Disapointment

round3
round3 Member Posts: 4 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
This time my cancer has metatisized. Now I do not have the support from my husband, since he past away 2 years ago. I have one son, grown and married. Even though my son lives relatively close. I have not seen him or spoke to him since January. How can you cope with this?

Comments

  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    Welcome
    Hi! I am so sorry for your diagnosis and about your husband passing away.

    Someone on here wrote something the other day and I wrote it down. I hope it helps you.

    Pray Hardest When It Is Hardest To Pray!

    Sue :)
  • phoenixrising
    phoenixrising Member Posts: 1,508
    Although I do not have your
    Although I do not have your experience, I would have to say, one step at a time. I am so very sorry it has returned and you find yourself alone. Perhaps if you told your son, you and him would reconnect. You will have our support which is open 24/7 and I'm sure someone is always awake and online. People will come out of the woodwork. Neighbours, coworkers, friends and perhaps other members of your family will come, pitch in and help while you are going through this. There is also a chat room that you can access from the homepage with members and caregivers from other cancer boards as well. We wish you well and hope you are able to find the strength you need to get through this.

    hugs
    jan
  • lolad
    lolad Member Posts: 670
    I am so sorry
    that your cancer has gotten worse. I am also sorry you lost your husband. It must be very hard for you. I do not have a husband or boyfriend to help me cope either. Just three children 15,13 and 11. I know how depressing it can be that you dont have that support that you need so much there. You can come to the board alot and vent or just read, but you need to somehow find someone that can be there physically too. Im sorry that you have not had contact with your son for so long. Did you guys have a falling out or is he just the type to be a loner? Im not trying to be nosey and you dont have to tell me if you dont want to. The only family support that i have is my mom and a sister. I have a twin brother who i havent heard from at all since my surgery and i finally called him last night and told him how hurt i was that he hasnt called to see how i am or anything. Im on chemo and he didnt even know. It felt good to finally tell him my feelings and he cried telling me that he just didnt know how to handle it or what to say. I told him to just call me and we dont even have to talk about the bc, but i really need him in my life. He agreed, so we will see. It was hard for me to take the first step and call, but what a relief it was and im glad i did. Hopefully you can gather the strength and call your son. Its a shame that you would have to do that, but i know it made me feel better. Again, i dont know what your situation is with him, so i hope thats the right advice. Maybe try to contact ACS and see if there is a local support group that you can attend. Try to find something. Dont isolate yourself, been there, done that and thats not good. Please know that you are in my prayers. I am sending a big hug to you as well and let me know how you are and how things are going. Do you know anything about your treatments yet? Take care, god bless

    laura
  • Tux
    Tux Member Posts: 544
    Round3, so sorry to hear of
    Round3, so sorry to hear of your dx and the loss of your husband. My thoughts & prayers are with you. As the other posters have said, we are always here for you- 24/7. Also, try to find some local support...do you have a church that you can call on for help? Could your local hospital help (even if you are not receiving treatment from them)?

    Again, I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best.
    Hugs & prayers...
  • ppurdin
    ppurdin Member Posts: 1,181
    lolad said:

    I am so sorry
    that your cancer has gotten worse. I am also sorry you lost your husband. It must be very hard for you. I do not have a husband or boyfriend to help me cope either. Just three children 15,13 and 11. I know how depressing it can be that you dont have that support that you need so much there. You can come to the board alot and vent or just read, but you need to somehow find someone that can be there physically too. Im sorry that you have not had contact with your son for so long. Did you guys have a falling out or is he just the type to be a loner? Im not trying to be nosey and you dont have to tell me if you dont want to. The only family support that i have is my mom and a sister. I have a twin brother who i havent heard from at all since my surgery and i finally called him last night and told him how hurt i was that he hasnt called to see how i am or anything. Im on chemo and he didnt even know. It felt good to finally tell him my feelings and he cried telling me that he just didnt know how to handle it or what to say. I told him to just call me and we dont even have to talk about the bc, but i really need him in my life. He agreed, so we will see. It was hard for me to take the first step and call, but what a relief it was and im glad i did. Hopefully you can gather the strength and call your son. Its a shame that you would have to do that, but i know it made me feel better. Again, i dont know what your situation is with him, so i hope thats the right advice. Maybe try to contact ACS and see if there is a local support group that you can attend. Try to find something. Dont isolate yourself, been there, done that and thats not good. Please know that you are in my prayers. I am sending a big hug to you as well and let me know how you are and how things are going. Do you know anything about your treatments yet? Take care, god bless

