Where were You When........

j916

First time putting this in writing...
went for my annual mammo December 9th, (i was texting all of my friends through out all of this asking for support) the same day they did an ultra sound because of something they saw on the mammo...the dr came in and said that they would need to do a biopsy, i basically begged them to do it that day because i would go out of my mind waiting..that i would wait as long as i had to in the waiting room and not complain. They were very nice, and did seven biopsies that day. I left the building and couldn't get anyone on the phone..finally got my daughter in law, who is a nurse, and just about went hysterical with tears of fear. Two days later i get the call, the dr would like me to come in first thing in the morning to "discuss" the results. Again, i beg the nurse to just go ahead and tell me the results, that waiting over night would be horrible for me. Just give me the facts so i can start processing them. She refused, she even put on another FP who said that "these type" of results they preferred to give in person. I said...well, by not telling me, you really ARE telling me. She was silent. So, the next day, I went in, and a different doctor had to tell me that yes, I had cancer (my doctor had been called to jury duty), and that i was going to see a surgeon.
That saturday, when my own doctor came back into the office, she called me to make sure i understood the diagnosis...i said yes i do...she said it's infiltrating ductal carcinoma...i said, yes i know...she said....that means cancer....CANCER. Yes, I know. What did she want me to do? Break down in tears crying? would that make her know that i realized the severity of the diagnosis??

tgf

j916 said:

First time putting this in writing...
went for my annual mammo December 9th, (i was texting all of my friends through out all of this asking for support) the same day they did an ultra sound because of something they saw on the mammo...the dr came in and said that they would need to do a biopsy, i basically begged them to do it that day because i would go out of my mind waiting..that i would wait as long as i had to in the waiting room and not complain. They were very nice, and did seven biopsies that day. I left the building and couldn't get anyone on the phone..finally got my daughter in law, who is a nurse, and just about went hysterical with tears of fear. Two days later i get the call, the dr would like me to come in first thing in the morning to "discuss" the results. Again, i beg the nurse to just go ahead and tell me the results, that waiting over night would be horrible for me. Just give me the facts so i can start processing them. She refused, she even put on another FP who said that "these type" of results they preferred to give in person. I said...well, by not telling me, you really ARE telling me. She was silent. So, the next day, I went in, and a different doctor had to tell me that yes, I had cancer (my doctor had been called to jury duty), and that i was going to see a surgeon.
That saturday, when my own doctor came back into the office, she called me to make sure i understood the diagnosis...i said yes i do...she said it's infiltrating ductal carcinoma...i said, yes i know...she said....that means cancer....CANCER. Yes, I know. What did she want me to do? Break down in tears crying? would that make her know that i realized the severity of the diagnosis??

when I got the news
I went for my annual mammogram the end of November 2008 and got a letter a few days later asking me to come back for a follow up. I was not at all concerned because I used to be very large breasted and almost always had to have follow ups because of the fibrocystic breasts. Then I had a breast reduction due to back problems. Since the breast reduction about 7 years ago the mammograms have been routine. But ... I still wasn't concerned. I made the appointment ... and when I went for the follow-up mammogram the tech showed me "what they were looking at" ... and I saw what looked like a perfectly shaped marble in my right breast ... and I knew that didn't belong there. Of course the follow up still showed the "spot" so they did an ultra sound and asked me to wait in a room while the radiologist looked at it. I just knew something was wrong. So the doctor came in and told me that the spot on my right breast was almost positively cancer and they wanted to do a biopsy and while they were doing the biopsy they wanted to biopsy a couple of places on the left breast too!

It was around the middle of December and told them I was going to Connecticut to visit my son and his family for Christmas so the biopsies would have to wait until I got back from my trip. While at my son's I told my son and daughter-in-law that I probably had breast cancer ... but wouldn't know the details until other tests were done. As soon as I got back home a friend went with me for the biopsies. At some point (my mind gets a bit fuzzy about the details) ... it was probably even a different day ... but at some point they asked us to wait in a room ... and the doctor came in and told me the bad news was that the right breast was cancer but the good news was the left breast was fine. At that point my brain shut down and my friend took over and started asking questions ... like ... what's next? Surgeons names? Etc. Etc. and she was writing down notes as fast as she could write. My friend was aware of the great reputation of one of the surgeons mentioned so she reached over and picked up the phone right then and made an appointment for me asap. My mind was still a blur ... but as we walked out to her car ... in the parking lot ... I started crying ... and she hugged me ... and said it would be OK ... and I instantly stopped crying ... we got in her car and I said ... "Yippee ... I've got cancer ... but just in one breast ... let's go get a hot fudge sundae" ... and we did. Sounds crazy ... but that's what we did. And ... honestly ... that's the ONLY time I've cried. From that minute on ... it's just been one step at a time. Some times the steps were very tiny ... some times they were giant steps (like the decision to have a port "installed" ... that was HUGE for me) ... and sometimes the steps seemed like I was stepping backwards ... but somehow through it all ... I did it. I still can't believe it ... but I actually did it. All the tests for diagnosis ... a lumpectomy, chemo, radiation etc. etc. I had no idea I was that strong. I'm still amazed at myself ...

