My husband was sent home to die

lakemtg

I need help. My husbands tumors are in the liver he has been through 6 chemos already not one of them worked. Today they told him they cannot do anything now. They told him to get a transplant but he is to risky to do so due to the clots in his portal vein.

Wow what can I say the emotions we are dealing with right now are really hard worse then when we found out he had cancer. For the first time this cancer has really shown a threat to our family we thought all this time there was hope we were positive and thought something good would happen now all hope was taken from me and him. He broke down and cried so hard and I never saw him like that he stated he was afraid, and worried, he has changed and it is the worst thing I have witnessed in anyone.

Can anyone out there help me give me advise what they went through, what I should do next, any suggestions that has helped them with the cancer? Anyone who was given the same advise from their doctor that is willing to tell me what my husband is going through. I am desperate for answers right now and how will I survive through this. The worst fear on both of us is the end and how badly it will be

any suggestions advise etc will help especially on what you think I can do to comfort him more? That is what I want to do more then anything.

Thanks
Kelly

MichelleP

Kelly
I don't have any advice because we ourselves are new to this and haven't received the full report of our first CT scan. Although there are indications of mets. I will however say that I'm sure you will be getting replies from others soon. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please let us know how you're doing.

MOE58

what KIND?
Kelly,
Can you tell me what kind of cancer your husband has and where?

thanks
Lori

sue Siwek

my husband is a brain cancer
my husband is a brain cancer survivor. when he was diagnosed nearly 10 years ago the doctor said that there wasn't much they could do. so, my son got on line and found the nearest teaching hospital in our area which was rated as one of the top 25 in the nation. google best hospitals for liver cancer and find the best place near you and get a second opinion. if you can afford it and he is strong enough go to the best hospital in the country for a second opinion. teaching hospitals tend to share info with other top hospitals and then eventually it trickles down to the lower tiered hospitals his best chance is with the best hospitals.

tjo66

We are here for you Kelly
The only thing I can tell you is we are all here for you each step of the way. You didn't mention whether you were christian or not. God may be the only one that can heal your husband and know God can surly heal his heart. I have never been in your shoes but my dad is going through cancer now and it's really hard. When your husband needs to be held, just hold him, when he needs to scream stand back and let him scream. This will be one of the hardest things we can ever go through is to watch our love ones suffer, whether it be husbands, our children, friends or parents. I am not sure anything we say will make you feel better but just know we are all in this together.
Tammy

lakemtg

MOE58 said:

what KIND?
Kelly,
Can you tell me what kind of cancer your husband has and where?

thanks
Lori

It started as Pancreatic
He had a tumor in the pancreas and had the whipple in 2007 he was cancer free for three months and then he had mets to the liver we tried everything but nothing worked and the cancer kept growing now they say the tumors are too numerous in the liver and growing and it has now spread to the lymph nodes of his stomach. The type of tumor is Neuro Endocrine it is a rare tumor and slow growing thank god unlike the popular pancreatic tumor that is deadly. I am doing a lot of research he lashed out at me most the day yesterday as I expected and I just bit my tongue and let him because I cannot imagine what he is going through, then he apologized, my heart is breaking we both are going through such crazy emotions right now.

Kelly

janet45

I am so sorry that you
I am so sorry that you received such bad news. When I am feeling down with my husband's serious kidney cancer diagnosis, I just try to remember the story of a friend who had a history of drinking and smoking, was given 3 months to live when diagnosed at 72 years of age and just celebrated his 80th birthday. He took his step daughter (who is his primary caregiver) to England and France to celebrate the 80th. I would also encourage you to seek a second opinion. I don't know where you live, but another friend had a liver transplant at Columbia-Presbyterian in NYC and is doing well. There are also usually trials available.

In the worst case scenario (if none of the above can work for you), hospice is a wonderful organization which brings peace to the family and ill person. I know because my family turned to them when my father was critically ill with cancer 12 years ago.

Janet

grandmafay

Breaking Heart
My husband has stage 4 colon cancer. He was diagnosed 6 years ago. He has had several surgeries and been through many chemo treatments including three of the new targeted drugs. His cancer has reoccurred several times and has spread. The oncologist is now trying "standard chemo" again but admitted that it was a "Hail Mary Pass." We have accepted that at best we are buying time. I don't really have any advise. I just wanted you to know that I'm here reading your post and feeling some of your pain. I'm very lucky that early on my husband told me that this is harder on me than it is on him. I'm not sure I agree with him, but it makes things a little easier for me. We've been married for 42 years. It's hard to imagine life without him. I have strong family support, but they're hurting,too. We are also blessed with a very supportive church family. This is hard! Blessings, Fay

butterfly7171

grandmafay said:

Breaking Heart
My husband has stage 4 colon cancer. He was diagnosed 6 years ago. He has had several surgeries and been through many chemo treatments including three of the new targeted drugs. His cancer has reoccurred several times and has spread. The oncologist is now trying "standard chemo" again but admitted that it was a "Hail Mary Pass." We have accepted that at best we are buying time. I don't really have any advise. I just wanted you to know that I'm here reading your post and feeling some of your pain. I'm very lucky that early on my husband told me that this is harder on me than it is on him. I'm not sure I agree with him, but it makes things a little easier for me. We've been married for 42 years. It's hard to imagine life without him. I have strong family support, but they're hurting,too. We are also blessed with a very supportive church family. This is hard! Blessings, Fay

The pain of loss
It is so hard to lose a loved one at any age. My dad has stage iv lung cancer and cannot get out of bed. A month ago he was painting his cellar floor. They tried chemo but it just made him worse so they are backing off. He is in the hospital and seesm to be ok with being there for now. He is as somewhat safe from a fall except he did fall the other day. Even as sick as he is the dr. may have to release him next Wednesday. We are looking into hospice and he has AARP which may cover some other services. It will probably cost us $500 a day to have him at home but I promised him he would not go into a nursing home and I will keep that promise until the money runs out. He is somewhat accepting of things but somedays are better than others. I just try to keep the faith and know that he is going to a better place. He asked if we contacted his sister (she has been gone for 20 years) and we told him yes. Today he said he had a dream and he was looking for his mother and could not find her and I suggested maybe he would find her in his dreams tonight. I know he is going to a better place but it is so hard no matter what. I am not sure if I should bring him home and if hospice can do a better job than the hospital. I seem to keep fighting with the nurses with his medications and it is annoying. They are very good but I want him comfortable and aware at the same time.
Anyway, all I can say is to pray for peace. Most of my family has little faith even thought they say they do. My father always said "when you are dead, you are dead" and did not believe in the afterlife. Boy is he in for a big surprise. They have given him from days to weeks to live. It is in God's hands now and noone else.
Suzanne