Newbie-Acute treatment phase complete-still terribly fatigued

spearce59

So, I went on short term disability again yesterday because I am so fatigued. I can't deal with it. I was diagnosed in January this year (IIIA), surgery in Feb., chemo started in March, radiation August. Oh, and I have been diagnosed with mild lymphedema. I've been on the breast cancer treatment freight train. I worked through chemo-but radiaiton did me in. I wnet back to work right after I finished radiaiton. Bad idea. My first week back I worked 50 hours, including the weekend, and had no rest. I used up ALL of the little energy I had managed to store.

My surgeon told me "most people work through this"- he shouldn't have said that. All I feel is guilty that I'm not "most people". I can't heal from the treatment and work. I've finished the treatment and I am still exhausted. I will use up the rest of my FMLA this time around, and so likely won't have a job when I do feel good enough to work. I'm scared, tired and frustrated.

I feel like a big whiny slacker. "Most people work through this". He was a great surgeon, (my scar is lovely) but he told me that I'd only be out of work 7-10 days with a mastectomy and axiallary node dissection. So, that's when I started feeling badly. I was out 4 weeks.

All of my friends and family, and especially my husband, have been wonderfully supportive-no expectations of me other than to just love them and let them love me. So, I know it's about my expectattions of myself.

The oncology counselor tells me that I need to "come to terms with this." Ugh. I don't wanna. When I try to come to terms with this, all I do is run "What if...?" scenarios through my head. I'm a verbal processor-when I get in my head, it becomes an endless loop with no release! Kind of like being on a tilt-a-whirl that you can't get off of!

Please someone tell me that I'm not alone. I'm trying to give myself permission to stop pursuing "superwoman" status. It's really tough. I've always had a lot of energy, positive outlook.

Marcia527

I had a hard time with
I had a hard time with treatment so I would not have been able to work even if I had a job. Everybody is different and you shouldn't compare yourself to others. There will always be people better off but then there is always someone worse off. I had treatment in 2003/2004. I was also stage 3a.

Just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about things that may never happen. Take care of yourself.

Superwoman is a comic book character. Don't believe it. If you want to believe in fairy tales, believe that you are the princess and you get to command others . It's more fun.

spearce59

Marcia527 said:

I had a hard time with
I had a hard time with treatment so I would not have been able to work even if I had a job. Everybody is different and you shouldn't compare yourself to others. There will always be people better off but then there is always someone worse off. I had treatment in 2003/2004. I was also stage 3a.

Just take it one day at a time. Don't worry about things that may never happen. Take care of yourself.

Superwoman is a comic book character. Don't believe it. If you want to believe in fairy tales, believe that you are the princess and you get to command others . It's more fun.

I do like the idea of being
I do like the idea of being a princess...my husband calls me "The Empress". That's probably more fitting. LOL. I've never been a person who asks for much help, and this journey has demanded that I look out for myself first, and ask for lots of help. It's soooo hard! I feel very selfish, and even though every one says it's OK to care for myself first, it's a very difficult thing for me to do.

Guess I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with my feelings!
Sue

Marcia527

spearce59 said:

I do like the idea of being
I do like the idea of being a princess...my husband calls me "The Empress". That's probably more fitting. LOL. I've never been a person who asks for much help, and this journey has demanded that I look out for myself first, and ask for lots of help. It's soooo hard! I feel very selfish, and even though every one says it's OK to care for myself first, it's a very difficult thing for me to do.

Guess I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with my feelings!
Sue

I was that way for years.
I was that way for years. Then breast cancer and needed help for the first time. I always felt I could take care of myself. Now I have to ask for help and guess what? I'm finding it gets easier. Makes the others feel needed. So look at it that you are helping them by letting them help you. Some day you might be able to pay it back. Not that you want them to get sick but there's lots of ways you could show your appreciation. hang in there and put on that crown.

patti anne

spearce59 said:

I do like the idea of being
I do like the idea of being a princess...my husband calls me "The Empress". That's probably more fitting. LOL. I've never been a person who asks for much help, and this journey has demanded that I look out for myself first, and ask for lots of help. It's soooo hard! I feel very selfish, and even though every one says it's OK to care for myself first, it's a very difficult thing for me to do.

Guess I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with my feelings!
Sue

getting help
Asking for and receiving help was difficult for me as well. I still don't really ask for help and I KNOW that people want to, its just hard.

