Tuesday Morning Funny......
Flag this messageHumor-29 Sep 09Tuesday, September 29, 2009 8:05 AM
From: This sender is DomainKeys verified"Wisz Bruce" View contact detailsTo: undisclosed-recipientsDave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming bird hunting trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.
That weekend, when all Dave's buddies arrived up at the cabin to hunt, they were completely shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting in a lawn chair hav'n a cold beer, orange vest on, shotgun in the truck, and his dog run'n around.
"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"
"Believe it or not, I didn't have to," Dave replied.
"Thursday night, when I left our meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."
"When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful new see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'......SO, HERE I AM!"
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?
Wonder no more!!!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the purchases were being rung-up, the drunk calmly stated
'You must be single'.
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said...
'Yes you are correct: But how on earth did you know that?'
The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly'.
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