Help please , scared out of my mind

TraciInLA

roseann4 said:

Talk to your doc about your anxiety
Hi Shadow,

This time is stressful enough without lack of sleep. Let your doctor know you need something mild to help you sleep. I found a natural suppliment that worked for me but don't suffer with this. We have all been where you are now and got through it. You will, too. However, you need your rest so please ask for help.

Roseann

Very good idea
When my OB/GYN first called me to tell me my diagnosis, she told me in the same phone call, "And I'm sending a prescription for Xanax for you to the pharmacy -- use it."

Xanax, and other drugs for anxiety, can be prescribed in very small doses, just enough to take the edge off, so you're not a complete wreck all the time, and can get your head around everything that's happening to you.

Call one of your doctors -- the radiologist you've been speaking with, the OB/GYN who ordered your mammogram, or your primary care physician -- and let them know how difficult this is for you. Either a sleep medication, like Roseann suggested, or an antianxiety medication, just for a short time, would probably really help you.

Traci

mimivac

shadow1970 said:

How ?
I was able to get an apt. to meet with the surgeon on Wed. at 0930 am.

I cannot sleep , when I do all I do is "think" in my sleep and end up waking up every 5 min. I am so stressed I am having chest pains and ache all over , I cannot think straight or hardly talk. My Husband is going to go with me and is being very supportive, which Im thankful for but honestly right now nothing helps . Ive been trying to take deep breaths and slowly exhale and its not working, I try to do things to take my mind off of it and nothing. But this not sleeping good is taking its toll. This all started on Thurs.
I will take a list of questions with me , cause trust me I know I wont be able to ask a single one without it ....

Hey shadow
How are you doing today? That stressed, "awake" feeling is something I, and most others here, know well. It's almost like an out-of-body experience and it feels like your world is ending. It's not. Really. I promise. These feelings are awful and normal and they do end eventually. Take all the help you can get right now. Xanax is great to take the edge off as Traci says. I used it throughout treatment and it really helped me to calm down, sleep, and stay asleep. These are bad days, but it will get much, much better. Please check in when you can.

Mimi

MJAYTEXAS

LUMPECTOMY
if you ar not comfortable about this, get a 2nd opinion. my sister had chemo before lumpectomy.it will depend on location, etc. i practiced saying " i have cancer" out loud, so i could say it with out crying. it is a scary road and unless you get a compassionate dr. it's not as easy. have you called about the american cancer society's reach to recovery? they will set you up with someone who has had the procedure done. it helps to talk to someone unrelated to you! i had a double mastectomy 3 weeks ago.
i don't know if we are supposed to do this, but my cell is 903 720 5465. my name is martha.i would be glad to listen and try to comfort you. i, of course, can give no medical advice, just support from one "sister" to another. i wish you the best.

VickiSam

MJAYTEXAS said:

LUMPECTOMY
if you ar not comfortable about this, get a 2nd opinion. my sister had chemo before lumpectomy.it will depend on location, etc. i practiced saying " i have cancer" out loud, so i could say it with out crying. it is a scary road and unless you get a compassionate dr. it's not as easy. have you called about the american cancer society's reach to recovery? they will set you up with someone who has had the procedure done. it helps to talk to someone unrelated to you! i had a double mastectomy 3 weeks ago.
i don't know if we are supposed to do this, but my cell is 903 720 5465. my name is martha.i would be glad to listen and try to comfort you. i, of course, can give no medical advice, just support from one "sister" to another. i wish you the best.

SHADOW .. Please take a deep breath and try to schedule
an appointment with a breast cancer specialist if 1 is available in your area for a 2nd opinion. Control of your breast cancer and treatment options ...

I wish you the very best. Keep a notebook handy, and write down all questions and concerns.

Peace and strength to you.

