Looking for caregivers that are taking care of their spouses

ruthelizabeth

Just-tired said:

Caregiver for Spouse
I certainly can identify with you, we all can. I'm sorry for what you and your husband are going through. My husband has prostate cancer, inoperable tumor and it has metatasized to his bones. He broke his femur, had surgery, went for rehab and is now home.It is exhausting. He walks with a walker and suddenly has developed terrible tremors. He is 72 and I am 64. He was diagnosed in 08 and it's been hell ever since.

I know what you mean about the lonliness and wanting to be held. I wish I could crawl into someone's arms just for a hug. You are both so young and my heart breaks for you both. However, this site is very helpful, there are chat rooms where people really listen.

Maybe you could hug your husband, I'm sure he needs it as much as you do, hug your kids, I'm sure they're just as emotionally drained and frightened as you are. Call your friends, family and if that's not possible just hang out here. I wish all the best to you and your family.

Newbride or anyone familiar with hospice
Does insurance cover an aide? Medicare? I need to know for the future. Thanks!

Missy245

Overwhelmed
Good morning!
I am new here and am glad I found a website I can come to. My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 3 Pancreatic cancer that is inoperable. He is on chemo and radiation to try to shrink the tumor.This has been such a rollercoaster ride.He has his good days and bad ones. I just can't seem to do anything right. He is on so many med's it is hard to keep up with but Im doing it.I just feel exausted, confused, angry and even though i don't work I still can't keep up with everything.He doesn't want me to go anywhere so I just sit there wait for him to ask for something.I know i should have waited to write this when I am in a better frame of mind I just needed to vent.Why is he feeling like this?
Thanks for your time,
Missy

Barbara53

ruthelizabeth said:

Newbride or anyone familiar with hospice
Does insurance cover an aide? Medicare? I need to know for the future. Thanks!

you can get both
In my experience, under Medicare you can get nursing and aide services during the "cure" phase as long as the doctor orders them and the RN from the home health agency (who does an in-home assessment) agrees that they are needed. There are lots of strings attached with home health, though, including some limitations on other services. For example, when my mother needed lymphedema therapy, we had to make sure the dates didn't overlap with home health, because you could not have both at once. Go figure.

Hospice offers many more services including a CNA (certified nursing assistant) to help with bathing, and even limited sitting services so the primary caregiver can get out of the house once in a while. In some areas, hospice patients can be checked into an inpatient hospice facility for a week to give caregivers a break.

With both home health and hospice, do be prepared to ask for what you want, from doctor's orders to lots of services. Keeping your loved one out of the hospital, unless they really need to be there, is always an honorable mission.

arkansasbrains

Missy245 said:

Overwhelmed
Good morning!
I am new here and am glad I found a website I can come to. My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 3 Pancreatic cancer that is inoperable. He is on chemo and radiation to try to shrink the tumor.This has been such a rollercoaster ride.He has his good days and bad ones. I just can't seem to do anything right. He is on so many med's it is hard to keep up with but Im doing it.I just feel exausted, confused, angry and even though i don't work I still can't keep up with everything.He doesn't want me to go anywhere so I just sit there wait for him to ask for something.I know i should have waited to write this when I am in a better frame of mind I just needed to vent.Why is he feeling like this?
Thanks for your time,
Missy

understandable.
you're not going to feel so great all the time... you're frame of mind will come back around. i was having a COMPLETE nervous breakdown last week. i feel on top of my game now! there IS a total ebb and flow to all of this, isn't there?
it's terrible that the only way to get rid of cancer is to take someone to death's door and then bring them back again.
my husband has brain cancer (though the last MRI looked pretty good after radiation treatment!). after chemo, i'm going to start using the word "cured". but he's very fatigued, and i do feel like i'm the only one who can help him do all the things he needs to in order for him to keep his dignity. so, it's hard to leave him.
i hate the bad days when i just watch him, and wait for him to ask for something. but it sounds like you're doing a great job.
my only advice is to really enjoy each other on the good days. and it gives you something nice to think about and look forward to when you're getting through the bad ones. i hope that doesn't sound lame... sometimes i feel like raking a table, and i know that's the only thing that will help... but i don't and then end up sobbing in the medicaid office instead like some sort of crazy person!! it happens... so, don't worry about it too much.
when i hand my husband's pills to him all at once i usually lean over and whisper, "taste the rainbow..."
let me know if you want to chat about anything.
my name is sydney.

