pain and alone

bluerose

Your post fits me this morning
Hi Minnie. I am sorry for your situation and am in a similar one myself with being on my own and experiencing many days when being on my own with pain and other physical and emotional challenges can be overwhelming. On top of everything else I deal with after cancet treatment years back (late effects from it all) I hurt my hip and back yesterday and can hardly walk today at all. How to change my cat's litter, make my meals, get up and down from my bed on my own - small things people don't think twice about I know how it is when you are alone and in pain. I hear you loud and clear.

You asked about anonymous advice from someone when you need it and other than on this board which I am sure you are finding helpful I have a couple of suggestions. First of all there is a site that is a good one for spiritual and emotional support. It is The Hour of Power site, it's a tv church program and it isn't what you might think - not a ram it down your throat type of religion - it's more spiritual and very helpful. You go to hourofpower.org and click on New Hope which is their one on one counselling chat. You wait a minute, after filling out a small form, and a live counsellor will come on in type to help you with whatever is bothering you. They are up and running 24/7 for the most part but if it is closed try back in an hour or so and I'm sure they will be there for you. It's live chat, not a board so you get instant feedback - they are very good I found.

Also if you feel quite upset and really need good counselling from counsellors who work with more traumatic situations you probably could find a Crisis Line in your area. Just call your local city hall for their number and many times these crisis lines are also found in the front of your local phone book. If all that fails then your nearest clinic or hospital or police station should have a number for a crisis line. Too there is a cancer information line with all kinds of information on cancer and it's effects on a person. I don't have their address but if you email CSN and ask for the phone number for the cancer information centre I know they have it. They might have good resource numbers there too.

There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, you don't have to be totally alone. Of course you can also try going into the chatroom on this site too, I know that the night time is active and in the daytime you can often find people in there to talk with as well.

All the best, hope today is a better day for you. Blessings, Bluerose

newbornbunny

bluerose said:

Your post fits me this morning
Hi Minnie. I am sorry for your situation and am in a similar one myself with being on my own and experiencing many days when being on my own with pain and other physical and emotional challenges can be overwhelming. On top of everything else I deal with after cancet treatment years back (late effects from it all) I hurt my hip and back yesterday and can hardly walk today at all. How to change my cat's litter, make my meals, get up and down from my bed on my own - small things people don't think twice about I know how it is when you are alone and in pain. I hear you loud and clear.

You asked about anonymous advice from someone when you need it and other than on this board which I am sure you are finding helpful I have a couple of suggestions. First of all there is a site that is a good one for spiritual and emotional support. It is The Hour of Power site, it's a tv church program and it isn't what you might think - not a ram it down your throat type of religion - it's more spiritual and very helpful. You go to hourofpower.org and click on New Hope which is their one on one counselling chat. You wait a minute, after filling out a small form, and a live counsellor will come on in type to help you with whatever is bothering you. They are up and running 24/7 for the most part but if it is closed try back in an hour or so and I'm sure they will be there for you. It's live chat, not a board so you get instant feedback - they are very good I found.

Also if you feel quite upset and really need good counselling from counsellors who work with more traumatic situations you probably could find a Crisis Line in your area. Just call your local city hall for their number and many times these crisis lines are also found in the front of your local phone book. If all that fails then your nearest clinic or hospital or police station should have a number for a crisis line. Too there is a cancer information line with all kinds of information on cancer and it's effects on a person. I don't have their address but if you email CSN and ask for the phone number for the cancer information centre I know they have it. They might have good resource numbers there too.

There is ALWAYS someone to talk to, you don't have to be totally alone. Of course you can also try going into the chatroom on this site too, I know that the night time is active and in the daytime you can often find people in there to talk with as well.

All the best, hope today is a better day for you. Blessings, Bluerose

Crisis Line in my town
I did call the Crisis Line in my city. After I told the counselor what was happening to me, she said the usual line: "How does that make you feel?" I couldn't speak because I was so upset. She said nothing for five minutes. Another "Thank you and good bye" from me. Why do counselors do that? Where can I get help that does not require me to go into a long description of my feelings? I am calling for help. These feelings are hurting me. Talking about them does not help. I want to change them by doing something besides Yoga breathing. Are counselors and social workers trained to say only that sentence? Any counselors out there? Are all counselors alike, or do I just get the New Age ones?

bluerose

newbornbunny said:

Crisis Line in my town
I did call the Crisis Line in my city. After I told the counselor what was happening to me, she said the usual line: "How does that make you feel?" I couldn't speak because I was so upset. She said nothing for five minutes. Another "Thank you and good bye" from me. Why do counselors do that? Where can I get help that does not require me to go into a long description of my feelings? I am calling for help. These feelings are hurting me. Talking about them does not help. I want to change them by doing something besides Yoga breathing. Are counselors and social workers trained to say only that sentence? Any counselors out there? Are all counselors alike, or do I just get the New Age ones?

