yes, to positive lymph nodes. And yes, to dwelling on and feeling that I would never recover from this. That I would succumb and the bc would win out in the end.

    You are, at this point, still in "active treatment", so you will surely dwell on the fact that you have bc. For me, that was just part and parcel.
    I could forget for very short periods of time, but then I would remember that I had bc and the realization would literally knock the wind out of me. On more than one occasion, I wanted to simply drop to the floor and scream. But of course, I didn't.

    Once I had made it through surgery, chemo, rads and a year of Herceptin, which I finished this past October, I began to think of myself as a survivor, instead of a victim. I knew that I had fought the bc with everything that I could and so, if it recurred, I would fight again. I would much rather fight than lie down and take it. And so, with that mindset, I decided that no, the cancer would not win in the end. At least not without me fighting with my entire being to rid myself of it and to stay cancer-free.

    You simply can't let it have so much of you. You can't let it take the happiness and the joy of living from you, replacing it with sadness and resignation that it is something you cannot beat. By doing that, you are cheating yourself out of living.
    Change your mindset to "I am going to live each day", rather than waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Because the truth is...you don't know, and I don't know, I daresay that nobody on this good earth knows what your fate will be in the end. Or mine. or anyone's.

    Big hugs for you....from one grandma to another.

    CR

    Welcome grandma
    Yes to the nodes being positive. Yes this scares me to. I try not to think about it, but it is hard not to when your still going though the treatments. I think CR said it all. Just have to stay positive and not let the cancer rule your life. We are here for you.
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #8
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    Kat11 said:

    Welcome grandma
    Yes to the nodes being positive. Yes this scares me to. I try not to think about it, but it is hard not to when your still going though the treatments. I think CR said it all. Just have to stay positive and not let the cancer rule your life. We are here for you.

    New here and worried
    Thanks to all for your replies. I do try to stay positive, but as you all know, there are times when it just gets to you. I've finished chemo, had the surgery, my hair is growing back, so I feel I've come through the hardest part. I have a lot to be thankful for, a supportive husband, children, and famiy and a beautiful 22 month old granddaughter. I will continue to enjoy reading all the positive emails.

    By the way for anyone who signed up for Cleaning for a Reason....I had my first housecleaning last week. I've never had anyone clean my house before. It was so helpful to me and I thank the ACS for coming up with this program.

    Judy
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #9
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    GrandmaJ said:

    New here and worried
    Thanks to all for your replies. I do try to stay positive, but as you all know, there are times when it just gets to you. I've finished chemo, had the surgery, my hair is growing back, so I feel I've come through the hardest part. I have a lot to be thankful for, a supportive husband, children, and famiy and a beautiful 22 month old granddaughter. I will continue to enjoy reading all the positive emails.

    By the way for anyone who signed up for Cleaning for a Reason....I had my first housecleaning last week. I've never had anyone clean my house before. It was so helpful to me and I thank the ACS for coming up with this program.

    Judy

    Welcome, Judy
    Cindy (CR) has already responded with an eloquent and wise post - which I hope was helpful for you. She has already written about many of the same things I might have...

    So, I will add here: for me, 7 of 15 lymph nodes removed (from both my breast and underarm) were positive. Almost half of them. Yes, those results were horrendously frighening. Please know that my surgery occurred 6+ years ago - and that my med onc assures me that "we will grow old together"...

    With my best wishes to you for good health, and
    Kind regards,
    Susan
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #10
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    Christmas Girl said:

    Welcome, Judy
    Cindy (CR) has already responded with an eloquent and wise post - which I hope was helpful for you. She has already written about many of the same things I might have...

    So, I will add here: for me, 7 of 15 lymph nodes removed (from both my breast and underarm) were positive. Almost half of them. Yes, those results were horrendously frighening. Please know that my surgery occurred 6+ years ago - and that my med onc assures me that "we will grow old together"...

    With my best wishes to you for good health, and
    Kind regards,
    Susan

    It is hard not to dwell on
    It is hard not to dwell on it. It caught me so much by surprise that it is so scary. I hope that we can work thru this Judy and not be so afraid. Let's try.