spensir

sallen2001 said:

One Day At A Time
That is how we are living our lives. My husband of 38+ years learned in June he has esphogeal cancer stage IV, terminal, pallative care only. At first given 3-6 months, found another doctor for second opinion (total God thing in how this happen)and in September was told after the radition and continued chemo, 2-12 months lean more toward the 2 months. We have passed that now (the 2 months), and I am grateful for everyday we still have as long as he is not in pain.

People will ask me how am I doing, and what is one to say to that? I work on taking everything just for today, one day at a time. A few have said they admire my courage, and I think this is not courage, but faith in God and his gift of helping me live for just today and coping with what is right in front of me. But many times the fear starts to crept in, doing a long term death watch is not easy.

For several years in my life I have worked on my graditudes, kept staying in them, everyday always tried to find things to be thankful for. Many times thought I needed to work on other character defects, but kept going back to graditudes. Now I know why, because without finding something to be gratful for today, I could not make it.

I am dealing with today, I can think about after, I will not let myself think or talk about the "when it happens".
I hope this is not too much off topic, but just wanted to share. I do understand the "talking talking talking"

sallen

hubby of 39 years stage IV
Your story and mine are very much alike. How are you doing today. We are starting radiation the 8th of Feb. Shirley the best to you and many prayers.

coomar4563

Missy245 said:

Overwhelmed
Good morning!
I am new here and am glad I found a website I can come to. My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 3 Pancreatic cancer that is inoperable. He is on chemo and radiation to try to shrink the tumor.This has been such a rollercoaster ride.He has his good days and bad ones. I just can't seem to do anything right. He is on so many med's it is hard to keep up with but Im doing it.I just feel exausted, confused, angry and even though i don't work I still can't keep up with everything.He doesn't want me to go anywhere so I just sit there wait for him to ask for something.I know i should have waited to write this when I am in a better frame of mind I just needed to vent.Why is he feeling like this?
Thanks for your time,
Missy

Overwhelmed
My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his liver and spleen. He is on chemo and we have confirmation that the tumors have shrunk. I am on the same rollercoaster ride and I also can't do anything right. I am not working and I had the only income so the added financial stress is unbelievable. I have a lot of support and am taking anti-depressants, but I am still completely overwhelmed, feel completely helpless, and don't know how I am ever going to get through this......

Mary

SueC21

coomar4563 said:

Overwhelmed
My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his liver and spleen. He is on chemo and we have confirmation that the tumors have shrunk. I am on the same rollercoaster ride and I also can't do anything right. I am not working and I had the only income so the added financial stress is unbelievable. I have a lot of support and am taking anti-depressants, but I am still completely overwhelmed, feel completely helpless, and don't know how I am ever going to get through this......

Mary

Mary
Mary, I feel your pain. I am 40 and my husband of 20 years is 43, recently (dec 09)dx with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the brain, right eye and liver. It was difficult news to hear, we have a 16 year old daughter and I feel like my whole world just flipped upside down.

I also have 2 chronic illnesses myself, so physically it has been difficult for me as well as emotionally. I work full time and as much as people say let me know if there is anything we can do, I really don't believe them. There have been times when I either feel so alone or I am playing hostess to hoards of visitors that come to "hang out" at my house.

The only thing that I can say (and this is works for "me" personally) is that I spend a lot of time praying to God to give me the strength to get through this. My faith in God has been a great source of strength for me (i don't mean to preach).

I feel the guilt like it is my responsibility to get us through this, it is enough for him to just have to battle the cancer. But sometimes it is very hard. I am on anti-depressants and going to ask my doctor for something to help me sleep.

