Crying

sea60

No they don't David
How can anyone ever know what it's like unless you're in the midst of it.

I'm so sorry about your wife and I know how hard it is for you. My sister was my caregiver during my cancer treatments and surgeries and although she always reflected a positive attitude, I know she broke down several times.

It's a hard and scary thing.

I hope this person realized what you are going through.


Kind regards,
Sylvia

Noellesmom

David,

As a caution to you and to others: it is very important to deal with emotions, good and bad, as they come up and not shelve to work with them later. The problem is, you may never get the opportunity to deal with them at what you think is a plausible future date.

I know from personal experience, unfortunately. On May 25, my brother passed away after a month long stay at the hospital, during which I was one of two primary caregivers. The same morning, my husband had an MRI. The day after my brother's death, we found out my husband had throat cancer. I was not able to grieve my brother's death because, as we all know, cancer overload kicks into high gear almost immediately and all my attention had to shift to my husband. While it doesn't equate for some people, a month later I lost my fourteen year old dog who slept next to me every night. I don't think she actually knew she was a dog and not a child...I certainly never told her!

I know I still have not grieved my brother's death properly and in some ways it has caused me to grieve the entire time my husband has been undergoing treatment: not a healthy thing.

Acknowledge and deal with your emotions - take time to understand what the anger, resentment or sadness you may be feeling actually means and what you can do about it.

You have to stay healthy - for yourself and for your patient.

Tina Brown

Noellesmom said:

David,

As a caution to you and to others: it is very important to deal with emotions, good and bad, as they come up and not shelve to work with them later. The problem is, you may never get the opportunity to deal with them at what you think is a plausible future date.

I know from personal experience, unfortunately. On May 25, my brother passed away after a month long stay at the hospital, during which I was one of two primary caregivers. The same morning, my husband had an MRI. The day after my brother's death, we found out my husband had throat cancer. I was not able to grieve my brother's death because, as we all know, cancer overload kicks into high gear almost immediately and all my attention had to shift to my husband. While it doesn't equate for some people, a month later I lost my fourteen year old dog who slept next to me every night. I don't think she actually knew she was a dog and not a child...I certainly never told her!

I know I still have not grieved my brother's death properly and in some ways it has caused me to grieve the entire time my husband has been undergoing treatment: not a healthy thing.

Acknowledge and deal with your emotions - take time to understand what the anger, resentment or sadness you may be feeling actually means and what you can do about it.

You have to stay healthy - for yourself and for your patient.

I can double endorse what
I can double endorse what Noellesmom is saying. I had a series of traumatic life changing events happen to me one after the other which resulted in a breakdown.

1. My mum had terminal cancer & I nursed her at home.
2. my mum died
3. my husband found out that I had fallen in love with someone else and ended our marriage
4. the "someone else" ended our relationship
5. my husband & I gave it a second go
6. it didn't work so we separated
7. I had an operation
8. my husband & I tried again
9. I was diagnosed with cancer.

The only way I could cope with all of this was to ignore it and pretend it would be OK. Sometimes I wouyld think to myself "I'll deal with those feelings later" But I never did. Like Noellesmom I didn't have time to grieve properly to them before another happened. I had a complete breakdown and am on medication & receiving counselling. So please please put yourself and any grief first so you can prevent what happened to me. Tina

supermanhadley

perspective
Hey David-

I think when you come close to death and cancer it gives all of us a perspective on life that others don't see. In someways it entitles us to see the things that really matter and in other ways it robs us from the simple ignorance that spreadsheets are important.

I firmly believe that strength means allowing yourself to be human and weak.

I think as men we do feel more vulnerable and out of role when we cry. I know I do. But you are fighting this battle with your wife and I doubt she sees you vulnerable. I am willing to bet she sees you as her strength and hero.

Adam

Unknown

supermanhadley said:

perspective
Hey David-

I think when you come close to death and cancer it gives all of us a perspective on life that others don't see. In someways it entitles us to see the things that really matter and in other ways it robs us from the simple ignorance that spreadsheets are important.

I firmly believe that strength means allowing yourself to be human and weak.

I think as men we do feel more vulnerable and out of role when we cry. I know I do. But you are fighting this battle with your wife and I doubt she sees you vulnerable. I am willing to bet she sees you as her strength and hero.

Adam

This comment has been removed by the Moderator

aykt36

thanks
thanks

3Mana

Just cry if you want to!
David,
Don't ever feel bad for crying. I took care of my husband when he was diagnosed with stage 1V lung cancer that had spread to his brain & spine. I tried to be strong in front of him, but it's hard to try and hold the tears back. It's so stressful when you see the one you love go through this. So I can understand how you felt. My husband died after only 2 months from a complication (rare) from one of his chemos. It's almost 6 months and I still miss him terribly.
So be strong & just let your wife know how much you love her!! "Carole"

bluerose

Hugs David
I hope that today you are feeling much better than you did earlier in the month and that your wife is doing better as well.

Just remember we are all here if you need us.

Blessings, Bluerose

mojowkn54

bluerose said:

Hugs David
I hope that today you are feeling much better than you did earlier in the month and that your wife is doing better as well.

Just remember we are all here if you need us.

Blessings, Bluerose

Time

The most important thing in life is the love of a family member or friend. You are going to cry, whether it is the Cancer driving you crazy, if it is the depresiion of losing one's life. You must understand there are small amount of Cancer cells in each and every one of us; they may lie domant or come to a negative effect on one's health; you have to live for each day as though it may be your last. If you see the light of the net day, you are ok.

Cry if you must but pray to GOD for healing. He is the only reason to live!

3Mana

Stress is no good

David,

You are dealing with alot of stress with your wife. Don't they realize this at work? Maybe you could take some time off to try and relax a little. I only went through dealing with this for 2 months before my husband passed away in 2010. Lost alot of weight & also almost had a breakdown. It isn't easy trying to be strong & no matter how hard you try, some days are going to suck. Hang in there & hope your wife does better. Be strong!!       "Carole"