I still feel numb

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Jacq03
Jacq03 Member Posts: 9
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer on July 27, and I began writing in a journal. What I have written, and continue to write, despite 2 CT scans, 2 MRI's, a PET scan and ultrasound, is this is much adoo about nothing. Now I know that this is a form of denial. My surgery is scheduled for next Monday, August 31 and I akin it to going into the hospital have a mole removed. I can't seem to wrap my head around that "I have cancer." And I wonder what stage I have.

I had an adenoma with high-grade dysplasia removed five years ago. I had another colonscopy in Nov. 2007 (which was clear), and began to bleed in Dec. 2008. Despite the doctors telling me that it was "just hemorrhoids", I knew there was something wrong. Finally the doctor scheduled a colonscopy so "we all feel better." Of course, it was cancer. My doctor was shocked and completely apologetic.

So here I sit. Pretending today is just another Sunday, but with my tumor always in my awareness. I have to have 40% of my rectum removed, and I am unclear how that will affect me.

Thanks for being here on this forum.

Comments

  • PGLGreg
    PGLGreg Member Posts: 731
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    "I have to have 40% of my
    "I have to have 40% of my rectum removed, and I am unclear how that will affect me."

    Theory suggests that, being smaller, your rectum will hold less crap and you will need to have more frequent bms. It has been my experience since 2005 when I had a portion of my rectum removed, that that is what happens. It's no big deal.

    --Greg
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
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    It'll wear off
    The numbness will wear off in time, and you will eventually be able to wrap your head around the idea that you have cancer. It's so shocking to get that diagnosis, isn't it? I think you'll find that hanging out here will help you feel much better!

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
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    tootsie1 said:

    It'll wear off
    The numbness will wear off in time, and you will eventually be able to wrap your head around the idea that you have cancer. It's so shocking to get that diagnosis, isn't it? I think you'll find that hanging out here will help you feel much better!

    *hugs*
    Gail

    If you could.......
    stay numb for one year then it will probably be all over with...Thats about how long it took to get from Point A to Point Z for me.....but this is the place to be just in case the numbness wears off.......You be ok...just keep reminding yourself that.....Good Luck to you
  • kimby
    kimby Member Posts: 797
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    Numb
    Welcome. I hope we can be of help to you along this stupid journey you're now on. As the numbness wears off, you'll have many questions, anxieties, worries....bring them here. The people here have helped me more than I could have ever imagined.

    Stay in denial as long as possible. I've learned to create a new reality when the current one really sucks. Having given up my quest for truth, I'm looking for a really great fantasy! Go have fun this week and pretend that nothing has changed...not a thing wrong with that.

    I'll be sending you good thoughts and prayers on Monday.

    Kimby
  • Paula G.
    Paula G. Member Posts: 596
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    numb
    We all no this feeling. Sorry about your DX but glad you came here. There are a lot of people that can help. We have got lots of information and help from people on this board. And above all support. It will take time to wrap your head around it. I'm not sure I am not still numb and my husband was DX'ed last October.
    We are heading in the right direction and with the people on this site have gained much info. It has made us feel better. Good luck to you and just take one day at a time. Paula G.
  • grammadebbie
    grammadebbie Member Posts: 464
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    Stay Numb
    I think it's ok to stay numb for awhile. I think it's a protection for us. Who knows how to handle this kind of thing. It's just one day at a time and one foot in front of the other. It effects us all in different ways emotionally and physically. Fear seemed to be a big problem for me. I wish I had known about this forum when I was going thru treatment, it is a wonderful place to come. I still have trouble talking about it. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of it. Isn't that silly, it's cancer. There are no wrong feelings - they are all real and this is a great place to address them. People here understand and may be able to help with their experiences. Please keep us updated and ask any questions you have.

    You are in my prayers.

    Debbie (gramma) their is another Debbie here so I added gramma
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
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    day we were told
    I will always remember the day I was told I had cancer. Really didn't believe it. I had my resection and temporary ileostomy, took chemo and radiation. Made it thru. I kept active and was determined it wasn't going to slow me down for very long. It didn't. I considered myself cancer free right after my surgery. I am kicking cancer to the back of my mind now. It's taken a while to be able to do this, but I'm full speed ahead. Set your mind that you will go thru this easy. You can do this. Determination is the key. We're all behind you here.
  • mommyof2kds
    mommyof2kds Member Posts: 519
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    HI Jacq03, it is human to
    HI Jacq03, it is human to be in denial. It is the diagnosis that none of us expect to hear. You will learn to accept it and be ready to fight it. I had almost all my rectum removed, so you will have better stool control than me. I get my reversal from my ostomy in dec. sounds like you will be ok, you said you don't know what stage you are? Is the cancer anywhere else.?
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
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    numbness
    Hi,

    Sorry to hear of your plight- we here call all sympathize and emphathize with you- been there, done that. Your "numbness" is still from the shock and that it hasn't fully sunk in yet. It will, and it may not be easy, but you WILL get through it! I suggest you do some research BEFORE you go in for your surgery- find out what it will be like after the surgery, if you're going to need an ileostomy, temporary colostomy, etc. You can be linked with a support nurse possibly prior to even going in for surgery on how to deal with an ostomy, bag, etc., if that is going to possibly be the case. A lot of people here can support you on that issue (I never had it, but can give lots of advice on various chemos, side effects, scans, radiation, and the liver surgery I had- hopefully you won't need that, though).

    Do take care-
    Lisa
  • krystle singer
    krystle singer Member Posts: 108
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    Numb
    Getting that diagnosis is truly a shock to the whole system. I wish I had felt numb, instead I was a nervous wreck! It is difficult to accept that one has the Big C. It is also typical to be in denial.
    So very sorry you have to have such surgery.

    Sending you prayers and hopes for best of results,
    Sandi