Life Changes

Victoria1566
Victoria1566 Member Posts: 23
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Since being diagnosed with breast cancer this past summer, I want to make major changes in my life. Luckily, after the surgery I didn't need chemo so I'm feeling better everyday and want to live a better life than I had before. I want a job where I help people. I want more friends. I want a smaller house. I've pushed for changes in all these areas but haven't accomplished anything significant. Have any of you experienced this feeling that everything has to change? Life seems so short now. I don't want to waste any more time buried in a deadend job to pay off a big mortgage. But can I sell the house? Who will hire a 48 year old who is switching careers? What about health insurance? Fear sucks!

Comments

  • cindycflynn
    cindycflynn Member Posts: 1,132 Member
    Yes, Fear does suck
    But the best way to get past it is to go through it. Most of the time, you'll find that your fear was exaggerated, if not downright unfounded.

    I have just started on my treatment plan, so I haven't had the feelings you've described just yet, but they seem like perfectly normal feelings for a person in your situation.

    Maybe you need to pick the thing you'd like to do most and tackle that instead of thinking about changing everything at once. A lot of change, even when it's positive, can be stressful. Try to think of this as a time of renewal and exploration. 48 is not too old for ANYTHING (except maybe being a professional athlete in some sports)!

    Join some groups that do activities you enjoy (The Sierra Club if you like the outdoors, a book club if you enjoy reading, etc.) and that will help you to make new friends.

    Enjoy your renewed life!
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Yep
    I feel like I want to change a lot of things, too. But, Cindy is right, don't try it all at once. You just have to begin and not expect it all to get better right away. Even with a lot of determination and motivation, you will have a lot of setbacks and ups and downs. That's just life. After I was diagnosed, I thought that it would be so easy to change everything -- like I was living the plot of a coming of age film where the heroin changes her life during an upbeat musical montage. Well, I have since realized that it's one step forward and two steps back. But that's OK, as long as you keep at it. Work on one thing first. Either selling the house or identifying your new career path. Make a list of your goals and then all the steps you need to accomplish them. Break the steps out so that you see progress every week. Just keep at it. It's great that you know what you want to change, and It's OK that it hasn't happened yet. Sometimes it takes a while, but you can get there. Good luck.

    PS. Every Monday I post a "Goal Monday" thread where people can list their goals for the week. If it makes sense for you, maybe list a few goals there to keep yourself motivated. People can help you brainstorm on the thread, too!
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    mimivac said:

    Yep
    I feel like I want to change a lot of things, too. But, Cindy is right, don't try it all at once. You just have to begin and not expect it all to get better right away. Even with a lot of determination and motivation, you will have a lot of setbacks and ups and downs. That's just life. After I was diagnosed, I thought that it would be so easy to change everything -- like I was living the plot of a coming of age film where the heroin changes her life during an upbeat musical montage. Well, I have since realized that it's one step forward and two steps back. But that's OK, as long as you keep at it. Work on one thing first. Either selling the house or identifying your new career path. Make a list of your goals and then all the steps you need to accomplish them. Break the steps out so that you see progress every week. Just keep at it. It's great that you know what you want to change, and It's OK that it hasn't happened yet. Sometimes it takes a while, but you can get there. Good luck.

    PS. Every Monday I post a "Goal Monday" thread where people can list their goals for the week. If it makes sense for you, maybe list a few goals there to keep yourself motivated. People can help you brainstorm on the thread, too!

    Look into jobs in non-profit organizations...
    My business works with non-profits and they are a great place for people who want to make a difference. Look on the internet for the names of non-profits in your area. They give great benefits. Even the American Cancer Society hires employees in each location. I met someone who helps fit women for wigs at our CT division. There are crisis centers that help women get their lives back on track, there are ones that work with the mentally impared. The best ones are call ARCs (used to stand for Assoc. of Retarded Citizens but now that name is politically incorrect but they still go by the initials).

    Good luck with your changes. As for me, my days of being a doormat are over! My husband blames it on the Arimidex but it's actually that I realize now that I count. No is one of my favorite words now. Good for me!

    Roseann

    Roseann
  • Victoria1566
    Victoria1566 Member Posts: 23
    roseann4 said:

    Look into jobs in non-profit organizations...
    My business works with non-profits and they are a great place for people who want to make a difference. Look on the internet for the names of non-profits in your area. They give great benefits. Even the American Cancer Society hires employees in each location. I met someone who helps fit women for wigs at our CT division. There are crisis centers that help women get their lives back on track, there are ones that work with the mentally impared. The best ones are call ARCs (used to stand for Assoc. of Retarded Citizens but now that name is politically incorrect but they still go by the initials).

    Good luck with your changes. As for me, my days of being a doormat are over! My husband blames it on the Arimidex but it's actually that I realize now that I count. No is one of my favorite words now. Good for me!

