depression

sylvief

I am usually upbeat and happy, but as I just finished my 3 chemo treatment and got my usual fever and headache my husband told me that he was having a heart attack and refused to call for help.

He said that it was caused by my negativity , and I didn't even notice I was becoming more negative.

I know the drugs are affecting me but i am not sure what to do now

I have been staying social, excercise,go out with my husband a lot, call friends,....

What can i do to make things better?

It is really affecting me and all I could do was cry today

m_azingrace

Sylvief, I'm so sorry
Sylvief, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Cancer is difficult on the entire family, and each member finds a different way to deal with it. I'm sorry also that when you need to comfort and support each other the most, he has chosen to blame you for something you certainly did NOT cause. I urge you to find a support group that you both can attend together, and if he won't go, then go by yourself. You need to know how to cope with the cancer AND with the new stresses that come with it. The ACS has a toll-free-number to call, and they can help you find what you need in your area.
Your sisters in pink here are also a good support system, and the chat rooms are a good place to come and talk. Please come back as often as you need, and let us know how you're doing. Post your concerns. Someone will always come forward to offer comfort, support and advice. Hugs to you. Gracie

tasha_111

m_azingrace said:

Sylvief, I'm so sorry
Sylvief, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Cancer is difficult on the entire family, and each member finds a different way to deal with it. I'm sorry also that when you need to comfort and support each other the most, he has chosen to blame you for something you certainly did NOT cause. I urge you to find a support group that you both can attend together, and if he won't go, then go by yourself. You need to know how to cope with the cancer AND with the new stresses that come with it. The ACS has a toll-free-number to call, and they can help you find what you need in your area.
Your sisters in pink here are also a good support system, and the chat rooms are a good place to come and talk. Please come back as often as you need, and let us know how you're doing. Post your concerns. Someone will always come forward to offer comfort, support and advice. Hugs to you. Gracie

Sylvief
You may be on the right track with 'Depression'... HIS, When men get depressed they lash out and blame everyone around them, when us Ladies become depressed we externalise it. Covert depression in men is very hard to live with because they don't Know they are depressed and tend to cover it up with displays of anger, blame, alcoholism. etc etc etc. I hope you can work this all out, don't take HIS problems on board, YOU do not own them, he does... he just has to see that (p.s.) panic attacks regarding death or serious ill health are well known in the field of covert depression in men. Hope this helps. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

New Flower

tasha_111 said:

Sylvief
You may be on the right track with 'Depression'... HIS, When men get depressed they lash out and blame everyone around them, when us Ladies become depressed we externalise it. Covert depression in men is very hard to live with because they don't Know they are depressed and tend to cover it up with displays of anger, blame, alcoholism. etc etc etc. I hope you can work this all out, don't take HIS problems on board, YOU do not own them, he does... he just has to see that (p.s.) panic attacks regarding death or serious ill health are well known in the field of covert depression in men. Hope this helps. Hugs Jxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Comedy could help
I am very sorry that you are having a difficult time.
During my Chemo I tried to laugh at least 5 min a day. My husband and I watched only comedies and talk shows. It was one of medications for Chemo side effects.
The whole cancer experience is tough for both of you. Men cope with stress differently than women. Maybe your husband needs to go to support group for partners or read on the subject. If you are trying hard to have positive attitude, and you have not noticed I do think you are more negative.
Cardiologist will help to determine if your husband's heart problem is serious. My husband had chest pain during my Chemo, we went to the doctor, who did test and concluded that his heart is normal. Taking him to the doctor definitely helped.

Hugs

pinkkari09

Hi Sylvief
I know where your coming from and I think when I get down like that or start getting negative I try and focus on the cure, the end result. It's tough sometimes but cancer is no easy ride. The other day I too was crying and wishing my Mom were alive so she could make this all go away and after getting a headache from crying so hard I thought, what in the heck am I doing..... I can't make this go away, I have to accept this and do the best I can....then I imagined my hair growing back all big and beautiful (I've always had thin hair), picked up an inspirational book and moved on with my day. This is tough, but we have it and now all we can do is focus on getting better. As for the hubby, take care of you, he'll be ok, mine gets like that too sometimes. I just joined this today and I'm thankful already for everything I have read, Amen to the sister on here!!
Hugs,
Kari

lolad

Sylvief
I am sorry that you have to go through that bull with what your husband said. That is horrible to blame you for that. I lost my sister at 37 from a heart attack and that really eats at me that he is trying to blame you for it happening to him because of your negativaty? Man, thats selfish. Sounds to me like you have been trying your hardest thru all this to stay positive. Does he not realize that if he thought you werent being positive now, what that comment he gave you would do to you? You stay strong and come to us when you need to. Im so so sorry that you are having to go through that at a time when you need a possitve support in your life right now.

take care
laura