Hard time and difficult decisions
Comments
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DH, I am very sorry to hear
DH, I am very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I didn't realize her cancer was advanced. You are unusually brave, I think, handling your own diagnosis so well while also caring for your mother.
The decision can be made only by you, of course. But, since you asked, my opinion is that I would have the surgery. I would not have subjected my body to the risks of radiation if I had had a real choice.
My best to you, whatever you decide, and my condolences on the loss of your mom.0 -
I offer my sympathy to youMoopy23 said:DH, I am very sorry to hear
DH, I am very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I didn't realize her cancer was advanced. You are unusually brave, I think, handling your own diagnosis so well while also caring for your mother.
The decision can be made only by you, of course. But, since you asked, my opinion is that I would have the surgery. I would not have subjected my body to the risks of radiation if I had had a real choice.
My best to you, whatever you decide, and my condolences on the loss of your mom.
I offer my sympathy to you Dawn on the loss of your Mother. I am so sorry.
I had a lumpectomy and rads and am so glad that I could do that. For me, a mastectomy would never be something I would do. Rads are very doable and kill any stray cancer cells, so, that made me feel even better about them. You can never remove all of the breast tissue with a mastectomy. I wish you luck in making your choice in this hard time.
Gentle Hugs!0 -
I am sorryjk1952 said:Dawn, I am so sorry to hear
Dawn, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. I can understand why you are having such a hard time making a decision: grief can really impact your decision-making abilities and your confidence.
Someone else asked if you have to make a decision this week, or can you put it off for a month. My experience with DCIS is that, although you shouldn't delay forever, you do have some time to make a decision that's right for you. But, it really depends on what advice your doctors give you about how long you should go before you need to decide.
My circumstances are a lot like yours. I was diagnosed with DCIS and LCIS (same as DCIS but lobular not ductal) in 2000, along with a very small amount of invasive lobular cancer. I had the lumpectomy and radiation done at that time. Earlier this year, DCIS was discovered in the same breast and I chose a bilateral mastectomy (instead of only the right side) and immediate DIEP reconstruction. I am very happy with the decisions that I made: they were right for me at each time in my life. By doing the radiation in 2000, I was able to keep my own breasts longer, and I was able to have the DIEP reconstruction (which is quite new in the US) which I am very happy with. I don't think that I would have been satisfied with the implants, just because they require so much 'maintenance', and fortunately, there have been a lot of medical advances since 2000.
When I finally decided on the bilateral mastectomy this spring, instead of one, I had a great deal of peace that this was the right thing. I pray that you can also sense that peace, with the decision that you make.
Joyce
I am so sorry Dawn at the loss of your Mom. I feel so bad for you. I pray that you will find the strength to get thru this.
Can you put off making your final decision since you have so much going on now? This isn't something you should rush into.
Sending you lots of hugs!
Leeza0 -
Sorry
Dawne,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and the difficult decision you need to make.
Radiation isn't THAT bad - as long as you are prepared to be tired and use the lotions and creams they give you it will be over before you know it.
I had a bilateral in August and I'll tell you, if I hadn't been "ok" with it in my head before the surgery I think I would have had a difficult time recovering (both physically and mentally). I talked to a few people and got on this website to read a lot of posts before deciding what to do.
My suggestion is to make two lists: the pros and cons of radiation and bilateral. On the papers list the good and bad things that may happen with each treatment. After you are done with the lists look at what you've written and think of the worst case scenario and figure out how you'd feel about it. I don't mean to sound insensitive and do not want to offend anyone who is going through having to make a difficult decision, that is just what worked for me. I was scheduled for a mastectomy and the more I thought about the "worst case scenario" (for me it was getting bc in the other breast) the more I understood and accepted my decision to have a bilateral. I don't have any regrets.
If you are really struggling with this it might be good to postpone your decision for a week or so - just until you have had a little more time to process everything.
Good luck with your decision. Know that we are all here to support you.0 -
Just want to say how sad andWolfi said:Sorry
Dawne,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom and the difficult decision you need to make.
Radiation isn't THAT bad - as long as you are prepared to be tired and use the lotions and creams they give you it will be over before you know it.
I had a bilateral in August and I'll tell you, if I hadn't been "ok" with it in my head before the surgery I think I would have had a difficult time recovering (both physically and mentally). I talked to a few people and got on this website to read a lot of posts before deciding what to do.
My suggestion is to make two lists: the pros and cons of radiation and bilateral. On the papers list the good and bad things that may happen with each treatment. After you are done with the lists look at what you've written and think of the worst case scenario and figure out how you'd feel about it. I don't mean to sound insensitive and do not want to offend anyone who is going through having to make a difficult decision, that is just what worked for me. I was scheduled for a mastectomy and the more I thought about the "worst case scenario" (for me it was getting bc in the other breast) the more I understood and accepted my decision to have a bilateral. I don't have any regrets.
