18 hrs till 1st chemo.....SCARED!!

blazytracy Member Posts: 157
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I really didn't think I was going to be this scared! To be honest, I really think that the whole BC DX (I hope dx means diagnosis?) is FINALLY becoming REALITY!!?? I have had my masectomy, yes, that did not bother me too much at all.....now when it comes to chemo, I am scared?? I really don't know why because I keep reading about all the "chemo girls" here and it really doesn't seem to be sooooooooooooo bad.....and on the other hand, it REALLY does!!!

I guess I am scared because (besides the usual) I am the exception..I have already had a kidney/pancreas transplant in 2005, which by the way, am doing WONDERFUL with...but the point is that I am ALREADY immunosuppressed, already am anemic, already have neuropathy, already have things going against me that I feel like geez, if chemo has all these "bad" side effects (and I am already well prepared for hair-loss-thanks to you girls, haha) what can someone like me expect?

Yes, I will be loaded with questions tomorrow, believe me! I know that you chemo girls are united together and I know that I am just starting out, but can I please be a part of this "trauma"? I really would like to compare notes and YES, I will be back tomorrow (afterwards) to let you know EXACTLY what I am getting, how often, how long, etc. All I know right now is that I am getting Cytoxan, Adriamycin, & Taxol. Also Neulasta booster shot 24hrs after chemo.

Oh, and by the way, I FEEL COMPLETELY NORMAL RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is that normal? (I really hate to lose that feeling!!!)

ANY advice is appreciated.....Thanks so much! Tracy


  • LC815
    LC815 Member Posts: 155
    I had the same "cocktail"
    I had the same "cocktail" you will have. I'm not sure how you'll fare, but I will tell you one thing, as bad as the chemo is, it's not cancer! Are you able to take time off from work if you need to? If that's the case, then enjoy your anti-nausea and pain meds, and sleep through it.

    Weird story, but I'll share it anyway: When I was pregnant with my second daughter (when my first daughter was only eight months old), I was soooooo sick that I said to my mother, "If I ever have cancer, I won't ever be able to do chemo." What a hoot! Chemo was NOTHING compared to that "morning sickness."

    My fourth AC treatment was my worst. I was laid low, but done with the AC. Taxol was a walk in the park compared to AC.

    Disclaimer: everyone's different, but we're all the same in that WE WILL GET THROUGH CHEMO!!!!

    In addition to Neulasta, there's an anemic drug . . . I don't know the name, but make sure you tell your doctor you want it (I'll try to Google it to see if I can find out the name). Neulasta never bothered me, but some called it "Nastylasta." Tylenol can help.

    You feel "completely normal" after your mastectomy? Girl, you got it covered.
    Tell that hunky guy in the pic next to you that he needs to clean the bathrooms for awhile!

  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    Oh, how I can relate Tracy!
    I don't think I slept much at all the night before my 1st chemo, and I don't think there was anything anyone could've said or done to make that any different. Unfortunately, it's the fear of the unknown and until we go through it ourselves, we are unsure how our bodies will react. Of course, I can only speak about my own experience and that was that I was expecting a whole lot worse than it turned out to be. I suppose if we expect the worse, it turns out to be better than we anticipated. I was nervous my 2nd time as well wondering if I might have a 'different' reaction. The worst side effect for me (other than losing my hair, lol) are the body aches, tired and run down after the Neulasta shot and lasting about 2 days and then I gradually climb back up. Thankfully my treatments are every 3 weeks so I have a lot of recoup time in between.

    It's great that you feel 'completely normal' right now, as I would imagine going into chemo not feeling well would make it much more difficult. I am looking forward to your update 'post-chemo' when you'll be telling us 'it wasn't as bad as you imagined' :))

    Lots of hugs, best wishes and positive energy... Mar
  • mizcaldwell
    mizcaldwell Member Posts: 143
    Scared is Normal!
    How can we not be scared? We read the side effects - see what people go through - and until we go there ourselves, we don't know what it is like. It's the unknown. The actual infusion part went so well - they make it go so smoothly. People are nice - the nurses are great. For me, the first few days weren't bad. I'll tell you what got me - the big C (constipation) - so be proactive in that regard! I understand with all the other medical conditions, you would be terrified - again, it's the unknown - but post away and let us know what is going on. We'll help you through!

