okay... seriously is anyone else having these problems with people....
Comments
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LOL Chen!chenheart said:When I was an all-knowing,
When I was an all-knowing, can't teach me anything 14 year old, my dad said the perfume I was wearing made my bedroom smell like "A French W.h.orehouse" Being all wise, I asked him how he knew what such a house smelled like. I wonder , 40+ years later, why I want to ask your brother the same question~only about midget wrestler butts! :-)
Chen♥
I always wanted to
LOL Chen!
I always wanted to ask that of people who have said that, too!
as for my brother, he and his wife had recently attended a match...first I'd ever heard of such an event.0 -
People wonder why we don't
People wonder why we don't keep in touch.I do wish people would think or not talk. My sister lead my nephew to believe that I don't have hair beccause it was shaved, not that I am on chemo and have cancer, but that it was shaved. So now my daughter puts up with some of the nasties comments at school and of course I get told I need to stop being stubborn and ask for help? Exactlly how do people think they are helpful?0 -
Yes, yeschenheart said:You Can't Fix Stupid! LOL
Of course people say stupid things to us; we could probably write volumes on the subject!
Even knowing that, I would hate it if ONLY fellow warriors had the "right " to encourage me and ask me how I am doing! My friends/family who did not have cancer took me to my appointments and made dinner,etc. My hairdresser hugged me and encouraged me by telling me that she would be giving me my first post chemo re-growth haircut for free! At the Relay For Life, a local massage therapist gives free massages to anyone walking the laps. He is not a survivor, but indeed a kindred spirit.
I believe that ignorant, insensitive people would be like that regardless of the subject. They would "one up" us if we had lost someone in a plane crash, their childbirth labor was worse than ours, or they would know someone's whos was, they had the worst case of whatever, they were treated badly at this place or the other, and of course, most everyone DIED! With many things, I find these people are to be pitied: They have to wake up everyday being them, and we get to be us! Isn't that a happier thought??!
If nothing else, these clueless people have hopefully given us a tutorial in What Not To Say, and How Not To Act! And whereas none of us ever wanted to learn the Life Lesson our battle with the Beast has taught us, at least the we know who our friends are! LOL
The rest I let go, and I try not to be unduly affected by the Muggles on the outside. To those of you who know Harry Potter~ We are the Magical Ones, and CSN is Hogwarts! The Muggles, those hapless family members/friends who are not magically inclined, well, they can't help it that they don't understand what it's like to be us! Good thing we have each other!
Hugs,
Chen♥
I think we should have pity on some of these people, too. There are several types of people who make insensitive comments. The ones who truly do mean well; the ones who shoot their mouths off without really thinking about it; and the ones who, for some reason, need to say something negative. This last group is the one who really deserves our pity because they must be so insecure or so injured by life that they can only offer more negativity. Sometimes, we need to educate these people; sometimes we need to confront them; sometimes ignore them. I think e_hope was right in asking what this person meant by sending the obit. Maybe there is an explanation (though I certainly can't think of one) and she will have a chance to explain. Or maybe there isn't one and she can know that her actions were hurtful. This can be valuable knowledge going forward. We can never know what someone was REALLY thinking, so I guess we could just think the best, speak up when we need to, ignore it when we don't, and, as Claudia says, be happy that we have each other here!
Mimi0 -
her response was.....mimivac said:Yes, yes
I think we should have pity on some of these people, too. There are several types of people who make insensitive comments. The ones who truly do mean well; the ones who shoot their mouths off without really thinking about it; and the ones who, for some reason, need to say something negative. This last group is the one who really deserves our pity because they must be so insecure or so injured by life that they can only offer more negativity. Sometimes, we need to educate these people; sometimes we need to confront them; sometimes ignore them. I think e_hope was right in asking what this person meant by sending the obit. Maybe there is an explanation (though I certainly can't think of one) and she will have a chance to explain. Or maybe there isn't one and she can know that her actions were hurtful. This can be valuable knowledge going forward. We can never know what someone was REALLY thinking, so I guess we could just think the best, speak up when we need to, ignore it when we don't, and, as Claudia says, be happy that we have each other here!
Mimi
Her response to my email questioning why she sent that to me was...... it was an accident...
and a sorry...