The good, the bad, and the worst in every field
I know what you mean about 'that' kind of counsellor but that is a pretty standard psychological response from mental health care professionals when they don't know the patient well and want to find out what makes them tick. If they know how you are feeling about a certain thing then they know better where you are going with that particular thought process but I know what you mean, it's frustrating for sure.

I am not a counsellor by any means but have had counsellor's like that and the only thing that I do in cases like that, if it's a call in situation, is try again another night at another time and try to get someone else you can link with better. Just like in any field there are those who are better at counselling than others, picking up on what to say with any given comment that is thrown at them by a caller.

Don't give up on crisis lines though, I have had some good counsellors back years ago when I called them now and again.

The best thing is to get a psychologist/psychiatrist or other prof. counsellor who sees you on a regular basis and thereby will get to know you better and avoid these cookie cutter responses. Still when you are in real crisis the crisis lines are usually pretty good.

Blessings, Bluerose

SonSon

newbornbunny said:

Crisis Line in my town
I did call the Crisis Line in my city. After I told the counselor what was happening to me, she said the usual line: "How does that make you feel?" I couldn't speak because I was so upset. She said nothing for five minutes. Another "Thank you and good bye" from me. Why do counselors do that? Where can I get help that does not require me to go into a long description of my feelings? I am calling for help. These feelings are hurting me. Talking about them does not help. I want to change them by doing something besides Yoga breathing. Are counselors and social workers trained to say only that sentence? Any counselors out there? Are all counselors alike, or do I just get the New Age ones?

How do you feel...
This question you keep getting when calling for help is a knee-jerk response intended to get you to elaborate a bit more so that they can offer something thoughtful.
More than that, it helps to "name" your feelings...For example, in grieving my mother-in-law passing it is helpful for me to say to myself that at this moment I am feeling resentful (for example)...then think of why I feel resentful and try to think it out. It does not remove the grief, but understanding helps me to be patient with the process and to work it out.
I am sure that many of your feelings are very compact and complicated. Not easy to describe in a word or even a sentence.
I have been to counselors/social workers/psychologists many times in my life and found it soooo frustrating that I had to repeat "my story" every time...But I needed the assistance so I patiently told them enough to get started.
I hope you can find it in yourself to keep calling the crisis line or to walk into an office and get the help you need.
Fatima

spoonchek

SonSon said:

How do you feel...
This question you keep getting when calling for help is a knee-jerk response intended to get you to elaborate a bit more so that they can offer something thoughtful.
More than that, it helps to "name" your feelings...For example, in grieving my mother-in-law passing it is helpful for me to say to myself that at this moment I am feeling resentful (for example)...then think of why I feel resentful and try to think it out. It does not remove the grief, but understanding helps me to be patient with the process and to work it out.
I am sure that many of your feelings are very compact and complicated. Not easy to describe in a word or even a sentence.
I have been to counselors/social workers/psychologists many times in my life and found it soooo frustrating that I had to repeat "my story" every time...But I needed the assistance so I patiently told them enough to get started.
I hope you can find it in yourself to keep calling the crisis line or to walk into an office and get the help you need.
Fatima

I Can Relate
I can completely relate to MinnieMN and NewBornbunny in terms of being alone. My Mom who I lived with passed away in March and my only other family member, my sister has completely deserted me even though she lives in a nearby suburb. I do have friends and they try hard to be available to me but they are married and have families and so its different from having family members around. I was rediagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer in early June which devastated me. I too have been severely depressed and frightened of the future and although I see a psychiatrist from time to time and am on anti-depressants, it just doesn't seem to change my despair, loneliness and fear.

Coming here to this website certainly helps to not feel so isolated and is sort of like a lifeline. I just wanted to let others know that I understand their pain of going through this without family. I send my love and support and friendship and please feel free to communicate with me at any time.

Teri

MinnieMN

spoonchek said:

I Can Relate
I can completely relate to MinnieMN and NewBornbunny in terms of being alone. My Mom who I lived with passed away in March and my only other family member, my sister has completely deserted me even though she lives in a nearby suburb. I do have friends and they try hard to be available to me but they are married and have families and so its different from having family members around. I was rediagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer in early June which devastated me. I too have been severely depressed and frightened of the future and although I see a psychiatrist from time to time and am on anti-depressants, it just doesn't seem to change my despair, loneliness and fear.