If you are really struggling with this it might be good to postpone your decision for a week or so - just until you have had a little more time to process everything.
Good luck with your decision. Know that we are all here to support you.
Just want to say how sad and how sorry I am to read about the loss of your Mom Dawne.
I had radiation and I only got burnt a little on my collarbone. It wasn't bad. It didn't even peel or anything. I had them after about 6 weeks from my lumpectomy.
I think that with a lumpectomy and radiation, the recurrence and survival rate is the same as if you had a mastectomy. But, I know some women don't have any choice in making a decision.
Good luck in whatever you do.
Angie0 -
So very sorry DawnCalleen said:I too
Lost my Precious Mother due to Breast Cancer. It was 13 1/2 years ago but I still completely understand how it feels. Her battle was different than mine and her choices were limited becasue hers was advanced. My reason for having a bilateral with immediate reconstruction was partily due to what my Mom went through but also what I knew was best for me long term. I didn't want to go through radiation. and I didn't want to worry about it coming back in either breast. I do know there is still a chance but if it does the chances are very slim and since I'm also aware of the possibility I know what to look for... I am at peace with my choice...
Your Mom will always be with you..but now you have to listen with your Heart!!!
Big Hugs and Prayers!!
Calleen
So very sorry for your loss Dawn. I can't imagine how that would feel and with you dealing with bc and treatment. Sending you hugs and lots of prayers!
I was lucky enough to be able to have a lumpectomy with radiation treatments. I didn't want to even think about losing my breast, and, was thankful that I didn't have to even entertain that idea. Good luck with your decision.
KYLEZ ♥0 -
Just checking in to see howAngie2U said:Just want to say how sad and
Just want to say how sad and how sorry I am to read about the loss of your Mom Dawne.
I had radiation and I only got burnt a little on my collarbone. It wasn't bad. It didn't even peel or anything. I had them after about 6 weeks from my lumpectomy.
I think that with a lumpectomy and radiation, the recurrence and survival rate is the same as if you had a mastectomy. But, I know some women don't have any choice in making a decision.
Good luck in whatever you do.
Angie
Just checking in to see how you are doing Dawn.
KYLEZ ♥0 -
Sending Hugs Your WayAlexis F said:Offering my sympathy Dawn in
Offering my sympathy Dawn in the loss of your Mother!
Lex
Dawn, please know that there are so many on this board who can stand by your side as you go through this traumatic time period in your life, and are willing and able to hold you up when you are down. The loss of your Mother is such a tough thing, and especially with her passing due to bc. Now is your turn to take the wheel, and drive your life down the right path to treatment. I know it is a terrible decision to be having to make, especially at this time, but there is an end to treatment, and you will look back and think how brave you were to move forward when you had to. None of us can make a decision for you, but we will be here when you have made your mind up as to treatment, and will carry you down the path to completion. I am sending you lots of hugs, and hope you are at peace with whatever direction you choose. Let us know how you are doing. Hugs.
Judy0 -
Hugs and Prayers
Dear Dawne
First off let me say how sorry I am to hear you lost your mother to be and now yourelf have been diagnosed. One thing you might want to consider when making your decision is
could this be hereditary? My journey was very quick and I didn't really have time to make any of my own decisions, all of the doctors were making them for me. Sometimes I think that may have made the process a little easier since I was "just along for the ride:.
I was diagnosed on May 14, 2009 just after my first ever mamogram on May 11, 2009 at age 43 (was scared to death to have one since both my grandmothers had bc and I was also a smoker at the time) I had felt a huge lump in my left breast and my nipple was actually sucking in. After my mamogram the immediatley did an ultrasound and biopsy and sure enough my doctor called me on May 14, 2009 about 5:30 at night and said " I have your results do you want to make an appointment or do you want me to tell you over the phone" dah!!!
So I had already heard about a female surgeon that was awesome I saw her and she said ok lumpectomy, and scheduled me for surgery on June 4, 2009. In the meantime she also ordered a ton of tests that kept me very busy, during this short period of time. Two days before my surgery my surgeon called me at 6:30 in the morning to tell me after reviewing all the results she recommended a mastectomy. Thank god, because when they did the surgery they found a second tumor hidden where none of the tests had found it. Had I only done a lumpectomy they wouldn't have found it.
