always worrying

ruthielaine
ruthielaine Member Posts: 59
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was recently diagnosed and scheduled for a bilateral this Monday - what I can't seem to get past is the constant worry that everything is worse than it is and that I'm near deaths door. I wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks and/or in tears convinced I am dieing - does anyone else experience this or am I just a wimp - I have aches and pains all over my body my husband says is from stress. Am I crazy?

Comments

  • MAJW
    MAJW Member Posts: 2,510 Member
    No, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!
    What you are experiencing is perfectly "normal" considering what you are going through. When I was diagnosed in April, I, too, thought I was going to lose my mind! I cried at the drop of a hat,couldn't sleep, lost 19 pounds (I've recently "found" 10 of those...)and it was due to stress..I finally asked for and received Valium, the lowest dose and it really helped to take the edge off. Don't be afraid to ask for something to help calm the anxiety. It will help you get into a better frame of mind, which is essential to your overall mental/physical health. I gave two doctors H**L for not paying more attention to a woman's mental heatlh when she is diagnosed......they sort of hung their heads and agreed......so demand something if you want it, it's your body! Please know you are not alone in this.....this is a wonderful website full of caring women who are walking in your shoes.........and are more than willing to share their experiences.....
    Prayers and best wishes,
    Nancy
  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    ruthie,
    Nancy is right on the mark here. What you are experiencing is an almost universal reaction to a recent cancer diagnosis, however positive the treatment plan and prognosis may be.
    I lost both breasts at different times (1 1/2 years apart), and sadly, the second time around was no easier for me emotionally than the first. It is just too much for our psyche to swallow in on gulp and then say, 'Oh, well, what the heck?' We MUST have time to process, internalize, and regroup. And medication can help. There are a number of things available and you and your doctors can find the one best suited to you. Keep pushing them and letting them know that this crap is messing with your WHOLE self, not just your 'forefront'.
    I am glad you found us here. Next to meds (or sometimes even better than) is this group of loving, informed women who have stood in your tracks and who are more than willing to share with you what they have learned and experienced.
    By the way, just to mention in passing, I am a 23 year survivor. Believe me, you are NOT at death's door. There is life after cancer, and it is GOOD.
    God bless.
  • mimivac
    mimivac Member Posts: 2,143
    Convinced that it is over...
    Oh my god, you have described me to a tee. Yes, I felt that way. Sometimes I still do. I would think, "the doctors think I'm only early stage, but they don't know that it's all over the place!" I would wake up at night and feel certain I was living my last days on earth. I would have an ache and think, "I've never felt anything like that before. Something is not right." All the time. It is totally NORMAL. It sucks, though. Sometimes it helped me to focus on my breath. Learn meditation. Force yourself to become absorbed in something else. At first, it's impossible and you need an anti-anxiety. Take it. Breath. It is not worse than the doctors think. Say that in your mind. Try your hardest to do something else. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, you'll get past this, too.

    Mimi
  • ruthielaine
    ruthielaine Member Posts: 59
    zahalene said:

    ruthie,
    Nancy is right on the mark here. What you are experiencing is an almost universal reaction to a recent cancer diagnosis, however positive the treatment plan and prognosis may be.
    I lost both breasts at different times (1 1/2 years apart), and sadly, the second time around was no easier for me emotionally than the first. It is just too much for our psyche to swallow in on gulp and then say, 'Oh, well, what the heck?' We MUST have time to process, internalize, and regroup. And medication can help. There are a number of things available and you and your doctors can find the one best suited to you. Keep pushing them and letting them know that this crap is messing with your WHOLE self, not just your 'forefront'.
    I am glad you found us here. Next to meds (or sometimes even better than) is this group of loving, informed women who have stood in your tracks and who are more than willing to share with you what they have learned and experienced.
    By the way, just to mention in passing, I am a 23 year survivor. Believe me, you are NOT at death's door. There is life after cancer, and it is GOOD.
    God bless.

    Thank you
    Thank you so much - I needed to hear from a 23 year survivor. I think I'll call my Doctor today and ask him for something so that I can at least get some sleep. Thanks for listening and God Bless.
  • ruthielaine
    ruthielaine Member Posts: 59
    mimivac said:

    Convinced that it is over...
    Oh my god, you have described me to a tee. Yes, I felt that way. Sometimes I still do. I would think, "the doctors think I'm only early stage, but they don't know that it's all over the place!" I would wake up at night and feel certain I was living my last days on earth. I would have an ache and think, "I've never felt anything like that before. Something is not right." All the time. It is totally NORMAL. It sucks, though. Sometimes it helped me to focus on my breath. Learn meditation. Force yourself to become absorbed in something else. At first, it's impossible and you need an anti-anxiety. Take it. Breath. It is not worse than the doctors think. Say that in your mind. Try your hardest to do something else. Rinse and repeat. Eventually, you'll get past this, too.

    Mimi

    Exactly!
    thank you for that - that's exactly what happens - I feel a new pain and I think its probably all over may body! during the day I try to keep busy and its not so bad but a night its really bad - the anxiety is so bad I want to jump out of my skin! I think I'll call today and try to get something for it - Thanks for listening!
  • mmontero38
    mmontero38 Member Posts: 1,510
    Hi Ruthie, I think we all
    Hi Ruthie, I think we all felt that way and in some degree still do. I'm a 2 year survivor and dread every time I have to go for check ups. I'm glad that I still go every 3 months because it means they are keeping a closer watch on me but at the same time, I build up this anxiety that lasts weeks until all the tests are done and I get the all clear from the doctor. It will get easier once your past your surgery and you have a more concrete result but yes you will feel anxious. Call the oncologist and ask for medication. You will find that it helps take the edge off and some of your aches will go away as you relieve your stress level. We'll all be praying that everything goes well on Monday and please post as soon as you can and let us know how you are making out. Hugs, Lili
  • Wolfi
    Wolfi Member Posts: 425
    (phantom) pains
    I had a few trips to the surgeon because they didn't get everything all at once. Each time I went to talk to him my (good) breast would start hurting. I asked him if it meant there was a problem or if it was pain brought on by stress. It was stress related pain. I think I would wind myself up so much before the appointment (thinking the worst) that I would end up feeling like there was a problem.

    Stress does some strange things to the body. Think of the good things you have coming - you will be one step further to being done with bc treatment, you will be on your way to recovery and your life will be safer after your bilateral.
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    Oh, yeah, ruthielaine, I
    Oh, yeah, ruthielaine, I can say that I experienced pretty much what you are experiencing, except that I did not cry. But I remember having the shakes so bad after my first visit to my surgeon that I had to ask for pills; she gave me Xanax. I think the anxiety and panic are perfectly normal and part of the package. You are not a wimp, and your honesty is proof of how strong you are! Keep posting. xoxoxoxo Lynn