Coming here to this website certainly helps to not feel so isolated and is sort of like a lifeline. I just wanted to let others know that I understand their pain of going through this without family. I send my love and support and friendship and please feel free to communicate with me at any time.

Teri

Thank you...
Hi Teri,

Thank you so much for posting. I just read your post, and it hit a cord and made me cry. I'm not sure what it was you said, but you hit something in me. That's what I'm looking for-a lifeline-plain and simple. Everything seems so deppressing. I deal with despair everytime my eyes are open, which I suppose would explain my tendency to keep them closed. I want so badly to find something to excite me and make me happy-something to get me going-something to help me ENJOY the time I have left on this Earth. I believe I have a limited time. It keeps hitting me in the face that my "functional" time is getting less and less. However, I have sunk into such a depressed state that I think that I want things to move on, because what's left will be pain. But I don't want to be that way. I'm not suicidal, don't think that. It's just that...I've been thinking about heaven and things like that, and this seems better than what I'm going through right now. But I know I need to fight hard, which I am...fighting. The hardest thing that I'm fighting is the sadness-the fear of what's going to happen next and what it will feel like. I don't want to be like this. I am going to see a bunch of doctors next week-I will be at the hospital on Monday morning. I'm going to tell them how I feel and that I want a therapist, someone to help me deal emotionally. I have a fear of mental health doctors-I don't want the men in white jackets to come get me-and I like having control-I don't like any decision making abilities to be taken away from me. I believe I have deserved that- to decide what treatment I want and don't want. Anyways, let me reiterate that I am not suicidal nor a danger to anyone, so don't nobody call anybody. What I'm trying to say is that I'm just depressed, and I'm dying literally with an illness, and it's hard. It's just hard and scary. I think I'm greiving my own life. Does that make sense? I need a friend, someone that doesn't mind reading depressing emails like this-I have to get it out and need someone to listen. I'm like Teri, my friends have families and care, but it's not like a family member. I have family, but they have been abusive, and they wouldn't be supportive. I love my parents, but there's history. Long story. Would anyone care to be an e-mail buddy? I can take my blackberry into the hospital

spoonchek

MinnieMN said:

Thank you...
Hi Teri,

Thank you so much for posting. I just read your post, and it hit a cord and made me cry. I'm not sure what it was you said, but you hit something in me. That's what I'm looking for-a lifeline-plain and simple. Everything seems so deppressing. I deal with despair everytime my eyes are open, which I suppose would explain my tendency to keep them closed. I want so badly to find something to excite me and make me happy-something to get me going-something to help me ENJOY the time I have left on this Earth. I believe I have a limited time. It keeps hitting me in the face that my "functional" time is getting less and less. However, I have sunk into such a depressed state that I think that I want things to move on, because what's left will be pain. But I don't want to be that way. I'm not suicidal, don't think that. It's just that...I've been thinking about heaven and things like that, and this seems better than what I'm going through right now. But I know I need to fight hard, which I am...fighting. The hardest thing that I'm fighting is the sadness-the fear of what's going to happen next and what it will feel like. I don't want to be like this. I am going to see a bunch of doctors next week-I will be at the hospital on Monday morning. I'm going to tell them how I feel and that I want a therapist, someone to help me deal emotionally. I have a fear of mental health doctors-I don't want the men in white jackets to come get me-and I like having control-I don't like any decision making abilities to be taken away from me. I believe I have deserved that- to decide what treatment I want and don't want. Anyways, let me reiterate that I am not suicidal nor a danger to anyone, so don't nobody call anybody. What I'm trying to say is that I'm just depressed, and I'm dying literally with an illness, and it's hard. It's just hard and scary. I think I'm greiving my own life. Does that make sense? I need a friend, someone that doesn't mind reading depressing emails like this-I have to get it out and need someone to listen. I'm like Teri, my friends have families and care, but it's not like a family member. I have family, but they have been abusive, and they wouldn't be supportive. I love my parents, but there's history. Long story. Would anyone care to be an e-mail buddy? I can take my blackberry into the hospital

Yes, Yes, I will be Your Email Buddy!!!
Read your post and can very much relate to your thoughts. If you want to, go and read my blog on which I've added my new diary entries. It explains in more detail about my feelings. Again, the words you wrote above REALLY make sense to me and I can DEFINITELY relate to your feelings of fear and how difficult it is. I feel the same way and find myself praying every morning to find the strength to get through another day. So yes, please do email me at any time and I will respond. I know how difficult it is to feel like someone accepts you, depression and all....it makes me reluctant to communicate at times as I feel so often that I have to present a "good" mood when inside I'm crying with confusion and fear. God Bless you on your hospital trip and yes, do tell them how you are feeling. We've got to try to keep communicating.... Teri

marywest

Buzzard said:

