I'm "fine"

Ms_Sauce

Hey Everyone,

My name is Crystal. I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma at 15. Finished treatment about a year and half after. I guess the reason I started this discussion is I just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months and he blames it on my inability to open up. He said that although he could never imagine what I've been through, that he can see it. He can see me withdrawing, and putting up a wall to cope when things are stressful and don't go my way. He keeps telling me, in the most non aggressive way, that I should talk to someone or else I'm never going to be able to let anyone in and end up alone. I was wondering if anyone out there has issues letting people in. Or if anyone out there just feels like people don't understand. I feel like this is all "young adults" stereotyped but sometimes I wish someone would understand why I keep myself caged inside. He said it best, he said I had to let the "toxic" part of me go so that the healthy part of me can shine. So that I wont just be "fine" anymore but great.

AngelicBlue

I was told the samething
Hi Crystal,

I was told something of the samething, my boyfriend who I've known since before chemo has been telling me over and over that I'm a hard person to read, that I keep myself locked away. That I don't open up. He also recommended that I go talk to somebody, it's actually why I'm in therapy right now. I think the reason why I have built a wall around myself is because everytime somebody used to ask me how I was feeling when I was still on chemo and ever afterwards, I was a little too honest with them? I would tell them "I'm tired for this reason" or "I feel sick today, because I had a harsh round of chemo today" or whatever, and people would interrupt me or instantly change the subject. I took that as a sign that they didn't want to hear it, so after that when I was asked how things were going with treatment I would just "I'm fine." And that was it. Maybe you do need to talk to somebody, I've noticed it has helped me quite a bit, though I still find I cannot entirely open myself up to other people. I think it is a coping mechanism of yours, like i have recently found out I laugh even when something isn't funny, I smile my way through it and make like nothing is a big deal. I actually took my therapist by surprise when I laughed about something I was telling her that was far from being funny, and she pointed it out to me.

I hope this helps, but you aren't alone in withdrawing yourself from others. Keeping stuff away from people.