Having major difficulty sleeping after diagnosis

hewittr

I can't get to sleep.....can't stay asleep...cancer is always on my mind. I worry with every ache & pain.

I was diagnosed with Stage IIB colon cancer in January. It was removed along with 10" of my sig. colon in February 09. No limp nodes were affected and the cancer had not gotten outside the colon. The first oncologist strongly suggested chemo since I had a clear colonoscopy at age 50 and then 18 months later (January 09) I had a 7 inch cancerous tumor! I did a short stint of chemo. I did not handle Folfox well at all. I found a second oncologist who came highly recommended and I went in for a second opinion. She told me I could stop chemo and I did. I guess I am just a whimp. I am in awe of all of you who have endured chemo. You are amazing!!!!

I had my follow up colonsocopy in July. The results were good. My CEA test came in at 1.10, which I wonder what that even means since the day I went in to have my cancer removed it was 1.95! Isn't under 3.0 supposed to be in the normal range? Why, when I had the cancer in my body, was the CEA test in the normal range??? I have not gotten an explanation that I understand on that yet! My new onc says if the CEA scores starts to trend upward that is when we need to start looking closer at things but won't it be too late? I have another CT scan in January. My last one, after the surgery, was clear.

So....why am I worrying so? I should feel blessed but I feel like I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop. What is my problem? How do I move past this?

How do I not let every sympton send me in to a panic? I have been feeling constantly like I have to empty my bowel but can't which is exactly the way I felt when I was diagnosed. What is this????? My tests came back good....what else could this be?

I am so sorry to be a complaining...because so many of you are truly amazing in the way you are dealing with everything.


Robin

karguy

worried
It's normal to be worried,but you can't let it rule your life.If your ct is ok then you are probably ok too.I have been ned for a year,but when I get sick,I start checking the symptoms.You are not alone,but you need to just live your life,and try not to worry untill you get a bad test result.Live one day at a time,and keep busy.

johnnybegood

karguy said:

worried
It's normal to be worried,but you can't let it rule your life.If your ct is ok then you are probably ok too.I have been ned for a year,but when I get sick,I start checking the symptoms.You are not alone,but you need to just live your life,and try not to worry untill you get a bad test result.Live one day at a time,and keep busy.

dont worry
or at least try not too.for the most part we all live our lives wondering if the big c is going to come back.as for you yes you sound as though you got by with a lot of luck.i have been thru xeloda{pill form of chemo} and radiation for 5 weeks,5 days a week.went thru the big surgery and had a temp colostomy bag,had it for 5 wks then was put back together and the bag came off.then i went thru 10 treatments of oxy and 5fu pump.finished on july 16 2009 and i am currently NED.but like you i still have bathroom issues and wonder where it is going to come back next.but we cant dwell on that we just have to live our new normal one day at a time.take care and remember worring causes stress...Godbless....johnnybegood

pokismom

Feel Good
Hi Robin,
Let yourself feel good.... enjoy your life...... don't let the "C" define who
you are.....Robin is who you are and life is all around you..... As for your CEA,
my CEA level was at 6 with stage III, and now it met to my lungs and its 3.5, my Doc is
like not quite as high as I would think it should be so go figure....... take one day
at a time and don't think about it one day at a time.....you'll go far, be happy for
who you are and lucky for each day you live.
May God bless you....
Donna

shmurciakova

anxiety
It is normal to have anxiety following a cancer diagnosis. You just have to keep in mind that your prognosis is very good and the odds of you having a recurrence are really quite low. You did not have any lymph node involvement and you were only Stage II. If you are not already exercising, perhaps you should consider starting some form of routine. For me hiking and mountain climbing really helps me to work through a lot of my mental issues. Also, have you considered massage? yoga? If none of those things seem to help you can always ask for a Rx of Ativan. When I was going through some of my worst anxiety that is what I used. Of course there is always a good glass of wine to calm the nerves too! I don't know about the whole thing of "taking it one day at a time", but you can at least try to cherish every day and make yourself feel like you did something worthwhile each day. Also, go ahead and make some plans for your future..that way you can empower yourself and you'll feel so much better when you achieve those little milestones. For example, plan what you are gonna do for Thanksgiving, etc...then when that comes and goes you can make more plans.
I hope some of this advise helps you!
Oh yeah, as far as the CEA is concerned, if it's not rising then you don't need to worry about it. It also is only bad if it rises over a period of months...one abnormal test result is not a reason to automatically panic. Does that make sense?
Susan H.

tootsie1

Time
Time is your best friend. I had great difficulty sleeping at first, but it's rare for the worries to overtake me at night now. My husband even told me that one night after I just gotten home after my resection, I called out in my sleep, "Help me!" Pretty much the way I felt all the time back then.

*hugs*
Gail