How do you know when it is time to stop treatment?

chiefskid

My dad is 72 and has been battling colon cancer for 3 years, mets to the liver and now the lungs. He was doing great until he had a stroke May 19th. The stroke didn't paralyze him so we thought he dodged a bullet but in fact, it was the game changer. He never regained his strength and his cancer moved to his lungs. Cure is not longer an option. He started back on chemo in October and although the doctor says it is working, my dad is not getting better. He fell a couple of weeks ago and tore his miniscus and hurt his back. He has frequent diareah and is losing weight. My Mom is taking excellent care of him but it is getting to be a lot for her. She was supposed to have her knee replaced June 3rd but she had to cancel when Dad had his stroke. She is not a big person and my Dad is 6 feet tall so he is tough to move around. I get over to help when I can but the things she does for him are things I can't do, like toileting, bathing etc. We see the oncologist tomorrow and I guess we will find out what to do from here. I know it is up to my Dad to decide when he wants to stop treatment and then we call hospice. Is that correct? Our prayers use to be for cure, now we pray for mercy. This hurts so much. How do you cope?

Barbara53

if not hospice then home health
Changing from cure to care usually means hospice, which is great. Hospice is ordered by the doctor, and then you call the agency of your choice. Short of hospice, the doctor may be able to order home health services. Your mother has borne such a heavy burden, she is due for some relief. Taking care of a large man is more than an older woman with a bum knee can handle.

Sometimes I think the oncologists appreciate knowing where the family stands on these delicate decisions. Perhaps having a word with his/her nurse before the doctor interview could help.

grandmafay

Decisions
I cared for my husband with colon cancer for 6 years. It's the toughest job I ever had. He passed away in Oct. of this year. At the end, the oncologist told us that the chemo was just making my husband sick and not being effective. He had exhausted all possible treatments. We asked him to refer us to hospice. The oncologist did not offer this information easily. I think he was kind of feeling us out. I asked him to be brutally honest with us as to where we stood. Sometimes I think drs. hesitate to give bad news when they aren't sure the family is ready for it. I think you need to have a conversation with your dad first. What is he thinking? My husband wanted me to ask the hard questions and take the lead in the conversation. He knew that the final decision was his, but he didn't feel that he could ask the questions. Ask for test results. What's your dad's cea? Is it improving? What results is the dr. looking for? What is his prognosis? The answers to those questions will help your dad decide if he is concerned about quality or quanity of life. Whatever the answers, get help for your mom. Ask the dr. to recommend home health care whether it is through hospice or some other agency. If you can, spend a night now and then to give your mom rest. I wish you all peace. Fay

geotina

Stopping treatment
I am sorry I am late in responding, I just saw the post. When my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer this past March, we had our surgery, chemo, everything and I told him, and said it only once, through this journey when you say to me I have had enough, no matter what anyone says, I will respect your wishes. We never discussed it again. It is up to your dad, if he says I have had enough, respect his wishes, if he says I want to continue the fight, respect that also. Take care, I will be thinking of you - Tina