HAVING A HARD TIME COPING WITH GRIPPYNESS

MOE58

Hi everyone

I don't usually post but why is it that one little thing lately just ticks him off and upsets him? I promised myself I would never fuss with him again after surgery but sometimes its pretty hard not to think to do it. He wasn't like this a month ago but now he is, is it going off the pain meds? or just in general? Anybody else have this problem.

Whew somedays I am so glad I work and am gone all day.

Thanks
Lori aka MOE

Betty in Vegas

Edgy behavior
Yes, Layne has that too, and is more morose. I think it is more the overall let down of being able to DO that without having to be on the assault of the cancer 24 hours a day. I think that it is like going through war, and is to be expected.

Which is why I am doing a lot of things for me lately and getting away some, something we never did before. We were strong believers in doing most everything together, but now I get a bit of time away so I can bite my tongue. As the months pass, I may start chatting w/him about it some, but for now, he needs time to just let his spirit heal like his body is doing, I figure.

But I sympathize with you totally.

Betty

K_ann1015

Betty in Vegas said:

Edgy behavior
Yes, Layne has that too, and is more morose. I think it is more the overall let down of being able to DO that without having to be on the assault of the cancer 24 hours a day. I think that it is like going through war, and is to be expected.

Which is why I am doing a lot of things for me lately and getting away some, something we never did before. We were strong believers in doing most everything together, but now I get a bit of time away so I can bite my tongue. As the months pass, I may start chatting w/him about it some, but for now, he needs time to just let his spirit heal like his body is doing, I figure.

But I sympathize with you totally.

Betty

caregiver issues
Hi Betty, Kath, Lori, Sherry and others,

I am aware of some of these issues from my mom and my dad hasn't even had surgery--(just the exhaustive nature of everything).

My question for you all is---Do I forewarn my mom at all of the issues that seem very common post op (it seems like a month or so out....) I think both my parents feel that although surgery will be a tough recovery---that once it is complete---everything should get easier. I think that is when things might be most challenging??

Would it have helped you guys if you knew about the possibility of these issues ahead of time?---or just scare /depress you?

I am just glad I can ask these questions to someone., I share some info from this site with my mom/dad thinking they might want more--but not yet. I think they are overwhelmed with day to day and trying to get ensures down. The great ideas that Bill posted didn't help. They said they decided to stick mostly to ensures, because when ever he tries "real" (except for a few)--it really bothers his stomach.

thanks to all of you for sharing on this site...
Kim

Betty in Vegas

K_ann1015 said:

caregiver issues
Hi Betty, Kath, Lori, Sherry and others,

I am aware of some of these issues from my mom and my dad hasn't even had surgery--(just the exhaustive nature of everything).

My question for you all is---Do I forewarn my mom at all of the issues that seem very common post op (it seems like a month or so out....) I think both my parents feel that although surgery will be a tough recovery---that once it is complete---everything should get easier. I think that is when things might be most challenging??

Would it have helped you guys if you knew about the possibility of these issues ahead of time?---or just scare /depress you?

I am just glad I can ask these questions to someone., I share some info from this site with my mom/dad thinking they might want more--but not yet. I think they are overwhelmed with day to day and trying to get ensures down. The great ideas that Bill posted didn't help. They said they decided to stick mostly to ensures, because when ever he tries "real" (except for a few)--it really bothers his stomach.

thanks to all of you for sharing on this site...
Kim

Yes, I would tell her
I don't think I'd let on to your dad though. One day at a time has enough for him, probably. But your mom needs warning.

One thing I had not heard about on the ACOR list or here was the heart issues...and that really terrified me. When the nurse explained that 80 percent of patients have this...and it is really not as bad as I thought, it was helpful. Then another EC survivor wrote to tell me, yes, he had it, and is fine! That really helped.

I wish I had known that it might happen, then I could have at least not been surprised by it. I really have little nerve left for more surprises right now.

I think after learning about the cancer, the rest is just the fight and it's good to know about the upcoming possibilities so you can prepare.

