Really down today

mlmjt1

I know I should feel optimistic today cuz I finished with the dreaded ac treatments friday and its on to taxol/herceptin. I know its supposed to be easier...but I am so tired and so down today. My stomach is still touchy...I cant find anything I want to drink...I look at my mangled chest and wonder if I will ever look female again. I have totally no energy and I miss my running. I am just so down in the dumps. I want my old life back again and that can never be.

I know by the end of the week I will start to come around again and by next wk some of my energy will come back but its just so hard today. No one gets it around here...I think they are getting tired of my mood swings. Guess I shouldnt complain. First meltdown in about 2 weeks.

THanks for the ear
Linda T

rjjj

I remember the feeling
I always got down in the dumps for the first days after chemo. I would start feeling almost back to norma it would be time again, but that slowly disappeared when I was done with chemo. Not that I don't have my down days..but that feeling of doom and despair is not there.

Herceptin has none of these side-effects for me or any other matter of fact, I don't know about the Taxol. I'm sure some of our sisters have had this como though. and will chime in.

I hope you start feeling better soon.
HUgs, Jackie

mimivac

There is no "supposed to" about cancer
I totally get what you're feeling. Like Jackie, I also got really down right after a treatment. It is just too difficult to remain upbeat and peppy when you're dead tired and feeling like crap. Like you said, your mood will pick up as you regain some of your energy in the next few weeks. That's always the way it was for me. On the bad days, I tried not to think of "the big picture" because it would just depress me and my viewpoint was so bleak. Instead I tried to distract myself with films, books, and any other activity I could stand. So sorry you feel bad.

Mimi

survivorbc09

I think this is common with
I think this is common with Linda. Just give yourself a break. Meltdowns are a part of it I am afraid. Hope you feel better.

Moopy23

No "shoulds"
Jackie and Mimi are right, Linda. What you're feeling is typical with cancer treatment. And there are no shoulds, as Mimi puts it. You don't need to put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. You just feel the way you feel: cry if you need to, and when you're ready, pick up and go on. Mood swings and meltdowns are, I'm sorry to say,part of the whole experience.

As far as people getting tired of your "mood swings," I explained to my husband that he didn't need to try to fix anything when I am down or crying. There's nothing wrong that he can make right. Just let me feel what I feel. Sometimes a cuddle or an outing will help; other times, I need to feel the sadness for a little. It's extreme mental and physical fatigue plus grief, I think, at the loss of the life I had.

I hope you are feeling better now. You will, I promise. Life is what it was before in the sense that you have some bad days--it's just that those bad days are so much worse than before. Still, this type of day passes, as all do.

Hang in there, Linda. We know how you feel and are cheering you on.

Eil4186

You have every right to have
You have every right to have a melt down! You are going through something very unpleasant. Others will just have to understand and if not, poo poo la la!

Things will get better. I did not have herceptin but I had the others and the taxol did not cause all the nauseus, yucky side effects that the dreaded AC did.

Hang in there, the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer!

Tux

Linda, sorry you are feeling
Linda, sorry you are feeling so down. Try to just take it a day at a time, or, if you are a runner, a mile at a time.

Hugs & prayers sent your way!

Calleen

Tux said:

Linda, sorry you are feeling
Linda, sorry you are feeling so down. Try to just take it a day at a time, or, if you are a runner, a mile at a time.

Hugs & prayers sent your way!

So Sorry!!
I hope this passes for you really quickly!! I pray you get a good nights rest and something tomorrow will lift your mood and you can find something that you can tolerate!!!

Thinking of you...

HUGZ... Calleen

jnl

Calleen said:

So Sorry!!
I hope this passes for you really quickly!! I pray you get a good nights rest and something tomorrow will lift your mood and you can find something that you can tolerate!!!

Thinking of you...

HUGZ... Calleen

I am sorry Linda.
I am sorry Linda. Unfortunately, bc seems to do this to all of us eventually. You will get thru this. It will get better. I hope that tomorrow you will find something fun or good to do that will raise your spirit. But, just know that it happens to all of us.