love, fired, cancer
See, over a month ago, I was two months into a wonderful new relationship. He told me on our first date that he saw us married, with two kids, and loving life. I believed. I still do, allbeit three months into it.
Then came the news that I was being laid-off from a job of 12 years. Devastated? Yes.
It had become such an intregal part of who I was. Friends introduced me with my name closely followed by where I worked. Perhaps it made people think better of me....I didn't convince them otherwise.
Then, within a couple of weeks of the lay-off, comes the lump, the exam, the mammogram, the biopsy, then the diagnosis.
I gave him a "get-out-of-jail-card" three different times. Neither one of us signed up for all that's to come. He wouldn't think of leaving.
Today, I met with the onco-fertility specialists.
Imagine the conversation I have to have with him now...perhaps somehting like this:
"So I know we've only been dating for a few months, but how about having a baby....and then putting it on ice for a couple of years"!
Tomorrow I meet with the plastic surgeon to see what he has to say about reconstuction after the bi-lateral that I'm having in a few weeks.
Then there's the chemo, the pain, the fear....
I started reading a book that I'd forgotten was on my shelf. from Jenie Nash.
I'd forgotten about the emotions I felt the day I heard the doctor's diagnosis over the phone until I reread it in the pages of her book, "The Victoria's Secret Catalog Never Stops Coming".
Probably not a good idea to read this stuff so soon, but the release has been nice...perhaps I didn't allow myself that luxury until now.
I'm not quite sure what I'm doing writing this either, but something tells me its time to talk...even if I'm only rereading my own words
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