VickiSam

TraciInLA

MJAYTEXAS said:

LUMPECTOMY
if you ar not comfortable about this, get a 2nd opinion. my sister had chemo before lumpectomy.it will depend on location, etc. i practiced saying " i have cancer" out loud, so i could say it with out crying. it is a scary road and unless you get a compassionate dr. it's not as easy. have you called about the american cancer society's reach to recovery? they will set you up with someone who has had the procedure done. it helps to talk to someone unrelated to you! i had a double mastectomy 3 weeks ago.
i don't know if we are supposed to do this, but my cell is 903 720 5465. my name is martha.i would be glad to listen and try to comfort you. i, of course, can give no medical advice, just support from one "sister" to another. i wish you the best.

Welcom, Martha -
The advice you have for Shadow is great, but you should know that these boards are public and open to search engines and spammers. Most of us wouldn't want to put our phone numbers out there, even though you're a dear to reach out to Shadow and offer it.

From your CSN homepage, you can always send a private message to someone with your phone number, in situations like this.

Just a tip -- we're glad to see you here, feel free to post anytime!

Traci

ColoradoGal

Just went through this and I am happy to share my experience
with you. Please email me at findtonie@hotmail.com. I had an entire pitcrew of family & friends helping me with doctor making decision. What I learned is that you have to seperate the cheerleaders from the coaches. the cheerleaders are not paying attention to the fine detail - they just want you to get better at any cost. Even if you make a bad play decision - they will still be cheering, it's what they do. It is really important that you inform yourself and know what to ask your doctors. Because, as I learned: doctors dont always present information in such a way that a typical patient can process. I consider myself to be smarter than the average bear. Guess what? During my various meetings with surgeon, oncologist, genetic couselor, etc, etc, I would find myself menntally "checking" out. I would just run inside of myself and hide. It's was surreal - how could I have cancer?! Luckily, I had a "coach", my significant other, who happens to be a incredibley logical man. He did not miss a beat. Without him, I would have made very different and quite possibly potentially dangerous decisions for myself. If you would like to talk, please contact me and I will be happy to share with you how we decided. Turns out, I am N0,M0, Stage11, low recurrance risk and might not need chemo at all!! not saying that I won't have it, but at this point, I am being told that it would not be unreasonable for me to forgo having it and just do Tamoxofin.

TraciInLA

ColoradoGal said:

Just went through this and I am happy to share my experience
with you. Please email me at findtonie@hotmail.com. I had an entire pitcrew of family & friends helping me with doctor making decision. What I learned is that you have to seperate the cheerleaders from the coaches. the cheerleaders are not paying attention to the fine detail - they just want you to get better at any cost. Even if you make a bad play decision - they will still be cheering, it's what they do. It is really important that you inform yourself and know what to ask your doctors. Because, as I learned: doctors dont always present information in such a way that a typical patient can process. I consider myself to be smarter than the average bear. Guess what? During my various meetings with surgeon, oncologist, genetic couselor, etc, etc, I would find myself menntally "checking" out. I would just run inside of myself and hide. It's was surreal - how could I have cancer?! Luckily, I had a "coach", my significant other, who happens to be a incredibley logical man. He did not miss a beat. Without him, I would have made very different and quite possibly potentially dangerous decisions for myself. If you would like to talk, please contact me and I will be happy to share with you how we decided. Turns out, I am N0,M0, Stage11, low recurrance risk and might not need chemo at all!! not saying that I won't have it, but at this point, I am being told that it would not be unreasonable for me to forgo having it and just do Tamoxofin.

Wow, ColoradoGal
I completely agree with and relate to everything you've said. Nice to see you posting!

Especially the "checking out" part -- at the first few visits with my surgeon and oncologist, I would take a notebook with me -- and then look down at the end of the visit and realize that I hadn't written a single thing! Thank God my girlfriend went with me to every appointment, and took notes.

And I couldn't believe how little I remembered of what the doctors said at first -- later, my girlfriend would say, "When Dr. So-and-So said this...", and I had NO memory at all of ever hearing that!

One thing that helped me immensely is that I not only write down my questions before every visit -- but I also print out copies of them for myself, my doctor, and my girlfriend, with space for writing. Both my surgeon and my oncologist just love that -- they then make notes by each question as we discuss them, and give them back to me.