So at this point I hasn't even been able to really digest the fact that I even had cancer let alone I was about to have my left breast removed, which would then be followed by 7 months of Chemo and 36 Rad treatments. I finished all of that in April 2008. I had my reconstruction done in October 2008, in San Francisco by a wonderful woman who did a fantastic job, and I am very happy with the results. I truly believe now looking back if I would have had the time to really think about it I would have went for a bi-lateral, because I think I will always worry the other shoe will fall it's just a matter of when.
I would also recommend genetic testing if you are able to get it. That was helpful for my family to know I didn't carry the gene, I was just one of the lucky ones.
Remember God doesn't give us more then we can handle, although sometimes I think he's really pushing it. Look deep inside and talk with your family and doctor you will and must make the right decision for you.
Please keep us informed on what you decide and how you are doing. We are all sisters here and we are all here for each other.
Hugs & Prayers
Keri0 -
Just to let you know DawneKeriLee said:Hugs and Prayers
Dear Dawne
First off let me say how sorry I am to hear you lost your mother to be and now yourelf have been diagnosed. One thing you might want to consider when making your decision is
could this be hereditary? My journey was very quick and I didn't really have time to make any of my own decisions, all of the doctors were making them for me. Sometimes I think that may have made the process a little easier since I was "just along for the ride:.
I was diagnosed on May 14, 2009 just after my first ever mamogram on May 11, 2009 at age 43 (was scared to death to have one since both my grandmothers had bc and I was also a smoker at the time) I had felt a huge lump in my left breast and my nipple was actually sucking in. After my mamogram the immediatley did an ultrasound and biopsy and sure enough my doctor called me on May 14, 2009 about 5:30 at night and said " I have your results do you want to make an appointment or do you want me to tell you over the phone" dah!!!
So I had already heard about a female surgeon that was awesome I saw her and she said ok lumpectomy, and scheduled me for surgery on June 4, 2009. In the meantime she also ordered a ton of tests that kept me very busy, during this short period of time. Two days before my surgery my surgeon called me at 6:30 in the morning to tell me after reviewing all the results she recommended a mastectomy. Thank god, because when they did the surgery they found a second tumor hidden where none of the tests had found it. Had I only done a lumpectomy they wouldn't have found it.
So at this point I hasn't even been able to really digest the fact that I even had cancer let alone I was about to have my left breast removed, which would then be followed by 7 months of Chemo and 36 Rad treatments. I finished all of that in April 2008. I had my reconstruction done in October 2008, in San Francisco by a wonderful woman who did a fantastic job, and I am very happy with the results. I truly believe now looking back if I would have had the time to really think about it I would have went for a bi-lateral, because I think I will always worry the other shoe will fall it's just a matter of when.
I would also recommend genetic testing if you are able to get it. That was helpful for my family to know I didn't carry the gene, I was just one of the lucky ones.
Remember God doesn't give us more then we can handle, although sometimes I think he's really pushing it. Look deep inside and talk with your family and doctor you will and must make the right decision for you.
Please keep us informed on what you decide and how you are doing. We are all sisters here and we are all here for each other.
Hugs & Prayers
Keri
Just to let you know Dawne that we are thinking of you.
Leeza0 -
thank you, Caleen. that'sCalleen said:I too
Lost my Precious Mother due to Breast Cancer. It was 13 1/2 years ago but I still completely understand how it feels. Her battle was different than mine and her choices were limited becasue hers was advanced. My reason for having a bilateral with immediate reconstruction was partily due to what my Mom went through but also what I knew was best for me long term. I didn't want to go through radiation. and I didn't want to worry about it coming back in either breast. I do know there is still a chance but if it does the chances are very slim and since I'm also aware of the possibility I know what to look for... I am at peace with my choice...
Your Mom will always be with you..but now you have to listen with your Heart!!!
Big Hugs and Prayers!!
Calleen
thank you, Caleen. that's about how I feel. thank you for your response.0 -
good point, lynn. "Nolynn1950 said:You have so much to grieve
You have so much to grieve for; this is such a tough situation. Just remember: "no decision" is a decision too. Is that what you truly want? There is no obviously right decision to make...so any decision you do make is the right one for you. Feels like a roulette wheel doesn't it?
If this helps....I had a bilateral mastectomy 18 months ago and I am still on the fence about reconstruction. But I am fine with my body for now. I am so glad that it is healthy and that it works. I don't have to wear a bra (yeah!), or worry about nipples, and I just strut my stuff! (My husband is a sweetie.) I also went through radiation; it wasn't a cakewalk, but 6 weeks is not forever and the future s/e's are just that, in the future for now. The current s/e's (scarring and stiffness) are way better than the alternative!
It sounds like you need someone to reflect your thoughts and feelings off of. Have you spoken with a counselor or a social worker at your cancer center? Working through the decision process with a professional might be really productive for you.
