Very Frustrated

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sharnspark
sharnspark Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
My daughter seems to be very angry. I find it very hard to deal with. She lives with her father up North and I travel there to see her. The environment that she is in is in my opinion not a good one. She has chosen to live with her father. I have told her that I would love for her to live with me. The area in which she lives is isolated. Her father smokes and drinks. She has lung, bone and liver cancer. I don't know how to relate to her and would like some ideas on what do I say and do or not do. It seems that no matter what I say that it is not right. She is going to be 40 years old in December. Are there are rights or wrongs in handling a situation like this?

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  • beckyracn
    beckyracn Member Posts: 322
    #2
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    sharnspark,
    I have been on
    sharnspark,
    I have been on both sides of this dreaded disease...caretaker and victim. Neither side is an easy road. There are no rights or wrongs. While I was going through treatments, I found myself getting very nasty to my husband...without cause. He didn't understand what I was going through physically or emotionally and words couldn't describe it. I apologized a lot. I guess it's because we know those closest to us will take what we dish out and still hang around. While many others distance themselves as soon as they find out about your diagnosis-like your contagious. I found myself pushing him away due to the belief that if I passed on, he wouldn't suffer so much because of the distance. I was always so strong and self sufficient that when I could no longer do the basics, I really got angry. Refused to let anyone help...would only cry when I was alone. Never one to let anyone see my weak side. Best advice, let your daughter know your there for her...let her come to you. She will.
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #3
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    Just a thought
    If your daughter is on chemotherapy, and one of her drugs is a steroid, then it may affect her mood. My hubby was receiving Decadron as part of his treatment and he was a little harsh/distant at times. A little research and I realized it was the Decadron. Best of luck to you.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
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    No Right or Wrong
    There really isn't a right or wrong. I echo the idea of letting her know you are there and saying I love you a lot. You can't change what she is going through, but you can change how you react. Accept her anger as either a symptom of her treatment or a stage in the grieving process. She is grieving her old life, and she is mad as h### at what is happening to her. She is angry at the disease not you. Take care, Fay
  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #5
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    grandmafay said:

    No Right or Wrong
    There really isn't a right or wrong. I echo the idea of letting her know you are there and saying I love you a lot. You can't change what she is going through, but you can change how you react. Accept her anger as either a symptom of her treatment or a stage in the grieving process. She is grieving her old life, and she is mad as h### at what is happening to her. She is angry at the disease not you. Take care, Fay

    No right or worng
    Fay is correct. (as almost always) My wife has never had a harsh word to say to anyone but last night she let lose. You have to let it be water off a ducks back.

    Steve
  • lisaonthenet
    lisaonthenet Member Posts: 69
    #6
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    rights or wrongs
    sharnspark,

    I feel like you talking to your daughter and telling her your feelings would be the best way to go. She will have to come to terms with what you share on her own time but at least you'll know you've been open with her. You could try writing a letter. Sometimes I find that's the best way for me to get my thoughts down.

    Lisa

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