Managing stress

AceSFO

My partner and I have been together for 19 years. 2 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. In a nutshell, he's done chemo, had a recurrence, did radiation, and now has another recurrence, this time a tumor growing inside the bone of his sacrum. He started a new chemo regimen 3 weeks ago which includes Irinotecan (nasty) and Xeloda. Today they added Avastin to the mix. This week he also underwent 3 "cyber knife" treatments. Turns out he's an ideal candidate for this sort of procedure and they have a very high success rate (80%) for people with tumors like his - success being measured by killing the tumor and getting the pain down to a manageable level (right now he's on morphine and fentanyl). The scans they did before the cyber knife showed that the tumor has spread outside the bone all the way out to (and probably into) the bowel. Today he did chemo again and is wiped out. Went straight to bed as soon as we got back. Needless to say, the last several weeks have been sort of an emotional rollercoaster and we're both coming to terms with the knowledge that his chances of recovering from this are about the same as winning the lottery. We're very open about what we're each going through with each other and we also have tremendous support from our families and friends. Nonetheless, I'm feeling the weight of the stress and I'm wondering how other people deal with it. I'm open to all sorts of suggestions. Thanks -

Beckymarie

dealing with stress
Wish I could say there was a way to deal with the stress when a loved one has cancer. After my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer, I went to my PCP who put me on an antidepressant. I also started seeing a counselor. It helped by I still have times when I feel so over whelmed with what is happening to us. His prognosis is not good. I try to live day by day, get out occasionally with friends, and take care of myself so I can take care of him. Good luck and I wish you and your partner the best.

AceSFO

Beckymarie said:

dealing with stress
Wish I could say there was a way to deal with the stress when a loved one has cancer. After my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer, I went to my PCP who put me on an antidepressant. I also started seeing a counselor. It helped by I still have times when I feel so over whelmed with what is happening to us. His prognosis is not good. I try to live day by day, get out occasionally with friends, and take care of myself so I can take care of him. Good luck and I wish you and your partner the best.

Thanks, Becky,
I've been
Thanks, Becky,
I've been going to a "family & friends" support group, but I'm finding it isn't really much help. No one else is at this same place in the journey, and with the number of people, I don't really get much of a chance to really get into what's going on with me. We also are focusing on one day at a time and having as good a time as we can. We also try to stay focused on everything that's good in our lives rather than what's not so good. Nonetheless, it's hard as you know. Is your husband still able to get around? Wishing you strength, and thanks for responding.

JaneE2366

AceSFO said:

Thanks, Becky,
I've been
Thanks, Becky,
I've been going to a "family & friends" support group, but I'm finding it isn't really much help. No one else is at this same place in the journey, and with the number of people, I don't really get much of a chance to really get into what's going on with me. We also are focusing on one day at a time and having as good a time as we can. We also try to stay focused on everything that's good in our lives rather than what's not so good. Nonetheless, it's hard as you know. Is your husband still able to get around? Wishing you strength, and thanks for responding.

Stress
I think we all wish we had a magic wand which we could just wave to relieve our stress (& cure cancer!) I am also a caregiver for my husband who was dx with stage iv esophageal cancer in March. If we had chosen no treatment, they only gave him 2 - 3 months. Well we decided on a very agressive form of chemo and we thank God, it seems to be working. It put him into remission.....it is not a cure....chances are it will be back.....so right now we are just trying to take one day at a time. During those first few months, I appeared to be strong on the outside (I felt I had to for his sake) but I was a mess on the inside. Thought about going to my dr for an anti-despressant but quite frankly, I was so busy caring for my husband, I just didn't find the time. Now that things have settled down, I feel I am OK. We both go to a cancer support group and this very subject came up this week. All the patients and most of the caregivers are on meds....so it is not unusual. Another option is to see a professional. I know our insurance will cover a # of visits....so you may want to check that. Another tip.....take care of yourself. Try to get enough sleep (I know that sounds silly.....I had a very hard time sleeping) and try to exercise. I am a walker....usually walk 3 miles a day but I stopped when my husband got sick...but recently I started again and I do feel better. People also say yoga is a great stress reliever. I am going to try to get to a class or 2 myself soon.

Sorry...no magic solution. I feel for you. Will pray for you both. Stay strong.

grandmafay

All Together in This
We're all in the same boat with this, and I like to say that we are rowing as fast as we can. My husband was just put on Hospice after a six year fight with colon cancer. I think I've got a handle on things stress wise. Then some little thing goes wrong and I stress over it more than it merits. Both of us really took the first recurrence the hardest. After that we expected it and that made it a little easier for us. We decided to look at treatment as buying time. Then time became a gift and we tried to make as many memories as we could. After the third recurrence we put together a trip to Hawaii in less than a week. Neither of us had ever been there. We also turned to our family and friends for support as you have. Our cancer support group is small and has been very helpful. We go together for that. We are also blessed with a strong faith and a supportive church family. One of my favorite stress reducers is my every two week massage. I don't know if any of this helps. I am glad to hear that you are sharing your thoughts and feelings with each other. We have done that, too. It helps. Just know that you are not alone. Lots of hugs and prayers. Fay