  • mlmjt1
    mlmjt1 Member Posts: 537
    Hi Tracy
    I just finished chemo about 4 wks ago and I basically had the same cocktail as you except I had herceptin as well. Adriamycin/cytoxan is not fun, but its do able. Just drink lots and lots...when they say 8 to 10 8oz glassess of fluids they mean it. Remember that jello and popcicles count as fluid. And try to keep something on your stomach...eat small and often...nap when you can and exercise, walk, do yoga...it will help the fatigue.

    Taxol is really lots easier...just some bone pain and muscle achiness. I was able to work close to 25 to 35 hours per week while on a/c and closer to 38 to 40 hours while on the taxol.

    One other thing...it took me 3 cycles to realize that I was on chemo and I couldnt expect to feel like I did a year ago. I was on chemo, I wasnt supposed to feel good. You will have a new normal for a while, but you will get thru it, it will be over and you will start to feel yourself again.

    Remember...Life is good!!!
    I will be thinking of you
    Linda T
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    Tracy if it's Tuesday chemo,
    Tracy if it's Tuesday chemo, then you and I will be getting chemo about the same time. this will be my 3rd round of Adriamycin/cytoxan tomorrow. I, like you, was pretty scared, but followed the reactions and actions of the other people getting their chemo. They were laughing, talking and drinking coffee. I thought if they can do this so can I. My health issues are minor compared to yours, but everyone is so different with different reactions to the chemo. I'll keep you in my prayers. You and I also have something else in common, I lost my mother when I was 14 years old. She died from heart disease at the age of 40. I'm almost 67 so not doing too bad for an old gal. yes I also felt normal but scared for the first chemo round. you are normal whatever normal is, you just happen to be fighting cancer. I wish you the best possible outcome tomorrow and I will be praying that all goes well. Those infusion nurses know their stuff, so dont be worried. God bless.
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    Hi, Tracy
    Don't be scared. I wasn't at all. You'll feel out of sorts for a week, but you'll get through. I take taxatere and cytoxan, a bit different than yours. I had mine #3 today and so far so good. There'll be some stomach aches and bone aches, but it will pass and you'll be yourself again in a week. Just rest is all you can do, eat soup and crackers, that really helps me. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.
  • Marlene_K
    Marlene_K Member Posts: 508
    Was hoping....
    You'd be well enough to jump on and tell us how you made out! Don't forget about your friends in pink...we are anxious to know how you are!
  • always
    always Member Posts: 256
    Marlene_K said:

    Was hoping....
    You'd be well enough to jump on and tell us how you made out! Don't forget about your friends in pink...we are anxious to know how you are!

    Round 2 in 11 hours
    Tracy I am going for round two in 11 hours. It is scary. I don't see how it wouldn't be the first time is an unknown. The chemo room is like visiting the boards here. You can talk if you want, or just listen. You will be surrounded by understanding. Try not to be scared. It really is a place where people understand what you are going through. My cocktail is cytoxan and tamotere. I had some nausea day one and two, but if you keep something in your stomach and drink plenty of water it helps tons. I had bone pain that made me crazy day 3 thru 5 but the sisters in pink not only got me through but had the answers I needed quickly. A slight setback with my wbc, but that will be treated this time around with neulasta that they didn't think I would need. I am doing well all in all. Normal is temporarily different..but it is season in life. The seasons change and we with them. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. Let us know how it goes. We will be watching to hear from you.

    Good Luck tomorrow Natly, Laurissa glad all went well. I need to check to see who else checked in today.