Traci

shadow1970

ColoradoGal said:

Just went through this and I am happy to share my experience
with you. Please email me at findtonie@hotmail.com. I had an entire pitcrew of family & friends helping me with doctor making decision. What I learned is that you have to seperate the cheerleaders from the coaches. the cheerleaders are not paying attention to the fine detail - they just want you to get better at any cost. Even if you make a bad play decision - they will still be cheering, it's what they do. It is really important that you inform yourself and know what to ask your doctors. Because, as I learned: doctors dont always present information in such a way that a typical patient can process. I consider myself to be smarter than the average bear. Guess what? During my various meetings with surgeon, oncologist, genetic couselor, etc, etc, I would find myself menntally "checking" out. I would just run inside of myself and hide. It's was surreal - how could I have cancer?! Luckily, I had a "coach", my significant other, who happens to be a incredibley logical man. He did not miss a beat. Without him, I would have made very different and quite possibly potentially dangerous decisions for myself. If you would like to talk, please contact me and I will be happy to share with you how we decided. Turns out, I am N0,M0, Stage11, low recurrance risk and might not need chemo at all!! not saying that I won't have it, but at this point, I am being told that it would not be unreasonable for me to forgo having it and just do Tamoxofin.

slipping with questions for all
Thanks Coloradogal,

I went yesterday to meet with the surgeon and nurse practioneer because where I went last thursday ,( yeah one week ago today my whole world changed )they had just sent out my mammogram and ultra sound so soley based on the pathology report , the Dr. Seemed to think I would be just fine with having only a lumpsectomy , she will not know about chemo until after the surgery etc.. She should receive the mammogram and ultra sound today and they said they would call me asap with the surgery apt. My husband went with me yesterday, Im so glad...but I have a question for all really on this subject because it is now entering my mind I guess alot here lately , how did your husbands or boyfreinds handle it through chemo or masectomy or lumpectomy ??? I mean My husband is saying he loves me no matter what with boobies or not or with scars or not.... but I have to wonder what will sex be like after all of this ? How on earth will I be able to take my shirt off in front of him ? How will I ever feel sexy again for him ? I mean I know I would much rather be alive with scars on no boob if need be but my gosh the mental affect this must have for women well at least for me right now is just unbearable....
I have slipped into a depression so bad now , I cant do anything not even dishes or clean or anything all I do is lay around and yeah basicaly "pitty" myself....I have all these new thoughts entering into my head about what I am going to "look " like afterwards and what wil this do to my husband ??? I know we have a good relationship and I have tried to put myself in his shoes but Im not him , I know what he "says" but does he realy mean it ?
This is all just to much on me right now , I am so mentaly drained and physically it even hurts to just type this.

The Dr. did say that was somewhat encouraging but again I wont know until after the surgery that from what she could feel from my armpit down the sides etc.. felt good but again I wont know until after surgery if it has spread to lymph nodes etc.. Im hoping and praying for just a lumpectomy with radiation , I honestly dont know if i can handle chemo , has anyone else felt this way ? or had these thoughts about sex afterwards ?

Thanks

Wolfi

shadow1970 said:

slipping with questions for all
Thanks Coloradogal,

I went yesterday to meet with the surgeon and nurse practioneer because where I went last thursday ,( yeah one week ago today my whole world changed )they had just sent out my mammogram and ultra sound so soley based on the pathology report , the Dr. Seemed to think I would be just fine with having only a lumpsectomy , she will not know about chemo until after the surgery etc.. She should receive the mammogram and ultra sound today and they said they would call me asap with the surgery apt. My husband went with me yesterday, Im so glad...but I have a question for all really on this subject because it is now entering my mind I guess alot here lately , how did your husbands or boyfreinds handle it through chemo or masectomy or lumpectomy ??? I mean My husband is saying he loves me no matter what with boobies or not or with scars or not.... but I have to wonder what will sex be like after all of this ? How on earth will I be able to take my shirt off in front of him ? How will I ever feel sexy again for him ? I mean I know I would much rather be alive with scars on no boob if need be but my gosh the mental affect this must have for women well at least for me right now is just unbearable....
I have slipped into a depression so bad now , I cant do anything not even dishes or clean or anything all I do is lay around and yeah basicaly "pitty" myself....I have all these new thoughts entering into my head about what I am going to "look " like afterwards and what wil this do to my husband ??? I know we have a good relationship and I have tried to put myself in his shoes but Im not him , I know what he "says" but does he realy mean it ?
This is all just to much on me right now , I am so mentaly drained and physically it even hurts to just type this.