MinnieMN
There isn't anything anyone can do, unless you allow them to. It is your decision but I don't take no for an answer. I am more than willing to get you to your parents for the necessary care that you need, I am more than willing to buy you a non-stop plane ticket to your parents so that they can get you the help you so desperately need. I don't take no for an answer, if you are adamant that you will go I will have the ticket by Monday. Your choice, but there is the help you need and no its not on your terms but to be honest you don't have many options and your life is more important to more people than you know. You giving up on it simply shows me that I am failing, and I do not take defeat easily. Please, as a near,dear friend, let me do this one thing for you...You have nothing at all to lose...just change your terms, thats all it takes. We all have to step out of our comfort zone at one time or another. Please , just this once, take a walk on the wild side and go see the folks......we love ya, {{{hugs}}}, Clift

your a wonderful man
I just have to comment on you for being so giving and going above and beyond to help someone. Putting people first is an act of love, kindess and giving. There are truly some awsome people and nothing blesses me more than to see it written where people are ready to take action for another person. Your awsome.

angelsbaby

spoonchek said:

Yes, Yes, I will be Your Email Buddy!!!
Read your post and can very much relate to your thoughts. If you want to, go and read my blog on which I've added my new diary entries. It explains in more detail about my feelings. Again, the words you wrote above REALLY make sense to me and I can DEFINITELY relate to your feelings of fear and how difficult it is. I feel the same way and find myself praying every morning to find the strength to get through another day. So yes, please do email me at any time and I will respond. I know how difficult it is to feel like someone accepts you, depression and all....it makes me reluctant to communicate at times as I feel so often that I have to present a "good" mood when inside I'm crying with confusion and fear. God Bless you on your hospital trip and yes, do tell them how you are feeling. We've got to try to keep communicating.... Teri

Minnie
I hope you are ok and that they can help you at the hospital, You are in my thoughts, Happy thanksgiving.

michelle

MinnieMN

angelsbaby said:

Minnie
I hope you are ok and that they can help you at the hospital, You are in my thoughts, Happy thanksgiving.

michelle

I'm still here
Here I am, I'm still here woohoo. Been a really rough week for me and Thanksgiving was quite lonely, but it's over. I can relax the next couple of days now, and then next week will probably be just as rough if not more so. But I'm getting good care-the best for what 0i have. I hope everyone is well. 0i hope you had a wonderful holiday with family.
L

ERIC 60

MinnieMN said:

I'm still here
Here I am, I'm still here woohoo. Been a really rough week for me and Thanksgiving was quite lonely, but it's over. I can relax the next couple of days now, and then next week will probably be just as rough if not more so. But I'm getting good care-the best for what 0i have. I hope everyone is well. 0i hope you had a wonderful holiday with family.
L

It does Suck...but

25 years ago I came down with cancer and thought my life was over. I was 35 and had a very positive attitude about beating it and I did.
25 years later ( 8 weeks ago) I have relapsed. It was a big surprize. Seems like it had been with me for years. My wife of 4 years walked away and friends said let me know if you need anything, that is till you call. It now sucks at age 60 I am so sick and have no desire to do anything. Depression does come with cancer at least for me. I know you need support but after a while your afraid to call some one, you become frozen.
Its hard and lonely but the next day comes.
It is true that to do this alone is Hell.

spoonchek

ERIC 60 said:

It does Suck...but

25 years ago I came down with cancer and thought my life was over. I was 35 and had a very positive attitude about beating it and I did.
25 years later ( 8 weeks ago) I have relapsed. It was a big surprize. Seems like it had been with me for years. My wife of 4 years walked away and friends said let me know if you need anything, that is till you call. It now sucks at age 60 I am so sick and have no desire to do anything. Depression does come with cancer at least for me. I know you need support but after a while your afraid to call some one, you become frozen.
Its hard and lonely but the next day comes.
It is true that to do this alone is Hell.

I can relate to your post
I can relate to your post especially the part about depression and feeling "frozen" as I feel the same way. Friends mean well but its difficult since I can't tell them that things have improved or I'm "okay" now. I'm so sorry to hear about what happened with your wife--that is awful and so hurtful. This site is helpful so stay tuned, but know that others understand your feelings.