I really don't believe it was "an accident"
and at this point I don't care.. at least at the end of the day... she knows it upset me0 -
Man That Takes the Cake
Man that is just beyond words. Is she trying to lift you up or bring you down? I think I would hunt her down and add her to the obit list. I agree, sometimes silence is best. People feel like they have to say something and then they say all the wrong things. I had this guy ask me what I had done (to change my look). I am like, yes, I deliberately plucked all of my eyelashes and eyebrows off and thought it would be cool to cut off all of my hair and wear a cap. Brother. They are right, you can't fix stupid.
Pat0 -
Yesterday, I stopped a local
Yesterday, I stopped a local Taco Johns to get some beans and cheese after chemo (it just sounded good, for why I don't know but it did). The little (well turned out she was large)talking head over the drive up box apparently couldn't hear or understand what I ordered so I drove up to the window to tell her. Her first words were "What do you want SIR!" I had one of my scarfs on so she didn't see bald head. It took telling her 3 times what I wanted before she finally understood. I then told her - quite bluntly that I was not a "SIR" and that it was obvious that I wasn't! Well, the 'manager' brought my beans and cheese to me and almost threw them at me and told me to leave the property because I had yelled at her 'employee' and made her cry. DUH - of course I'm leaving - I'm at the drive up. I tried to tell her that the girl had been very inappropriate to call any woman a "SIR" especially one who is going through Chemo and has no hair (pulled my scarf off to make the point). Her reply was "Oh well that's YOUR problem.". I called the other store here this morning (owned by same person) and the owner is supposed to call me.0 -
Are you kidding me???? JustRague said:Yesterday, I stopped a local
Yesterday, I stopped a local Taco Johns to get some beans and cheese after chemo (it just sounded good, for why I don't know but it did). The little (well turned out she was large)talking head over the drive up box apparently couldn't hear or understand what I ordered so I drove up to the window to tell her. Her first words were "What do you want SIR!" I had one of my scarfs on so she didn't see bald head. It took telling her 3 times what I wanted before she finally understood. I then told her - quite bluntly that I was not a "SIR" and that it was obvious that I wasn't! Well, the 'manager' brought my beans and cheese to me and almost threw them at me and told me to leave the property because I had yelled at her 'employee' and made her cry. DUH - of course I'm leaving - I'm at the drive up. I tried to tell her that the girl had been very inappropriate to call any woman a "SIR" especially one who is going through Chemo and has no hair (pulled my scarf off to make the point). Her reply was "Oh well that's YOUR problem.". I called the other store here this morning (owned by same person) and the owner is supposed to call me.
Are you kidding me???? Just when you think you have heard/experienced it all someone tops it! My Reggie has beautiful silver LONG hair; mid back, which he wears in a ponytail or braid. A few times, when eating in a restaurant, with his back to the server, we have had one or two ask '"What can I get for you ladies?" When they then see he is most certainly a MAN, we all laugh and get numerous Excuse Me's etc etc. Never has anyone said anything like you heard. Especially that chemo is your problem. I am appalled at that reaction.
For the time being, I say you can rightly drop the letter U from your name and call yourself RAGE ~just for today, anyway! LOL Let us know if you get some positive results from the manager.
Hugs, beautiful SISTER!
Chen♥0 -
Sorry for getting off topic.chenheart said:Are you kidding me???? Just
Are you kidding me???? Just when you think you have heard/experienced it all someone tops it! My Reggie has beautiful silver LONG hair; mid back, which he wears in a ponytail or braid. A few times, when eating in a restaurant, with his back to the server, we have had one or two ask '"What can I get for you ladies?" When they then see he is most certainly a MAN, we all laugh and get numerous Excuse Me's etc etc. Never has anyone said anything like you heard. Especially that chemo is your problem. I am appalled at that reaction.
For the time being, I say you can rightly drop the letter U from your name and call yourself RAGE ~just for today, anyway! LOL Let us know if you get some positive results from the manager.
Hugs, beautiful SISTER!
Chen♥
I like the idea of dropping the U for today anyway. Actually it's the E that should really be dropped. Rague is my Appaloosa mare. That is her full registered name. Her momma was Red Tomatoe and she's red too so the person who named her thought of Ragu spaghetti sauce but there have to be at least 5 letters in a name for registry so the E from the end of her momma Tomatoe was added for the 5th letter.
