Help I don't understand

mumphy

HI All,

I an having a difficult time with Al ,I know there are certain things that he able to do but just refuses to do them. I understand that he had been through alot lately but I can not keep waiting on him hand and foot. I know that he's ready, maybe I have spoiled him
but its time. How do I gently take more responsiliy for taking care of himself.

Loretta you are the expery! I have put my foot down, but he still isn't willing to do more for himself. I'm tired! I need some suggestions on how to make him more confident that he is able!

It's been a bad few days and he needs to know that he can do it.

Thanks for you help and support.
Kath

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

MOE58

Okay KATHY TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET MOE HELP YOU!!!
Well hello, sounds like you might not want to hear what I have to say but I am going to tell you anyway, first off AL is just two weeks postop not even that, you ought to be glad he is doing as well as he is, jeff couldn't do half the things 1 week postop that AL has been doing, sounds like you are rushing things just a bit, if you are totally waiting on him hand and foot than fine I see your point, but remember this is a BIG procedure, and you could hardly wait for surgery so now lets work on the after, you say he won't do anything but he is walking outside, he takes a shower, he goes to bed, and he is eating more than he did before, you ought to be glad. Remember they are sore, and it hurts to move, we sometimes have to put ourselves in their shoes and see how it would feel. Jeff is just 4 months post op on Monday, and there is still stuff i have to help him with, he does eat and bath himself, but other things i have to help remember they broke his rib in surgery so that is still uncomfortable, he can't eat alot of stuff others are already eating, I have alot of stress on my plate I am the only one working and sometimes its really hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you know what I almost lost him 24 hours after surgery, and the days I saw him in ICU suffering, I told myself, you know if he comes through this I will help him no matter what, after I saw what this mans body went through I don't care if he never did a thing again, I was just glad to see him alive, You know I get tired too, but I know that GOD gave him back to me for a reason, and I am going to fulfill that reason.

Kathy remember you might be tired, but think of our Kitten's husband Patrick, he has it alot more worse off than any of us, he has a WHOLE PLATE FULL, we just have half a plate full, he cooks, cleans, takes care of his lovely beautiful wife, and still works a 40 hour job, I am sure this man loves his wife very much and he definately took her for better and for worse, but not every man would stay this long with their wife.

I know you are hurting Kathy, and there is days I hurt too, but we just have to pull up our BIG GIRL PANTIES, and keep going, maybe i need William to send you a new pair sounds like your old ones are worn out, and you need new ones to keep going.

Please let me know how things are going on our other site.

Loves and hugs
Lori

oriontj

MOE58 said:

Okay KATHY TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET MOE HELP YOU!!!
Well hello, sounds like you might not want to hear what I have to say but I am going to tell you anyway, first off AL is just two weeks postop not even that, you ought to be glad he is doing as well as he is, jeff couldn't do half the things 1 week postop that AL has been doing, sounds like you are rushing things just a bit, if you are totally waiting on him hand and foot than fine I see your point, but remember this is a BIG procedure, and you could hardly wait for surgery so now lets work on the after, you say he won't do anything but he is walking outside, he takes a shower, he goes to bed, and he is eating more than he did before, you ought to be glad. Remember they are sore, and it hurts to move, we sometimes have to put ourselves in their shoes and see how it would feel. Jeff is just 4 months post op on Monday, and there is still stuff i have to help him with, he does eat and bath himself, but other things i have to help remember they broke his rib in surgery so that is still uncomfortable, he can't eat alot of stuff others are already eating, I have alot of stress on my plate I am the only one working and sometimes its really hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you know what I almost lost him 24 hours after surgery, and the days I saw him in ICU suffering, I told myself, you know if he comes through this I will help him no matter what, after I saw what this mans body went through I don't care if he never did a thing again, I was just glad to see him alive, You know I get tired too, but I know that GOD gave him back to me for a reason, and I am going to fulfill that reason.

Kathy remember you might be tired, but think of our Kitten's husband Patrick, he has it alot more worse off than any of us, he has a WHOLE PLATE FULL, we just have half a plate full, he cooks, cleans, takes care of his lovely beautiful wife, and still works a 40 hour job, I am sure this man loves his wife very much and he definately took her for better and for worse, but not every man would stay this long with their wife.