For what it is worth, we are 3 weeks out, and truly, it is not as bad as his reaction to the pain meds in the hospital. It just so happens that I am tired from the battle, and I think I don't take it as well as I used to. I suppose I know that if I get to where he's snappy I can say "I'm going out for a bit" and I don't have to worry so much anymore. But it is good to know that they become a bit sick of being sick and snappier at about this point, and that way she can have friends ready to take her out.

Betty

chrisk06

Betty in Vegas said:

Yes, I would tell her
I don't think I'd let on to your dad though. One day at a time has enough for him, probably. But your mom needs warning.

One thing I had not heard about on the ACOR list or here was the heart issues...and that really terrified me. When the nurse explained that 80 percent of patients have this...and it is really not as bad as I thought, it was helpful. Then another EC survivor wrote to tell me, yes, he had it, and is fine! That really helped.

I wish I had known that it might happen, then I could have at least not been surprised by it. I really have little nerve left for more surprises right now.

I think after learning about the cancer, the rest is just the fight and it's good to know about the upcoming possibilities so you can prepare.

For what it is worth, we are 3 weeks out, and truly, it is not as bad as his reaction to the pain meds in the hospital. It just so happens that I am tired from the battle, and I think I don't take it as well as I used to. I suppose I know that if I get to where he's snappy I can say "I'm going out for a bit" and I don't have to worry so much anymore. But it is good to know that they become a bit sick of being sick and snappier at about this point, and that way she can have friends ready to take her out.

Betty

Crabby
This morning Steve bit my head off for washing and drying his wallet! He told me I ruined it...funny thing..it was falling apart anyway!

oriontj

Betty in Vegas said:

Yes, I would tell her
I don't think I'd let on to your dad though. One day at a time has enough for him, probably. But your mom needs warning.

One thing I had not heard about on the ACOR list or here was the heart issues...and that really terrified me. When the nurse explained that 80 percent of patients have this...and it is really not as bad as I thought, it was helpful. Then another EC survivor wrote to tell me, yes, he had it, and is fine! That really helped.

I wish I had known that it might happen, then I could have at least not been surprised by it. I really have little nerve left for more surprises right now.

I think after learning about the cancer, the rest is just the fight and it's good to know about the upcoming possibilities so you can prepare.

For what it is worth, we are 3 weeks out, and truly, it is not as bad as his reaction to the pain meds in the hospital. It just so happens that I am tired from the battle, and I think I don't take it as well as I used to. I suppose I know that if I get to where he's snappy I can say "I'm going out for a bit" and I don't have to worry so much anymore. But it is good to know that they become a bit sick of being sick and snappier at about this point, and that way she can have friends ready to take her out.

Betty

my husband was like that
my husband was like that during radiation and chemo...I just went about my day since he was gone all day..took the train into the city except the last two weeks I'd pick him up so he didn't have to wait for a train...and the last week it was pouring every day.

When he as I called copped an attitude..I just told him...NO...don't do it...my younget son lives with us...and one night..this a calm kid..well 35 ys old..he let him have both barrels and then went to reload...told him, shape up and treat us right..we're all you have and you sure don't make us want to be around you...and if you need us...well change that crappy atitude...he didn't spare him one bit. It sunk in..finally...that we aren't the slaves or whipping boys..he told his Father..that he could go and live with his sister in TX if he continued his ways..and we wouldn't miss him one bit.

I was totally shocked and backed him up...either shape up or find somewhere else and someone else to go off on...cause it won't be us..

I call him on it each and every time he starts up...so he now knows...not to continue that behavior at all..

As far as I'm concerned it's not acceptable ever...

Trish_from_Pittsburgh

oriontj said:

my husband was like that
my husband was like that during radiation and chemo...I just went about my day since he was gone all day..took the train into the city except the last two weeks I'd pick him up so he didn't have to wait for a train...and the last week it was pouring every day.

When he as I called copped an attitude..I just told him...NO...don't do it...my younget son lives with us...and one night..this a calm kid..well 35 ys old..he let him have both barrels and then went to reload...told him, shape up and treat us right..we're all you have and you sure don't make us want to be around you...and if you need us...well change that crappy atitude...he didn't spare him one bit. It sunk in..finally...that we aren't the slaves or whipping boys..he told his Father..that he could go and live with his sister in TX if he continued his ways..and we wouldn't miss him one bit.