    laura

    Hello
    I am so sorry about your lossing your husband.and the cancer.I have two children,a son and daughter.My d aughter would do any thing for me .my son comes around maybe once a week and if i bring up my cancer,he changes the subject.so i don,t talk about it when he is around.i told him one day the dr. said i would loss my hair.And he said at least I am not dead.I don,t know why you and your son are not talking.But guys take things differently.I think sometimes they think if they are not around us they don,t have to think about us having Cancer.if that makes since.also if you believe in God then you know we are never alone.I pray you can talk to your son and find a friend to talk to in person.I don,t always have someone to talk to either.I just come to this web sight and pour my heart out.I am amaced at how nice and concerned every one is.God bless you.keep in touch please. Love and prayers,Pat.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    So sorry to hear your news.
    So sorry to hear your news. I will keep you in my prayers. You didn't say why you and your son have not talked in so long. I think though, if it were me I would reach out to him. If I were him I would want to know. Perhaps you two can heal whatever hard feelings there are that have kept you apart. Please keep us posted on your health and progress with your son. Will be thinking of you. Eil
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    Ritzy said:

    Welcome
    Hi! I am so sorry for your diagnosis and about your husband passing away.

    Someone on here wrote something the other day and I wrote it down. I hope it helps you.

    Pray Hardest When It Is Hardest To Pray!

    Sue :)

    Sue I love your photo!
    So

    Sue I love your photo!

    So sorry for the dx. I know this is relly scary for you. Keep us posted.
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    So sorry to hear about your
    So sorry to hear about your situation. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Be sure and contact the ACS for support. And always come here. xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • djteach
    djteach Member Posts: 273
    Hi round3,
    My name is Donna

    Hi round3,

    My name is Donna and I, too, have stage 4 cancer. I was diagnosed in Aug. 2005. I just celebrated 4 years of survival WITH cancer. I want you to know that having mets. is not a death sentence. It's not always fun, but it's do-able.

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Maybe this will be a chance for you to connect with your son. I just want you to know that you are not alone. We are here for you in whatever type of support you need. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love and gentle hugs,
    Donna
  • round3
    round3 Member Posts: 4 Member
    lolad said:

    I am so sorry
    that your cancer has gotten worse. I am also sorry you lost your husband. It must be very hard for you. I do not have a husband or boyfriend to help me cope either. Just three children 15,13 and 11. I know how depressing it can be that you dont have that support that you need so much there. You can come to the board alot and vent or just read, but you need to somehow find someone that can be there physically too. Im sorry that you have not had contact with your son for so long. Did you guys have a falling out or is he just the type to be a loner? Im not trying to be nosey and you dont have to tell me if you dont want to. The only family support that i have is my mom and a sister. I have a twin brother who i havent heard from at all since my surgery and i finally called him last night and told him how hurt i was that he hasnt called to see how i am or anything. Im on chemo and he didnt even know. It felt good to finally tell him my feelings and he cried telling me that he just didnt know how to handle it or what to say. I told him to just call me and we dont even have to talk about the bc, but i really need him in my life. He agreed, so we will see. It was hard for me to take the first step and call, but what a relief it was and im glad i did. Hopefully you can gather the strength and call your son. Its a shame that you would have to do that, but i know it made me feel better. Again, i dont know what your situation is with him, so i hope thats the right advice. Maybe try to contact ACS and see if there is a local support group that you can attend. Try to find something. Dont isolate yourself, been there, done that and thats not good. Please know that you are in my prayers. I am sending a big hug to you as well and let me know how you are and how things are going. Do you know anything about your treatments yet? Take care, god bless

    laura

    Thank You
    First I want to thank all of you who posted comments of encouragement and ideas. I am glad I found this place. Most days I do not even consider myself as a person with cancer. Then there are the days when the pity party takes over. I just had that pity party day. To spare all the details at this time, I have tried numerous times to call my son and he never answers the phone or calls me back. He is aware of my situation and was visiting and calling for the first 3 or 4 weeks. Then nothing. I do have my ideas on what is happening, but I am just not sure and can't ask him. This morning when I woke I prayed to let go of this worry and let God have control over this. I will continue to reach out to other family and friends. I do hope that reading more on this site I can see how others are coping and healing.

