85 Year old with metastatic prostate cancer... chemo or hospice...

milf31681

Hey i had been on here awhile back about our 85 year old dad who has prostate cancer that metasticized and was also in the bone... Since then it has spread to the liver and lungs... He still drives, plays the guitar, cooks, cleans and is very full of life... The doctor has now told us that the only choice left is Chemo... We aren't sure which kind of the chemo but it scares the heck out of us... We don't know what to do... We would hate to see him suffer through the chemo only for the chemo to be what does him in... I do know how wonderful hospice is and how comforting they are but its almost like do you stop the fight now and keep him comfortable and pain free or do the chemo and chance what happens... I am open to any and all suggestions our whole family is torn on what to do we want to make the best decision possible so if anyone has been through this or is going through this and has any ideas please share them... I really appreciate any advice i can get.. Melissa

saoco

Hi melissa in last june i
Hi melissa in last june i lost my father to liver cancer,before that he has pc which he pased to me and my brother as his legacy.when he died he was 89, and he was my best friend i was very sorry that he passaway,but at the same time God granted me peace knowing that he called my dad home.for the last five years i fouthg every batle to keep my father alive which I with the help of God was able to do.he last six months the doctor advised me no to give chemo.so he did not take chemo and naturaly he was detirioreting day by day,and it hurt so much so see him that way.I want to keep him home until the last minute which I Did but for his last couple of days I was able to ge him into hospice where he died in peace.the only thing,
that I ever regret is not to take him to hospice before I did,I will advice you no chemo,and keep him home until you see him geting realy sick then take him to hospice.I hope that my story
some how help you to make the rigth choise.

tpelle

Difficult choices
Sorry to hear of your father's situation. Brother had external beam radiation at age 72 at the onset of prostate cancer. I don't know his statistics. At about age 80 hormone treatment was started which allowed him to continue an active and enjoyable life for another seven years. By age 87 cancer had spread to his bladder and was considered inoperable. Began chemo therapy which caused several painful medical issues during the next 18 months at which time he refused further treatment and began hospice care. Near the end at age 89 in 2007 he told his family he wished he had not done the chemo therapy which allow him only a few more months of life in misery. If one could only know for sure what chemo treatment will bring, the decision might be easier. Some will want to survive as long as possible regardless of the medical issues.

Veggie

Hubby diagnosed with late stage metastatic prostate cancer in 2019. Been through hormone therapy until PSA skyrocketed so started chemo. After 2nd treatment got so sick he was hospitalized for 10 days then to Rehab for 14 days. They have scheduled him for Pluvicto (radiation "smart bomb') to target metastases but has to navigate pretty much on his own for 3 days following. He can barely walk now so don't know how he can manage. Has anyone gone thru this with an older person? He is 84 and uses a walker. Wondering if radiation will make him weaker following treatment?

Clevelandguy

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your father, your family has some tough decisions to make. If my cancer metastasized like your father’s did I don’t know if chemo would be in my future. My Dad died from Pancreatic cancer, he did not do chemo, he went to Hospice care at his home. From what I understand the chemo will not kill the cancer but instead give him a few more months/years? If I was 85 and metastatic I think I would pass on the chemo also, why suffer in the last year or two of life. Have you investigated any of the immunotherapy type treatments? Good luck with your tough decision, it’s ultimately your Dad’s choice.

Dave 3+4

able_619

That sucks about your Dad's diagnosis. I had a cousin who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple Negative Breast Cancer at 38 years old. She passed 6 months later. I'm her age now and was diagnosed with brain cancer (PXA) Nov 2022 after experiencing a stroke.

My family and I have had many discussions of the question of chemo vs hospice if one is diagnosed with late-stage cancer, and concluded that the hardest part in making the decision is two-fold: 1) the cancer patient is extremely vulnerable/desperate and typically will seek out experimental treatments, and 2) family and friends tend to encourage the patient to keep fighting and living. (1) is tough and deeply personal for the patient. (2) can be interpreted as unfair on the patient and selfish on behalf of the loved ones because the loved ones want the patient to be around as long as possible.

As a family, we've decided to forego chemo, have access to pain meds, and eventually, hospice care. Chemo is bombardment, immuno therapy is wonderful if it works but outcome = 50% of patients will see benefit (still no clear way to predict who will be in the responding half), or no chemo with pain meds but arguably a softer way to leave.

Hopefully you and your family figure out what works best overall.

-Alexis

Old Salt

Need to be specific about the kind of chemo that is recommended. Some are considerably more harsh than others.