marriage

daydreamer110761

Sundanceh said:

All of Us Hurt for You Right Now...
Hi

Your post is very sobering and I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this in the middle of your cancer battle - it's very upsetting to see your husband treating you like that and saying those type of things you mentioned - I mean if he can't help you, at least don't hurt you, right?

My opinion is that, as you stated above, you are more thank likely "afraid" that you will be left alone with a serious cancer situation and have no one - I can understand that completely. However, the only problem is that "he is not with you anyway" as he is out to all hours of the night till the wee hours - and this has been going on for years.

Combined with the fact, that when you are with him, he abused you verbally and wishes you would "just die." That's just awful - that's not companionship - that's not a partner - and not even a roommate.

Most marriages have difficult times even without Cancer, but when we have Cancer, just about every relationship (if we're telling the truth) has had some issue or a turning point during the battle - afterall it is a very stressful time for both parties.

But in your case, your husband has already "left you" in a certain sense - he should be careful or he'll end up with cancer in the liver with so much drinking.

I hope and wish that one way or the other, this situation resolves itself, perhaps with intervention, or you can find a way to start fresh on your own - you certainly sound like a very nice woman - and you've done nothing to deserve it - if I did this to my wife, I would not have to worry about dying from Cancer, my wife would be all over me as most men or women would be doing.

And it's possible if he's out till all hours every night of the week for years, there could be another party that's he's spending time with - he's definitely running away from your situation at a time when you need someone to share what you're going through.

I join the many here who want only the best for you - I want to thank you for your incredible courage and openness in discussing your situation - you are obviously very strong, and very patient - good things will come to those who wait.

-Craig

colleen
again, all i can say is get out. pm me. he will not help you. you need to think about you and healing you. I know you have a supportive and great family. i am near by. my ex would have been awful if i were with him, and was awful even tho i wasn't. get out. take care of you. i don't know about medications and therapy. I am just me. what he said is unforgivable.

geotina

confused1 said:

Marriage
I am on what I call Happy pills. I may need to have the milagrams upped. Beacause I think they are only 20 milagrams. And I no I need to go to church and get some spiritual thing's in my life. Everyone pray's for me except me. I feel like a hipocrete(sp) because it seems like the only time that I talk to him is when I am in trouble. Thanks again for your input. LOVE COLLEEN

Wow
Dear Colleen - I don't have much to offer that others have not said. I know you are afraid to be alone in this battle but if you think deeply, you are already alone in this battle. Whether you ask you husband to leave or not is your decision, but if you do decide to ask him to leave, at least you and your daughter will have peace in your life and not have to hear such horrible words. You are a victim of spousal abuse, words can cut deeper that physical abuse. There is help out there for abuse victims and much support so I urge you to seek out this help. Take care of yourself and your daughter first as she also hears these word. Tina

confused1

geotina said:

Wow
Dear Colleen - I don't have much to offer that others have not said. I know you are afraid to be alone in this battle but if you think deeply, you are already alone in this battle. Whether you ask you husband to leave or not is your decision, but if you do decide to ask him to leave, at least you and your daughter will have peace in your life and not have to hear such horrible words. You are a victim of spousal abuse, words can cut deeper that physical abuse. There is help out there for abuse victims and much support so I urge you to seek out this help. Take care of yourself and your daughter first as she also hears these word. Tina

Devorce
He has been out of the house since August. I had him arrested when he retrained me and left finger prints bruises on my arm's. And we were fighting to much. It is just tough what he say's to me and does to me. I have filed for a devorce. I think he was been prokoing me so I would do that because if he would of he would have to explain why he would family why would he devorce his cancer filled wife. Thanks again for everyone's input. Hug's Colleen

grammadebbie

Praying
Dear Colleen,

We havn't heard from you for awhile. I hope and pray everything is ok with you. I know you are going thru alot but now that you're in this "family" we are going to be checking up on you. I hope you were not overwhelmed by all the responses to your original post. We are very protective and concerned for each other. As you know.....we all have opinions, but mostly a mutual respect and tender heart for each other. Please let us know how you are doing.

God Bless You,

Debbie (gramma)

Annabelle41415

It is Hard
I'm so sorry that you are having trouble. Having cancer can be so difficult in a perfectly good situation and emotions run high on both parts. It sounds like your husband has a lot of anger and I can't imagine being in that situation. I think you need to think about you right now and be concerned and concentrated on yourself. Maybe talk to your husband openly and see if you can try and work things out, or see if he can help you financially being a part for awhile. I hope that things work out for the best for you. I hate to see struggle between couples especially when cancer is involved. No one deserves this.

Kim

Julie 44

Annabelle41415 said:

It is Hard
I'm so sorry that you are having trouble. Having cancer can be so difficult in a perfectly good situation and emotions run high on both parts. It sounds like your husband has a lot of anger and I can't imagine being in that situation. I think you need to think about you right now and be concerned and concentrated on yourself. Maybe talk to your husband openly and see if you can try and work things out, or see if he can help you financially being a part for awhile. I hope that things work out for the best for you. I hate to see struggle between couples especially when cancer is involved. No one deserves this.

Kim

Been There
Hey Colleen,
I think you are talking about my past life...I was in the same boat except without the cancer at that point....Do yourself the biggest favor ever go to ALANON!!!!!! I went and it changed my life...I did it for me not him...I needed peace of mind and I found it there...I have learned sooo much from there..I don't need him to live my life.You are alot stronger than you think you are and ALANON will prove that to you...It also showed me that I am not responsible for anyones actions or words other than my own..It also showed me to live my life for my daughter and myself...I was able to go on with life with joy and hope..I no longer cried myself to sleep and had headaches all the time...
Now fast forward to present I carry alot of what I learned at ALANON to my present life and dealing with cancer and people..After my hubby being sober for 8 years the cancer has brang on the drinking again so I hate cancer for more that one reason..If you wish to PM me please do so..I will gladly talk to you more about this...(ALANON also has babysitting while you have your meetings.. ) Take care of yourself and do what you have to for your daughter and yourself..If he chooses to partcipate good if not his loss and just carry on.....Good Luck and be strong...JULIE