I have looked to this site to get support and information and it has really helped. I am thankful to everyone here for there input on this difficult journey. So Mary, you are not alone, a lot of us are here are feeling the same things you are feeling and wondering how we are going to get through today, never mind tomorrow. Don't give up hope, keep fighting for the both of you. You may be surprised that you are stronger than you think.

Wishing you and your family the best.
Sue

grandmafay

SueC21 said:

Mary
Mary, I feel your pain. I am 40 and my husband of 20 years is 43, recently (dec 09)dx with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the brain, right eye and liver. It was difficult news to hear, we have a 16 year old daughter and I feel like my whole world just flipped upside down.

I also have 2 chronic illnesses myself, so physically it has been difficult for me as well as emotionally. I work full time and as much as people say let me know if there is anything we can do, I really don't believe them. There have been times when I either feel so alone or I am playing hostess to hoards of visitors that come to "hang out" at my house.

The only thing that I can say (and this is works for "me" personally) is that I spend a lot of time praying to God to give me the strength to get through this. My faith in God has been a great source of strength for me (i don't mean to preach).

I feel the guilt like it is my responsibility to get us through this, it is enough for him to just have to battle the cancer. But sometimes it is very hard. I am on anti-depressants and going to ask my doctor for something to help me sleep.

I have looked to this site to get support and information and it has really helped. I am thankful to everyone here for there input on this difficult journey. So Mary, you are not alone, a lot of us are here are feeling the same things you are feeling and wondering how we are going to get through today, never mind tomorrow. Don't give up hope, keep fighting for the both of you. You may be surprised that you are stronger than you think.

Wishing you and your family the best.
Sue

Hope & Help
I just wanted to say hello and offer you both some thoughts. Hope is very important. Sometimes, it can just be the hope that you can get through the day, hour, minutes whole. The roller coaster ride is really a tough one. People who haven't been on that particular ride can only guess at the stress you are feeling. On help, I'd like to offer some observations. It is hard for us to accept help because we want or think we should do everything. Independence is well ingrained in us. I, too, tried to do everything. I had a great deal of support and many offers of help during my husband's six year fight with cancer. It wasn't until the last year that I started asking others for small favors like driving to radiation. I was amazed by how many people thanked me for letting them help. Yes, thanked me. They really did want to help. They felt helpless and hated seeing me take so much on. They appreciated the opportunity to do any small thing. I particularly appreciated the lady who enumerated the things she could do. That made it easier to ask her to help with one of the things she enumerated. I try to do that now when I offer help. Take care, and don't be afraid to accept a little help along the way. Fay

coomar4563

SueC21 said:

Mary
Mary, I feel your pain. I am 40 and my husband of 20 years is 43, recently (dec 09)dx with stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the brain, right eye and liver. It was difficult news to hear, we have a 16 year old daughter and I feel like my whole world just flipped upside down.

I also have 2 chronic illnesses myself, so physically it has been difficult for me as well as emotionally. I work full time and as much as people say let me know if there is anything we can do, I really don't believe them. There have been times when I either feel so alone or I am playing hostess to hoards of visitors that come to "hang out" at my house.

The only thing that I can say (and this is works for "me" personally) is that I spend a lot of time praying to God to give me the strength to get through this. My faith in God has been a great source of strength for me (i don't mean to preach).

I feel the guilt like it is my responsibility to get us through this, it is enough for him to just have to battle the cancer. But sometimes it is very hard. I am on anti-depressants and going to ask my doctor for something to help me sleep.

I have looked to this site to get support and information and it has really helped. I am thankful to everyone here for there input on this difficult journey. So Mary, you are not alone, a lot of us are here are feeling the same things you are feeling and wondering how we are going to get through today, never mind tomorrow. Don't give up hope, keep fighting for the both of you. You may be surprised that you are stronger than you think.

