its been a month and 2 days since my mom passed away...any of you guys not afraid of what's next in

marc24 Member Posts: 92
edited March 2014 in Surviving Caregivers #1
Hello, im a 24 yr old who just lost my mom from colorectal cancer...she was struggling with severe pain for about 4 months and it hit her really quick...i dont know what to feel but most of the time, i feel normal, then a few times i broke down out of nowhere, like yesterday i was watching this show and they showed elderly, like in their 70s and 80s being homes being visited by their sons and daughters, then i realized my mom never even gotten to that point and i miss her dearly. I went back to work 3 weeks after to get my mind off things and it worked but during this labor day weekend has been reallly tough, i literally didn't leave my house for 1-2 days now and i can't explain why, i feel really inactive and just still...i am rational enough to think i have moods of depression but man this is something totally my question is, do u guys ever get so down that u never even move nor be active few a while...i find myself just watching tv and its not even at a channel i like...i need to snap out of this, i promised myself if my mom passes away, i need to get myself out of alot of funks and become better at everything, so far so good, but these last two days i have been very down...i feel like we will all get there eventually, but i don't ever want to go out like my mom did..cancer is god's way of letting us know that no matter how strong willed we are and invincible, we are still not untouchable and we all go there and have our lives end...its up to us to make something of that life rather than sit around and do nothing like what i am doing me snap out of it..literally ignored 5 phone calls because i wasnt in the mood...i need someone to relate to


  • zahalene
    zahalene Member Posts: 670
    Hello Marc,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a three-time cancer survivor and I have a 24 year old son. I just can't imagine what it must be like to loose someone so close to you at such a young age.
    I do know, however, that grief is a process and it marches on in stages and phases that makes us feel at its mercy sometimes. We need not let it take control however. There are things we can do to help ourselves through the process, and then out on the other side as stronger, braver people.
    First of all, I would suggest that you consider getting some grief counseling. This is a step of strength, not weakness. People who are trained in the grief process can help us recognize the various issues that grief brings up in our lives, and give us coping skills which can keep us functioning and even help us enjoy life again.
    Secondly, you might explore the idea of some depression medication with your doctor. I am sure you are an intelligent young man and do not need me to explain how emotional crises in our lives can trigger some unexpected physical symptoms which can be mitigated with medication.
    Holidays are very difficult for those experiencing the early stages of grief and I am not surprised that this weekend had blind-sided you, so to speak. But tomorrow will be the day to rise at a good hour, shower, have a good breakfast, (do I sound like a MOM yet? lol), and move on with the positive, productive activities of your life.
    You might also like to consider creating your own personal tribute to your mother. I lost my mother five years ago this month. Soon after she passed I found a large box of her costume jewelry. I began right away to dismantle the various pieces and use them to create Christmas tree ornaments which I then distributed among her family and friends as mementos of her. Perhaps you would find it more healing to create a rock garden on the lawn in her memory, or any number of other options. The idea is not to look at your creation every day as a sad reminder that your mother is no longer with you, but rather to look at it and say, "Look, Mom, I made this for you." We mamas love that. :)
    God bless you Marc.
  • seanslove
    seanslove Member Posts: 70
    whats next

    What's next? who knows? My Sean has been gone for three weeks now and I am still numb and lost without him. I went back to work three days after his funeral only because the need to pay bills dictated this to happen,if I don't work I don't survie,which I kow sounds crazy,but you do what you have to do. The bills I needed to pay,or I should say I was worries the most about paying where those which pertain to him. The biggy now on my list is taking care of my plot which I am paying monthly payments on beside his.
    I too,come home in a funk,I sit and stare at the tv,not really watching,do home work,and just kind of sit in a state of emotional numb,until it's time to get up and start all over again. Many think I should talk to someone or go get med's,however,I am holistic and do not believe in such things,all this coming from a psych major in college as we speak,go figure.
    Now don't laugh,my husband was 45 when he passed,and I am 39,two years ago for Christmas I bought him an XBox 360,which turned out,both of us being young at heart,loved this silly thing. We'd play all hours of the day and night,especially when a new game we liked would ome out. My girlfriend and her husband,whom are and have been for the last five years,part of our family,which included only Sean and myself,all played online together. Therefore,now,a a form of distraction and relief oof frustrations,I make myself play,and when I do,in some silly way I feel like he's back here with me.
    I have adorned our apratment with pictures of him everywhere,therefore,not a room can be entered without a picture of him or him and I not being seen. As he passed here at home,it still feels,with all of his things everywhere,in some small way,as if he is still here with me. While many say this is unhealthy,this is what works for me:being able to stay close to him.
    Sean and I were a little different from most,as we were as most called us boring,however,we were so in love that we choice to only do things together. If we went out,we went out together,if we were with friends it was only when we were together,therefore,the emotional feelings of being lost are overwhelming. I understand your ignoring calls,as I am very selective myself as to whom's calls I take after work. I get tired of re-hashing the same old information and get so tired of hearing how are you,time will heal,and it will get better,as these words means so little right now,as my heart and soul has been ripped away.
    What I can say is we all deal in ways that work for us,there are no right or wrong answers,and you must do what you must do to find your peace. I know it's a very good thing that I am Catholic and believe in heaven and hell,otherwise I would not still be here today and would have followed Sean the next day.
  • kittygato
    kittygato Member Posts: 5
    My mom passed on July 26th.
    My mom passed on July 26th. I am an only child and although I am married and have a large extended family, she was my world. I felt as though it was always the two of us against the world and now, suddenly, I feel so alone. I went to work immediately after the funeral plans had been made and have had several emotional breakdowns since. Some days, I feel strong and other days (like today) I feel as though I want to curl up in a ball and just cry. I am told that it will take time. Intellectually, I know this. But my heart feels as though this pain will never end. I try as best I can to take it day by day. And the only reason I do that is because I have no other choice. I can't bring her back. I can't speed up the grieving process. And I can't erase my pain. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to grieve. And grieve however you need to. This process is different for every one of us. But please remember that you definitely are not alone in how you feel; of that I can assure you.
  • natalyg
    natalyg Member Posts: 6
    I lost my mom 2 months ago,
    I lost my mom 2 months ago, and I'm still a mess. Ignoring phone calls? i've been there. For the first couple of weeks I wouldn't answer texts, emails, nothing. I wouldn't leave the house, wouldn't even shower, i'd just sit (or sleep)... and do nothing. I'd try driving somewhere and I couldn't focus on the road... it was bad. There was just so much going on in my head, that sitting was about all I could concentrate on. This is hard and it's NOTHING like I ever thought it would be. The smallest most random things will remind me of her and I just break down, no matter where I am. I've since gotten up and out of the house and gone back to school and am trying to get my life back together, but it's not easy. It takes everything I have to resist the urge to just sit and do nothing. I know this will take time and i'm just taking each crazy step of the grief process as it comes, and I have to keep believing that it will get easier some day.

    There's a grief support meeting starting up in my area next week that I plan on joining. I'm really hoping it will help me work through a lot of the issues I'm too afraid to talk about with friends & family. If there's one in your area, you should look into joining. It couldn't hurt, right?

    I wish you luck through out all of this. Remember, you're not alone.