New Here......I feel so helpless!

BettyK

My husband was diagnosed in April with mixed small cell with glander tissue, adenocarsonama feature, he was given 6 months to live.
The doctor said he was going to give him 6 rounds of chemo to try and prolong his time.
He just finished his last round of chemo, and they say there will be no more treatment,
that when the cancer starts spreading it will spread very fast, he has it now in his left lung
bronical tube, lmpth nodes, left ribs, and liver.
I know that he's scared and i'm so scared for him. We have been married 35 yrs. i just can't imgane my life without him. all i seem to do is cry, but i don't do it in front of him, i walk outside or lay awake at night crying, i don't sleep much because i wake up every few mintues to check and make sure he's breathing and that he's o.k.
I hurt so bad, because i wish i knew how to help him.
I keep everything bottled up inside of me and try to stay positive for him, but it hurts so much to see him so weak.
people tell me to prepare myself...but how do you do that? I can't! I'm just so scared.....anybody else feel this way?
sometimes when he thinks i'm asleep, he is lying there crying, but i don't know if i should try to talk to him or if he just needs his time to cry .

seanslove

here for you
Betty,

I came here to these boards a few months back when my husband like yours was diagnosised with Stage 4 mestatic adenocarsinomia. We were told it could be put in remission,however,last Wed night we lost the fight. Sean made it through three cycles of Folfox 6 + Avistin,but the cancer saw fit to not listen to the drugs.
Believe when I say I know what you are going through. Sean and I were together for 7 years and married six and a half of those seven. I too would take the dogs for extra walks when I just needed to cry. I watched him go from a health man at 6'3 and 180lbs to 125 when he passed. Every moment has been light switch moments. He went from healthy one day to couldn't breath the next which was when we found the cancer in May. He went from one day being able to eat to the next day could not swallow food anymore. The last two and half weeks of his life he starved to death as he could not eat and the doctors just kept pushing more pills and telling him to drink boost or ensure. Three days before he died they were ready to try something,however,prior to being able to he had his first respitory attck. The second one he had two hours after he came home,which put him in the coma which he remained until he passed Wed night at 8;30 pm.
My heart bleeds for you,but I can tell you that you are not alone in this fight. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life right now and thus I have come here tonight to try and find answers. Sometimes I believe our answers come from helping other. I can tell you,even though he was in a coma,we got up at 4 am that morning. I gave him a bath and a shave in the bed,placed his cup of coffee on the nightstand by the bed as always,and we watched all our shows from the weekend we had missed due to be in the hosptial without cable tv. We talked,well he didn't answer,but yet we talked. I told him repeatedly how much I loved him. I promised him a day would never go by that I would wake without saying Good morning Sean I love you and not a night would pass without saying Good Night Sean I love you. Even at his viewing on Friday,which was the last time I would ever be able to touch him,the family's time was 2-3,I was there at 1:15,I spent from then until 9 om that night by his side as always,holding his hand,stroking his hair,and telling him how much O loved him.
When it was time to go I gave him one last kiss on the lips and told him this was not goodbye,but that we would see each other again one day soon and made him the promise again of every morning and every night.

Beckymarie

Preparing
Yes, I know how you feel. My husband of 31 years was diagnosed with a Lv. IV GBM 6 mos. ago. We were told today that the tumor is growing and the chemo he was on is no longer working. I feel that I am straddling a line where I am trying to find a miracle that will save him, and then on the other hand I am preparing myself for a life without him.

You and I both know women who have gone through the death of a spouse and have survived. We will too. It won't be easy, but we can do it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

angelsbaby

Beckymarie said:

Preparing
Yes, I know how you feel. My husband of 31 years was diagnosed with a Lv. IV GBM 6 mos. ago. We were told today that the tumor is growing and the chemo he was on is no longer working. I feel that I am straddling a line where I am trying to find a miracle that will save him, and then on the other hand I am preparing myself for a life without him.

You and I both know women who have gone through the death of a spouse and have survived. We will too. It won't be easy, but we can do it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Prepare
It won't be easy and it won't for a while But somehow we go on i am there right now and i have more problems have to move the ac is not working my sons is on drugs they repoed our harley and my husband of 35 yrs married died four months ago from colon cancer i am dealing with everything else and i am ok so far, so we are stronger then we think. I am so sorry for your husband and you .Missing him is the hardest . my prayers go out to you.

michelle

BettyK

seanslove said:

here for you
Betty,

I came here to these boards a few months back when my husband like yours was diagnosised with Stage 4 mestatic adenocarsinomia. We were told it could be put in remission,however,last Wed night we lost the fight. Sean made it through three cycles of Folfox 6 + Avistin,but the cancer saw fit to not listen to the drugs.
Believe when I say I know what you are going through. Sean and I were together for 7 years and married six and a half of those seven. I too would take the dogs for extra walks when I just needed to cry. I watched him go from a health man at 6'3 and 180lbs to 125 when he passed. Every moment has been light switch moments. He went from healthy one day to couldn't breath the next which was when we found the cancer in May. He went from one day being able to eat to the next day could not swallow food anymore. The last two and half weeks of his life he starved to death as he could not eat and the doctors just kept pushing more pills and telling him to drink boost or ensure. Three days before he died they were ready to try something,however,prior to being able to he had his first respitory attck. The second one he had two hours after he came home,which put him in the coma which he remained until he passed Wed night at 8;30 pm.
My heart bleeds for you,but I can tell you that you are not alone in this fight. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life right now and thus I have come here tonight to try and find answers. Sometimes I believe our answers come from helping other. I can tell you,even though he was in a coma,we got up at 4 am that morning. I gave him a bath and a shave in the bed,placed his cup of coffee on the nightstand by the bed as always,and we watched all our shows from the weekend we had missed due to be in the hosptial without cable tv. We talked,well he didn't answer,but yet we talked. I told him repeatedly how much I loved him. I promised him a day would never go by that I would wake without saying Good morning Sean I love you and not a night would pass without saying Good Night Sean I love you. Even at his viewing on Friday,which was the last time I would ever be able to touch him,the family's time was 2-3,I was there at 1:15,I spent from then until 9 om that night by his side as always,holding his hand,stroking his hair,and telling him how much O loved him.
When it was time to go I gave him one last kiss on the lips and told him this was not goodbye,but that we would see each other again one day soon and made him the promise again of every morning and every night.

Thank you
Thank-you for taking the time to answer my post.
I am so sorry about your husband, my heart goes out to you.
I will keep you in my prayers.
I lost my dad in 1999, my brother in 2000, my mom in 2002, and my other brother in 2003,
I took care of each one of them.
I get so mad sometimes and ask why do I have to lose everyone I love.
I feel like i'm in a bad dream and i keep praying i'll wake up.

donnare

So sorry
Hi BettyK,

I am so sorry. My husband was dx in May with colon cancer with mets to liver. I was so overwhelmed at first by fear and sadness that I couldn't get through the day - felt like I cried all day. My doc gave me a rx for an antidepressant and it has really helped me cope.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers BettyK. Please post and let us know how you are doing or just to be a shoulder for you.

Donna