Deal with our feelings? Aren't we dealing with enough? haha

meena1

Just wanted to let you know
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, I am also going through the same thing. I used to have a lot of energy, i used to be so much fun!!! Now, i am tired, i just like to lay and watch TV. My concentration is totally shot, so i just sit and watch mindless shows.
So, i guess all of us will tell you that we are there with you and totally understand. Take care.

New Flower

spearce59 said:

I do like the idea of being
I do like the idea of being a princess...my husband calls me "The Empress". That's probably more fitting. LOL. I've never been a person who asks for much help, and this journey has demanded that I look out for myself first, and ask for lots of help. It's soooo hard! I feel very selfish, and even though every one says it's OK to care for myself first, it's a very difficult thing for me to do.

Guess I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with my feelings!
Sue

yes. you are not alone
Hi and welcome,
You are not alone. I as well as many other members of this board have been through the very similar situation.
High expectations. I am surprised by you doctor- typical recovery for radical mastectomy 5 weeks.
Most of the stage III patients do not work during Chemo.I was not exception. I was on STD for 6 months. Eventually it did cost me a job, I was laid off, but I think that your health is more important than anything else. You can get another job, but you do not want cancer to come back.
I do have lymphedema too, and I am leaving for my treatment now. You can write me a privet message if you have many questions.
Hugs

Moopy23

No slacker
Hi, Spearce59. You are not alone. I'm more than 2 months out from radiation (chemo before that) after a IIIA diagnosis, and I am still very tired. I have enough energy for 16 hour periods. Unfortunately, that's 8 hours short of 24.

As for time off from work, I was out after a bilateral mastectomy and node removal for 6 weeks. That was the norm, I was told. My surgeon asked me when I felt ready to go back. With chemo (6 rounds of TAC), my onc. didn't expect me to be able to work at all. I worked 2 days a week, and that was hard enough.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Beating cancer is not easy; your body needs as much rest as possible. I wish I could give you some information or advice that would help with your job situation. I do hope that your employer will work with you on some compromise to allow you to work as you can. If you will check the homepage, the ACS does have advocate and advice resources.

My best to you.

Akiss4me

I took a leave
For 6 months! There was no way I could have worked while going through treatment. My health was way more important. I can't believe they are giving you such a short time frame to heal. I just had my ovaries out (part of my treatment) and I was told I wasn't allowed to do anything for 1 month!! Nada. My husband got upset because I folded a load of laundry! But I am going stir crazy. With the flu running rampant in our area, I have also hybernated in my house most of the last 5 months since my body is so compromised. Every one of my Docs (all 6 of them) have told me rest and sleep were the best healers. Do not push your body. You have plenty of time the rest of your life to do that if you want....just not now!! ♥Pammy

aurora2009

Most people work through this !!!!
What a crock! You should not feel guilty! like Marcia said, superwoman is a comic book character not a real person.

I'm sorry to hear that work and finaces are an issue, but truth be told they are for most of us, so I can understand your worry about your job. I really hope that they can work with you by cutting your hours or something, that's what mine did.

My suggestion is to talk to your rad doctor and your onco more than your surgeon, because they know what you're going through better, my surgeon said about the same thing, that it was possible to be back to work in 3 days after surgury and work through chemo and rad's. At that we thought I would be doing chemo as it turns out I didn't have to do it, but that just goes to show that she really didn't know what my treatment plan would turn out to be. She later told me that she told people that they could work, because most people had no other means, and she didn't want to discourage them. While her intentions were good, they were miss placed.

I had 2 surguries, and was able to go back to work 1 week after the lumpectomy for 1 week and then had to have a parial mastsectomy, I ended up trying to go back to work after 10 days but ended up having to take another 3 weeks off. Everyone is different, but our bodies go through alot, as well as our spirt and minds. Depression set in for me after the second surgury and I had a hard time pulling my self out of it, I talked to my onco about depression and was prescribed something that I never took, and then went and talked to my boss about what was happening to me emotionally.

I was lucky and he was very understanding it was the hardest thing for me to admit, but he got me to come back part time and slowly but surely my mood started getting better, I was able to continue that schedule all the way until the last week of rad's, which I took off.

It's normal to feel tired and overwhelmed and if you're pushing yourself to hard, it's not good for the healing process, I just want you to know you're not alone while all our stories are different we are all going through together!

God Bless and welcome to the boards,

Aurora