    Once again Thank You.
  • round3
    round3 Member Posts: 4 Member
    djteach said:

    Hi round3,
    My name is Donna

    Hi round3,

    My name is Donna and I, too, have stage 4 cancer. I was diagnosed in Aug. 2005. I just celebrated 4 years of survival WITH cancer. I want you to know that having mets. is not a death sentence. It's not always fun, but it's do-able.

    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Maybe this will be a chance for you to connect with your son. I just want you to know that you are not alone. We are here for you in whatever type of support you need. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Love and gentle hugs,
    Donna

    HI Donna its nice to meet you.
    My name is Gwen and I want to Thank You for your reply. I am glad to talk with someone who has some idea of what this is like for me. When I found that my cancer had returned for the 3rd time, I felt it was a death sentence. I have since realized that there is hope for being here a while longer. I am glad to hear that it has been 4 years and counting for you. Thanks again for your support.
  • MyTurnNow
    MyTurnNow Member Posts: 2,686 Member
    Welcome Round3
    I, too, am sorry to hear of your dx. You have come to the right place for support and caring in getting you through this. I can't imagine going through it alone but know you're really not alone....we're all here for you!! Hugs.
  • Angel Nurse
    Angel Nurse Member Posts: 7
    Disappointment
    Dear round3,
    I want you to know that no matter how hopeless things seem, hang on to your faith. What time I am afraid I will trust in thee.....Psalms 56:3. Hang tight, God is with you my friend. Don't let the devil confuse and dismay you. Do one day at a time, don't worry about the future or look back to the past. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOU,
    ANGEL NURSE
  • tgf
    tgf Member Posts: 950 Member

    Disappointment
    Dear round3,
    I want you to know that no matter how hopeless things seem, hang on to your faith. What time I am afraid I will trust in thee.....Psalms 56:3. Hang tight, God is with you my friend. Don't let the devil confuse and dismay you. Do one day at a time, don't worry about the future or look back to the past. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HEAL YOU,
    ANGEL NURSE

    Welcome Gwen,
    While I am sorry for your diagnosis ... I am glad you found this website. It's been a lifesaver for me. I'm 65 and live alone. I'm in Indiana and my only son, his wife and my 2 grandsons all live in Connecticut. After my diagnosis ... and during my treatments ... I have been amazed at who has "come out of the woodwork" offering to help me with anything I need ... rides etc. At first I was afraid to ask for help but once I did I have found which friends, co-workers, neighbors etc. really mean it. Once I started asking ... they were more than happy to give me rides etc. It hasn't been easy being alone ... but to look back on this past year I have realized that I am much stronger than I ever thought I was.

    So ... don't be afraid to ask for help ... or just companionship ... to go to a movie ... grocery shopping etc. Whatever you need. You might be amazed at who is really there for you.

    hugs.
    teena
  • Noel
    Noel Member Posts: 3,095 Member
    lynn1950 said:

    So sorry to hear about your
    So sorry to hear about your situation. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. Be sure and contact the ACS for support. And always come here. xoxoxoxo Lynn

    I am so sorry. We are here
    I am so sorry. We are here to help you as much as we can. Someone said to contact the ACS for support and that is an excellent idea. Post again and let us know how you are.

    ♥ Noel
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    Welcome and glad you found us ...
    First of all let me tell how sorry I am to hear that your lost your husband, your support system.

    Our site .. is full of information, comfort and love. You mention that your cancer has metatisized, so you need family and friends around you. If you need to reach out to your son, please do so. I hope and pray that you receive the respond and love you need. If you don't, keep on trying until you have exhausted every possible avenue. If this is what you chose to do.

    Keeping you in good thoughts and prayers.

    VickiSam