Both Parents Diagnosed -- I think things are about to get challenging

samiamiami

Hello.

I posted this same message in the esophagus cancer section; my apologies if this is repetitive.

My parents and I have always been relatively healthy, until now. In August of this year, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. A month after that, my father was diagnosed with esophagus cancer. I joined this site because I think things are about to get more challenging with my parents, and all of this is new to me.

My mother has had a lumpectomy and a second surgery to remove some lymph nodes. I've been told that things seem to be going well, and that they caught her cancer early. She has just started chemo, and it will continue for about 3 months (8 treatments about every 3 weeks)--then she will begin radiation--which will all last through April/May.

My father has been a rock for my mother--making sure he was taking care of her, driving her to her treatments, etc. But I fear this is about to change, and I think I need to go to be with them. I have a brother and sister who live in the same town as my parents as well.

My father has some other health issues (he is a former smoker, therefore, he has some lung issues). He tells me that the doctors have told him they cannot do surgery on him because of his health issues. They are gong to start chemo on him within the next 2 weeks--and he will evidently undergo chemo and radiation at the same time. His doctors have told him that he should expect to feel very sick--and he will likely no longer be able to care for my mother like he has been.

My parents live in south Georgia--my mother's treatments occur in Jacksonville, FL (50 miles) and my dad, a veteran, is receiving his medical care through VA doctors in Gainesville, FL (95 miles). My mother's health coverage is with medicare.

I will be going to see them again when my dad starts his treatment. I believe now is my time to step up and help take care of my parents.

There's a lot on my mind:

How "sick" feeling will my dad get get? Will he truly be so sick that both he and my mother are going to need someone there full-time to help care for them?

Should I arrange something with my work, maybe using FMLA, and plan to be with my parents off and on over the next few months? Should I quit my job and move back home? Note: I'm not wealthy--so I wouldn't be able to last too long without income--plus there's the economy, and health insurance, and my own health issues (see my profile).

Should we hire some type of caregiver for my parents? If so, who, how?

I will sort through all of this. But I'd be appreciative of other people's opinions and advice.

Thank you,
Sam

Barbara53

go to dr with dad
Wow, when it rains, it pours. You will no doubt find that many people out there in the world are extremely understanding of your plight, and respect the work caregivers do. Still, goodwill doesn't pay the bills, so it's always a guess as to what to do. I've flown back and forth (700 mi) to Mom's so much in the last year that I'm starting to feel at home in the Atlanta airport.

How sick your dad gets will depend on which chemo he receives. You'll need that info to get good feedback on what to expect.

Overall, your mother's prognosis does sound good, your father's less promising until you have more info. How old are they? How independent were they before they got sick? What stages were their cancers rated?

This is day-at-a-time land here on planet cancer. I don't plan anything more than a week out, and try to schedule my time as primary caregiver around the needs of my sibs (don't tell Mom, she thinks it's about her). It takes a village.

samiamiami

Barbara53 said:

go to dr with dad
Wow, when it rains, it pours. You will no doubt find that many people out there in the world are extremely understanding of your plight, and respect the work caregivers do. Still, goodwill doesn't pay the bills, so it's always a guess as to what to do. I've flown back and forth (700 mi) to Mom's so much in the last year that I'm starting to feel at home in the Atlanta airport.

How sick your dad gets will depend on which chemo he receives. You'll need that info to get good feedback on what to expect.

Overall, your mother's prognosis does sound good, your father's less promising until you have more info. How old are they? How independent were they before they got sick? What stages were their cancers rated?

This is day-at-a-time land here on planet cancer. I don't plan anything more than a week out, and try to schedule my time as primary caregiver around the needs of my sibs (don't tell Mom, she thinks it's about her). It takes a village.

Thank you
Thank you very much for your considered response. You've asked some good questions which I will have to learn the answers to. I do not know the stages of their cancers, nor do I know his type of chemo. I do know, they are both 65; they are quite independent, both still driving, cooking, etc. There's not much more I can add right now, but I may be able to speak to my dad's doctor this week, and/or visit them next week and see his doctor. Your questions help; help get me at least pointed on a path to a better understanding. Thank you again. I'll report back here when I know more.
-Sam

jestawoman

Thinking of you...
After reading your post, I just want to say that you will always be in my thoughts and prayers, as I know what it's like to have two immediate family members with cancer. Both my 68 year old mother and my 42 year old brother are living with stage IV cancer. They live alone and I am there more often that at my own home. I really don't think, and mom tells me, that they could not do this without me.
Never think for a second that you are not going to be exactly that important and vital of a person for them!!!
Sometimes it is merely your very presence that will help carry them through on their journey.
Everything else you do is of course just what you know is mandatory, and of course you would'nt have it any other way. God Bless each of you and give you strength. You'll be given many gifts along the way!
Peace

jamjoe

challenge is a good word for it
hello sam

i understand where you are and the many roads that have been laid out in front of you.
you have a few questions to answer but be ready because as soon as you get answers to those questions, you will have 10 more that will follow.
how do i know this ? because sam, i have been down this road and a little further, you see.
i was caregiver to my brother who died at 33 lynch syndrome colon cancer. i have survived a late stage 3 dianosis same illness and recently was caregiver to my mother who just died from it only 2 short weeks ago. so it is still fresh to me.