    Roseann

    Roseann

    You are right
    Yes, changing everything at once is stressful and unproductive, yet that is exactly what I have attempted to do. I went so far as to resign from my job after a stressful meeting a month ago. My boss was very understanding of my desire to destress my life but suggested that we talk more before I make any final decisions. Since then, I have applied for a couple jobs with non-profits but was not selected. In the coverletter I expressed my desire to change my life and I think I may have come off as a little crazy. Now, I'm rethinking my decision to resign. I rarely run into my boss but I did yesterday and he was as kind and supportive as ever. So, I think I will withdraw my resignation tomorrow and focus on selling my big house. Who wants a $600 heating bill again this winter!!!!!
  • Victoria1566
    Victoria1566 Member Posts: 23

    You are right
    Yes, changing everything at once is stressful and unproductive, yet that is exactly what I have attempted to do. I went so far as to resign from my job after a stressful meeting a month ago. My boss was very understanding of my desire to destress my life but suggested that we talk more before I make any final decisions. Since then, I have applied for a couple jobs with non-profits but was not selected. In the coverletter I expressed my desire to change my life and I think I may have come off as a little crazy. Now, I'm rethinking my decision to resign. I rarely run into my boss but I did yesterday and he was as kind and supportive as ever. So, I think I will withdraw my resignation tomorrow and focus on selling my big house. Who wants a $600 heating bill again this winter!!!!!

    Withdrew Resignation
    Just talked to my boss. I told him that I was staying and he was happy. He told me that he had not told anyone that I had resigned, so it was no big deal. How can I walk away from such a great boss! Well......I will.....just not today.... :-)
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143

    You are right
    Yes, changing everything at once is stressful and unproductive, yet that is exactly what I have attempted to do. I went so far as to resign from my job after a stressful meeting a month ago. My boss was very understanding of my desire to destress my life but suggested that we talk more before I make any final decisions. Since then, I have applied for a couple jobs with non-profits but was not selected. In the coverletter I expressed my desire to change my life and I think I may have come off as a little crazy. Now, I'm rethinking my decision to resign. I rarely run into my boss but I did yesterday and he was as kind and supportive as ever. So, I think I will withdraw my resignation tomorrow and focus on selling my big house. Who wants a $600 heating bill again this winter!!!!!

    Victoria,
    I think your decision is wise. It sounds like your boss is supportive and caring and that is indeed a rarity in the business world. Work on selling your home and making contacts in the non-profit world. Network with people and just get to know the industry you are targeting before attempting a big career move. That way you will be more knowlegable when you do apply. In the meantime, you will have the financial security to pursue your dreams. You sound like you have a lot of determination. I'm sure you'll accomplish your ambitions.
  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544
    Victoria, I know what you
    Victoria, I know what you are feeling! Since I have recovered, I treat every day as a gift & I am using it to the best of my ability! After all, I am living on borrowed time! I already work in a service profession, so I do not plan to change careers, but I try to do something good for someone every day (and not let them know that I did). Let us know how everything goes for you!
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    Yes, life does seem very
    Yes, life does seem very short now. You suddenly realize you will die one day and 20 or 30 years seems like nothing. Now the thought of even being around another 40 years seems like a tiny amount of time and I know it will pass in a blink. The fear of death never used to be a factor for me, but now it is with me every day.
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    life changes.
    yes I do want to make more of my life.I want to for one thing I want to find a way to help people that is going through breast cancer.I would two like a smaller house.And to get a job that has good Insurance.Spend more time with my grandchildren,which I have not got to do latly.I am just starting Chemo then I have radiation.So I have a ways to go yet.Right now I am doing good to keep up with the house work.But we need our dreams to keep us going.Good luck hang in their.(Pat).
  • meena1
    meena1 Member Posts: 1,003
    ppurdin said:

    life changes.
    yes I do want to make more of my life.I want to for one thing I want to find a way to help people that is going through breast cancer.I would two like a smaller house.And to get a job that has good Insurance.Spend more time with my grandchildren,which I have not got to do latly.I am just starting Chemo then I have radiation.So I have a ways to go yet.Right now I am doing good to keep up with the house work.But we need our dreams to keep us going.Good luck hang in their.(Pat).

    Hmm, this disease really
    Hmm, this disease really does change a person' s outlook on things, I feel like you do. I hate my job, but the medical insurance is great and so i cannot complain, I am staying there. But other things i have changed. I always wanted short blonde hair, ( I seriously don't know why) but of course I was bald and when it great back I had it hi-lighted blonde and I love it short! I have also been buying some great clothes, things I wouldn't have considered before. I also increased the amount I put into my 401k plan, i have more patience with my kids. Now, I try not to worry about the small things. I laugh more, and do not stress about my house not being clean, my husband and daughter help with the wash and other things around the house so I have learned to delegate. I do not feel guilty about sitting and watching a movie. Now, I find time to do what I want to do. take care
  • survivorbc09
    survivorbc09 Member Posts: 4,374 Member
    Yes, fear does suck. The
    Yes, fear does suck. The only thing that I realized, that I actually already did, was just to live my life to the fullest. I wouldn't change a thing.

    I hope your changes makes you happy!