I was totally shocked and backed him up...either shape up or find somewhere else and someone else to go off on...cause it won't be us..

I call him on it each and every time he starts up...so he now knows...not to continue that behavior at all..

As far as I'm concerned it's not acceptable ever...

Mr./Mrs. Grumpypants??
Hi everyone,

Being a cancer survivor myself (had breast cancer, chemo, radiation and lumpectomy over 11 years ago) and also now having a spouse with cancer (I don't consider myself a "caregiver", I'm Roy's wife and I'd gladly do whatever it takes....we're in this together, how can you not be? .... he was there for me and I will be here for him), I can see things from both sides of the fence.

When I was going through my chemo and sporting a bald head (I didn't do the wig thing), when I would go out I would always cover my head with a scarf, just to make others feel more comfortable...Then, I thought "You know what, I have to deal with cancer everyday, you can deal with looking at a bald head!" And I didn't wear my scarfs after that!

I tried to be upbeat even after given a cancer diagnosis (hard as it was, not knowing if this autumn would be the last time you would see the leaves change colors) and I didn't think cancer gives you the right to me mean or ignorant to others.

I guess I have that "advantage" of being on the path that Roy is taking. One thing cancer gives you, as my surgeon told me, is "cancer-itis", where everything that happens in your body from now on you will think is the return of your cancer. We now longer have the privilege of cancer-free society that can just have a sore side or achey bones or brain fog or chest congestion, without thinking "has my cancer spread to my liver, bones, brain or lungs?" But I can say "cancer-itis" does improve over time, your fears will slowly be put on the back burner.

When Roy gets grumpy I call him "Mr. Grumpypants"! But I know exactly where he's coming from - it's the "cancer-itis" speaking and not him. I hope you never are in the position I am in (being a cancer survivor, meaning I hope you never get cancer) but it actually gives you a different prospective on things.

You are doing the right thing by just walking away for a while - but I can bet things will get better. It just takes time, one day at a time.....

Trish

mumphy

K_ann1015 said:

caregiver issues
Hi Betty, Kath, Lori, Sherry and others,

I am aware of some of these issues from my mom and my dad hasn't even had surgery--(just the exhaustive nature of everything).

My question for you all is---Do I forewarn my mom at all of the issues that seem very common post op (it seems like a month or so out....) I think both my parents feel that although surgery will be a tough recovery---that once it is complete---everything should get easier. I think that is when things might be most challenging??

Would it have helped you guys if you knew about the possibility of these issues ahead of time?---or just scare /depress you?

I am just glad I can ask these questions to someone., I share some info from this site with my mom/dad thinking they might want more--but not yet. I think they are overwhelmed with day to day and trying to get ensures down. The great ideas that Bill posted didn't help. They said they decided to stick mostly to ensures, because when ever he tries "real" (except for a few)--it really bothers his stomach.

thanks to all of you for sharing on this site...
Kim

Oh Yes my friend!!!
Hi Kim,

I would tell your mom everything to prepare her the more infromation she has the better equipt
she will bee to handle what may come along.

Al has his moments even as I am writing this. Today hasn't been a good day for eating what he
thinks he can eat. You can say your not supposed to and they do it anyway and then you get well you dadn't say it might make me gag. Here is another the feeding pump is beeping so
hit the button, I don't know which one. Kim there are a million of them.

Your dad will have up and down days and mind you the pain meds don't help with there lovely
demeanor either.

It will be 6 weeks on Monday since Al had his surgery. He is getting better at doing things for himself. I have to push a little but right now he is also having low back trouble, I think its from not laying completely down and its putting pressure on his back.

Any way my point being anything that you find in a post or need to ask any of us to prepare
your mom write it down and keep it handy if you don't want to overwhelm her with it all now
you will have a reference manuel to look at, and of course us.

Take care!
God Bless,
Kath