I think I'm going a little crazy....emotional roller coaster following bi-lateral mastectomies with

kckhud

Just wondering if any others have gone through bi-lateral mastectomies with reconstruction and did they experience waves of emotions? I guess I didn't really expect to feel so sad about losing both my breasts in my late 40's since doing so would be saving me from those crazy cancer cells! I had to have a hysterectomy 5 years ago but didn't have any real emotional upheaval, so I guess I was hoping I wouldn't go through this now. It's just that each time I get out of the shower, the scars are such a vivid and stark reminder of the past 2 and 1/2 years of lumpectomy after lumpectomy until the final diagnosis in April....I made it through the mastectomies and a summer of expanding appts. and I had the transfer implants surgery a few weeks ago so am still pretty sore and limited on what I can do with my arms.....the new breast mounds are healing, but it isn't me anymore....maybe when and if I follow through with the nipple reconstruction it won't be so alarming and emotional? Any words of wisdom would really be appreciated.....maybe it's also as I have spent the last 2 years chasing this cancer or it chasing me that now as I am coming closer to putting this all behind me, my emotions have caught up to me?????? Thanks for your help ladies.....

LC815

You're still healing, physically, so of course, you're healing emotionally! I spent a lot of time, post-reconstruction, trying to rid myself of scars . . . vitamin E, those scar sheets, you name it. I remember my plastic surgeon saying, "In ten years, you won't even notice them." I thought that was insanely insensitive at the time. Well, it didn't take that long at all.

Here's a suggestion you might think is strange, but it worked for me. My "breasts" look GREAT in a bra or a bathing suit. Are you back in bras yet? Maybe if you spent some time semi-clothed while looking in the mirror you will see how attractive you look.

Are you going to do tattooing with the nipple reconstruction? That might help you.

My plastic surgeon told me that any plastic surgery I have done on my breasts FOR LIFE is covered by insurance. If you end up not happy with the way they look . . . like they aren't shaped they way you'd like, or they don't feel right, go back to your surgeons, or go to a new one.

Peace.
Linda

kckhud

LC815 said:

You're still healing, physically, so of course, you're healing emotionally! I spent a lot of time, post-reconstruction, trying to rid myself of scars . . . vitamin E, those scar sheets, you name it. I remember my plastic surgeon saying, "In ten years, you won't even notice them." I thought that was insanely insensitive at the time. Well, it didn't take that long at all.

Here's a suggestion you might think is strange, but it worked for me. My "breasts" look GREAT in a bra or a bathing suit. Are you back in bras yet? Maybe if you spent some time semi-clothed while looking in the mirror you will see how attractive you look.

Are you going to do tattooing with the nipple reconstruction? That might help you.

My plastic surgeon told me that any plastic surgery I have done on my breasts FOR LIFE is covered by insurance. If you end up not happy with the way they look . . . like they aren't shaped they way you'd like, or they don't feel right, go back to your surgeons, or go to a new one.

Peace.
Linda

Thanks Linda for your
Thanks Linda for your encouragement....I guess you're right the healing going on is both physical and emotional....probably was hoping I could skip the emotional part - ha ha! Anyhow, yes I am planning on following through with the nipple reconstruction and I am sure that time and everything along with it, will help. I will focus more on how I look in my bra and clothes until they start to feel more of a part of me rather than 2 weights sitting on my chest! Thanks and hope you are doing well too! Eileen

cristinec

LC815 said:

You're still healing, physically, so of course, you're healing emotionally! I spent a lot of time, post-reconstruction, trying to rid myself of scars . . . vitamin E, those scar sheets, you name it. I remember my plastic surgeon saying, "In ten years, you won't even notice them." I thought that was insanely insensitive at the time. Well, it didn't take that long at all.

Here's a suggestion you might think is strange, but it worked for me. My "breasts" look GREAT in a bra or a bathing suit. Are you back in bras yet? Maybe if you spent some time semi-clothed while looking in the mirror you will see how attractive you look.

Are you going to do tattooing with the nipple reconstruction? That might help you.

My plastic surgeon told me that any plastic surgery I have done on my breasts FOR LIFE is covered by insurance. If you end up not happy with the way they look . . . like they aren't shaped they way you'd like, or they don't feel right, go back to your surgeons, or go to a new one.