    Megan
  • CR1954
    CR1954 Member Posts: 1,390 Member
    #11
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    Grandma...
    Man oh man, I am in no way suggesting that you or anyone else try & forget that they have breast cancer and that we are all in a battle for our lives, every single day.
    God knows, every morning when I strap on that seemingly 50 pound fake boob, cussing the whole time, there is no way to ever forget.
    What I am trying to say, and maybe don't know just how to do it, is don't let the breast cancer define who you are. Don't let it be the first or second thing at the top of your "this is the person I am" list.
    Long before you ever developed bc, I'm guessing you were a caring and ompassionate woman. A waaaay cooool grandma too! When people meet you for the first time, are they seeing a strong, caring person first and formost, or are they seeing a sad, scared cancer victim? I'm guessing that they are seeing the "you" before cancer.
    I'm just saying that you are the same person you always were, only you happen to be battling a horrible disease too.
    Just don't give the cancer top billing. Because you were you for a very long time before you developed cancer.

    And yes, you have come a very long way and made it through so much! And I'm pretty sure that you could do whatever was required of you to beat back the beast and live your life.

    Hugs,

    CR
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #12
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    CR1954 said:

    Grandma...
    Man oh man, I am in no way suggesting that you or anyone else try & forget that they have breast cancer and that we are all in a battle for our lives, every single day.
    God knows, every morning when I strap on that seemingly 50 pound fake boob, cussing the whole time, there is no way to ever forget.
    What I am trying to say, and maybe don't know just how to do it, is don't let the breast cancer define who you are. Don't let it be the first or second thing at the top of your "this is the person I am" list.
    Long before you ever developed bc, I'm guessing you were a caring and ompassionate woman. A waaaay cooool grandma too! When people meet you for the first time, are they seeing a strong, caring person first and formost, or are they seeing a sad, scared cancer victim? I'm guessing that they are seeing the "you" before cancer.
    I'm just saying that you are the same person you always were, only you happen to be battling a horrible disease too.
    Just don't give the cancer top billing. Because you were you for a very long time before you developed cancer.

    And yes, you have come a very long way and made it through so much! And I'm pretty sure that you could do whatever was required of you to beat back the beast and live your life.

    Hugs,

    CR

    CR - THANK YOU....Yes, I
    CR - THANK YOU....Yes, I have always been the "strong"one...The one that my 85 year old mother and the rest of the family depends on . And it has always been important to me not to "look like I had cancer", even through the chemo.

    I am determined to beat this thing and watch my grand-daughter grow up. But sometimes I feel defeated and I thank this group for helping me through that time.

    Judy
  • GrandmaJ
    GrandmaJ Member Posts: 209
    #13
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    Christmas Girl said:

    Welcome, Judy
    Cindy (CR) has already responded with an eloquent and wise post - which I hope was helpful for you. She has already written about many of the same things I might have...

    So, I will add here: for me, 7 of 15 lymph nodes removed (from both my breast and underarm) were positive. Almost half of them. Yes, those results were horrendously frighening. Please know that my surgery occurred 6+ years ago - and that my med onc assures me that "we will grow old together"...

    With my best wishes to you for good health, and
    Kind regards,
    Susan

    SUSAN -- thanks so much for
    SUSAN -- thanks so much for the positive feedback. It really helped.

    Judy
  • Kristin N
    Kristin N Member Posts: 1,968 Member
    #14
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    GrandmaJ said:

    CR - THANK YOU....Yes, I
    CR - THANK YOU....Yes, I have always been the "strong"one...The one that my 85 year old mother and the rest of the family depends on . And it has always been important to me not to "look like I had cancer", even through the chemo.

    I am determined to beat this thing and watch my grand-daughter grow up. But sometimes I feel defeated and I thank this group for helping me through that time.

    Judy

    Judy
    Judy, you will BEAT this. Don't ever doubt that! We will offer you support and encourage you. Come here when you need to vent. Someone is always on.

    Kristin ♥

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