I know you are hurting Kathy, and there is days I hurt too, but we just have to pull up our BIG GIRL PANTIES, and keep going, maybe i need William to send you a new pair sounds like your old ones are worn out, and you need new ones to keep going.

Please let me know how things are going on our other site.

Loves and hugs
Lori

they need to do what they can do
This has been said to me many times by many people...it becomes to easy for them to let someone wait on them hand and foot...cause that's how it's always been..we're both retired...he can make a sandwich..etc...I did it on crutches and his legs work...

Just say..if you don't do it for yourself...then I won't do it for you...the longer you do..they longer you willhave to do it...

Big girl panties..when do they put their big boy boxers on...ever?

mumphy

MOE58 said:

Okay KATHY TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND LET MOE HELP YOU!!!
Well hello, sounds like you might not want to hear what I have to say but I am going to tell you anyway, first off AL is just two weeks postop not even that, you ought to be glad he is doing as well as he is, jeff couldn't do half the things 1 week postop that AL has been doing, sounds like you are rushing things just a bit, if you are totally waiting on him hand and foot than fine I see your point, but remember this is a BIG procedure, and you could hardly wait for surgery so now lets work on the after, you say he won't do anything but he is walking outside, he takes a shower, he goes to bed, and he is eating more than he did before, you ought to be glad. Remember they are sore, and it hurts to move, we sometimes have to put ourselves in their shoes and see how it would feel. Jeff is just 4 months post op on Monday, and there is still stuff i have to help him with, he does eat and bath himself, but other things i have to help remember they broke his rib in surgery so that is still uncomfortable, he can't eat alot of stuff others are already eating, I have alot of stress on my plate I am the only one working and sometimes its really hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you know what I almost lost him 24 hours after surgery, and the days I saw him in ICU suffering, I told myself, you know if he comes through this I will help him no matter what, after I saw what this mans body went through I don't care if he never did a thing again, I was just glad to see him alive, You know I get tired too, but I know that GOD gave him back to me for a reason, and I am going to fulfill that reason.

Kathy remember you might be tired, but think of our Kitten's husband Patrick, he has it alot more worse off than any of us, he has a WHOLE PLATE FULL, we just have half a plate full, he cooks, cleans, takes care of his lovely beautiful wife, and still works a 40 hour job, I am sure this man loves his wife very much and he definately took her for better and for worse, but not every man would stay this long with their wife.

I know you are hurting Kathy, and there is days I hurt too, but we just have to pull up our BIG GIRL PANTIES, and keep going, maybe i need William to send you a new pair sounds like your old ones are worn out, and you need new ones to keep going.

Please let me know how things are going on our other site.

Loves and hugs
Lori

Lor I understand what your saying BUT!!!
Lor,
First of all it's been a month since Al had his surgery and he no longer has his feeding tube
and needs to walk around and get exercise. I let it go for a while since he had that aspiration pneumonia but he has to get up of his but and start doing more for himself. He has
cut his pain meds down to about 6 hours and sometimes 8 in between doses. He know what he should and should not eat he has his list given to him by the dietician.

Yours and Jeff's situation are entirely different then ours Al did not have any problems during his surgery. All of his insisions are out and he has no drain.

I do know that there are many people on this site that have it alot worse then we do right now
and I pray for them daily. I also know how lucky I am that he is doing as well as he is.

He has to get his strength back and do things. He is not out of the woods yet he will be getting more chemo and they will be adding radiation as well. He will need me more when this all starts again.

Sometimes even caregivers need a break.

Love and Hugs
Kath

MOE58

mumphy said:

Lor I understand what your saying BUT!!!
Lor,
First of all it's been a month since Al had his surgery and he no longer has his feeding tube
and needs to walk around and get exercise. I let it go for a while since he had that aspiration pneumonia but he has to get up of his but and start doing more for himself. He has
cut his pain meds down to about 6 hours and sometimes 8 in between doses. He know what he should and should not eat he has his list given to him by the dietician.

Yours and Jeff's situation are entirely different then ours Al did not have any problems during his surgery. All of his insisions are out and he has no drain.

I do know that there are many people on this site that have it alot worse then we do right now
and I pray for them daily. I also know how lucky I am that he is doing as well as he is.