Peace.
Linda

Me too
Hi I"m cristine and had the same done on the 4th of this month, with expanders and i still have my drains in. I'm up and down trying to get myself "happy". Maybe its the tamoxifen who knows. I'm 47 single so I dont think I will be taking my shirt off much. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Healing takes time And I'm doing my beast at this. All my best to you... cristine P.S. linda thank you to. Hearing from others does help. peace to you.

kckhud

cristinec said:

Me too
Hi I"m cristine and had the same done on the 4th of this month, with expanders and i still have my drains in. I'm up and down trying to get myself "happy". Maybe its the tamoxifen who knows. I'm 47 single so I dont think I will be taking my shirt off much. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Healing takes time And I'm doing my beast at this. All my best to you... cristine P.S. linda thank you to. Hearing from others does help. peace to you.

Thanks Cristine....
Hi Crisitne.....you will definitely feel a little better once you get the drains out and be able to take showers without pinning them to yourself! I think maybe I need to change our shower doors from mirrors to a shower curtain and then it won't be staring me in the face so to speak.....but I think Linda is right that as we are healing physically, we have to let our emotions and loss of a part of us heal as well.....just not sure how that works. I am not big on the crying or tears part, but I have tended to be a "happy" person and as you said it seems hard right now to get happy like I was before the mastectomies, expanders, implants and cancer diagnosis.....but I do find reminding myself that this has saved me from the cancer spreading it does help me to move forward a bit. But the emotions are real and I guess one has to let themselves experience it. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone....that really does help and my best to you....we have to take it one day at a time, even though I am not known for patience in that area - ha ha! It's hard for me to not be able to really exercise other than walking since my work has been in physical education and coaching and I miss my racquet sports which I now realize were my stress releasers.....let me know how you progress and I hope your healing goes quickly! peace to you too..Eileen

JeanH

dealing with emotions
I've just joined the site, and reading your input has made me realize there are many people dealing with the same issue you are talking about. I had a double mastectomy at the age of 40, followed by a hysterectomy. I had breast reconstruction two years ago. I did get the nipple reconstruction and the tatoo's as well. I feel better for having done it, but find that I still don't feel like my old self. I feel like I am this other person dealing with all of the emotional baggage that comes with the effects of cancer treatment. I yearn to be the person I used to be, and am not sure how to get there. My husband has been great through all of this, and tells me I should be glad to be alive. He listens when I tell him I don't feel attractive anymore, and is understanding when I forget to do something, but he doesn't really hear me. I do not believe I am depressed, but I am angry, and find myself conflicted and at odds with my new reality. Thanks for any advice.

kckhud

JeanH said:

dealing with emotions
I've just joined the site, and reading your input has made me realize there are many people dealing with the same issue you are talking about. I had a double mastectomy at the age of 40, followed by a hysterectomy. I had breast reconstruction two years ago. I did get the nipple reconstruction and the tatoo's as well. I feel better for having done it, but find that I still don't feel like my old self. I feel like I am this other person dealing with all of the emotional baggage that comes with the effects of cancer treatment. I yearn to be the person I used to be, and am not sure how to get there. My husband has been great through all of this, and tells me I should be glad to be alive. He listens when I tell him I don't feel attractive anymore, and is understanding when I forget to do something, but he doesn't really hear me. I do not believe I am depressed, but I am angry, and find myself conflicted and at odds with my new reality. Thanks for any advice.

I don't think the doctors
I don't think the doctors really address the emotional issues that can arise and I think you are right that there are probably many of us dealing with it, but aren't really sure how to......like you mentioned about your husband reminding you you are alive, I too, go there with myself and try to dodge the way I feel inside. When I mentioned some of this last week to my doctor, he was waiting for me to get "here" and would have been more concerned if I didn't feel the loss of my own breasts ( & I had a hysterectomy 5 years ago as well - altho I don't remember feeling this sense of loss in the same way). He reminded me that I barreled through the last 7 months with the cancer diagnosis, mastectomies and reconstruction and now my heart has to catch up with my head. I am considering looking into some counseling to help me "get my feelings out on the table" and tackle them head on, so that I can hope to move forward from my anger and conflicts inside as well. I might look into a support group, but I think I do better in a one-on-one type setting. We aren't the same person we were before, but there is no reason not to believe that we remain the positive, upbeat, fun-loving parts of personalities as we grow in new ways?

Keep in touch and I'll let you know what I end up deciding to do to help me work through the sadness, anger and self-image issues that are dangling beneath the surface these days. Eileen

marilyndbk

Hi.
I am also going thru
Hi.
I am also going thru this. Bilateral mastectomy with latissimus flap reconstruction with expanders in Sept 09. It is so good to know I am not the only one and my thinking is sort of normal. I am not sure I have dealt with the emotional side of losing my breasts. I know it was necessary to save my life but it is still loss. I have great drs but I agree they do not deal with the emotional part of this journey. I have great support from family and friends but sometimes feel they don't really get it. I try to put on the happy face and have faith that God will lead us all out of this troubled time. Bless us all and take care. Marilyn