big hugs.
teena

rjjj

tgf said:

when I got the news
I went for my annual mammogram the end of November 2008 and got a letter a few days later asking me to come back for a follow up. I was not at all concerned because I used to be very large breasted and almost always had to have follow ups because of the fibrocystic breasts. Then I had a breast reduction due to back problems. Since the breast reduction about 7 years ago the mammograms have been routine. But ... I still wasn't concerned. I made the appointment ... and when I went for the follow-up mammogram the tech showed me "what they were looking at" ... and I saw what looked like a perfectly shaped marble in my right breast ... and I knew that didn't belong there. Of course the follow up still showed the "spot" so they did an ultra sound and asked me to wait in a room while the radiologist looked at it. I just knew something was wrong. So the doctor came in and told me that the spot on my right breast was almost positively cancer and they wanted to do a biopsy and while they were doing the biopsy they wanted to biopsy a couple of places on the left breast too!

It was around the middle of December and told them I was going to Connecticut to visit my son and his family for Christmas so the biopsies would have to wait until I got back from my trip. While at my son's I told my son and daughter-in-law that I probably had breast cancer ... but wouldn't know the details until other tests were done. As soon as I got back home a friend went with me for the biopsies. At some point (my mind gets a bit fuzzy about the details) ... it was probably even a different day ... but at some point they asked us to wait in a room ... and the doctor came in and told me the bad news was that the right breast was cancer but the good news was the left breast was fine. At that point my brain shut down and my friend took over and started asking questions ... like ... what's next? Surgeons names? Etc. Etc. and she was writing down notes as fast as she could write. My friend was aware of the great reputation of one of the surgeons mentioned so she reached over and picked up the phone right then and made an appointment for me asap. My mind was still a blur ... but as we walked out to her car ... in the parking lot ... I started crying ... and she hugged me ... and said it would be OK ... and I instantly stopped crying ... we got in her car and I said ... "Yippee ... I've got cancer ... but just in one breast ... let's go get a hot fudge sundae" ... and we did. Sounds crazy ... but that's what we did. And ... honestly ... that's the ONLY time I've cried. From that minute on ... it's just been one step at a time. Some times the steps were very tiny ... some times they were giant steps (like the decision to have a port "installed" ... that was HUGE for me) ... and sometimes the steps seemed like I was stepping backwards ... but somehow through it all ... I did it. I still can't believe it ... but I actually did it. All the tests for diagnosis ... a lumpectomy, chemo, radiation etc. etc. I had no idea I was that strong. I'm still amazed at myself ...

big hugs.
teena

It was right before Thanksgiving
and I had been making plans to have all my kids home for the Holiday. I had been working overtime as a CNA and when I felt a lump and it hurt, I thought I had pulled a muscle or something. so I waited a couple of weeks and it didn't go away, so I went to my DR. for an exam, who immediately scheduled me for a mamogram and ultra-sound that same week.

I drove myself the 40 miles..thinking it was nothing, everyone had told me "if it hurts it's NOT cancer. and it hurt. And i certainly didn't think they would do a biopsy that same time! Wrong again! I had mamo, then ultra-sound and the radiologist told me as we were all watching the screen that he was 99% sure that it was cancer. The tears came instantly, but I tried to be brave. They asked if I could have a biopsy done NOW and I agreed. They also told me the biopsy would not hurt but OMG!! it was so painfull. I still have trouble trusting people when they say it won't hurt! My cell-phone went off right when they were doing it (my husband) and they asked me if I wanted to get it!!! I said no, but thought YOU MUST BE JOKING!! Then the tears came again thinking of how I was going to break the news to him, my children and family.

I cried all the way home. My husband was sitting at the table crying also when i got home. I guess he knew when I wouldn't answer my phone.

My kids all came home and telling them was the hardest part of all, but I told them with conviction that this would be OK that I would fight and SURVIVE!! I have had a few melt-downs since then but I just pull-up the big girl paties and go On. And I have survived.. mastectomy,chemo, radiation. My last report I was dancing with Ned. All by the grace of God.

Love to all my sisters,
Jackie

outdoorgirl

We are
all tough cookies aren't we!!! Be proud of yourselves,warrior sisters!