Time To Retire...

tommaseena
tommaseena Member Posts: 1,769
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Time To Retire...

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park three blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open the oven door.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


You can live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there, rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The four seasons are: fire, flood, mud, and drought.


You can live in New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature".
4. You think that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.


You can live in Maine where...
1. You have only four spices: salt, pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over Parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


You can live in the deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "he needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.


You could live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $4,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the Mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition, "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


AND you can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind....even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Comments

  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
    :-)
    This is sooooooo true!!! I love it!

    hugs.
    teena
  • padee6339
    padee6339 Member Posts: 763
    tgf said:

    :-)
    This is sooooooo true!!! I love it!

    hugs.
    teena

    HAHAHAHAHA
    Thanks for the laugh of the day! I loved it!
    Pat
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    So true and even funnier!!
    So true and even funnier!! Thanks.
  • crselby
    crselby Member Posts: 441
    I've never seen one of these
    I've never seen one of these with all the parts of the continent included. There needs to be one for the northwest, where it never stops raining in the winter (unless it freezes.) I visit there in the summers to escape the "ARE YOU KIDDING?" heat of Phoenix.

    Thanks for the good laughs. I'm going to copy and paste these into email for friends!
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    crselby said:

    I've never seen one of these
    I've never seen one of these with all the parts of the continent included. There needs to be one for the northwest, where it never stops raining in the winter (unless it freezes.) I visit there in the summers to escape the "ARE YOU KIDDING?" heat of Phoenix.

    Thanks for the good laughs. I'm going to copy and paste these into email for friends!

    your post makes my day
    thank you.
    I was a resident of New York, Denver and now live in Los Angeles, and everything is absolutely true.
    humor is best treatment.
  • jk1952
    jk1952 Member Posts: 613

    your post makes my day
    thank you.
    I was a resident of New York, Denver and now live in Los Angeles, and everything is absolutely true.
    humor is best treatment.

    We're visiting Florida, and
    We're visiting Florida, and this afternoon we saw an ad for pre-arranged cremations, and guess what was included...a coupon!

    Joyce
  • Jadie
    Jadie Member Posts: 723
    all y'all
    I love it!
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    Where DO you find these!!!!!!!!
    I LOVE it!!!! I am right now laughing so hard, I can hardly BREATHE!!!

    Thank you, thank you for the belly laugh!!!

    (Do I say that I have lived in over half these places...or does that go without saying?)

    Hugs, Kathi
  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537
    Hi Margo
    Sure got the midwest pegged!!!
    Thanks for the laugh
    Linda T