Wishing you and your family the best.
Sue

Sue
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I lost my Mother to lymphoma 7 years ago but it took her before she could even consider treatment options which we knew was a blessing because of her age. My Mom barely survived on their fixed income but she always donated money to St. Jude Children's Hospital and my sister and I have continued that tradition. Shortly after my husband was diagnosed, I received a small prayer book from them which contained the following devotional prayer which has been a huge help for me:

Prayer to St. Jude for Caretakers
St. Jude, with Jesus you chose the company of the poor and the sick. As I care for this holy person who suffers, work through me to ease the pain my loved one endures. Help me to know my limits and accept my feelings as I cope with the difficulties and stress. When I am saddened, let me offer my smile. And in doing so, may I glorify you and all the saints in heaven. Nothing is more powerful than real gentleness. Lord Jesus, you healed wounds and disease of all kinds with a loving touch and a heart full of compassion. Teach me your way of humble service. Amen.

I am Catholic and I have friends and family all around the world of all religions praying for us and I know I am a very strong person, but this is still life changing and exhausting. I have been pretty good about asking for help, but the biggest problem is that my husband doesn't want anyone to come to the house or help take care of him.

I am a computer consultant so I spend lots of time online and doing as much research as possible and have found the ACS website to be invaluable. This is one of the best articles I have found so far for caretakers http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/MBC_2x_OtherEffects.asp

Thank you all for your posts.....I will be back often!

Mary

SueC21

coomar4563 said:

Sue
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I lost my Mother to lymphoma 7 years ago but it took her before she could even consider treatment options which we knew was a blessing because of her age. My Mom barely survived on their fixed income but she always donated money to St. Jude Children's Hospital and my sister and I have continued that tradition. Shortly after my husband was diagnosed, I received a small prayer book from them which contained the following devotional prayer which has been a huge help for me:

Prayer to St. Jude for Caretakers
St. Jude, with Jesus you chose the company of the poor and the sick. As I care for this holy person who suffers, work through me to ease the pain my loved one endures. Help me to know my limits and accept my feelings as I cope with the difficulties and stress. When I am saddened, let me offer my smile. And in doing so, may I glorify you and all the saints in heaven. Nothing is more powerful than real gentleness. Lord Jesus, you healed wounds and disease of all kinds with a loving touch and a heart full of compassion. Teach me your way of humble service. Amen.

I am Catholic and I have friends and family all around the world of all religions praying for us and I know I am a very strong person, but this is still life changing and exhausting. I have been pretty good about asking for help, but the biggest problem is that my husband doesn't want anyone to come to the house or help take care of him.

I am a computer consultant so I spend lots of time online and doing as much research as possible and have found the ACS website to be invaluable. This is one of the best articles I have found so far for caretakers http://www.cancer.org/docroot/MBC/MBC_2x_OtherEffects.asp

Thank you all for your posts.....I will be back often!

Mary

Thank you Mary and Grandma Fay
Mary, thank you for the St. Jude prayer. I too am Catholic and I will definitly start praying to St. Jude. I will also be looking up your recommended article. So for now hang in there friend.

Grandma fay, thank you for your post. I read all of your posts and I think that it is so great that you (and others) take the time to check the website and help so many people, including myself.

You are right, I need to ask for help and to tell people what sort of help I need, but I am so used to doing everything myself that I feel like I am imposing. Although no one has ever turned me down when I have asked. So I need to get better at asking.

Until next time, my thought's and prayers are with all of you.
Sue

david54

Loneliness
My wife is in her second year of chemotherapy for stage IV colon cancer. I feel lonely at night after she falls asleep on the couch after I have massaged her swollen ankles for an hour or more. It’s uncanny, she can be asleep and I will change the station and its like an alarm clock goes off. I can’t tell you how many reruns of “Law and Order” and “CSI Vegas, Miami, New York” I’ve seen. I think I know the scripts of each episode of NCIS (I don’t like Dinozzo! He’s such a smart _ _ _ !) But I regress. There is really no one who would understand what we are experiencing like those who are ……experiencing it. I used to get caught up in “When” and “If” and “How” it will end. I don’t do that so much anymore. Life seems to have developed its own routine that I thought I would never have to deal with. But yes, I too get lonely.

drum3433

david54 said:

Loneliness
My wife is in her second year of chemotherapy for stage IV colon cancer. I feel lonely at night after she falls asleep on the couch after I have massaged her swollen ankles for an hour or more. It’s uncanny, she can be asleep and I will change the station and its like an alarm clock goes off. I can’t tell you how many reruns of “Law and Order” and “CSI Vegas, Miami, New York” I’ve seen. I think I know the scripts of each episode of NCIS (I don’t like Dinozzo! He’s such a smart _ _ _ !) But I regress. There is really no one who would understand what we are experiencing like those who are ……experiencing it. I used to get caught up in “When” and “If” and “How” it will end. I don’t do that so much anymore. Life seems to have developed its own routine that I thought I would never have to deal with. But yes, I too get lonely.