The Dr. did say that was somewhat encouraging but again I wont know until after the surgery that from what she could feel from my armpit down the sides etc.. felt good but again I wont know until after surgery if it has spread to lymph nodes etc.. Im hoping and praying for just a lumpectomy with radiation , I honestly dont know if i can handle chemo , has anyone else felt this way ? or had these thoughts about sex afterwards ?

Thanks

Communication
Shadow,

It is ok to be depressed and have thoughts running through your head (nonstop like a freight train) of all the: what if...., how will I...., how will my husband....,etc. You will go through MANY thoughts, feelings, emotions and changes as you go through your cancer treatments.

My best advice to you is: communicate, communicate, communicate. Talk to your husband about how you feel. Tell him EVERY little, big, silly, crazy thought you have about how your relationship may change because of your breast cancer diagnosis and treatments. You know your husband better than anyone else. When he tells you something do you believe him? If the answer is yes, then why do you question his love for you now? Think of it this way: if your husband was the one having some kind of cancer surgery or treatment would you still stay with him? If he lost his hair from chemo would you not want to have anything to do with him? I get the impression that you love your husband very much and that he loves you. Cancer can make relationships fall apart or get stronger. I have the feeling yours will become stronger if you continue to talk to your husband about your fears.

I started out with stage I DCIS and had a core biopsy. I had a lumpecomy and they found stage III DCIS without clear margins so I ended up with a bilateral mastectomy. I will be starting radiation in about a week. I have gone through all of the thoughts you listed. My husband kept telling me the only thing he cared about was that they got the cancer out so I would keep living. If I was worried, scared, concerned or just feeling bad for myself or how my husband would feel, I talked to him about it. Our relationship is very strong and having to deal with my breast cancer has pulled us closer together because we realize that life is short and unpredictable. Although I have had problems with depression in the past I have not been depressed since I've been diagnosed. There is too much to do and I am trying to embrace and get used to the "new" me.

I hope what I have said here helps reduce some of your fears. You are very special and your husband saw that when he married you. This is the "in sickness and in health" part of the vows. Take care and feel better.

Bella Luna

One Day at a Time...
Sorry to hear the news about your breast cancer. I was shocked when I heard the news, too. It took several days, weeks for it to sink in.

Cancer can be very overwhelming. Take it one step at a time. This is a great website and you will meet some absolutely wonderful women who are or have been down the same road you are on.

Know that you are not alone and you will get through this, no doubt. My best to you, God bless.

Bella Luna

jamicreager

shadow1970 said:

slipping with questions for all
Thanks Coloradogal,

I went yesterday to meet with the surgeon and nurse practioneer because where I went last thursday ,( yeah one week ago today my whole world changed )they had just sent out my mammogram and ultra sound so soley based on the pathology report , the Dr. Seemed to think I would be just fine with having only a lumpsectomy , she will not know about chemo until after the surgery etc.. She should receive the mammogram and ultra sound today and they said they would call me asap with the surgery apt. My husband went with me yesterday, Im so glad...but I have a question for all really on this subject because it is now entering my mind I guess alot here lately , how did your husbands or boyfreinds handle it through chemo or masectomy or lumpectomy ??? I mean My husband is saying he loves me no matter what with boobies or not or with scars or not.... but I have to wonder what will sex be like after all of this ? How on earth will I be able to take my shirt off in front of him ? How will I ever feel sexy again for him ? I mean I know I would much rather be alive with scars on no boob if need be but my gosh the mental affect this must have for women well at least for me right now is just unbearable....
I have slipped into a depression so bad now , I cant do anything not even dishes or clean or anything all I do is lay around and yeah basicaly "pitty" myself....I have all these new thoughts entering into my head about what I am going to "look " like afterwards and what wil this do to my husband ??? I know we have a good relationship and I have tried to put myself in his shoes but Im not him , I know what he "says" but does he realy mean it ?
This is all just to much on me right now , I am so mentaly drained and physically it even hurts to just type this.