Sorry for getting off topic!
Susan0 -
While we are changing the Spelling of Red Sauce.....Rague said:Sorry for getting off topic.
I like the idea of dropping the U for today anyway. Actually it's the E that should really be dropped. Rague is my Appaloosa mare. That is her full registered name. Her momma was Red Tomatoe and she's red too so the person who named her thought of Ragu spaghetti sauce but there have to be at least 5 letters in a name for registry so the E from the end of her momma Tomatoe was added for the 5th letter.
Sorry for getting off topic!
Susan
Well, isn't it nice that you were easily distracted from the foolishness and mayhem in people's hearts, and were able to focus on Good things~ and we now also know the reason for your username! LOL I suppose, being that she's a mare, her name could have been (sorry in advance) Mare-a-nara! More than 5 letters, defines the gender of your horse, and when spoken is also a Red Tomato Sauce! We can all groan in unison now! :-)
Hugs,
C♥0 -
LOL!!!chenheart said:While we are changing the Spelling of Red Sauce.....
Well, isn't it nice that you were easily distracted from the foolishness and mayhem in people's hearts, and were able to focus on Good things~ and we now also know the reason for your username! LOL I suppose, being that she's a mare, her name could have been (sorry in advance) Mare-a-nara! More than 5 letters, defines the gender of your horse, and when spoken is also a Red Tomato Sauce! We can all groan in unison now! :-)
Hugs,
C♥
Claudia, you are entirely too cleaver!! ♥Pammy0 -
Chen and Elm,chenheart said:When I was an all-knowing,
When I was an all-knowing, can't teach me anything 14 year old, my dad said the perfume I was wearing made my bedroom smell like "A French W.h.orehouse" Being all wise, I asked him how he knew what such a house smelled like. I wonder , 40+ years later, why I want to ask your brother the same question~only about midget wrestler butts! :-)
Chen♥
My girlfriend's grandfather used to use the "you smell like a French W.h.orehouse" line, too.
Once, my girlfriend (being as much of a smart-a**, apparently, as you Claudia!) asked her grandfather how he would know....well, her grandfather had really been stationed in France during WWII....and she got a little more information about him than a girl wants to know about her grandpa!
So be careful what you ask!
:-) Traci0 -
I just took comments as the
I just took comments as the person was trying to be helpful. We all have said things we wish we could take back. I've inserted foot many times. Sorry you have had so many. Why-indeed. Maybe humans really do only use 10% of brain.0 -
I feel your pain... I think
I feel your pain... I think some people just don't think before they speak.. here are a few beauties that have been said to me since my double mastectomy.. my husband says I should write a book...
1. It's a shame they can't come with something better than a mastectomy.. it so disfiguring.. (hmmm thanks)
2. Gee, you breasts look like mosquito bites.. (and here I was actually thinking I looked like a well developed 11 year old... thanks)
3. (this is a doosy) Wonder if your hubby will leave you now?
So, my friends in pink... I don't take myself or anyone else too seriously... sometimes they just can't help being an "****".
Dot0 -
e_
People, peolpe, people! Ugh! What were they thinking. Okay I get it ... they were not thinking. My husband watches this thing called the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. One of the comedians does a skit called, "Here's your sign". It's about people asking questions that have obvious answers such as; someone walking their dog on a leash and the person passing by asks ... is that there your dog?
Maybe that's what you could say to these people. HERE's YOUR SIGN!!!!!!!0 -
Stupid Comments...and they are real!Dot53 said:I feel your pain... I think
I feel your pain... I think some people just don't think before they speak.. here are a few beauties that have been said to me since my double mastectomy.. my husband says I should write a book...
1. It's a shame they can't come with something better than a mastectomy.. it so disfiguring.. (hmmm thanks)
2. Gee, you breasts look like mosquito bites.. (and here I was actually thinking I looked like a well developed 11 year old... thanks)
3. (this is a doosy) Wonder if your hubby will leave you now?
So, my friends in pink... I don't take myself or anyone else too seriously... sometimes they just can't help being an "****".