Lonliness...
David,
My wife is in her second year of chemotherapy for inoperable breast cancer and lymphodema. because she can not lie flat she sleeps in a recliner. I understand your feelings and as you already seem to know it can be lonely. I wonder and worry that my feelings on certain days are selfish and self centered. I would appreciate a dialogue with anyone that can help reinforce my efforts when I grow weary. I would also hope to offer encouragement when others might need me.

Joe

JJjanet

Missy245 said:

Overwhelmed
Good morning!
I am new here and am glad I found a website I can come to. My husband was diagnosed in Nov. with stage 3 Pancreatic cancer that is inoperable. He is on chemo and radiation to try to shrink the tumor.This has been such a rollercoaster ride.He has his good days and bad ones. I just can't seem to do anything right. He is on so many med's it is hard to keep up with but Im doing it.I just feel exausted, confused, angry and even though i don't work I still can't keep up with everything.He doesn't want me to go anywhere so I just sit there wait for him to ask for something.I know i should have waited to write this when I am in a better frame of mind I just needed to vent.Why is he feeling like this?
Thanks for your time,
Missy

Overwhelmed Missy
My husband is stage IV pancreatic cancer, diagnosed June 09. Things were going exceptionally well on Gemzar, then in late Dec he was offered radiation and wanted to try. They changed his type of chemo and started rad, and everything went crazy downhill fast. I am blessed to have a friend who has experience with Hospice and she told me to start making noise, and get some help. His meds and condition made it dangerous for him to be home alone, and all but impossible for me to deal with. I called the soical worker at the cancer center and she set us up with a hospice that would admit him even though he continues treatment. Hospice has been such a blessing, we've only had them about 2 weeks but MY life is so much less stressed. They order all his meds now, no more trips to 2 to 3 different doctors for different scrips then having to mail them into medco and ensure they are re-ordered in time, they explain things that the doctors/nurses just assume (I guess) that I will/would know, and they have many, many other services. At first I felt like it was giving up to call hospice, when it is, in fact, ensuring my husband has all the best care available to him and ME. Yes it OK to think about us...not many others do. I didn't even know what to ask for as far as help, but once you start talking it seems to come. I had to tell my husband that I was afraid (for his safety and care), that I could not do this alone anymore - that WE needed help. My husband still feels more secure when it is me at home, but understands that I have to go to work and that I have to have breaks. He is afraid...I understand, so am I. If I get robbed I'm angry for a while, he however is being robbed every night. I talk to him, even though I maintain the strength for us both I've had to tell him my fears, cry, and give him the opportunity to do the same. I've even had to say that being sick doesn't give a person the right to be mean, even knowing it's fear and anger talking, and at times I've had to do what I knew I needed to do to take care of me even though he didn't like it, and it made me feel guilty. You are in my prayers. Janet

grandmafay

drum3433 said:

Lonliness...
David,
My wife is in her second year of chemotherapy for inoperable breast cancer and lymphodema. because she can not lie flat she sleeps in a recliner. I understand your feelings and as you already seem to know it can be lonely. I wonder and worry that my feelings on certain days are selfish and self centered. I would appreciate a dialogue with anyone that can help reinforce my efforts when I grow weary. I would also hope to offer encouragement when others might need me.