The Dr. did say that was somewhat encouraging but again I wont know until after the surgery that from what she could feel from my armpit down the sides etc.. felt good but again I wont know until after surgery if it has spread to lymph nodes etc.. Im hoping and praying for just a lumpectomy with radiation , I honestly dont know if i can handle chemo , has anyone else felt this way ? or had these thoughts about sex afterwards ?

Thanks

Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation
Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation Oncology nurse and want to give you some encouragement. How you are feeling right now is completely normal and it might help you to take Paxil or another anti-depressant that helps with anxiety to help you cope for awhile. Xanax works but makes you sleepy and can make you depressed.
I don't know if you will need chemo, but I can tell you that based on your tumor size your prognosis sounds good. You mentioned 5-day radiation, which is something we practice in my clinic. You sound like you might be a candidate for it. It will depend upon whether you have positive lymph nodes, etc. Curative wise, it is equal to external beam radiation (which lasts around 7 weeks and is the type that most patients get); the main advantage is the convenience of it.
If you end up needing regular radiation instead, you will be going 5 days per week for several weeks. This is what most patients end up doing. You will probably experience some fatigue and some degree of redness of your skin on your breast and under your arm, and possibly in the area of your collarbone. I know you are anxious now, but once you have surgery and consult with the Radiation Oncologist, you will know what to expect and feel more in control. Once you begin treatment, it will soon become a routine for you and you will begin to feel normal again, although it will be a "new" normal.
Your sexual concerns are natural as well. I have not had the experience of cancer myself but I can tell you that I have seen many, many couples come through our clinic and have seen many husbands stick by and advocate for their wives through very difficult trials.
The ACS has a several great programs and support groups for women being treated for breast cancer. There is one called "Look Good, Feel Better" that is designed to help you keep up your appearance through treatment so that you feel better about yourself. There is a weight control program called "Pink Essentials", and another program called "Reach to Recovery". Call the ACS main # (which should be somewhere on this site) to check where they have these programs and others in your area.
Feel free to message me, as well, about how you are doing. I'd love to be a resource for you.
Take care,
Jami Creager, R.N.

Akiss4me

jamicreager said:

Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation
Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation Oncology nurse and want to give you some encouragement. How you are feeling right now is completely normal and it might help you to take Paxil or another anti-depressant that helps with anxiety to help you cope for awhile. Xanax works but makes you sleepy and can make you depressed.
I don't know if you will need chemo, but I can tell you that based on your tumor size your prognosis sounds good. You mentioned 5-day radiation, which is something we practice in my clinic. You sound like you might be a candidate for it. It will depend upon whether you have positive lymph nodes, etc. Curative wise, it is equal to external beam radiation (which lasts around 7 weeks and is the type that most patients get); the main advantage is the convenience of it.
If you end up needing regular radiation instead, you will be going 5 days per week for several weeks. This is what most patients end up doing. You will probably experience some fatigue and some degree of redness of your skin on your breast and under your arm, and possibly in the area of your collarbone. I know you are anxious now, but once you have surgery and consult with the Radiation Oncologist, you will know what to expect and feel more in control. Once you begin treatment, it will soon become a routine for you and you will begin to feel normal again, although it will be a "new" normal.
Your sexual concerns are natural as well. I have not had the experience of cancer myself but I can tell you that I have seen many, many couples come through our clinic and have seen many husbands stick by and advocate for their wives through very difficult trials.
The ACS has a several great programs and support groups for women being treated for breast cancer. There is one called "Look Good, Feel Better" that is designed to help you keep up your appearance through treatment so that you feel better about yourself. There is a weight control program called "Pink Essentials", and another program called "Reach to Recovery". Call the ACS main # (which should be somewhere on this site) to check where they have these programs and others in your area.
Feel free to message me, as well, about how you are doing. I'd love to be a resource for you.
Take care,
Jami Creager, R.N.

