Tuesday Morning Funny......

chenheart
chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
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Flag this messageHumor-29 Sep 09Tuesday, September 29, 2009 8:05 AM
From: This sender is DomainKeys verified"Wisz Bruce" View contact detailsTo: undisclosed-recipientsDave and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming bird hunting trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home frustrated.


That weekend, when all Dave's buddies arrived up at the cabin to hunt, they were completely shocked to see Dave. He was already sitting in a lawn chair hav'n a cold beer, orange vest on, shotgun in the truck, and his dog run'n around.


"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"


"Believe it or not, I didn't have to," Dave replied.


"Thursday night, when I left our meeting, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows. Then the ol'lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."


"When I peeled her hands back she was standing there in a beautiful new see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed, and you can do whatever you want'......SO, HERE I AM!"
//////
Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?


Wonder no more!!!


It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.


The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.


If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.


The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


"Freeze a jolly good fellow."



I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:


A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon


As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the purchases were being rung-up, the drunk calmly stated


'You must be single'.


I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I indeed had never found Mr. Right. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.


Curiosity getting the better of me, I said...


'Yes you are correct: But how on earth did you know that?'


The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly'.

Comments

  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #2
    I thought these were funny.
    I thought these were funny. Why were they flagged? We have had other jokes that were a little naughty and they weren't flagged. I am confused. But I LOL at them. I don't get it. But keep the funnies coming Chen.
    Stef
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #3
    fauxma said:

    I thought these were funny.
    I thought these were funny. Why were they flagged? We have had other jokes that were a little naughty and they weren't flagged. I am confused. But I LOL at them. I don't get it. But keep the funnies coming Chen.
    Stef

    Stef,
    I flagged it
    Stef,
    I flagged it myself....I loved the supermarket joke, but didnt mean for anything else to post, as the friend who sends me lists and lists and endless lists of jokes often has really racy bits in them, and I didnt want anything questionable to post, is all.
    It was my fault for not paying better attention to the way I copied and posted.So I flagged it!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #4
    chenheart said:

    Stef,
    I flagged it
    Stef,
    I flagged it myself....I loved the supermarket joke, but didnt mean for anything else to post, as the friend who sends me lists and lists and endless lists of jokes often has really racy bits in them, and I didnt want anything questionable to post, is all.
    It was my fault for not paying better attention to the way I copied and posted.So I flagged it!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Daft Sod!
    Chen..........we loved them! Brilliant! Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxx
  • chenheart
    chenheart Member Posts: 5,159
    #5
    tasha_111 said:

    Daft Sod!
    Chen..........we loved them! Brilliant! Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxx

    Well as long as they made
    Well as long as they made YOU laugh oh Turquoise One, that's all I care about. And evidently, Greta didn't think they were offensive either. The reason I flagged them is not so much for the 3 that posted, but "just in case" the entire ribald group of jokes that my friend sent to me came through! Evidently they didn't...so I am glad they were CSN-proper! You are right tho, Tash~ I sooo am a Daft Sod!

    LOL and Hugs,
    Chen♥
  • tasha_111
    tasha_111 Member Posts: 2,072
    #6
    chenheart said:

    Well as long as they made
    Well as long as they made YOU laugh oh Turquoise One, that's all I care about. And evidently, Greta didn't think they were offensive either. The reason I flagged them is not so much for the 3 that posted, but "just in case" the entire ribald group of jokes that my friend sent to me came through! Evidently they didn't...so I am glad they were CSN-proper! You are right tho, Tash~ I sooo am a Daft Sod!

    LOL and Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Hey
    I should give you my email address to send them on to~! LOL.. You should see some of the ones I get from england. OMG. Hugs to you for the laugh, I sure needed it. Thank u Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Jeanne D
    Jeanne D Member Posts: 1,867
    #7
    tasha_111 said:

    Hey
    I should give you my email address to send them on to~! LOL.. You should see some of the ones I get from england. OMG. Hugs to you for the laugh, I sure needed it. Thank u Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Claudia ♥ & Tasha ♥
    ♥
    Well, I never heard of anyone flagging their own posting. Now that is a first Claudia! I am impressed!

    And Julia, so good to see you posting. I have missed you and your humor you DAFT SOD!

    Love, Jeanne ♥
    ♥
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #8
    chenheart said:

    Stef,
    I flagged it
    Stef,
    I flagged it myself....I loved the supermarket joke, but didnt mean for anything else to post, as the friend who sends me lists and lists and endless lists of jokes often has really racy bits in them, and I didnt want anything questionable to post, is all.
    It was my fault for not paying better attention to the way I copied and posted.So I flagged it!

    Hugs,
    Chen♥

    Well, these were not bad at
    Well, these were not bad at all and very funny. And you got Tasha laughing so that must have been the plan. I have a bad habit of doing the cut and paste and not looking at what I am cutting and pasting so I can totally relate. I am even more impressed that you knew how to flag your own post. I haven't the slightest idea how to do that.
    Anyway, thanks for the laughter on so many levels. And now you can say, I am not just a member of the daft sods, I am their president. Until someone else takes the mantle of office from you. And with all of us that could be momemtarily.
    Stef

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