Dot
Isn't it funny how people just don't think before they let the words come out of their mouths? Having been through this I can say that I have heard so many that I could write a book...it should be called Talking to Cancer Survivors for Dummies. The best one I got was on Christmas Day last year. My sister told her male friend not to talk to me about my illness. So where is the dumb part? Here we go and be advised you must hang onto your shorts for this one...after she told him this he asked why and her response was because I was dead; I died the day I was diagnosed. Now just how stupid is that? I can tell you this, I have not spoken to her since then. People don't think; they talk and just pay no attention. They don't realize the actions of their words. However stupid or hurtful always remember that these are the people we look at and wonder...Really?0 -
PEOPLE
I cannot believe things people say. since my diagnosis and finding that I have to take chemo, herceptin and radiation the looks or comments can be unreal. As if I am not anxious enoug, I get to hear the horror stories. I too hear about all of those who passed. As for me? I am going to be a survivor and this disease will not own me. I have to admit I am VERY NERVOUS about chemo, how will I react, what se's will I have, how long after my first treatment will I know how I will react, will I be able to work, clean my house, cook. How long before I stop having periods, when will I get my first hot flash, how long do the side effects last once they begin after each treatment. So many unknowns. I am so thankful I have this place to to. I am going to need all of you and hope I can be encouraging as well. So far I have only had the lumpectomy, so I cant speak to anything else. sometimes I have problems getting on here because My computer is not the best and my Dad is in the hospital with problems with his liver, my niece has MS and went into aphylactic shock from her medication, she is a single Mom. Her ex-hubby went home (PA) to bury his grandfather and never came back. He left his 3 year old daughter behind. Oh well enough about my issues. I can say this. I hope and pray I can be as strong and brave as the people on this site. You are awsome. Even though this is not a site I wanted to "need". I am so blessed to have found it and am thankful for each one of you. God bless and Have a Blessed Christmas0 -
How About This?
My sister-in-law wrote that she "understands" my "circumstances." After all, she writes, "I went through that with my mother and grandmother and watched my grandmother die of breast cancer and my mom survive. It has always been in the back of my mind of my day with cancer and thank God it has not come."
Can you believe it? May we all be spared further "circumstances."0 -
Et Tu Claudiachenheart said:While we are changing the Spelling of Red Sauce.....
Well, isn't it nice that you were easily distracted from the foolishness and mayhem in people's hearts, and were able to focus on Good things~ and we now also know the reason for your username! LOL I suppose, being that she's a mare, her name could have been (sorry in advance) Mare-a-nara! More than 5 letters, defines the gender of your horse, and when spoken is also a Red Tomato Sauce! We can all groan in unison now! :-)
Hugs,
C♥
Ok, now you have me--not for the first time--laughing so hard I'm hurting. Rague, thanks for explaining your name. I like it. Hope that manager gets back to you and apologizes and gives you a free meal.0 -
Rrogers34rrogers34 said:PEOPLE
I cannot believe things people say. since my diagnosis and finding that I have to take chemo, herceptin and radiation the looks or comments can be unreal. As if I am not anxious enoug, I get to hear the horror stories. I too hear about all of those who passed. As for me? I am going to be a survivor and this disease will not own me. I have to admit I am VERY NERVOUS about chemo, how will I react, what se's will I have, how long after my first treatment will I know how I will react, will I be able to work, clean my house, cook. How long before I stop having periods, when will I get my first hot flash, how long do the side effects last once they begin after each treatment. So many unknowns. I am so thankful I have this place to to. I am going to need all of you and hope I can be encouraging as well. So far I have only had the lumpectomy, so I cant speak to anything else. sometimes I have problems getting on here because My computer is not the best and my Dad is in the hospital with problems with his liver, my niece has MS and went into aphylactic shock from her medication, she is a single Mom. Her ex-hubby went home (PA) to bury his grandfather and never came back. He left his 3 year old daughter behind. Oh well enough about my issues. I can say this. I hope and pray I can be as strong and brave as the people on this site. You are awsome. Even though this is not a site I wanted to "need". I am so blessed to have found it and am thankful for each one of you. God bless and Have a Blessed Christmas
Hello, just wanted to tell you that I admire your attitude--it will serve you very well through your treatments. Anyone who is not going to let cancer "own" her is a strong person. I am sorry your family is going through so much, and at the same time. As for chemo, all of us who faced chemo had the same fears and nervousness. You will find answers to many questions here, and always support. My best to you.0
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