Ok, Im gonna say it.......returning to intimate relations

thegirlfriend

lyolan1 said:

Post Treatment Sex Life
Hello Girlfriend, Great topic! I have only 4 treatments left. I have not felt like having sex since I had the surgery in August. First i looked like Frankenstein, then the tube,radiation and chemo. I just do not feel very "sexy" at the moment. I mean the tube and drymouth will wither anybody's sexual appetite. I am feeling much better, however, I do not see Mr. Romance returning until this tube is out, soon I hope. Overall, I feel confident that my situation will change soon. Alex.

It does me no good to even discuss or flirt sweetly
With everything going on in his mouth, he feels disgusting. He was so meticulous at taking care of his dental business. and now there is nothing he can do with the stench of dead flesh that it feels like in his mouth. plus the dry mouth, partial thrush, no tastebuds, not to mention the insane pain he has constantly, 24/7.
No wonder he doesnt want to hear it! And he kisses so nicely.
I understand that now isnt a good time, but he doesnt even like to look forward to food or kisses right now if he cant have it now.
Not to mention the rash all over his body, and after 5 chemo treatments, his hair, short as it is, began to lose the hair. He has 1 more week of double radiation, 1 more chemo, and a week of hydration more. Then he is done with this part. Next poss hyperbaric chamber??
we will see.
I just want him to look forward to stuff whatever it is. So right now I guess my username isnt so accurate, Im not really a girlfriend, but just caring friend.

jkinobay

thegirlfriend said:

It does me no good to even discuss or flirt sweetly
With everything going on in his mouth, he feels disgusting. He was so meticulous at taking care of his dental business. and now there is nothing he can do with the stench of dead flesh that it feels like in his mouth. plus the dry mouth, partial thrush, no tastebuds, not to mention the insane pain he has constantly, 24/7.
No wonder he doesnt want to hear it! And he kisses so nicely.
I understand that now isnt a good time, but he doesnt even like to look forward to food or kisses right now if he cant have it now.
Not to mention the rash all over his body, and after 5 chemo treatments, his hair, short as it is, began to lose the hair. He has 1 more week of double radiation, 1 more chemo, and a week of hydration more. Then he is done with this part. Next poss hyperbaric chamber??
we will see.
I just want him to look forward to stuff whatever it is. So right now I guess my username isnt so accurate, Im not really a girlfriend, but just caring friend.

Chin up.................
Please keep this in mind: I compared my ordeal to a really bad train wreck that I was fortunate to walk away from but of course not unscathed.

Give him time. He is not himself right now. None of us are, including you caregivers. But "this too shall pass". You and he will likely never see the "old normal" again in any respect or aspect of your life. But, the really great news and cause for tremendous hope is that gradually you will both enter a "new normal". It may be similar or very different. Nonetheless, you will embrace it, cherish it and be thankful for it.

So, hang in there. I will absolutely guarantee you that he appreciates all that you do even though he may be unable to adequately reflect that.

God Bless and "this too shall pass".

JK

lyolan1

jkinobay said:

Chin up.................
Please keep this in mind: I compared my ordeal to a really bad train wreck that I was fortunate to walk away from but of course not unscathed.

Give him time. He is not himself right now. None of us are, including you caregivers. But "this too shall pass". You and he will likely never see the "old normal" again in any respect or aspect of your life. But, the really great news and cause for tremendous hope is that gradually you will both enter a "new normal". It may be similar or very different. Nonetheless, you will embrace it, cherish it and be thankful for it.

So, hang in there. I will absolutely guarantee you that he appreciates all that you do even though he may be unable to adequately reflect that.

God Bless and "this too shall pass".

JK

Passion
Hi Girlfriend, I was thinking about the topic further after my post. It could just be me, but, a healthy relationship is based on feeling good about yourself as much as feeling good about the other person. When your boyfriend feels better about himself, he will feel better about intimacy with you. Patience, love and support will lead to intimacy when this nightmare is over. I had 7 weeks of rad and chemo, I am almost done, feel pretty good, but this treatment was tough. Your boyfriend sounds like his treatment was more intense. Just be there and help, that is all you can really do. I remember my younger sister was giving me a ride to the hospital after I got de-hydrated, I was really sick and just broke down. She tried to comfort me with words of support, sort of Knute Rockne-esque, and it occurred to me that there are no words, just kindness. Alex.

thegirlfriend

lyolan1 said:

Passion
Hi Girlfriend, I was thinking about the topic further after my post. It could just be me, but, a healthy relationship is based on feeling good about yourself as much as feeling good about the other person. When your boyfriend feels better about himself, he will feel better about intimacy with you. Patience, love and support will lead to intimacy when this nightmare is over. I had 7 weeks of rad and chemo, I am almost done, feel pretty good, but this treatment was tough. Your boyfriend sounds like his treatment was more intense. Just be there and help, that is all you can really do. I remember my younger sister was giving me a ride to the hospital after I got de-hydrated, I was really sick and just broke down. She tried to comfort me with words of support, sort of Knute Rockne-esque, and it occurred to me that there are no words, just kindness. Alex.

tried to post the other
tried to post the other night. I dont want anyone to think Im some nympho and want to now exactly when and where and how much intimacy I can get. Its really not like that.
You are right in saying that he probably feels disgusting or grossed out himself, especially since he was so meticulous about his dental hygiene.
We have the added issue of being 541 miles apart anyway, so i dont know when I will get to see him as of course its his call. He is very protective of his heart anyway. Neither one of us does life very easily. lol!
Im sure everyone is right. He will be ready when he is ready and feels good inside and out.

thanks everyone!