Pink Essentials
Jami, I just finished Rads and I want to say your description was very accurate and right on (but of course, you work there! LOL).
I was, however, intrigued by the mention of the "Pink Essentials" program. I have utalized all the other ACS programs but have not heard of this one. Thank you for the heads up and I will be looking into it.
I have desperately been trying to lose the 10 pounds I gained from quitting smoking (big yeah!!! 4 months now!!) when diagnosed and now have added 4 pounds more, since starting the Tamoxifen 1 1/2 weeks ago. I do NOT do well with weight gain and I am beginning to feel like a train wreck. I want my cute, little normal body back (besides, I can't afford new clothes!!). I am actually becoming unhealthily (is that a word?) obscessed with taking off this 14 pounds. In my head, I am picturing struggling to take off 50 pounds!!
Yikes!! First thing Monday....on the phone to ACS!! ♥Pammy

shadow1970

jamicreager said:

Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation
Hi, Shadow,
I am a Radiation Oncology nurse and want to give you some encouragement. How you are feeling right now is completely normal and it might help you to take Paxil or another anti-depressant that helps with anxiety to help you cope for awhile. Xanax works but makes you sleepy and can make you depressed.
I don't know if you will need chemo, but I can tell you that based on your tumor size your prognosis sounds good. You mentioned 5-day radiation, which is something we practice in my clinic. You sound like you might be a candidate for it. It will depend upon whether you have positive lymph nodes, etc. Curative wise, it is equal to external beam radiation (which lasts around 7 weeks and is the type that most patients get); the main advantage is the convenience of it.
If you end up needing regular radiation instead, you will be going 5 days per week for several weeks. This is what most patients end up doing. You will probably experience some fatigue and some degree of redness of your skin on your breast and under your arm, and possibly in the area of your collarbone. I know you are anxious now, but once you have surgery and consult with the Radiation Oncologist, you will know what to expect and feel more in control. Once you begin treatment, it will soon become a routine for you and you will begin to feel normal again, although it will be a "new" normal.
Your sexual concerns are natural as well. I have not had the experience of cancer myself but I can tell you that I have seen many, many couples come through our clinic and have seen many husbands stick by and advocate for their wives through very difficult trials.
The ACS has a several great programs and support groups for women being treated for breast cancer. There is one called "Look Good, Feel Better" that is designed to help you keep up your appearance through treatment so that you feel better about yourself. There is a weight control program called "Pink Essentials", and another program called "Reach to Recovery". Call the ACS main # (which should be somewhere on this site) to check where they have these programs and others in your area.
Feel free to message me, as well, about how you are doing. I'd love to be a resource for you.
Take care,
Jami Creager, R.N.

second mammogram now I dont know how much more I can take
I just received a call today from my Practioneer nurse that the Dr. did receive my films today and looked them over and wants me to come back on Monday at 9 am , she sees another suspicious area and just wants to rule it out etc.... or maybe do a biopsy , I had my mammogram and ultra sound a different clinic and when they told me it was breast cancer , I decided to go to the best hospital here in Ohio that specializes in breast cancer so the films were sent to them and like I said they received them and said they wanted to do another mammogram , something about the film images were not the best etc...I just dont know how much more of this I can take , I feel like I am sinking into depression so bad and I just dont know how to pull myself out of it , they did give me lorazepam but I dont feel any better or sleep any better....they said if all went ok with this next mammogram that my surgery for a lumpsectomy would be on thurs. Sept 24. But now I have this to worry about all weekend , could there be another? is this normal to ask for a second mammogram from the Dr. ?

Please let me know what you think...

Thanks

Dawne.Hope

shadow1970 said:

second mammogram now I dont know how much more I can take
I just received a call today from my Practioneer nurse that the Dr. did receive my films today and looked them over and wants me to come back on Monday at 9 am , she sees another suspicious area and just wants to rule it out etc.... or maybe do a biopsy , I had my mammogram and ultra sound a different clinic and when they told me it was breast cancer , I decided to go to the best hospital here in Ohio that specializes in breast cancer so the films were sent to them and like I said they received them and said they wanted to do another mammogram , something about the film images were not the best etc...I just dont know how much more of this I can take , I feel like I am sinking into depression so bad and I just dont know how to pull myself out of it , they did give me lorazepam but I dont feel any better or sleep any better....they said if all went ok with this next mammogram that my surgery for a lumpsectomy would be on thurs. Sept 24. But now I have this to worry about all weekend , could there be another? is this normal to ask for a second mammogram from the Dr. ?