Joe

Loneliness
I lost my husband to colon cancer in Oct., 2009. He lived and fought hard for over 6 years after his diagnosis. He slept in his recliner for much of the last two years due to pain in his back from an inoperable tumor, so I understand the loneliness. This is a really hard time for both of you. When my husband felt well enough we tried to focus on the now and make memories with family and friends. We made some great memories. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's a necessity. You can't take care of your wife unless you take care of yourself, too. Feel free to PM me or just keep writing on these boards for support. We do have some understanding of what you are feeling. Fay

david54

drum3433 said:

Lonliness...
David,
My wife is in her second year of chemotherapy for inoperable breast cancer and lymphodema. because she can not lie flat she sleeps in a recliner. I understand your feelings and as you already seem to know it can be lonely. I wonder and worry that my feelings on certain days are selfish and self centered. I would appreciate a dialogue with anyone that can help reinforce my efforts when I grow weary. I would also hope to offer encouragement when others might need me.

Joe

Lonliness
Thanks for the reply Joe; I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate all of you that post here. I admit I am hit and miss posting depending on how busy my life is, yet I am so grateful for this network. I prayed last night to God for an angel to lie next to me and simply hold me; I just want to be held. At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, when was the last time anyone heard a man saying he wants to be held? There is virtually no “Intimacy” between us, its down to a back rub and foot rub and hot water bottle for her distended abdomen, particularly after her Irenotecan. I got so angry with her last weekend then felt like a real horses _ _ _ for my feelings. Sometimes I want to just rip someone’s neck out, the person who pulls out in front of me, or the customer in the line at the market who is short .25 cents and the checker won’t let it slide. What is going on here?

drum3433

david54 said:

Lonliness
Thanks for the reply Joe; I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate all of you that post here. I admit I am hit and miss posting depending on how busy my life is, yet I am so grateful for this network. I prayed last night to God for an angel to lie next to me and simply hold me; I just want to be held. At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, when was the last time anyone heard a man saying he wants to be held? There is virtually no “Intimacy” between us, its down to a back rub and foot rub and hot water bottle for her distended abdomen, particularly after her Irenotecan. I got so angry with her last weekend then felt like a real horses _ _ _ for my feelings. Sometimes I want to just rip someone’s neck out, the person who pulls out in front of me, or the customer in the line at the market who is short .25 cents and the checker won’t let it slide. What is going on here?

Hi David:
Sorry for the delay in responding to you. Work has taken me away from home so I am just catching up.

I hope this note finds you in a good place of mind. We have to learn to manage our feelings towards our spouses. I fear that if I express my frustration it will only lead to making my wife feel worse. I worry she somehow blames herself for her condition.
I cannot tell you the correct thing to do, only the things that I have done. To be blunt there are not many ways to ease the strains of being lonely.

My wife and I have been married for 26 years. I am trying to grasp the idea that this cancer is a battle for both of us. I don't think many people realize that. I feel, who am I to express my feelings to others while she is battling this desease? Won't I be judged as selfish and self centered?

I encourage you to keep strong, avoid the temptation towards anger especially to the world around us ( which is tough!) and pursue your marriage building new memories. Your love of your wife which is manifested in the countless acts of selfless love you provide each day may be just another hug you are giving and each nod, kiss or hand squeeze you receive is an unspoken return of the love.

Joe

drum3433

grandmafay said:

Loneliness
I lost my husband to colon cancer in Oct., 2009. He lived and fought hard for over 6 years after his diagnosis. He slept in his recliner for much of the last two years due to pain in his back from an inoperable tumor, so I understand the loneliness. This is a really hard time for both of you. When my husband felt well enough we tried to focus on the now and make memories with family and friends. We made some great memories. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's a necessity. You can't take care of your wife unless you take care of yourself, too. Feel free to PM me or just keep writing on these boards for support. We do have some understanding of what you are feeling. Fay

Thanks
Fay,
thanks for your kind words and encouragement.
Joe

abfaul6

david54 said:

Lonliness
Thanks for the reply Joe; I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate all of you that post here. I admit I am hit and miss posting depending on how busy my life is, yet I am so grateful for this network. I prayed last night to God for an angel to lie next to me and simply hold me; I just want to be held. At the risk of sounding horribly sexist, when was the last time anyone heard a man saying he wants to be held? There is virtually no “Intimacy” between us, its down to a back rub and foot rub and hot water bottle for her distended abdomen, particularly after her Irenotecan. I got so angry with her last weekend then felt like a real horses _ _ _ for my feelings. Sometimes I want to just rip someone’s neck out, the person who pulls out in front of me, or the customer in the line at the market who is short .25 cents and the checker won’t let it slide. What is going on here?

