Lose my breast on Friday (rant)

helen e
helen e Member Posts: 223
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I have to admit that I am axnious about this surgery. I'm having reconstruction at the same time and should be under for about 8 hours. I have been having problems with my meds and when I gave a pint of my blood for my surgery the bag overfilled and they had to throw it out. I went to give another pint this week and my hemoglobin was 10.9 and they won't take it unless it's 11 or above. They took it this time because I need to have some blood but won't take it again on Tuesday if it's that low again. So now I might have to have my sister give blood for me. The surgeon wants me to have 2 pints of my own blood incase I need a transfusion during surgery. The onco. had me get an ultrasound on my gallbladder and I have gallstones. I've had enough these last two weeks and just want to get the surgery over. However, I do not want to lose my breast, this is a big stumbling block for me. I know it has to be done but I'm struggling with it. It's a part of who I am as a woman and I can't get over that. I know it's the right thing to do but...
Sorry for the rant.

Comments

  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    Helen
    I had a lumpectomy........which changed into a partial amputation. I wish I had gone the whole hog.........My greatest problem isn't balancing up what I look like on the outside. It's hiding that damned nipple that pokes upwards and inwards......... Helen, given the chance again, I would do what you are doing.........recon and all the works

    Hope this helps.........PS.. I know how you feel. Huge Hugs Hun Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    You rant anytime you want
    You rant anytime you want Helen. Wishing you good luck with your surgery and praying for a speedy recovery for you. I will be praying for you.


    Leeza
  • Sunrae
    Sunrae Member Posts: 808
    jnl said:

    You rant anytime you want
    You rant anytime you want Helen. Wishing you good luck with your surgery and praying for a speedy recovery for you. I will be praying for you.


    Leeza

    Helen, I have no bc surgery
    Helen, I have no bc surgery experience to fall back on but I'm facing surgery later and I think I'll feel the same way you do. When I first was dxed, I just wanted my breast off but its been 2 months and I started loving it again. Seems like you're having more than your share of things going on as you prepare for your surgery. Your name is being lifted up in prayer now that you can have peace as you go into this Friday. Also wishing and praying for a complete and quick recovery. Keep us posted as to how you're doing and rant all you want to. We're here for you.
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    Rant all you need,we are here.
    I had a lumpectomy then another surgery to remove my limph nods and more of the cancerous breast tissue.During Chemo like many i lost my hair.And I had a hard time with that.And what you are going through is harder then what i had done.I will pray for you,God Bless you.Love and Prayers.(Pat).
  • marywest
    marywest Member Posts: 132
    Helen that darn cancer makes us have to do things we dont' want to do. No doubt your struggling with this, I would to, however, I will be praying that your reconstruction turns out to be beautiful with quick healing. The gallstones? Oh my gosh you really dont' need another thing to deal with, I am wondering if they are able to disolve them some how. Try to do your best by seeing yourself beyond all of this, healthy, cancer free, and a good looking boob. No doubt we will be praying for your comfort and a peaceful heart. You can rant anytime you want, I think it awesome we have the freedom to speak what fears we have and people to love and support us no matter what. God Bless
  • newbiefromcananda
    newbiefromcananda Member Posts: 234
    rant away
    hello

    I too have not had a masectomy I have had a lumpectomy and cried at the thought of losing my breast, now as tasha said I have an indent and a nipple which remains inverted and I have to sort of pull it out and out something on it so I doesn't stay wet all the time, I hve been talking to my husband about a masectomy later when I am done chemo and rads, I will see how I feel later , I have come to realize that the boobs are not what makes us it truely is whats inside .. and you sound like an amazing, strong woman who will over come this ... best of luck to you ....... well wishes going your way all the way from canada .......xoxoxo Lisa
  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    Helen
    I had a mastectomy of my left breast back in August without immediate reconstruction and was faced with the same feelings you are facing. I am a single mom and was just starting to date again, but that's gone for quite some time... IF it should ever return. I'm going through chemo right now and have lost all my hair So believe me when I say I know & understand what you are going through with your feminine issues. When I look at myself in the mirror, I laugh but there are lingering tears on my pillow. It is only a body part and you are very fortunate that you will have it reconstructed right away. Thanks God it's not a limb because, as we know, cancer can strike anywhere! I am sure you will feel great relief when you have your surgery and can say that you no longer have cancer, but 'had' it. It's gone... removed from you body!