Please let me know what you think...

Thanks

Shadow,
Jami, the RN gave
Shadow,

Jami, the RN gave you some great advice. Ask about Paxil and other anti-anxiety, anti-depressants.

You are wise to go to 'the best hospital in Ohio that specializes in breast cancer' and another mammogram is something that can help you, not harm you.

I'm 39 too and had an 'abnormal' mammogram, then an 'abornormal diagnostic mammogram' and then a biopsy that resulted in DCIS diagnosis. I know the waiting is horrible, but better hospitals have better facilities and if them taking a new mammogram helps them see what is going on in a clearer way, that is absolutely a benefit to you.

I live in a rural area and was diagnosed in a rural area, but have tucked tail and run to the city for further treatment simply because they have better equipment and are better able to treat you.

Hang in there. Breathe deep. The waiting and not knowing is the worst part.

Peace to you,
D.H.

Tux

Bella Luna said:

One Day at a Time...
Sorry to hear the news about your breast cancer. I was shocked when I heard the news, too. It took several days, weeks for it to sink in.

Cancer can be very overwhelming. Take it one step at a time. This is a great website and you will meet some absolutely wonderful women who are or have been down the same road you are on.

Know that you are not alone and you will get through this, no doubt. My best to you, God bless.

Bella Luna

Shadow1970, so sorry to hear
Shadow1970, so sorry to hear of your dx. I too had multiple mammos. It felt OK to me for them to do that to make sure that they were going to get everything with one surgery. So far, it seems that they did get everything -- I hope.

It is so scary at first. Just try to take it a day at a time and trust your doctors.

Hugs & prayers sent your way....

Katz77

sorry
I to had a fast dx. It took 2 mo for my tumor to go from a 1.5cm to a 5cm x 3.5cm. Imagine my surprise. I'm on my second session of drugs. They are herceptin and Taxol. Ur head will not explode from chemo. I was horrified of the whole process. I'm new to cancer and this site. I work in surgery and have done alot of assisting w mastectomies and other cancer surgeries, but I had no idea of what people go through. I have been enlightened. I'm am humbled. My chemo docs and my nurses are there for me, but this site and these women will be a great support for u. Just educate yourself. I found I read to much and had sooo many questions in my head I couldn't think anymore. I slowed down and wrote things that were concerning me down on paper. Be prepared. It is overwhelming at times, but some people don't know about this site. I get comfort, warmth, humor and knowledge from here and so will you. Take a breath and get ready for a long and sometimes diffucult road, but take this w u also, ur not alone and ur not without love and support. Hugs and love Katz

ColoradoGal

shadow1970 said:

slipping with questions for all
Thanks Coloradogal,

I went yesterday to meet with the surgeon and nurse practioneer because where I went last thursday ,( yeah one week ago today my whole world changed )they had just sent out my mammogram and ultra sound so soley based on the pathology report , the Dr. Seemed to think I would be just fine with having only a lumpsectomy , she will not know about chemo until after the surgery etc.. She should receive the mammogram and ultra sound today and they said they would call me asap with the surgery apt. My husband went with me yesterday, Im so glad...but I have a question for all really on this subject because it is now entering my mind I guess alot here lately , how did your husbands or boyfreinds handle it through chemo or masectomy or lumpectomy ??? I mean My husband is saying he loves me no matter what with boobies or not or with scars or not.... but I have to wonder what will sex be like after all of this ? How on earth will I be able to take my shirt off in front of him ? How will I ever feel sexy again for him ? I mean I know I would much rather be alive with scars on no boob if need be but my gosh the mental affect this must have for women well at least for me right now is just unbearable....
I have slipped into a depression so bad now , I cant do anything not even dishes or clean or anything all I do is lay around and yeah basicaly "pitty" myself....I have all these new thoughts entering into my head about what I am going to "look " like afterwards and what wil this do to my husband ??? I know we have a good relationship and I have tried to put myself in his shoes but Im not him , I know what he "says" but does he realy mean it ?
This is all just to much on me right now , I am so mentaly drained and physically it even hurts to just type this.