Anger coming out sideways.
Hi David,
You are experiencing what I regard as "anger coming out sideways". It happens to us as humans when we are put into a situation that produces serious changes to our lives. Our character is challenged in areas that are new. Always remember, its ok to be angry, but its what you do with the angry that is important. Often we feel its "wrong to be angry", we judge feelings as right or wrong. They are neither. Its how we handle them that is right or wrong.
So, first acknowledge that you are angry and then look at why, and then deal with that. Often its a break we need. Dont feel guilty for that either - your feelings are ligitimate and unless you address them they will come out sideways, on the road, at the supermarket, on your kids, spouse.... anywhere but the source.
The more you look at what you can change in your response to situations the calmer you will feel. You will also recognize your limits easier. That is hard for all of us.
My husband of 53 years has 4th stage NSCLC. Diagnosed July 08. We now have hospice. He has had several small strokes, double pneumonia and now some dementia. I find his changes in moods the hardest to deal with. One moment I am wonderful, and the next I am picked apart for something, then the mood will change and I am ok again. Then "whats wrong with you". I cannot keep up with the emotional seesaw. Just this morning I "snapped back" - hence I am here reading about other peoples problems which are worse than mine and I find this mechanism helps me keep my balance and cope. I dont feel guilty for "getting away" for a while. By doing this I cope with my latest "angry".
Take care David,
Ann

david54

abfaul6 said:

Anger coming out sideways.
Hi David,
You are experiencing what I regard as "anger coming out sideways". It happens to us as humans when we are put into a situation that produces serious changes to our lives. Our character is challenged in areas that are new. Always remember, its ok to be angry, but its what you do with the angry that is important. Often we feel its "wrong to be angry", we judge feelings as right or wrong. They are neither. Its how we handle them that is right or wrong.
So, first acknowledge that you are angry and then look at why, and then deal with that. Often its a break we need. Dont feel guilty for that either - your feelings are ligitimate and unless you address them they will come out sideways, on the road, at the supermarket, on your kids, spouse.... anywhere but the source.
The more you look at what you can change in your response to situations the calmer you will feel. You will also recognize your limits easier. That is hard for all of us.
My husband of 53 years has 4th stage NSCLC. Diagnosed July 08. We now have hospice. He has had several small strokes, double pneumonia and now some dementia. I find his changes in moods the hardest to deal with. One moment I am wonderful, and the next I am picked apart for something, then the mood will change and I am ok again. Then "whats wrong with you". I cannot keep up with the emotional seesaw. Just this morning I "snapped back" - hence I am here reading about other peoples problems which are worse than mine and I find this mechanism helps me keep my balance and cope. I dont feel guilty for "getting away" for a while. By doing this I cope with my latest "angry".
Take care David,
Ann

Anger-stress
Thank you all for your support-I appreciate it so much. As long as my 55 year old ankles and knees tolerate it, I find running a great tool for stress.

zack1

Liver cancer
Hello,
My name is Diana and My husband is Doug. Doug was dx Nov, 2010. He was in the hospital getting a work up for liver transplant. MRI showed Hepatacellular Carcinoma. To many tumors to transplant. The Milan rules say they can't transplant if you have 3 or more tumors of a certain size. My husband has to many. Prognosis 3-6 months. He is on Nexavar now but last MRI last week did not show any difference. I am so sick in my heart and the pain is so great. Our prays are for a miracle of healing. When all doors have been closed from man, God can open a door for a healing from him. So we are standing on the promise's of God and reading healing scriptures daily. I'm so blessed that the lord is with us and caring us on his back. All we have is our Faith and we claim every promise God gave us in the bible. Thank you God for caring for all of us on this board and our families. I want look to my right or to my left, I will only look straight ahead and follow Gods path.
Diana