    No, Helen, it's not easy and it really does STINK that we have to go through this, but everything happens for a reason. Yes, the beast does take a lot from us, but it can not take away who we are. Your breast is just an outer shell and our femininity comes from within. Women have a sex appeal that ONLY women can have.

    It's hard, but try to see the positive in this and you will be just fine.

    With lots of love & understanding, Mar
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    Marlene_K said:

    Helen
    I had a mastectomy of my left breast back in August without immediate reconstruction and was faced with the same feelings you are facing. I am a single mom and was just starting to date again, but that's gone for quite some time... IF it should ever return. I'm going through chemo right now and have lost all my hair So believe me when I say I know & understand what you are going through with your feminine issues. When I look at myself in the mirror, I laugh but there are lingering tears on my pillow. It is only a body part and you are very fortunate that you will have it reconstructed right away. Thanks God it's not a limb because, as we know, cancer can strike anywhere! I am sure you will feel great relief when you have your surgery and can say that you no longer have cancer, but 'had' it. It's gone... removed from you body!

    No, Helen, it's not easy and it really does STINK that we have to go through this, but everything happens for a reason. Yes, the beast does take a lot from us, but it can not take away who we are. Your breast is just an outer shell and our femininity comes from within. Women have a sex appeal that ONLY women can have.

    It's hard, but try to see the positive in this and you will be just fine.

    With lots of love & understanding, Mar

    I had mastectomy with immediate reconstruction
    probably exactly the same operation you are going to have.
    8 hours surgery, 4 days in the hospital and long recovery. This surgery required strong motivation and determination to bit cancer and live happy and long life after.
    I understand your feeling, but hopefully you will not need Chemo and Radiation too.
    You will be FREE with breast from your own tissue!!! Ask your family and friends to stay by your side.
    In order to have success you need to be in peace and positive about your decision

    Good luck with your decision and surgery if you decide to take mastectomy path.
    New Flower
  • mariam_11_09
    mariam_11_09 Member Posts: 691
    I really feel for you

    When I was told I had breast cancer, it didn't surprise me, I had had a small lump for 4 months but when I was told I had DCIS in about 50% of my breast and was her2 positive and that it was recommended I have a masectomy it came as a huge shock. I walked around completely dazed, with horrible a headache and stomach ache for 2 days. I just assumed I would always have my own droopy breasts until the day I died!

    I am also having reconstructive surgery at the same time as my masectomy and feel better that I will have a breast that to me feels natural and similar to my other one, created from my own body. No offense to those who have implants as I would have had implants had I needed a double masectomy.

    I did question though, what my attachment was to my own breasts and really had to let go. In a spiritual sense, if this helps, we are really not our bodies, we are so much more than our bodies. However I do understand and support the need to look and feel like a woman since we are women on this earth.

    It is perfectly alright to feel the way you do and know that you are really supported and not alone.
  • Taina
    Taina Member Posts: 166
    We are here for you.
    Helen, we are here for you, goog days and not so good.
    You know this is the right decision...it may be a long
    painful journey but some things in life we have to work
    very hard for....You are doing this for you....
    Your health is #1....
    May the Lord give you the strength you need, guide
    the doctors that are going to do the surgery on you
    and speedy recovery....
    hugs your way.....
  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    Taina said:

    We are here for you.
    Helen, we are here for you, goog days and not so good.
    You know this is the right decision...it may be a long
    painful journey but some things in life we have to work
    very hard for....You are doing this for you....
    Your health is #1....
    May the Lord give you the strength you need, guide
    the doctors that are going to do the surgery on you
    and speedy recovery....
    hugs your way.....