The Dr. did say that was somewhat encouraging but again I wont know until after the surgery that from what she could feel from my armpit down the sides etc.. felt good but again I wont know until after surgery if it has spread to lymph nodes etc.. Im hoping and praying for just a lumpectomy with radiation , I honestly dont know if i can handle chemo , has anyone else felt this way ? or had these thoughts about sex afterwards ?

Thanks

Looks, surgery and will I every feel sexy again?
Shadow,

I decided to get a mastectomy, instead of enduring chemo first to shrink the tumor, just so that I could do "only" lumpectomy, which would have been followed with more $#@# chemo AND radition! No thanks. I opted to remove every bit of the cancer and maximize the surgery in order to hopefully avoid chemo and radiation.

However, when my signigicant other and I made that decision, I was not even thinking about how I might feel at losing my breast. It was just an abstract thought. I was more concerned about getting the cancer completely removed, so that it could be tested for grade, expression, and most importantly staging! For the first few weeks, following surgery, I was not really thinking about my missing breast because of the bandages and the drain. It wasn't until the drain was removed, bandages came off, that I stood in the shower and was able to see myself again. wow. I was overcome by grief and yes, it was hard to look at my body. The temporary implant/expander that was placed into my chest at the time of surgery looked like a deflated bag under my skin. My breast area looked like it had been run over by a mack truck, it was so strangely flat and uneven. I tried to reason my way through the grief, by reminding myself that I sacraficed my breast to be "cancer free". But like with any loss, there is a grieving process and so I have given in to the occasional waves of pain and just allow myself to cry and breathe through it. I had surgery 6 weeks ago and am doing much better. I have started getting weekly saline injections into the skin expander and I look a tad more full. But my nipple is gone and there is a 5" thin surgical line running from my arm pit to where the nipple used to be. I wear "cutlets", these enahancers that I kept on hand to fill out my previous B cup. It has helped me alot - to look normal and even till I am ready for the permanent implant.

Ask yourself: Would you rather have a breast removed and potentially skip chemo and/or radition, or a lumpectomy and have to deal with both? Also, don't forget to get an oncotype test because (pray, pray), if your path comes back with NO lymph involvement, M0, early stage, low to medium grade, er/pr+ and Her-...and a low oncotype your might be looking at VERY different treatment options. Please discuss all of these factors with your surgeon and your oncologist.

As for sex. I'm 46 and FAR from wanting a dead vagina at this age (sorry to be so blunt). I plan on using vitamin E, as well as talking to other women, including those on this site who have been so forthcoming with great information. But remember: sexiness is a state of mind. Even with the changes that my body is going through, I still think that my biggest source of sexiness is my attitude, and my brain. But I don't know that for sure yet - so ask me again in 6 months after I've been taking Tamaxifin and have gone into drug induced menopause!

In any event, your concerns are very similar to my experience. Don't worry about your looks right now - focus your engery on making sure you are chosing the right surgical plan. If you do not think you can handle chemo and radition, then ask your surgeon if a mastectomy would potentially eliminate the need for those treatments. Then ask about having an expander put it so that your breast can be reconstructed. My choice was to maximize surgery - minimize chemo/radition. So far, that evil plan is working. Tomorrow I go in to get my marching orders for the next step in my recovery: TREATMENT. If I add chemo (TCx4), it only reduces my chances of distant recurrance by 3%. Chances are I wont do chemo. But I would not have known any of this, had I not had the cancer removed(along with my breast), so that it could be sent for a pathology report to provide me with the information necessary to determine the treatment plan, ie chemo, no chemo, Tamaxafin, etc.

I will be checking back to see what you decide. And praying that everything trends in your favor so that you will have to have minimal to no chemo/radiation. For an agnostic, I sure pray alot these days!