New to this and don't know how to feel

av8r

My mom was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Thyroid cancer that has spread to her lungs, brain and spine.

She is receiving radiation for the brain and spine and the doctors are talking about removing the Thyroid. The docs tell us that they still don't know what to do about the lungs.

I am only child and have pretty much been abandoned by family to deal with this on my own, so I will - along with my mom of course.

My question: Where do I begin? It's been about a week since my mom was released from the hospital and I am overwhelmed! I transport her to her radiation appointments and am trying to get some transportation lined up to support me, but it's all so much. Didn't realize that I came from a family who would leave my mother and I alone to deal with this, especially considering that I am raising a child and work a full time job.

Does anyone on here know here I am coming from?

MichelleP

I know it's hard to deal
I know it's hard to deal with so much so quickly and to not have any family support. My husband and I are dealing with that ourselves. I haven't been on this journey very long myself, but I can tell you that you need to just take things "one day at a time" and try to keep your Mom as positive about this as possible. I firmly believe that a positive attitude can do so very much for you.

Is it possible to get some home health care to help with her personal needs in addition to physical therapy? Perhaps friends or neighbors? I've heard there are many volunteer through the American Cancer Society, but I haven't had much luck with them since they don't have any local locations where we live.

Finally, I would suggest that you return here often. Everyone here has become my "family" and given me more emotional support that I could have ever imagined.

Please keep us updated on your Mom and take care of yourself too. That's very important!

soccerfreaks

care
Your mom has it pretty rough, there is no way around that. There is always hope, and humor helps a lot, believe it or not, but your mom has some serious issues, as you know.

Michelle has offered some good suggestions. I am going to take the liberty here of rewording what she said and adding, perhaps a few things.

First, if mom has friends, if she is a church-goer, if she has a social network, seek their support in helping out. In my case, I had friends and soccer moms (I used to coach) making a schedule and taking the load off of my wife once I was comfortable with radiation. My wife was always heavily involved in my treatment, but this gave her a break that she used to go to work, where she found some sanity, I am sure .

If that is not available, as Michelle suggests, check with the closest American Cancer Society location, to find out what resources they have in terms of transportation and even home visits. Here are a few others (including a repeat of the ACS one):

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Support/financial-resources

This site is put up by the National Institute of Health or some such, and is government-supported. TereB has responded in other discussion areas with some excellent suggestions, and they may apply for you as well. I am taking the liberty of copying and pasting them as well:

Cancer Care, a non-profit org., offers free support and counseling for cancer patients by oncology social workers. They have face-to-face counseling and counceling on the phone. Support groups on the phone are available too and are moderated by an oncology social worker. Call 800-813-HOPE. They can also give you info about financial resources. Check their website: www.cancercare.org

Gilda's Club - www.gildasclub.org - they offer free social and emotional support. Not sure if they may have financial information but check it out just in case.

Live Strong - www.livestrong.org - offers one-on-one support.

American Cancer Society (here) can also give you financial, support, etc. information available in different cities.

Often, av8r, there are local charitable organizations that will also help, ACS may be able to help with finding those.

Somewhere in there, it is to be hoped that you find some assistance with transportation. But note that they also offer other types of support, and both you and mom may want to take advantage of those as well.

Mom feels that she has been handed a death sentence, I am fairly certain, and has many issues to deal with in that regard. Perhaps someone to talk to about this would be of assistance to her, give her some peace, perhaps some hope.

And you, you need to look out for you too! One of my favorite sayings here is that to be a good caregiver you have to take good care of the giver. You have a family that needs you just as much as your mom does, and you, in particularly, clearly a loving, caring daughter or son, need to take care of yourself.

At the very least, be sure to make time for yourself and for your family. Be sure, in fact, to take for YOURSELF. You are likely to be stretched by the proverbial arms in two different directions, both directions in which you are needed and demanded. Take time to remove yourself from both situations, to be with friends, to go to the gym, that sort of thing, whatever brings you some personal space, some personal peace.

And do not be afraid to consider some outside support yourself.

Know that this place is a wonderful avenue of support, even if you decide for whatever reason not to seek support elsewhere.

Best wishes to your mom and her entire family (be advised that people handle grief differently, sometimes oddly to us, and try to give the others a break if you can).

Take care,

Joe

sue Siwek

i would first begin with the
i would first begin with the hospital that your mother is being treated at. they should have support programs for patients as well as families. you must ask for what you need it will not always appear! ask and you will most likely receive. if that is not part of the program at the hospital or the primary care doctor you need to go to a teaching hospital in your area. if you read any of my replies i always stress a teaching hospital is the best place to go for cancer treatment. they will treat the whole family. go! go! go! there is a teaching hospital in your state, it is the best chance for her to get well.

Unknown

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