He has to get his strength back and do things. He is not out of the woods yet he will be getting more chemo and they will be adding radiation as well. He will need me more when this all starts again.

Sometimes even caregivers need a break.

Love and Hugs
Kath

thanks
Yes caregivers need a break too, and thank you for your advice what would we do without each other on this site. I am going out for a bit even though i have no money, but i need a break. My mouth is just so full right now i have to bite my tongue, and it sure does bleed alot for not opening it. Man i think GOD is trying my patience right now.

GOD Bless

Hugs
Lori

Unknown

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

mumphy

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

Went to the PCP Today!
Hi all,
Al and I went to the Dr.s today. He is recovering from the pneumonia and he has been haveing trouble with his low back. Well I have known the Dr. since I was her medical assistant 18 yrs ago. She agees that he needs to start moving aroung more. So we are all in agreement that he is now able to do more then he has been. He may get more fatigued but with that he will also be building strength.

She did give him an rx for his low back pain and told him to listen to his wife!! She knows best. I guess he has no choice now but to get off his butt and start building up his strength. He really has been through alot,and he still has alot more to go. I'm sure he understands now that I need to have my time to gain my strength back or I will of no use to him during the next round of chemo and radiation.
Loretta I told him about the golf shoes and he said, your pretty tough. I think that he now undstands just how difficult things have been for me.

As caregivers you try so hard not to let them see how much it effects you, but you also have
to discuss these things because they just don't know with everything else going on.

He gets it now after a nice long conversation.
Thanks for the words of wisdom!!
God Bless,
Kath

MOE58

unknown said:

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

FOR LORETTA BILL'S WIFE
Loretta,

I want to commend you on a job well done I too have to laugh because Jeff forgets and does this same thing i am copy and pasting this so you will remember what you said, Jeff loves to do this but forgets still thinks about the old times. I love this saying you are sometimes so funny, and yes you can be my mother i will love you the same.

But what I wanted to say was that when I suggested we go shopping, I didn't know Bill had just eaten a big bowl of hot soup and topped it off with a large milkshake. Well, on the way there the repercussions began. I had to roll the window down. When we got into the store, the "embarrassing expulsions or should I say explosions" continued. I tried to get away, but he kept trailing me. I said, "Get away from me--walk over there". He said, "Naugh, I want them to think it's you!"

Such are the happenings of one who did not follow his diet. Finally, I said, "Why don't you just go to the car?" We cut our trip short so he could come home and spend time with his friend "John". So the moral of that story is -- don't go shopping after supper I guess. Also, khaki colored pants are not a wise


well i don't think i need to say anymore.

Lori

MOE58

mumphy said:

Went to the PCP Today!
Hi all,
Al and I went to the Dr.s today. He is recovering from the pneumonia and he has been haveing trouble with his low back. Well I have known the Dr. since I was her medical assistant 18 yrs ago. She agees that he needs to start moving aroung more. So we are all in agreement that he is now able to do more then he has been. He may get more fatigued but with that he will also be building strength.

She did give him an rx for his low back pain and told him to listen to his wife!! She knows best. I guess he has no choice now but to get off his butt and start building up his strength. He really has been through alot,and he still has alot more to go. I'm sure he understands now that I need to have my time to gain my strength back or I will of no use to him during the next round of chemo and radiation.
Loretta I told him about the golf shoes and he said, your pretty tough. I think that he now undstands just how difficult things have been for me.

As caregivers you try so hard not to let them see how much it effects you, but you also have
to discuss these things because they just don't know with everything else going on.

He gets it now after a nice long conversation.
Thanks for the words of wisdom!!
God Bless,
Kath

I am so glad for you
Glad you got some results and some answers. I too called the doctor for Jeff and told her about his gripeyness, she said too early for him to be off his pain meds since he has still had trouble with his esophogaus and his rib is still hurting along with other things, so i picked those babies up on the way home and told him NOW TAKE THESE and quit being so gripy. He did and now he has mellowed out. Thank GOD for pills.

I just want to say i know we both get tired being caregivers and we certainly have walked right out of MOE"S shoes, so lets pass them on to K_ANN so that she will have them for her dad, I think she might need them Don't you?

Take Care
Hugs and love
Lori