im looking for anyone who has been in the same shoes that i am walking in now i know u must be out there.care giver twice and a survivor all of the same illness.

some hopeful answers to you from my perspective if that is ok?
medicare did very well in covering most my moms bills so really no worry there. some companies have discounts on somemedicine. you will be doing alot of home work now . find out what your mom and dads medications will be and see if there is assistance available.
in 2008 my uncle died of copd. i was his caregiver too. so im familliar with that too.
the v.a. did a great job with him but you have to know the system you will understand it better after a few visits.
the family leave act is a terrific idea use it wisely. brother and sister need to pull it together for the family now. there are networks for caregivers check out caregiver . com watch for services available that take people to and from treatment centers. watch for support groups they come in handy.
you ask how sick will he get.? good question. but nobody really knows everybody is different
the good news is that there is treatment for the side effects of the medicine. keep asking drs. what are the effects and how to treat them. they got medicine for everything now.
so rest easy for now ill bet you got 10 more questions eh? i understand i been there done that.
always there,

jamjoe

samiamiami

Update Feb 14, 2010
Update Feb 14, 2010

Sorry if these posts go out of order--but i just intended to give an update in case anyone takes a look here.

It's about 6 months after both my mom and dad were diagnosed with cancer. Mom: breast cancer, dad: cancer of the esophagus. When I posted my first message, I was deeply stressed and frightened about things. Now, things *seem* a little better. But we've still a ways to go.

My mom had a lumpectomy, and is now over halfway done with her chemo treatments. She is weak and tired, has good days and bad days--but overall is doing ok. She'll finish her chemo treatments around April--then, we expect, she'll have radiation treatments. We're optimistic.

Dad just had a procedure done wherein they went down his throat and removed some cancerous tissue. He didn't have any large tumors, and his cancer seems to be confined to a small part of his inner esophagus. There was debate for many months about which procedure to do with him--and even if he actually had cancer or not. In the end, doctors agreed the markings in his esophagus were cancer, and they decided on the "down the throat" procedure rather than "real" surgery because he has some other underlying health problems. He is supposed to go back in 6 weeks and they're going to go down again, possible to freeze any remaining cancerous tissue. We're optimistic about my father as well.

The only bad things right now are financial issues, but I won't go into all that.

My dad has been taking care of my mother through all of this--through her chemo. And luckily, he hasn't been out of commission much--and we've avoided them both having chemo/radiation/surgery at the same time.

anyways . . . more later . . . just providing the latest info.

-sam

grandmafay

samiamiami said:

Update Feb 14, 2010
Update Feb 14, 2010

Sorry if these posts go out of order--but i just intended to give an update in case anyone takes a look here.

It's about 6 months after both my mom and dad were diagnosed with cancer. Mom: breast cancer, dad: cancer of the esophagus. When I posted my first message, I was deeply stressed and frightened about things. Now, things *seem* a little better. But we've still a ways to go.

My mom had a lumpectomy, and is now over halfway done with her chemo treatments. She is weak and tired, has good days and bad days--but overall is doing ok. She'll finish her chemo treatments around April--then, we expect, she'll have radiation treatments. We're optimistic.

Dad just had a procedure done wherein they went down his throat and removed some cancerous tissue. He didn't have any large tumors, and his cancer seems to be confined to a small part of his inner esophagus. There was debate for many months about which procedure to do with him--and even if he actually had cancer or not. In the end, doctors agreed the markings in his esophagus were cancer, and they decided on the "down the throat" procedure rather than "real" surgery because he has some other underlying health problems. He is supposed to go back in 6 weeks and they're going to go down again, possible to freeze any remaining cancerous tissue. We're optimistic about my father as well.

The only bad things right now are financial issues, but I won't go into all that.

My dad has been taking care of my mother through all of this--through her chemo. And luckily, he hasn't been out of commission much--and we've avoided them both having chemo/radiation/surgery at the same time.

anyways . . . more later . . . just providing the latest info.

-sam

Glad
I'm glad to hear that things are going fairly well. Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. Fay