My heart goes out to you.
xoxoxoxo Lynn
good point, lynn. "No decision is a decision too." That phrase has run in my head all week. wise. thank you!0 -
thank you everyone!jnl said:Just to let you know Dawne
Just to let you know Dawne that we are thinking of you.
Leeza
thank you so much for your thoughts and sweet and wise comments. I've read every one and appreciate every single one of them.
I thought I'd been tired in my life, but the tired I've experienced this week takes it to a whole new level. The breast surgeon called on Monday and I didn't answer. You all are right ... it is ridiculous to have to make a decision that quickly. I'm heading to a quiet place for a couple of days next week so that I can think.
I'm hanging in there. Today was tough and I was wondering why until I thought about it ... her funeral was one week ago today.
I talked to my onocologist on Thursday and she said that she would support me whatever I decide. Thank you all for your love, your concern, your thoughts, your comments and your prayers. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Thank you. Planning on making a decision by the end of next week.
thank you!
much love,
dh0 -
thank you, Moopy!Moopy23 said:DH, I am very sorry to hear
DH, I am very sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I didn't realize her cancer was advanced. You are unusually brave, I think, handling your own diagnosis so well while also caring for your mother.
The decision can be made only by you, of course. But, since you asked, my opinion is that I would have the surgery. I would not have subjected my body to the risks of radiation if I had had a real choice.
My best to you, whatever you decide, and my condolences on the loss of your mom.
thank you, Moopy!0 -
I am so sorry Dawne. YouDawne.Hope said:thank you everyone!
thank you so much for your thoughts and sweet and wise comments. I've read every one and appreciate every single one of them.
I thought I'd been tired in my life, but the tired I've experienced this week takes it to a whole new level. The breast surgeon called on Monday and I didn't answer. You all are right ... it is ridiculous to have to make a decision that quickly. I'm heading to a quiet place for a couple of days next week so that I can think.
I'm hanging in there. Today was tough and I was wondering why until I thought about it ... her funeral was one week ago today.
I talked to my onocologist on Thursday and she said that she would support me whatever I decide. Thank you all for your love, your concern, your thoughts, your comments and your prayers. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Thank you. Planning on making a decision by the end of next week.
thank you!
much love,
dh
I am so sorry Dawne. You are doing the right thing by taking some time, and, even time for yourself to get away. Your decision is life changing, and, you don't want to be hurried into it. Praying that you come to your decision easily.
HUGS0 -
Hi Dawne! I bet you haveDawne.Hope said:thank you everyone!
thank you so much for your thoughts and sweet and wise comments. I've read every one and appreciate every single one of them.
I thought I'd been tired in my life, but the tired I've experienced this week takes it to a whole new level. The breast surgeon called on Monday and I didn't answer. You all are right ... it is ridiculous to have to make a decision that quickly. I'm heading to a quiet place for a couple of days next week so that I can think.
I'm hanging in there. Today was tough and I was wondering why until I thought about it ... her funeral was one week ago today.
I talked to my onocologist on Thursday and she said that she would support me whatever I decide. Thank you all for your love, your concern, your thoughts, your comments and your prayers. I don't know what I would do without all of you. Thank you. Planning on making a decision by the end of next week.
thank you!
much love,
dh
Hi Dawne! I bet you have been more than tired, more like exhausted. Good luck with your decision. We are all here for you!
Hugs, Leeza0 -
Happy to see you postingcreampuff91344 said:Sending Hugs Your Way
Dawn, please know that there are so many on this board who can stand by your side as you go through this traumatic time period in your life, and are willing and able to hold you up when you are down. The loss of your Mother is such a tough thing, and especially with her passing due to bc. Now is your turn to take the wheel, and drive your life down the right path to treatment. I know it is a terrible decision to be having to make, especially at this time, but there is an end to treatment, and you will look back and think how brave you were to move forward when you had to. None of us can make a decision for you, but we will be here when you have made your mind up as to treatment, and will carry you down the path to completion. I am sending you lots of hugs, and hope you are at peace with whatever direction you choose. Let us know how you are doing. Hugs.
Judy
Happy to see you posting again Dawn. You need some time to make your decision. I am glad you are taking it. Prayers coming to you!
Hugs, Diane ♥0 -
I am glad that you areJadie said:Dawn My Deepest Sympathy
I am so very sorry for your great loss. I can so relate to your wanting to be a child again. I think that you will find an inner strength that will surprise even you. I know that I did.
Take care
Hugs
Jadie<3</p>
I am glad that you are taking some time before you decide Dawne. We all support you in your decision. Once again, my deepest sympathy.
Lex♥0
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