Mom's degenerative arthritis is as evil as her cancer!

jestawoman

Jest stopping in to vent... I am so jealous for mom, of all the folks living with cancer, that find some of what they need to get through it by working, going to meetings, running in marathons, and being able to maintain that physical fitness. Don't get me wrong, I can imagine that their efforts are not without pain and suffering, Bless their hearts...
Mom has recurrent stage IV breast cancer with mets. She lives with my little brother who has recurrent nasopharyngeal cancer. Tough times for them. To make matters worse for mom she suffers degenerative bone on bone arthritis in her hips and spine. The discs in her back are fusing. She no longer can stand up straight, walks with a walker, and is in pain 24/7, even though living on oxycodone. There are up days and down days of course. Here lately alot of down days. So many times, when she is feeling depressed or scared, anxious about what to do about it, the natural thing for me to say involves physical activities, like simply stretching or going for a walk - that she can't do. So many of the little things that help a person with cancer are active, moving, physical body activities. A visit to a friends, or a restaurant, a drive in the country. She says she just couldn't handle it for long enough to make it worth going out the door. Once a week, maybe two, she drives to the grocery store, shops with an electric cart, and I help her get in the house. Other than that, (thank goodness for ritalin!) she is, and says she is, SO LONELY! She keeps her mind occupied best she can when I'm not there by doing crossword puzzles, reading gossip rags, watching TV, and talking to her small dogs. I just feel kind of frustrated that there is no options. I know she is telling the truth about the pain and difficulty, but she is also stubborn and not a bit spontaneous anymore! lol! I also know that so much of her self imposed isolation has to do with the fact that smack in the middle of all the cancer, she also lost her husband of almost 30 years. so any way, you can imagine.... jeez, I think I am feeling bad right this second. Because as good as it might be for me to vent - it can't do anyone else any good to hear these kind of stories that make them feel bad too, so we just share our helplessness sometimes? I don't know. I am always so discombooberated (lol) when I post in these groups.
Maybe I am losing my mind finally! Probably need to shut down and go to bed... Good night from one very small piece of the whole.
Peace...out.

slickwilly

jestawoman
I have been through cancer and now deal with arthritis inside and outside my spine. Degeneration in the neck area causes almost constant pain along with my ruptured lower disc. Add in a small brain tumor, half a face I can't feel because of nerve damage and four other medical problems I deal with daily. So like your mother my plate is pretty full. I am 54 years old and not about to quit living. I don't know your mothers age. At some point we come to grips with our new limitations and how far we can push things. Some people like me are willing to pay what I call "the pain price" for doing activities that our bodies don't like. More pain leads to more drugs and their side effects. Its hard for anyone to understand what our limits are. All I ask for is that people try to understand why I can't do some activities. Why some days are better then others. The spring and fall are more painful times of the year for me and it might be the same case with your mother. She is working within her limits by the sounds of your letter. Like your mother there are times I am stuck at home alone. Its hard when we have lived a life around other people. My daughters got me a dog so I have some company and he makes me take two walks a day even in the worst weather. My life comes down to grabbing those times that I am not in a bunch of pain and making the best of it. If your mother is in constant pain then you have to accept that and work within those limits. Be available when she has a day of less pain so you can do something together. Ask what you can do to make her life better. Sometimes its a hot bath, warming blanket or just sitting in the sun. After 3 years on disability I can't say life is easier or not as lonely. But its my life now and I have to deal with it just as your mother is learning to deal with hers. Best of luck Slickwilly

jestawoman

slickwilly said:

jestawoman
I have been through cancer and now deal with arthritis inside and outside my spine. Degeneration in the neck area causes almost constant pain along with my ruptured lower disc. Add in a small brain tumor, half a face I can't feel because of nerve damage and four other medical problems I deal with daily. So like your mother my plate is pretty full. I am 54 years old and not about to quit living. I don't know your mothers age. At some point we come to grips with our new limitations and how far we can push things. Some people like me are willing to pay what I call "the pain price" for doing activities that our bodies don't like. More pain leads to more drugs and their side effects. Its hard for anyone to understand what our limits are. All I ask for is that people try to understand why I can't do some activities. Why some days are better then others. The spring and fall are more painful times of the year for me and it might be the same case with your mother. She is working within her limits by the sounds of your letter. Like your mother there are times I am stuck at home alone. Its hard when we have lived a life around other people. My daughters got me a dog so I have some company and he makes me take two walks a day even in the worst weather. My life comes down to grabbing those times that I am not in a bunch of pain and making the best of it. If your mother is in constant pain then you have to accept that and work within those limits. Be available when she has a day of less pain so you can do something together. Ask what you can do to make her life better. Sometimes its a hot bath, warming blanket or just sitting in the sun. After 3 years on disability I can't say life is easier or not as lonely. But its my life now and I have to deal with it just as your mother is learning to deal with hers. Best of luck Slickwilly

You made her cry! :-)
Dear Willy...Thankyou SO MUCH for taking time to respond to my post, and especially for coming forward as someone who has so much in common as my mom. She doesn't have a computer :-( but I took my laptop over to her this afternoon so I could read her your message. I knew it would mean alot to her. And boy howdy, it sure did! She started choking up just before half way through reading it to her, soon followed by great big tears. They were great big tears of release and relief to finally know she really was NOT the only person going through what she does. She has often said how terribly ALONE she feels in what she goes through. You gave her the equivelant of a very special gift, and helped her become a part of the whole again. I am forever grateful to you for that! As is she. She has asked me to apologize for not being able to reply herself, and to tell you she sends much LOVE your way. She says she just can't believe how cool it is that someone from clear across the US would reach out and respond to her condition with such kindness and understanding. We both wish you well, and mom wants you to know you have a new friend in her, from way over here in Oregon!
Peace and freedom from pain Slickwilly.