    Yes, we are here for you
    Yes, we are here for you Helen. Praying for a fast recovery for you!

    Debby
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    Helen, I'm sorry you're
    Helen, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I didn't have to have a mastectomy so I opted for a lumpectomy. It took me a lot of soul searching to come to my decision because I considered a bilateral mastectomy at first. I was afraid and just wanted to rid my body of the cancer and hopefully minimize the chance of it every coming back. Once the fear subsided and I consulted with my surgeon, husband and oncologist, I made the decision that was right for me. I think it's natural to morn the loss of any part of our body. You will be just as beautiful once your surgery is over and your recovery is complete. I know, it's the getting there that's stressful. Take care and good luck with your surgery. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    MyTurnNow said:

    Helen, I'm sorry you're
    Helen, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I didn't have to have a mastectomy so I opted for a lumpectomy. It took me a lot of soul searching to come to my decision because I considered a bilateral mastectomy at first. I was afraid and just wanted to rid my body of the cancer and hopefully minimize the chance of it every coming back. Once the fear subsided and I consulted with my surgeon, husband and oncologist, I made the decision that was right for me. I think it's natural to morn the loss of any part of our body. You will be just as beautiful once your surgery is over and your recovery is complete. I know, it's the getting there that's stressful. Take care and good luck with your surgery. Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

    Sorry Helen
    I am sorry Helen. I had a lumpectomy, so, I can't understand what you are going thru. Just think of getting the cancer out of you and of you living a full and healthy life. We will all be praying for you.

    Hugs, Diane ♥
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    DianeBC said:

    Sorry Helen
    I am sorry Helen. I had a lumpectomy, so, I can't understand what you are going thru. Just think of getting the cancer out of you and of you living a full and healthy life. We will all be praying for you.

    Hugs, Diane ♥

    Helen
    I remember when I was making my decision and how much I worried about weather or not I was making the right choice. I was a complete nut case!! constantly crying and praying about my choices .. Also nothing was going good in my life during that time either.. BUT I had a very wonderful Genetic Doctor who has also been a oncology nurse give me this advice. "Make your decision and don't look back!!"
    Once it's all over with you will see that you made your decision for what was best for you.. I had both removed with immediate reconstruction. I was under 9 hours.. and yes recovery isn't fun but it's now over with and next week I get my nipples. my boobs look better than they ever did before. I knew that losing such a womanly part of me was going to be hard BUT Now I still feel very good about myself and the best part I'm happy to be cancer free!! That is the best feeling of all!!!
  • helen e
    helen e Member Posts: 223
    Calleen said:

    Helen
    I remember when I was making my decision and how much I worried about weather or not I was making the right choice. I was a complete nut case!! constantly crying and praying about my choices .. Also nothing was going good in my life during that time either.. BUT I had a very wonderful Genetic Doctor who has also been a oncology nurse give me this advice. "Make your decision and don't look back!!"
    Once it's all over with you will see that you made your decision for what was best for you.. I had both removed with immediate reconstruction. I was under 9 hours.. and yes recovery isn't fun but it's now over with and next week I get my nipples. my boobs look better than they ever did before. I knew that losing such a womanly part of me was going to be hard BUT Now I still feel very good about myself and the best part I'm happy to be cancer free!! That is the best feeling of all!!!

    Thank You
    You all have made me feel better! I know that I'll get through this and to have two families to help me through it tells me how blessed I am. Thank you family #2, from the bottom of my heart, with all of your well wishes I know I'll be fine.

    Helen
  • Akiss4me
    Akiss4me Member Posts: 2,188
    helen e said:

    Thank You
    You all have made me feel better! I know that I'll get through this and to have two families to help me through it tells me how blessed I am. Thank you family #2, from the bottom of my heart, with all of your well wishes I know I'll be fine.

    Helen

    Umph.....
    That is a really big hug I just sent your way!
    Pammy